How to Recognize a Narcissist or a Psychopath on Your First Date, Before It is Too Late?
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Sam Vaknin, author of Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited
Jul 30, 2009, 10:28:09 AM7/30/09
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Is there anything you can do to avoid abusers and narcissists to start
with? Are there any warning signs, any identifying marks, rules of thumb to
shield you from the harrowing and traumatic experience of an abusive
relationship?
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Then there is the abuser's body language. It comprises an unequivocal
series of subtle – but discernible – warning signs. Pay attention to the way
your date comports himself – and save yourself a lot of trouble!
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Question:
How to recognise a narcissist before it is "too late"?
Answer:
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We are surrounded by malignant narcissists. How come this disorder has
hitherto been largely ignored? How come there is such a dearth of research and
literature regarding this crucial family of pathologies? Even mental health
practitioners are woefully unaware of it and unprepared to assist its
victims.
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Narcissists are an elusive breed, hard to spot, harder to pinpoint,
impossible to capture. Even an experienced mental health diagnostician with
unmitigated access to the record and to the person examined would find it
fiendishly difficult to determine with any degree of certainty whether someone
suffers from an impairment, i.e., a mental health disorder – or merely possesses
narcissistic traits, a narcissistic personality structure ("character"), or a
narcissistic "overlay" superimposed on another mental health problem.
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The abuser mistreats only his closest – spouse, children, or (much more
rarely) colleagues, friends, and neighbours. To the rest of the world, he
appears to be a composed, rational, and functioning person. Abusers are very
adept at casting a veil of secrecy – often with the active aid of their victims
– over their dysfunction and misbehavior.
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Even a complete battery of tests, administered by experienced professionals
sometimes fails to identify abusers and their personality disorders. Offenders
are uncanny in their ability to deceive their evaluators. They often succeed in
transforming therapists and diagnosticians into four types of collaborators: the
adulators, the blissfully ignorant, the self-deceiving, and those deceived by
the batterer's conduct or statements.
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