[I Hate Star Wars Club] Weekend Post #30: Obese Star Wars Goons
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William Shatner's #1 Fan
Jun 13, 2006, 10:18:46 PM6/13/06
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Last night when I was riding the subway, I saw a big fat guy wearing a Star Wars t-shirt with an oversize picture of Darth Maul on it. His hideous man-boobs were distorting Darth Maul’s horns and face into a disgusting sagging fold of belly fat. I knew that the only reason this man wanted to be obese was so he could keep wearing the Darth Maul shirt, which would have hung like a beach towel off a normal sized person.
I knew this man needed my help, but he was so involved with his iPod (which undoubtedly was playing some horrendous John Williams score) that he didn’t even acknowledge me when I tried to get his attention. Realizing that the situation called for drastic measures, I clenched my ass cheeks and pushed out an unnaturally foul bit of flatulence. I wanted to make the man’s shirt stink so much that in the future that he wouldn’t want to wear it anymore and would switch to Star Trek uniforms. Unfortunately, the train already smelled so strongly of various scatological aromas that my powerful fart went largely unnoticed, save by the old lady who hit me with her umbrella and called me a pig.
Sadly, the gargantuan Star Wars goon got off at the next stop before I could even speak to him. If we ever chance to meet again, I swear that I will help him. As a large man myself, I can testify that Federation Star Fleet Attire looks much better on an oversize body than stupid Star Wars T-shirts!
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Posted by William Shatner's #1 Fan to I Hate Star Wars Club at 6/11/2006 10:16:00 PM
I knew this man needed my help, but he was so involved with his iPod (which undoubtedly was playing some horrendous John Williams score) that he didn’t even acknowledge me when I tried to get his attention. Realizing that the situation called for drastic measures, I clenched my ass cheeks and pushed out an unnaturally foul bit of flatulence. I wanted to make the man’s shirt stink so much that in the future that he wouldn’t want to wear it anymore and would switch to Star Trek uniforms. Unfortunately, the train already smelled so strongly of various scatological aromas that my powerful fart went largely unnoticed, save by the old lady who hit me with her umbrella and called me a pig.
Sadly, the gargantuan Star Wars goon got off at the next stop before I could even speak to him. If we ever chance to meet again, I swear that I will help him. As a large man myself, I can testify that Federation Star Fleet Attire looks much better on an oversize body than stupid Star Wars T-shirts!
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Posted by William Shatner's #1 Fan to I Hate Star Wars Club at 6/11/2006 10:16:00 PM
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