Disability Bitch: We own the Oscars!
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Posted by alaurie_97@yahoo.com
Mar 3, 2011, 3:38:57 PM3/3/11
to News for CMCD folks
Disability Bitch: We own the Oscars!
3rd March 2011
• Disability Bitch is published every Thursday.
• The rest of the time, you can follow her on Twitter and Facebook.
Readers, it's been quite a week for disabled people. And, yet again,
we've triumphed. At a time when The Crippified(TM) are panicking about
their futures, pouring over documents on welfare reform, and worrying
about long term job and healthcare prospects, there's one place which
will always welcome our kind with open arms - Hollywood.
You should by now know that Britain's Colin Firth was named Best Actor
at this week's Academy Award ceremony for his portrayal of a
stammering monarch in The King's Speech. Mr Darcy Firth, if I may be
so bold as to address you directly: I know I'm a bit late to the
party, but congratulations on your Oscar win. And yes, I do really
mean that, honest. After all, I didn't really hate you that much in
the film, and neither did many stammering people.
This is something of a miracle because, generally speaking, I do hate
all non-disabled actors who try to play us lot. They're just slightly
rubbish, in my considered experience, and disabled actors often get
upset that abled folk are stealing jobs away from them, despite
apparently being born to play certain roles. Maybe this one was helped
by the fact that its writer, David Seidler - now an Oscar winner in
his own right - was himself a stammerer in childhood.
Anyhow, after years of hating on the Ableds who parade down the red
carpet this time every year, flaunting their perfectly-formed bodies
and their dry-clean only fashions, I've decided that I LOVE THE
OSCARS, and not just because I want one of those absurd ballgowns for
myself.
Course, if I ever did win one of those golden statuettes, I'd need
three additional personal assistants to help me squeeze my
unfortunately deformed body into it. There's little doubt that I'd
fall over on the red carpet whilst trying to look elegant and spill
champagne down it within minutes of getting through the door but I'd
happily endure that for a swanky evening at the Kodak Theatre.
Does anyone know of a high-end mobility supplier who could furnish me
with some wipe-clean haute couture?
Back to my point. Colin, the floppy-haired wonder, is just the latest
in a long line of actors to win an Oscar for playing Abnormal. Heck, I
can hardly even keep up with all the inability-centric films which
have dominated the Oscars lists over the last few decades: Avatar,
Forrest Gump, Million Dollar Baby, The English Patient, Rain Man, The
Piano, My Left Foot, A Beautiful Mind, The Usual Suspects ... and
that's just for starters. I'm only stopping because my computer would
run out of memory if I carried on.
Disableds may be personae non gratae in every other part of society at
the moment but, readers, we OWN the Oscars!
In Real Life, the people who balance the books of every Western nation
are wishing disabled people would stop absorbing resources and
disappear into their own tax hole, but, over in Los Angeles, A-List
actors are virtually begging to get hold of a script with one of us
sewn into it.
Sure, we don't get to play the parts ourselves - that would be too,
too much - but these superstar actors, when they want an incy wincy
bit of credibility, it's us, The Disabled, they turn to for help. Our
lives are just too fascinating. Let's lap it up, readers. It's
possibly the only bit of sunshine we'll get for a while.
==
Facebook / Twitter
Twitter has been eventful this week. Logging on one morning, I
wondered why the term 'sciatica' was trending. It didn't take much
research to discover that Stephen Fry had a pain in his leg and had
asked the Twitterverse what it might be. Overwhelmed by Mr Fry's
power, I suggested to my followers that we should tweet him the names
of our favourite impairments, in the hope that we could get one of
those to trend next.
If, unlike Stephen Fry, you'd like to follow me on Twitter, I'm
@disabilitybitch. If you're old school, you can become my fan on
Facebook too.
3rd March 2011
• Disability Bitch is published every Thursday.
• The rest of the time, you can follow her on Twitter and Facebook.
Readers, it's been quite a week for disabled people. And, yet again,
we've triumphed. At a time when The Crippified(TM) are panicking about
their futures, pouring over documents on welfare reform, and worrying
about long term job and healthcare prospects, there's one place which
will always welcome our kind with open arms - Hollywood.
You should by now know that Britain's Colin Firth was named Best Actor
at this week's Academy Award ceremony for his portrayal of a
stammering monarch in The King's Speech. Mr Darcy Firth, if I may be
so bold as to address you directly: I know I'm a bit late to the
party, but congratulations on your Oscar win. And yes, I do really
mean that, honest. After all, I didn't really hate you that much in
the film, and neither did many stammering people.
This is something of a miracle because, generally speaking, I do hate
all non-disabled actors who try to play us lot. They're just slightly
rubbish, in my considered experience, and disabled actors often get
upset that abled folk are stealing jobs away from them, despite
apparently being born to play certain roles. Maybe this one was helped
by the fact that its writer, David Seidler - now an Oscar winner in
his own right - was himself a stammerer in childhood.
Anyhow, after years of hating on the Ableds who parade down the red
carpet this time every year, flaunting their perfectly-formed bodies
and their dry-clean only fashions, I've decided that I LOVE THE
OSCARS, and not just because I want one of those absurd ballgowns for
myself.
Course, if I ever did win one of those golden statuettes, I'd need
three additional personal assistants to help me squeeze my
unfortunately deformed body into it. There's little doubt that I'd
fall over on the red carpet whilst trying to look elegant and spill
champagne down it within minutes of getting through the door but I'd
happily endure that for a swanky evening at the Kodak Theatre.
Does anyone know of a high-end mobility supplier who could furnish me
with some wipe-clean haute couture?
Back to my point. Colin, the floppy-haired wonder, is just the latest
in a long line of actors to win an Oscar for playing Abnormal. Heck, I
can hardly even keep up with all the inability-centric films which
have dominated the Oscars lists over the last few decades: Avatar,
Forrest Gump, Million Dollar Baby, The English Patient, Rain Man, The
Piano, My Left Foot, A Beautiful Mind, The Usual Suspects ... and
that's just for starters. I'm only stopping because my computer would
run out of memory if I carried on.
Disableds may be personae non gratae in every other part of society at
the moment but, readers, we OWN the Oscars!
In Real Life, the people who balance the books of every Western nation
are wishing disabled people would stop absorbing resources and
disappear into their own tax hole, but, over in Los Angeles, A-List
actors are virtually begging to get hold of a script with one of us
sewn into it.
Sure, we don't get to play the parts ourselves - that would be too,
too much - but these superstar actors, when they want an incy wincy
bit of credibility, it's us, The Disabled, they turn to for help. Our
lives are just too fascinating. Let's lap it up, readers. It's
possibly the only bit of sunshine we'll get for a while.
==
Facebook / Twitter
Twitter has been eventful this week. Logging on one morning, I
wondered why the term 'sciatica' was trending. It didn't take much
research to discover that Stephen Fry had a pain in his leg and had
asked the Twitterverse what it might be. Overwhelmed by Mr Fry's
power, I suggested to my followers that we should tweet him the names
of our favourite impairments, in the hope that we could get one of
those to trend next.
If, unlike Stephen Fry, you'd like to follow me on Twitter, I'm
@disabilitybitch. If you're old school, you can become my fan on
Facebook too.
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