This week at Kick Butt

[snortingmarmots]

BREAKING: NASA has announced the discovery of a new arsenic-based life
form in California. This is fantastic news for terra-biologists, xeno-
biologists, political pundits, and classic American theater pundits.

For the rest of us, it means that tonight’s DJs are Shane “I’m Not an
Alien” Chambers and Nathan “Certified Phosphorus-Based” Malone.

KICK BUTT BLUES
Friday, December 3rd, 2010
9:00pm-1:00am
$5

Wondering what you can eat while you dance? Check out Kick Butt
Coffee’s online menu: www.kickbuttcoffee.com/menu.htm

Please, no outside food or drink. Take advantage of the fantastic
food, coffee, alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages available at Kick
Butt Coffee - located at 5775 Airport Blvd. #725, 78752 Kick Butt
Blues is a joint venture between Kick Butt Coffee and the Blues
Association of Austin.

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And here is the part of the message where I treat you to something
random:

Speculation preceding NASA’s scheduled announcement ran wild. A few of
the more plausible suggestions are listed below:

(Compiled from Twitter, author attribution following @)

We have been contacted by aliens, but they won't say more until we
agree to Facebook's Terms of Service @oneswellfoop

The MythBusters moon landing episode was faked. @DougMcBride

Due to budget cuts, ISS now available for childrens' parties.
@virtualbri

We just don't have the CGI budget for another launch. @NormalityQuake

Turns out, we can totally hear people screaming out there.
@JokingEnvelope

The sun is, like, CRAZY hot. @Spidey004

Pluto has broken free of its orbit and is dejectedly searching for a
solar system that will recognize it as a planet. @Spidey004

There might be water someplace, like...maybe an asteroid? Yeah.
Asteroid water. Pretty sweet, huh? @sgnp

Officials regret to inform us that we are, indeed, blocking Marvin the
Martian's view of Venus. @torgospizza

Two maintenance workers jettisoned into space due to a Lunch/Launch
misunderstanding @bstiteler

Future of space exploration post-Shuttle? Ziplines. Really long
ziplines. @tivogirl

Major Tom still missing. @kwmurphy

NASA chief Charles Bolden had a bowl of Reese's Pieces on his desk
that has mysteriously gone missing. @Spidey004

NASA confirms that when we gaze into the void of space, the void gazes
back. Also: solar monkeys. @hatethedrake

Due to the government pay freeze, NASA will be forced to reduce
Earth's gravity by 10%. @paulandstorm

It is, in fact, pronounced "Nassau". @mpanighetti