Manhood & The Single Female Parent:
Mimbari
October 01-2007:
How Can I as A Single Mother Teach My Son How To Be A Man-Or About
Manhood?
Preface:
Today I heard the above question asked on the wbai.org 'Talk Back'
discussions, conducted by host 'Hugh Hamilton. And I was struck by
this question so much, it induced me to write about some of my
experiences growing up. Without a father at home, absent, non-
existent, and clueless!
Why do so many Black and Latino young men are incarcerated at
alarming rates. And continues to be incarcerated several times
afterwards, for similar crimes, such as stealing, selling drugs, shop
lifting, street fighting, gang banging, rapes, and burglary. This
phenomenon has many facets to it, but some of the major reasons (to my
mind), stem from the following:
* Lack of a male or father figure within the home.
* A father who is at home, but is abusive to his wife, or the son's
mother, sisters, and brothers.
* A father who seduces his son, daughters, or drinks a lot, and
becomes vociferously abusive to everyone in the home, aggressive, and
verbally abusive.
* A father who has never contributed to the family's welfare, food
pantry, clothing, or sometimes adequately providing for school
clothing, or attending school activities or athletics that his son or
daughter are a part of.
* A father who may have contributed financially during the years
legally prescribed for 'child support,' but stopped after his son or
daughter became of age or older in adolescence.
These are just some of the factors that influence the outcome of
several male and female youths within the Black and Latino Communities
Of Color. Thus leading to eventual arrests for stealing, crack
smoking, crack selling, pimping, prostitution, gang membership
violence, and high school drop outs.
Who is more qualified to nurture our male children towards manhood
responsibilities?
I hear a lot today on radio, television, and other talk shows about
The Black Churches lack of leadership to the communities they serve?
And I ask myself just how many Black and Latino families really visit
those churches on a regular basis. And those who do, for what reasons?
And is it the church's responsibility to teach our children manners,
civility, social responsibility, ambition, moral values, and respect
for themselves and others? Have we forgotten how to raise our
children with strong moral values, respect for self, family,
community, and authority? Do we expect the church to instill in our
children the responsibility of paying taxes, saving something for a
rainy day or some dire emergency, staying in school, applying
ourselves diligently in order to acquire that diploma, certificate or
degree?
These are just some glimpses of the problems that we face as a
community, a family, and a people in this culture (the USA), and
elsewhere!
So what do we do to correct some or all of these ills?
Firstly, I think we have got to return to the traditional basics like
family values, family responsibilities, family ownership, and
morality. The church is responsible for the spiritual guidance in
understanding the Bible, Quran, Gita, Talmud, or Torah. We look to
their experiences, knowledge, and understanding of those religious
principles to guide us when we need some guidance, or explanation. But
mind you, everyone should also think for his or herself on spiritual
matters. And make decisions based on sound judgements, convictions,
and belief.
No one should force any child to become religious, or to convert to
any religious doctrine or belief. And no one is to shun or castigate
anyone for his or her dis-belief about a God, Allah, or the After
Life, as per the Bible, the Quran, the Talmud, the Gita, or other
religious doctrines. Parents both male and female must ensure that
their child or children do their school home work, attend classes
punctually, regularly, is fully rested at nights, by enforcing early
curfew during puberty, and young adolescence. Parents must cater to
their children's questions about sex, sexual intercourse, gender
identities, gender changes or alterations, sexual preferences, family
formations, and adoptions.
If any or some of these areas are unclear, or is unable to be
adequately addressed. Then it is the parent or parent's responsibility
to refer his or her child to a library, the Internet, and other
resources that could provide these much needed information and
guidance to these enquiries. And most importantly, parents MUST admit
ignorance of any issue, be it sexual identity, sexual preferences, or
religious convictions to their children, if that is the case. And
must also encourage individual opinion!
Derryck S. Griffith.
Educator-Advocate & Blogger.