[I Hate Star Wars Club] A “Capitol” Idea
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William Shatner's #1 Fan
Jun 7, 2006, 8:38:19 PM6/7/06
to IHateSta...@googlegroups.com
I recently overheard someone on the subway say that congress is working to create a ban on flag burning. Normally, I don’t care about politics because it is boring and stupid, but this statement gave me a great idea. Congress wants to ban flag burning because it hurts the children of America. Surely then, they should embrace the idea of banning other things that hurt America’s youth… like Star Wars!
Easily impressionable young people whose minds have not fully developed might believe that it’s okay to criticize this country if they see a flag engulfed in flames. Likewise, they might believe that it’s okay to be stupid if they see Star Wars for sale at the store. These are both urgent issues that require our lawmaker’s immediate attention.
The I Hate Star Wars Club officially calls for a constitutional amendment barring the sale or existence of any Star Wars paraphernalia. All Star Wars DVDs, toys, so-called books, VHS tapes, and those stupid laser disc things from the 80s are to be collected by National Guardsmen and Volunteer Militia and Minutemen and burned in a giant bonfire at Skywalker Ranch. Heavy fines will be imposed on anyone who mentions the words “Star Wars” within fifty years after the bonfire so that the memory of those films may fade unimpeded from our society’s collective consciousness. The government shall encourage post-bonfire viewings of Star Trek movies, although they shall not be required because it is imperative that free speech be preserved.
I need every member of the I Hate Star Wars Club and anyone else who is concerned about the lowering IQ in America to sign this blog’s comments section as an online petition. I will send all the signatures to Congress so that anti-Star Wars legislation can begin as quickly as possible. Please don’t write anything but your name because I’m busy reading this book (which as you all know is AWESOME!) so I don’t really have the time or the interest in reading anything beyond that.
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Posted by William Shatner's #1 Fan to I Hate Star Wars Club at 6/07/2006 08:32:00 PM
Easily impressionable young people whose minds have not fully developed might believe that it’s okay to criticize this country if they see a flag engulfed in flames. Likewise, they might believe that it’s okay to be stupid if they see Star Wars for sale at the store. These are both urgent issues that require our lawmaker’s immediate attention.
The I Hate Star Wars Club officially calls for a constitutional amendment barring the sale or existence of any Star Wars paraphernalia. All Star Wars DVDs, toys, so-called books, VHS tapes, and those stupid laser disc things from the 80s are to be collected by National Guardsmen and Volunteer Militia and Minutemen and burned in a giant bonfire at Skywalker Ranch. Heavy fines will be imposed on anyone who mentions the words “Star Wars” within fifty years after the bonfire so that the memory of those films may fade unimpeded from our society’s collective consciousness. The government shall encourage post-bonfire viewings of Star Trek movies, although they shall not be required because it is imperative that free speech be preserved.
I need every member of the I Hate Star Wars Club and anyone else who is concerned about the lowering IQ in America to sign this blog’s comments section as an online petition. I will send all the signatures to Congress so that anti-Star Wars legislation can begin as quickly as possible. Please don’t write anything but your name because I’m busy reading this book (which as you all know is AWESOME!) so I don’t really have the time or the interest in reading anything beyond that.
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Posted by William Shatner's #1 Fan to I Hate Star Wars Club at 6/07/2006 08:32:00 PM
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