The Object Pass as Conversation

[Jim]

By moving the objects around in the room Grace and Trip reply as if
you were talking.


FACADE STAGEPLAY
Fri Jul 18 14 41 43 2008

GRACE
Trip, when are you going to get rid of this?

TRIP
What, Grace... this?

GRACE
Yes, you know how I feel about it --

TRIP
I know I know I'll do it right now, alright?!

GRACE
You know I've had to ask you about this several --

TRIP
Get off my back! I'll get rid of it in just a minute!

GRACE
Fine, Trip... fine...

(Jim knocks on the front door.)

(Jim knocks on the front door.)

TRIP
Uhp, he's here!

GRACE
What?! You said he's coming an hour from now!

TRIP
No, he's supposed to be here now!

GRACE
Trip...!

(Trip opens the front door.)

TRIP
Jim!!

JIM
Hi Trip

TRIP
Hey! It's been too long, man! -- (interrupted)

TRIP
Yeah, hi!

JIM
Great man

TRIP
Y -- yeah, yeah...

(JIM comforts trip.)

TRIP
Well come on in!

TRIP
Uh, I'll -- I'll go get Grace...

TRIP
(unintelligable arguing)

JIM
Cool

TRIP
(unintelligable arguing)

TRIP
(unintelligable arguing)

GRACE
Jim,

GRACE
Hi! How are you? I'm so happy to see you after so long! --
(interrupted)

JIM
Hi babe

GRACE
H-mmm (happy smile sound) -- (interrupted)

(JIM kisses grace.)

GRACE
Oh, yes, let's... (polite kiss on cheek) Jim, you're so sweet.

GRACE
So, come in, make yourself at home...

JIM
Nice to see you

GRACE
Oh, H-mmm (happy smile sound)

GRACE
By the way, you look fabulous!

JIM
Thanks

TRIP
Heh heh, Jim, seeing you brings back good memories, you know?

GRACE
Yes, it does. H-mmm (happy smile sound) -- (interrupted)

(Trip closes the front door.)

JIM
sure does

TRIP
Yeah, uh, we -- we've -- uh, we've missed you.

TRIP
Hey, I just realized something.

GRACE
What...

TRIP
We have to celebrate! Tonight's a special night! -- (interrupted)

JIM
its been toO long

TRIP
Y -- yeah, tonight is special!

TRIP
Jim, remember, it was almost exactly ten years ago, tonight, that you
introduced us.

TRIP
Senior year of college!

GRACE
Oh... geez... -- (interrupted)

JIM
shoot....ten years!

TRIP
Uh, well, all I can say is, tonight means a lot to me, and Grace.

TRIP
Uh, I mean, uh, it's, uh -- it's good to see you again. --
(interrupted)

JIM
time flies

JIM
the flies of time

TRIP
Well, we're all friends here, uh...

TRIP
Oh! Jim, what have I been waiting -- (interrupted)

PHONE
** RING **

JIM
corpse flies

GRACE
Oh, I'll get it --

TRIP
No, no no no, our friend's here, we can let the answering machine get
it.

PHONE
** RING **

JIM
Ill get it

TRIP
What? Wait, wait, let's just -- (interrupted)

(JIM picks up the phone.)

TRIP
Jim, no! Don't do that.

PHONE
Hello? Hello?

JIM
hi

PHONE
Who is this? Travis, is that you? This is your mother.

TRIP
Uhh, that's my mother, I can hear her loud voice.

PHONE
I don't recognize your voice...

JIM
no

GRACE
Oh!

PHONE
I -- I think I have the wrong number... ** click **

TRIP
Okay, she's confused, as usual... just -- just hang it up.

JIM
its Jim

(JIM puts down the phone.)

GRACE
Oh, I wanted to say hello --

TRIP
No no, come on, we're entertaining a friend in our new apartment... --
(interrupted)

JIM
confused

TRIP
N -- no, no no, I, uh, -- I can talk to my parents later.

GRACE
Anyhow, Trip's parents... They're sweet people, really down to earth
-- -- (interrupted)

TRIP
Uhh, no, they're ignorant, they wouldn't know what a cumberbund --
(interrupted)

JIM
she have some diSease or something

TRIP
Well, no, no, um, my parents aren't worth talking about.

(Trip shakes the advice ball.)

TRIP
Could be.

JIM
issues

TRIP
Heh! -- (interrupted)

TRIP
N - no, no...

GRACE
(big sigh)

GRACE
Oh God, Jim, I hope you didn't come here tonight to be
entertained...

TRIP
What?

JIM
God...ya wanna talk about God

GRACE
Listen to us, -- (interrupted)

TRIP
What...?

TRIP
Grace, come on, it's not helping things for you to say that...

JIM
I know God

GRACE
Trip, it's -- (interrupted)

TRIP
Y -- yeah, yeah, no no no -- we're not disagreeing.

JIM
she talks to me

(Trip shakes the advice ball.)

GRACE
Um, wait...

GRACE
You think I'm...

GRACE
communicative...

JIM
yes

TRIP
Ha ha, ha, oh, you're -- you're quite the kidder tonight, ha ha ha...

JIM
very

GRACE
Ha ha, yeah...

TRIP
Ha ha, heh, never afraid to say anything that pops into your mind, ha
heh heh...

JIM
communicative and hot

TRIP
Huh... well, yeah, hold on, um... (clears throat) -- (interrupted)

GRACE
(happy but tense sigh)

(JIM sits on the couch.)

GRACE
Jim,

GRACE
you and I are getting along so well tonight...

GRACE
Stay there for a moment...

GRACE
I want your opinion. Stay there. -- (interrupted)

JIM
yes

GRACE
Y -- yeah, stay there for a sec.

GRACE
Ugh, I'm getting so tired of looking at this god awful couch.

GRACE
Maybe if I replaced it with... um...

TRIP
Do you... do you remember, Grace...

GRACE
What.

TRIP
How I proposed to you.

GRACE
Oh, God, Trip --

TRIP
Here, Jim, I'll show you.

JIM
beanbags

TRIP
It was at Grace's parents' house, Christmas, senior year of college --

GRACE
Trip, what are you doing?!

TRIP
I got on one knee, in front of everybody, and --

GRACE
Stop it, Trip!

TRIP
I pulled out a diamond ring --

GRACE
Trip!

TRIP
And I said, Grace, will you marry me?

(JIM gets up from the couch.)

TRIP
Heh, is -- is that romantic or what?!

TRIP
Jim, yes? Very romantic?

JIM
oh yea...Hollywood

GRACE
Oh, God, Jim, you think this is romantic? (frustrated sigh)

TRIP
Grace, our friend agrees, what could be more romantic than that?

JIM
i think it is sad

GRACE
Okay, sure. Romantic. Yeah. Diamond ring, one on knee, the whole
bit. Yeah.

TRIP
Grace, I -- I just wanted to share that moment with our friend.

GRACE
Great.

TRIP
(clears throat)

(Trip shakes the advice ball.)

TRIP
No way.

TRIP
Uhh...

GRACE
Trip, uhh, either you get rid -- (interrupted)

JIM
what does it mean

TRIP
Oh that -- oh, that's just a little joke advice giver toy thing that I
like to consult now and then...

TRIP
when I need a little guidance. Ha ha.

GRACE
His mother gave that to him.

TRIP
Stocking stuffer.

JIM
does it help?

TRIP
Yeah, yeah...

TRIP
Oh, Jim, I thought you might like -- (interrupted)

JIM
wierdo

TRIP
What...? Jim,

GRACE
Trip, that was just a well-intentioned little poke in the ribs between
friends, that's all.

TRIP
Heh. Good one man, good one.

TRIP
Jim, Come take look at this!

GRACE
God, this evening is getting more exhilarating by the minute...

GRACE
(little sigh) -- (interrupted)

JIM
speaking of poke...whatcha doing LATER

GRACE
Oh, please, go take a look...

TRIP
Jim, Come on, you'll like this, check it out! -- (interrupted)

GRACE
(short petulant sigh)

GRACE
By the way, anybody, join me on the couch if you like.

TRIP
Um... uhh, Now, Jim, in one word, what does this picture say to
you?

GRACE
Say to you... say to you... yes, good question, good question.

TRIP
Grace stayed behind in the hotel room when I was out taking this
picture, so...

JIM
mental hospital

TRIP
N -- No, I just want one word...

GRACE
How about domineering.

TRIP
God, I want us to go see the Italian art she likes, and so I'm
domineering. -- (interrupted)

JIM
psycho

GRACE
(short petulant -- (interrupted)

TRIP
Romance! No it says... romance...!

GRACE
Romance? Ha, in our marriage, that's just a code word for
manipulation. -- (interrupted)

JIM
romance

GRACE
Yeah -- no -- Trip tricked me into going!

GRACE
And you knew I planned to attend my friend's art show that weekend!

GRACE
A very good friend from college had a gallery show of his new
paintings that weekend, and I missed it!

TRIP
What?

GRACE
Uhh, you are impossible...!

GRACE
Every woman's dream...

GRACE
Trip, you think you're so romantic... but no you're trying --
(interrupted)

JIM
ya get many jumpers here

GRACE
Huh? What are you saying to me?

TRIP
(little impatient sigh) Jim, I... -- (interrupted)

JIM
must be the 14th floor

TRIP
Uhh, uh, can you, can you -- can you just...

GRACE
Everyone tries to explain everything...

GRACE
Trip, our whole marriage, you're so... controlling!

TRIP
Oh, Christ...!

JIM
wine

TRIP
Jim, no, I'm not fixing you a drink right now!

JIM
brandy

GRACE
Goddammit...

GRACE
uhh...

JIM
FOR GODS SAKE ANYTHING

GRACE
What? What are you saying?

TRIP
Grace, are you talking about me?

GRACE
I wasn't talking about you!

(JIM comforts grace.)

(JIM comforts grace.)

GRACE
Jim, from what you said before, about marriage... I think we've
already learned something about Trip.

(JIM picks up the brass bull.)

TRIP
Oh, we're talking about me again, are we?

GRACE
What?

TRIP
Grace, even though you're now a creative director at work, and even
though you redecorate the apartment all the

time, -- (interrupted)

JIM
HE'S QUEER

GRACE
Jim, you see, this is what I've had to put up with, for ten goddamn
years.

GRACE
Jim, what is it, is there something about me?

(JIM puts down the brass bull.)

GRACE
Look, let's not focus on just me or you, let's talk about us.

GRACE
Trip, you just pretend to like all this stuff... fancy cigars, and
fine wine... -- (interrupted)

JIM
NO..i think Trip needs help

TRIP
Ah!

GRACE
Jim, You think we should see a .... therapist?

(JIM picks up a trinket 6.)

TRIP
Grace, maybe a therapist could help us figure out why we always --
(interrupted)

JIM
yes

TRIP
Yes?

TRIP
Ah, thank you, that helps us. -- (interrupted)

GRACE
All this stuff... mmm... Having all this money makes us so happy.
We're so happy, aren't we Trip?

(JIM puts down a trinket 6.)

TRIP
Jesus, what do you want! Now you're unhappy because we're too well
off?

JIM
happy happy happy

TRIP
Why? -- (interrupted)

GRACE
Yes?

GRACE
You both... Just get away from me!

JIM
keep taking the medication

(JIM picks up a trinket 5.)

GRACE
Oh God... -- (interrupted)

GRACE
Why?

GRACE
No, wait, I can't... I need a minute to... uhh...

(JIM puts down a trinket 5.)

TRIP
Let's continue focusing on Grace.

TRIP
Jim, look around this apartment. It's got everything anyone --
(interrupted)

(JIM picks up a trinket 7.)

TRIP
Christ, Jim, can we possibly talk any more about Grace's stuff
tonight? (frustrated sigh)

(JIM puts down a trinket 7.)

GRACE
No let's -- let's focus on us, our relationship.

(JIM picks up a trinket 8.)

GRACE
I think Trip's afraid of visiting his parents. He does everything he
can to avoid seeing them.

TRIP
Afraid of my parents?! My parents are idiots.

GRACE
No, it's true...

(JIM puts down a trinket 8.)

GRACE
No, I, I -- I want us to focus on Trip.

TRIP
See, Jim, Grace will tell you she's 'angry', but the truth is,
there's no reason for it!

JIM
dont you love them

GRACE
Don't tell me how to feel.

(JIM picks up a trinket 4.)

TRIP
Uhh, look, don't give me your touchy-feely bullshit, I can't do
anything with that.

GRACE
Jim, uhh...!

(JIM puts down a trinket 4.)

JIM
wake up trip

TRIP
I mean, Grace, it's so ridiculous to get angry about this art stuff,
that you wisely stopped wasting your time with

a long time ago.

JIM
emotions are real

GRACE
Uhh...

(JIM picks up a trinket 3.)

TRIP
Look, let's talk about us both, not just one of us.

TRIP
Grace, I -- I want to take care of you...

GRACE
Trip...

TRIP
You've always wanted that, I know you did...

GRACE
Trip... Jim, we... uhh...

(JIM puts down a trinket 3.)

JIM
why

GRACE
Why?

GRACE
Ah, good, you're asking questions, see, that helps...

GRACE
So that's how you see it, Trip, that you're 'taking care of me'...?

(JIM picks up a trinket 2.)

TRIP
Grace...

TRIP
Let's keep the focus on us, not just one person.

(JIM puts down a trinket 2.)

GRACE
Jim, it's time that Trip finally just admits that our marriage --

TRIP
Grace, don't, no, you don't need to --

GRACE
Admits that our marriage is not --

TRIP
Stop it, stop it! (annoyed sigh)

JIM
do you like little girls trip?

GRACE
Yes?

GRACE
Ah, thank you, just saying that helps me!

(JIM picks up a trinket 1.)

GRACE
See, this -- this is how it's been for the past ten years!

TRIP
Uhh...

(JIM puts down a trinket 1.)

GRACE
Let's talk some more about us, our relationship. -- (interrupted)

JIM
wierd

GRACE
Look, you're going to really make it bad if you keep criticizing me!

(JIM picks up a martini glass 1.)

GRACE
Jim, this is so...

(JIM puts down a martini glass 1.)

(JIM picks up a martini glass 2.)

GRACE
Look, let's not focus on just me or you, let's talk about us. --
(interrupted)

(JIM puts down a martini glass 2.)

TRIP
Jim, come on, I don't feel like fixing drinks at this moment!

(JIM picks up a martini glass 3.)

(JIM puts down a martini glass 3.)

GRACE
Let's talk some more about us, our relationship.

TRIP
You know, I can't say Grace never acts loving towards me... --
(interrupted)

(JIM picks up a martini glass 4.)

GRACE
God, Jim, can we just stop talking about Trip's stuff, please?
(frustrated sigh)

(JIM puts down a martini glass 4.)

JIM
trip and grace.....love

TRIP
Okay, I'm sick of this bullshit!!

TRIP
Jim, I know what you're trying to hint at...

TRIP
about us...

TRIP
about our lifestyle...

TRIP
Do you really want the truth? Huh?

JIM
yes

TRIP
Grace, huh?

GRACE
Yes...!

TRIP
See, Jim, I've been paying attention to what you've been saying
tonight.

TRIP
You've been pushing me tonight.

JIM
not much

TRIP
And I wonder, are you really my friend or not.

GRACE
Trip!

TRIP
Jim, Quit interrupting me, let me speak!

TRIP
Jim, I ask you this -- yes or no...

TRIP
Do you really think that...

TRIP
criticizing Grace...

TRIP
criticizing me...

TRIP
that we'll somehow realize something about our marriage?

(JIM sits on the couch.)

(JIM gets up from the couch.)

TRIP
Is what you've said tonight supposed to add up somehow, to something?

TRIP
Is it? I just want a yes or no.

JIM
yes

TRIP
Right.

TRIP
Grace...

(JIM picks up the red wine bottle.)

TRIP
uhh...

TRIP
See... I'm... ashamed of my parents.

(JIM sits on the couch.)

GRACE
What!? Your parents are great.

JIM
ok

GRACE
I love seeing them...

(JIM gets up from the couch.)

TRIP
I know, I know. But compared to yours... they're so ... ignorant.

(JIM sits on the couch.)

GRACE
But they're real. I hate how my parents are pretending to be something
--

(JIM gets up from the couch.)

TRIP
I've tried hard to be like your family --

GRACE
Trip... really? ... I don't --

TRIP
But I feel like a phony. I feel like I can never get rid of my past.

TRIP
It's kind of like I don't know who I am anymore.

TRIP
uhh...

GRACE
uhh...

GRACE
Oh my God...!

TRIP
Jim, I --

GRACE
I'm going to give you the truth too, Trip.

(JIM puts down the red wine bottle.)

TRIP
What?!

GRACE
I painted this.

(JIM picks up the advice ball.)

(The advice ball reads, "Why Not")

(JIM shakes the advice ball.)

TRIP
Bullshit.

GRACE
I am an artist, Trip, fuck you.

(The advice ball reads, "Yes")

(JIM shakes the advice ball.)

(The advice ball reads, "It's Definite")

(JIM shakes the advice ball.)

TRIP
You've been secretly painting? When --

(The advice ball reads, "Who Knows")

(JIM shakes the advice ball.)

GRACE
Everytime you go on a goddamn business trip, I paint.

(The advice ball reads, "Why Not")

TRIP
Jesus --

GRACE
So don't EVER give me any more of your 'you could never be an artist'
crap!!

(JIM puts down the advice ball.)

(JIM picks up the white wine bottle.)

GRACE
uhh...

TRIP
uhh...

TRIP
Jesus...!

(JIM puts down the white wine bottle.)

TRIP
Jim, I, uhh...

TRIP
This changes everything...

JIM
sweetie

GRACE
And no, Jim, hold on...

GRACE
Yes, it does change everything.

GRACE
I think it's over.

JIM
what are you doing

TRIP
Grace, what --

GRACE
No!!

GRACE
It's over, Trip, don't you see that?

TRIP
Wha... I -- I just told you --

JIM
no

GRACE
You just told me something about us you should have said a long time
ago:

GRACE
You're really ashamed of your past... and you wish you had mine...

JIM
its a start

GRACE
And no, Jim, no more!

GRACE
And about me...

JIM
its the beginning

GRACE
I am an artist -- but you can't see that.

JIM
of something new

TRIP
Grace, I --

JIM
together

GRACE
No, Trip, this about me, and it's about us, but it's not about you...

JIM
it can work

TRIP
Not about me...? Hey, no, wait!

GRACE
Jim, I'm sorry. Thank you, though, you really helped me.

JIM
he is prepared to learn

TRIP
Grace!

(Grace opens the front door.)

(Grace closes the front door.)

TRIP
Grace!!

JIM
NNOOOOOO