August 2009 Lower Family Newsletter

[Chad T. Lower]

Another month.  Another busy month.

 

Suzy went to the RWA (Romance Writers of America) Conference in Washington, DC.  Fortunately, we have family close to DC so Suzy was able to stay with them to save money on lodging.  They even arranged transportation to and from the Metro (think subway) so that was one less hassle for her to deal with.  Mornings were early and nights were late which meant less sleep than usual, but she really enjoyed it.  (Big THANK YOU to Bob and Susie for their hospitality!!)  She wrote an email shortly after her return, so instead of me telling you how it went, let me share a small part of that email with you:

 

 

I went to this conference expecting to make connections, learn more about writing romance, and to soak in the whole writer conference experience.  I came home with so much more and I say this because:

 

On the second day, I met a woman walking up to the hotel from the metro, same as I.  Her name was June and because I had not come with a RWA Chapter, she informed me that her chapter was officially adopting me for the week. We attended several workshops together.

 

Day three, I found myself again walking up to the hotel with June, we promised to find each other for lunch and she had an editor appoint that afternoon, in which I offered to pray with her.

 

At a workshop that morning I met Lenora Worth, (Love Inspired Author of over 40 books.)  I had the opportunity to speak with her, I've become a fan of her work over the years.  As you may know, or I'm sure Pastor Kay knows, a love inspired romance is a romance that focuses on the emotional bonding of a man and woman and often has a thread of faith throughout the book.  I'm finding this is what I like to write most.

 

When I met Lenora Worth, she invited me to tell her about my book I had written.  She summed it up as being "another secret baby story" and went on to tell me the name of a particular editor who not only looking for new authors but loved my type of story.

 

Here I must stop and tell you that 95% of publishing houses require you to have an agent in order to submit a letter and summary of what your book is about to see if they are interested before even reading the first three chapters and then the entire manuscript.  This particular editor was in the 5% category who accepted non-agented inquiries.

 

I had an appointment to meet with Bethany House Publishers on the last day of the conference, but not with the editor from Steeple Hill (division of Harlequin) Lenora had recommended.

 

At the conference you could only make one editor appointment, so I doubted I would have the opportunity to meet this editor in person, but obvious God had a different plan.  It happened to be too much of a coincidence for God not to have set up my meeting with this editor.

 

After lunch with June I had a few minutes before the next workshop. I followed her down to her editor appointment, prayed with her and as I stood there, a woman announced there had been a cancellation with that particular editor from Steeple Hill Lenora had recommended.  Immediately, I stepped up to take the appointment.

 

Needless to say, I wasn't prepared.  I'd left my little "pitch speech" back at the place I was staying, but I went up to the editor sat down and told her, "It's just not another secret baby story."

 

"Secret baby story?  We don't get secret baby stories." she told me.  From there I told her about my story.  She asked, "Is this complete?"

 

"Yes," I told her.

"Send it to me." she gave me her card.

"What would you like me to send?"

"The entire manuscript and synopsis. Your story sounds exactly what I'm looking for and we are acquiring new authors right now, I just need to see your writing."

I was awe struck, and I walked away praising God for this opportunity.  I'd in less than ten minutes, skipped the initial contact period of letter and partial chapters, which takes months of waiting to get straight to the manuscript.  I sang hallelujah the whole rest of the day.

 

The last day of the conference came and I found myself standing in the metro waiting for a late train, I walked into my editor appointment with Bethany House with a minute to spare.  The gentleman from Bethany House requested I send him the first 40 pages of my book and a written book proposal.  A book proposal is not anything a fiction publisher ever request, they are usually for non-fiction books. So I am not sure if that appointment went well or not, but I will write the proposal and send it along with my first 40 pages.

 

Even though I've had requests to read my book from well known publishers, it is no guarantee they won’t still reject it, but that's okay because I feel my purpose at that conference was so much more than making professional connections then it was to meet those handful of people and encourage them in their faith.

 

 

Since returning from the conference, she has started another blog (along with http://passiton.today.com) at http://susanlower.com. Whereas her PassItOn blog was created to inspire and encourage others, SusanLower.com was created as a romance blog--after all, she IS a romance writer.

 

And after all her conferences and getting her manuscripts ready to send out to publishers, she has still found time to write a few more eHow articles:

How to Write a Pitch Line For a Novel or Screenplay

How to Wash a Car Seat Cover

How to Wash Couch Pillows

How to Wear a Baby Sling

 

All of her articles can be found at http://www.ehow.com/members/mrschadt-articles.html.

 

Isabella went to Vacation Day Camp at our church last week.  It was Mon through Fri from 8am-5pm and the theme was "Crocodile Dock."  (Bella dictated the rest of the paragraph.)  They made turtles.  They played on air bounce toys.  They played Red Rover, Red Rover.  After someone got hurt, they played Duck, Duck, Goose.  They had lunch at the church every day that week.  It was fun.  They did some songs too (that they performed for the congregation today.)  They went bowling.  They had a field trip to a swamp and saw lots of animals.  They saw a bird.  Then they got to see some toys to find there were 16 toys.  Then they saw a centipede.  Then somebody was going to step on a green animal and it bounced and jumped on them.  They picked it up and showed it to their guide.  But it jumped into the man's hands.  He talked about it.  It was a gaggly green grasshopper.  Then when they got out, he said, "Come meet friends of mine."  His friends were all girls and they were bats.  They were sleeping and squeaking.  Then they got on the bus and we waited and waited and waited.  And they got to the picnic tables to eat.  Then tomorrow (last week) they are supposed to see the big, big cats.  They had stripes.  Black and orange and did you know it is a tiger, but after that we were going to have fun.

 

Malachi was enjoying time without sister during the last week as there was no one to pick on him.  Well, no one other than Ali.  Ali is doing better with the potty and probably goes half in the toilet and half in her underwear/pull-ups.  We have a timer we set every 60 minutes.  When it goes off, we ask her if she has to go potty.  She has gotten to the point that when she hears the timer, she automatically goes to sit on the toilet.  She doesn't go each time, but at least she is getting the habit down.  She will even go to the toilet between timer rings if she has to go.  Again, it's about half and half right now.  Not bad considering she is turning 2 this week (August 6).  Almost can't believe she is 2 already!

 

Not only is this week Ali's birthday, it is also my last week of summer school.  Mon, Tues, and Wed, we will do our final exam review.  Thursday, I will give both final exams in class and the last retest is due that day as well.  Once I collect those 4 tests on Thursday, I have until Tuesday at 10am to grade them and submit final grades in the system.  However, we have packed the weekend with activities.  Our local Christian radio station (WGRC) is having WGRC Day at Knoebels (theme park) on Friday.  Saturday is Penn College summer graduation.  One of my students from the first semester I taught at Penn College is graduating and has invited me and my family to a celebration picnic he is having that day.  Sunday after church, we are having a picnic at our house in which we have invited our small group, some other friends from church, and some friends in the community.  Nothing too big or fancy, just some dogs and burgers on the grill and LOTS of kids running around in the backyard.  Hopefully they will sleep well that night.

 

The new semester starts on August 17th.  I believe this is the earliest they have ever started.  I'm not sure how they determine the start date, but I know usually we end classes on a Monday, Tuesday is a day off (called Study Day), then finals begin Wednesday and last a week (until the following Tuesday).  This semester (and all future semesters), we will be ending classes on Friday so students have the weekend to study, then finals will still be a week long, but Monday through Friday.  I'm not sure if that affected the start date, but it is coming up quickly!!

 

Last month, I wrote (again) about attitude and how our attitude alone can often effect the outcome of a situation.

 

I am reading a book by Phillip Yancey called The Jesus I Never Knew.  He recalls a trip he made to the former Soviet Union during the time when communism was crumbling.  He spoke to the editors of the countries largest newspaper (Pravda) who remarked that:

 

Christianity and communism have many of the same ideals:  equality, sharing, justice, and racial harmony.  Yet they had to admit the Marxist pursuit of that vision had produced the worst nightmares the world has ever seen.  Why?

 

"We don't know how to motivate people to show compassion," said the editor-in-chief.  "We tried raising money for the children of Chernobyl, but the average Russian citizen would rather spend his money on drink.  How do you reform and motivate people?  How do you get them to be good?"

 

He then goes on to say:

 

I came away from Russia with the strong sense that we Christians would do well to relearn the basic lesson of the Temptation.  Goodness cannot be imposed externally, from the top down; it must grow internally from the bottom up.

 

I thought I had written this in an earlier newsletter, but I cannot find it now, but I am a socialist at heart.  Socialism is essentially communism without the communist party.  In a nutshell, socialism is an economic principal where everyone shares with everyone else.  For example, I am a teacher.  God has blessed me with that gift and I am good at it.  In socialism, I would teach for no pay.  Anyone who wanted to learn could come and take classes for free.  In return, should I or anyone in my house get sick, we could go see a doctor for free.  They have a gift of healing people and would offer that gift free of charge.  So in the same way that he provides free medical services to me and my family, I provide free education to him/her and his/her family.  If I feel like being entertained, I could go to a sporting event for free and watch athletes compete (who are playing for free) because they are talented at that sport.  Again, they provide me with entertainment, I provide an education.  When I am hungry and need food, I go to the store and pick some up, but I don't have to pay for them.  The farmers, harvesters, transportation, and unloaders who all took part in getting that food to the store all did so for free because they have a gift for doing those things.  In return for food, I provide an education.  If my car needs fixed (or I need a car), I can do that for free because there are people who are gifted in fixing or assembling cars who are working for free.

 

In a perfect world, I believe this would be the best form of government.  Unfortunately, we don't live in a perfect world.  We are all sinful creatures by our nature.  If we were told that we could go into a grocery store and have any food that we wanted for free, many of us would get much more than we could ever use before it expired which would then lead to excessive waste and a shortage of that kind of food for the next family.  If cars were free, we would want a different one for each day of the week.  And (of course) only luxury cars will do traded in every 3-6 months (or so).  Greed is a HUGE factor that makes pure socialism an impossibility.

 

However, if we as a society only took the food that we needed and could consume before it expired, this program might work.  If we are willing to drive used cars for a long period of time--and they might not all have A/C or power windows, this program might work.  If we are able to forgo going to the doctors for every cough or wheeze, this program might work.  If we are willing to live humbly with regards for our fellow citizens, this program WILL work.

 

I changed the Bible verse attached to my signature late last year.  The previous one I had since I was an undergraduate at Messiah College (1995, I believe).  The current one states, "Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.  Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too."  The Russian editors were trying to figure out how to reform and motivate people; how to get them to do good.  This inquiry leads us back to last month's newsletter -- it is all a matter of attitude.  We need to get off our high-horse and understand that there are lots of God-created people out there and we are not God's gift to mankind.

 

When I was growing up, I head a phrase that said, "that person is getting too big for their britches."  It means that someone is acting conceited or self-important.  The implication is that someone is so swollen with conceit and cannot fit into their pants anymore.  This use to be a bad thing.  When a person (usually a child) got too big for their britches, a caring parent would quickly put them back in their correct place which (for a child) should be very low on the totem pole.  I was taught that when I did very well on a test or won a game or ..., I did not brag or boast about my accomplishment.  Unfortunately, it seems more and more parents are encouraging this behavior.  (Seen any "My kid is an honors student" bumper stickers?)  Ultimately, though, this is bad for the child as well as bad for society.

 

So by what means can we combat this self-righteous attitude?  How do we get people to care about others and not just themselves?  How do we get people to do good?

 

By remembering that, "Goodness cannot be imposed externally, from the top down; it must grow internally from the bottom up."

 

The only exception I can think of that quote is perhaps parents of very young children.  In those cases, goodness can (and probably should) be imposed externally.  (Isabella, you WILL share your toys with your sister.  Malachi, you WILL help set the table.  Alessandra, you WILL pick up your toys.)  Eventually, there comes a point when responsibility for one's actions lies with the individual.  At that time, external forces might be able to force some compliance in limited situations, but that is artificial and does not last.  Real goodness must grow internally--from the bottom up.

 

As a teacher, I find this idea to be true as well.  Usually within the context of teaching, we refer to this "phenomenon" as internal motivation (which studies have shown is more lasting than external motivation--with external motivation, people are motivated only as long as the external reward is present; once it has been removed (or sometimes the reward is no longer "big enough"), the person resorts to their previous ways).  For my students, I try to provide motivation for their learning like requiring every homework to be turned in and providing points for their effort on the assignment.  However, that motivation only goes so far.  With many students, part way through the semester, they realize that 4 points is not worth the hassle of doing the assignments (to them), so they don't.  However, other students are motivated by other things--like the love of learning or a better job in the future--which would keep them doing the homework even if it wasn't collected or given any points.

 

I think the same idea holds true for goodness.  When you have external motivations--like tax deductions or rewards, it will cause people to do good--until the motivation is taken away or they decide that the motivation is not worth it.  In reality, what is needed is an internal attitude adjustment that causes us to desire to do good if for nothing more than the sake of doing good.  An internal motivation might be because doing good makes them feel good inside.  An internal motivation might be knowing someone has who had not until your kindness.  An internal motivator might be trying to do the greatest good.  Another internal motivator that has permeated the years and several worldviews is the idea that someday we might be in the position to benefit from someone doing good to us, and so we ought to, in kind, do good to others so our deeds are hopefully reciprocated back to us at the appropriate time.

 

You may have heard this called the "Golden Rule."  In Luke's gospel, he quotes Jesus as saying, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."  Buddha said, "Hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful."  In Islam, they teach, "None of you [truly] believes until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself."  Judaism teaches, "What is hateful to you, do not to your fellow man. This is the law: all the rest is commentary."  Taoism believes, "Regard your neighbor’s gain as your gain, and your neighbor’s loss as your own loss."  Socrates said, "Do not do to others that which would anger you if others did it to you."  Kant phrased it as, "Act as if the maxim of thy action were to become by thy will a universal law of nature."

 

So I come back to the questions:  So by what means can we combat this self-righteous attitude?  How do we get people to care about others and not just themselves?  How do we get people to do good?

 

The sad part is, I cannot get you to care more about others.  I cannot cause you to start doing more good.  I cannot make you live the Golden Rule in your daily life.  Only one person can do that.

 

I'm going to quote a song from a famous musician who died recently (the entire song can be viewed at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SgtWIx2zLtk).

 

I'm Starting With The Man In The Mirror,
I'm Asking Him To Change His Ways.
No Message Could Have Been Any Clearer:
If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place,
Take A Look At Yourself And Then Make The Change.
You Gotta Get It Right, While You Got The Time,
'Cause When You Close Your Heart
Then You Close Your . . . Mind!

 

It's you!  You are the only one who can change your attitude.  You are the only one who can decide to care about others and not just yourself.  I don't know what will work for your internal motivation to cause you to want to continue to do good; hopefully you can figure that our for yourself.

 

Last Christmas, the local newspaper printed 5 Rules for Happiness.  I think they are a good start at finding that internal motivation to do good.

1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.

The newspaper did not expand on these, but I wanted to add a little more to what is already there.

 

Free your heart from hatred.  John F. Kennedy in the 1960's during the time of de-segregation asked white Americans to imagine what it would be like to be treated poorly based only on the color of their skin.  He then asked them to think about how they would like to be treated if they were in that situation and act accordingly toward the blacks.  Who is it that you hate and treat badly as a result?  People of a different color than you?  People of a different gender than you?  People of a different religion than you?  People of a different sexual orientation than you?  Free your heart from hatred.

 

Free your mind from worries.  As the old saying goes, "It ain't no use putting up your umbrella until it rains."  Or as Alfred E. Newman says, "What, me worry?"  Most of our worries never come to fruition, but by worrying about things (often things we cannot affect or change), our blood pressure goes up, we have trouble sleeping, our memory and cognitive ability decreases, et al.  In most cases, worrying is actually worse for us that doing nothing at all!  When we free our mind from worries, we can fill in the gap with thoughts of doing good things.

 

Live simply.  Simply put.  Simply true!  The more stuff we accumulate, the more cluttered our lives become and the less we are able to help or give to others.  A lot of this boils down to needs vs. wants, and being able to differentiate between the two.  Acquiring things can also be addicting.  When you buy something, you get that "new" rush, but that quickly goes away.  To get it back, you think you need to buy more stuff, but that rush is temporary as well.  With simple living, based on our needs not our wants, we can better care for and about others instead of only caring for what we will get next.  Live simply.

 

Give more.  Usually when people talk about giving, they think money.  I agree.  Give more money.  If you are living simply, you should have more to give.  By helping others, you are doing good.  But giving more doesn't just end with money.  It might include giving of your talents.  If you are a good manager, you may give time to your local community as a coach of a sports team or a leader in a youth organization like Boy/Girl Scouts.  If you are a good cook, you may give your time to your local soup kitchen or invite your neighbors (not just the ones you know, but the one who have been living next to you for years and you don't know what they look like) to your house for dinner or a cook-out.  You might start by giving blood -- only requires an hour of time once ever two months (a total of 6 hours a year--can you handle that?).  If you already are a giving person, great!!  Give more!

 

Expect less.  Some may read this as a pessimistic statement.  I don't think the author intended that at all.  I think she meant it to mean to cherish that which you do have instead of dwelling on what you don't.  Instead of stating it as "Don't expect more," she tried to phrase it in the positive.  It's my opinion that the lack of following this advise is mostly what has caused the economic mess we are currently in.  Workers expected more pay and benefits from their employers.  Citizens expected to own a bigger house than they could really afford.  In marriages, spouses expect more from their significant others and, when the other person cannot meet all of the expectations, they file for a divorce and go looking for another person that cannot meet all of their expectations.  So expect less; be content with that which God has provided.

 

And figure out what motivates you to do good.  We'll check back in next month.

Chad T. Lower
a.k.a. Chopper
http://chadtlower.tripod.com/

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Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others.
Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves.
Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.
                              Philippians 2:3-4