Winona, Minnesota
Mike
in 1964. WSC was a small college and Winona was a small city - about
25,000. It was big compared to the very small Minnesota village I grew
up in.
My friend Bob liked to browse one of the several second-hand stores in
town. We sometimes went together to look over the junk they had on
sale. One Saturday I came across a little stack of small magazines
featuring pictures of naked men. I found the pictures riveting. I had
seen naked men, of course, but I hadn't seen PHOTOGRAPHS of naked men,
which were something else altogether.
The pictures were artless black and white shots of naked men with soft
penises, facing the camera. The pictures were probably unremarkable in
all respects, but the fact that they existed at all was stunning.
I knew I liked men, but didn't know much more than that. I didn't know
any other homosexuals, and I didn't know anything about homosexuals as
a group. I did, however, understand immediately the significance of
the little picture books. IF pictures of naked men were on this
shelf, for sale, THEN there were at least some other men who were like
me in Winona. I wanted to buy a magazine, but they were relatively
expensive, and I was being subjected to the intense, unfriendly stare
of the guy behind the counter. I returned once, to quickly look at
them again, but there was no chance that I would muster the guts to
actually buy one of the little magazines.
The discovery of the magazines did not trigger any dramatic changes in
my life, just then, but valuable information had been acquired.
During the 1964-1965 school year I was deeply in love with handsome,
automotive-minded straight-as-an-arrow Gary. My unrequited love affair
ended at the end of our freshman year when Gary flunked out. Friend
Jerry was telling me about his sexual adventures with a campus pastor.
I had a little job in the campus library reserve desk, which gave me
the chance to inconspicuously read over juicy bits of Sexual Behavior
in the Human Male by Kinsey. Still, I wasn't much wiser. I needed a
guide to the homosexual underworld (as one might have thought about it
then) but there was no such person around.
Nothing happened in my sophomore year(1965-1966) that I can remember,
except that Jerry had more stories to tell. In the fall of 1966 I made
an ill-advised move to the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis. I
was planning on teaching, and the College of Education required all
incoming majors to take the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory
(MMPI). The test revealed that I might be homosexual, and I was
informed that I should see a counselor. The official purpose of the
counseling which I received wasn't to dissuade me from becoming a
teacher, but to assist me in self-understanding. Too bad it wasn't
more effective.
I revealed to the counselor that I knew nothing about other
homosexuals, but would very much like to meet some. The best he could
do was to suggest that I hang around the men's room in Nicholson Hall.
This advice made very little sense. I had never heard of men having
sex in public restrooms. In any case, I didn't have time to hang
around University urinals, because my grades were a disaster and I
started arranging a hasty retreat to Winona.
Back in Winona, 1967, I was soon approached by a former teacher I'll
call Lloyd. Lloyd invited me over to his apartment; wooed me, seduced
me, and made life more interesting and difficult for several years.
Lloyd was a community of one, and I learned little about other
homosexuals through our relationship.
It was not until 1972, at the age of 26, living by myself in St. Paul,
Minnesota that I finally started making connections with other gay men.
I made a decision to start looking, and, once focused, quickly found
where the boys were. (They were mostly in Minneapolis) I could have
made the same decision in Winona in 1964 and would have been
unsuccessful. Not merely for lack of skill, but also for a paucity of
information. Kinsey might describe homosexual behavior, but that was
no help in locating like-minded men in a particular small town.