Funny bug

[Froztken]

I got stuck outside on the balcony, the only way I had to get back
inside was to get kick out the apartment! Got a nice funny scenario :P

Strong Vulgar Language Action !!!

FACADE STAGEPLAY
Wed Mar 05 14 31 59 2008

TRIP
Where are the new wine glasses?

GRACE
What for?

TRIP
That should be obvious!

GRACE
Oh God, Trip, don't turn this into a big production, please!

TRIP
Jesus Grace, come on, I'm not asking a lot here!

GRACE
What -- Trip, don't give me that look!

GRACE
You're going to drive me crazy!

(Trip opens the front door.)

TRIP
George!!

TRIP
Hey! I thought I heard someone out here! Great to see you! It's been
a while, how's it going?

GEORGE
Hey Tripp !!!

TRIP
Alright!

TRIP
Wow, it's so great to see you after so long.

TRIP
Come on in! -- (interrupted)

GEORGE
Fine and you ?

TRIP
Y -- yeah, come in!

TRIP
Uh, I'll -- I'll go get Grace...

TRIP
(unintelligable arguing)

GRACE
No, no, here we are!

GRACE
George,

GRACE
Hi! How are you? I'm so happy to see you after so long!

GEORGE
fine and you ?

TRIP
Yeah, how -- (interrupted)

GRACE
Oh, H-mmm (happy smile sound)

GRACE
And I have to say, you look great.

GRACE
So come on in, make yourself at home!

GEORGE
you too grace

GRACE
Uh...

TRIP
Oh, George, take a look at this photo I just put up from our trip
to Italy a couple of weeks ago...

(Trip closes the front door.)

GRACE
(little sigh)

GEORGE
wow looks nice

TRIP
Y -- yeah, come here!

GRACE
George, come over here and sit on the couch with me.

TRIP
No, hold on. Now, -- (interrupted)

GRACE
Trip, darling, your obsession with that photo of yours is making our
friend uncomfortable.

(GEORGE sits on the couch.)

TRIP
(little sigh)

GEORGE
its ok

TRIP
Huh? No, we're good, I'm good, everything's good...

TRIP
(clears throat)

GEORGE
come grace sit

TRIP
Heh heh, George, seeing you brings back good memories, --
(interrupted)

PHONE
** RING **

TRIP
Oh, I'll get it --

GRACE
No, no, we have a guest, we can let the answering machine pick it up.

(GEORGE gets up from the couch.)

PHONE
** RING **

TRIP
Grace, no, I want --

GRACE
Trip, please dear, don't be rude.

GRACE
It's probably just the execs at work inviting you to another --
(interrupted)

GEORGE
no its ok

PHONE
** RING **

GRACE
What? Oh, that's -- hmm, w, wait a second...

GRACE
(clears throat)

PHONE
** RING **

ANSWERING MACHINE
** click **

ANSWERING MACHINE
You've reached the fabulous new home of Grace and Trip. Leave us a
message!

ANSWERING MACHINE
** beep **

ANSWERING MACHINE
Grace, this is your father, I thought I'd call to see how my lovely
daughter is doing.

TRIP
Oh, it's your parents! I'll get it --

GRACE
Trip, Trip, please, I don't want to talk to them right now...

TRIP
I want to say hello --

GRACE
No no, Trip, we're entertaining a friend in our new apartment...

ANSWERING MACHINE
I want you and Trip to come up to the house this weekend, your mother
and I are throwing a party for a senior VP at the firm, and you should
be there.

GRACE
the last thing I want to do is talk to my parents.

ANSWERING MACHINE
Oh, and be sure to arrive early, I want to talk to you about this
business about why you won't be attending your mother's Christmas Eve
gala.

TRIP
Well, Grace's parents... They're something else, really classy people
--

GRACE
Uhh, no, they're impossible, they're always expecting me to act like
the dutiful daughter, it's so annoying.

ANSWERING MACHINE
(clear throat) So, that's all. Uh, goodbye.

TRIP
(frustrated sigh)

GRACE
So, George, I'm hoping you can help me understand where I went
wrong with my new decorating, ha ha.

TRIP
Oh, Grace, let's not do that.

GEORGE
I'M STUCK OUTSIDE DAMMIT !!!!

TRIP
See, I told you he would like it! There's nothing wrong with it.

GRACE
(little sigh)

GEORGE
NO YOU ASS !!!! IM OUTSIDE !!!

GRACE
(little -- (interrupted)

TRIP
Ha ha! Oh I think we're going to need some drinks first if we're
going to talk about sex.

GRACE
Trip, come on, that's not funny.

TRIP
(little sigh) George, -- (interrupted)

GEORGE
NO SEX YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE

TRIP
You...

TRIP
You think we should....

TRIP
have more sex...

GEORGE
YES !!!!

TRIP
Ha ha, ha, oh, you're -- you're quite the kidder tonight, ha ha ha...

GRACE
Ha, yeah, ha ha...

TRIP
Ha, never afraid to push our buttons, ha ha ha, heh... --
(interrupted)

GEORGE
NO IM HORNY !! I'LL FUCK YOU !!

TRIP
uh... uh, heh heh...

GRACE
uh...

TRIP
well...

GEORGE
BOTH !!!

TRIP
wha...

GRACE
uuh...

TRIP
ha ha, heh...

GRACE
ha ha ha ha ha, heh...

TRIP
heh, ha ha ha!

GRACE
ha ha ha ha ha!!

TRIP
Ha ha ha, heh, George,

GRACE
heh heh...

TRIP
heh, you had me going there for a sec...

GEORGE
JUST LET ME IN !!

TRIP
heh, ha ha...

TRIP
Never afraid to push your luck, heh heh heh...

TRIP
push our little buttons...

TRIP
heh heh, you're crazy, heh, you know that?

TRIP
heh, ha ha...

GEORGE
AND I'LL RAM YOU ASSES !!!

TRIP
(big sigh)

TRIP
Anyway... what were we talking about, heh?

GRACE
(big sigh)

GEORGE
IM OUTSIDE DAMMIT !!!

GRACE
Oh God, -- (interrupted)

TRIP
N -- no, no, no, uh, wait, uh, what's wrong, Grace?

GRACE
Listen to us, we're arguing in front of our friend.

TRIP
Grace, come on, it's not helping things for you to say that...

GRACE
Trip, there's nothing wrong with disagreeing in front of our friend --

TRIP
We're NOT disagreeing.

TRIP
We're -- we're -- we're not disagreeing. -- (interrupted)

GEORGE
NO YOU'RE IGNORING ME !!!

GRACE
You don't agree? Okay, well...

TRIP
Huh, y -- you two are really getting along well tonight...

TRIP
Oh my God, -- (interrupted)

GEORGE
BTICH !!!!!

TRIP
Uh, well, uh -- we need drinks!

GRACE
My dad bought Trip a silver plated cocktail -- (interrupted)

GEORGE
LOOK AT ME !!!

TRIP
W - wait, I want to make you one of my drink inventions!

GRACE
It's a secret -- Trip doesn't even like the taste of alcohol.

GEORGE
FUCK THAT !!!

GEORGE
I'M STUCK !!!

TRIP
You -- you don't want my invention?

GRACE
George, I think Trip is pressuring you too much... how about just a
simple glass of white wine? -- (interrupted)

GEORGE
NOOOOOOO

TRIP
Yeah, no, I'm going to make this drink for us!

TRIP
Our friend is here, we're going to enjoy ourselves, that's all there
is to it!

GRACE
(frustrated sigh)

TRIP
Grace, everybody loves my drinks, you know that, don't you?
Everybody!

GEORGE
HOW 'BOUT I'LL KICK YOU !!

GRACE
Well, of course Trip, after all, you got enough practice when you were
a real bartender.

TRIP
What?

GRACE
In college, you were a bartender.

TRIP
How do you know about that?

GRACE
Oh I know you were trying to keep it a big secret, but... one time my
friends and I went slumming off-campus to some crappy bar in the
sticks, and we saw you there.

GEORGE
THEN PULL YOUR EYES OUT

TRIP
Oh, that's great.

TRIP
Uhh, you're driving me insane!

TRIP
Goddamn slumming it off campus...

TRIP
You hide things from me! You're so distant! You...

GEORGE
THEN PISS IN YOUR EYES HOLES

TRIP
You do, you hide things -- (interrupted)

GRACE
Are -- what, what are you saying?

GRACE
(impatient sigh) George, can you believe this?

GRACE
(frustrated sigh) -- (interrupted)

GEORGE
I'LL KILL YOU BOTH !!!

GRACE
What?!? That's awful, where did that come from? You're acting
ridiculous!

GRACE
My goddamn parents...

GRACE
I wish you would just be yourself! Ever since I've known you, you
resist just being yourself!

TRIP
Oh, come on...!

GEORGE
I'LL CUT YOU HEAD OFF !!!

TRIP
Okay, you know what, George,

TRIP
I'm going to ask you something.

GRACE
Trip --

TRIP
Grace, let me ask our guest a question.

TRIP
George, yes or no...

GEORGE
ASK ME TO FUCK YOU WIFE !!!

TRIP
Isn't the goal in life, and in marriage, to improve your life, to have
more than you did before?

GRACE
What?

TRIP
I mean, shouldn't you get married so you can have a better, richer
life than before?

TRIP
Yes or no.

GEORGE
NO IT'S TO FUCK MORE

TRIP
Look, you don't need answer, I don't need to hear anymore!

TRIP
Grace, you won't let me be who I want to be! Who -- who I am! This
is who I am now! Goddammit!

GRACE
Oh, I can't believe...!

GEORGE
FUCK YOUUU BOTH !!!!

GRACE
Uhh! Yeah, good, go away!

GRACE
I can't stand you!

GEORGE
GRACE !!!

GRACE
Goddammit!

GRACE
uhh!

GRACE
George, I -- I'm sorry... this is a disaster... -- (interrupted)

GEORGE
bitch.. look

GRACE
What are you saying to me?! What?

TRIP
What? Are you talking about me in there?

GRACE
What do you care?

GEORGE
STUPID SLUT !!!!

GRACE
George, (annoyed sigh) Trip can just be so...

TRIP
Oh, we're talking about -- (interrupted)

GEORGE
nice ass

TRIP
Oh Jesus, look, I'm not going to talk about sex...

GRACE
(frustrated sigh)

TRIP
Or our lack thereof...

GRACE
Uhh...

GEORGE
ass boobs cock tits pussy cunt !!!

TRIP
Okay, George, I think this evening is over, you've got to leave.

TRIP
There's only so much you can expect to put up with, you know?

GEORGE
OK SO NOW YOU LET ME IN

(Trip opens the front door.)

TRIP
We'll be fine -- you just have to go.

(Trip closes the front door.)

GEORGE
JUST TO KICK ME OUT !!! ASS