News of the Weird Daily for Friday

[Chuck Shepherd]

News of the Weird Daily
Friday, March 20, 2009

© 2009 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.

More Things to Worry About Today

Police are looking for a tall, 40ish woman around Aliso Viejo, Calif., who, according to a 911 caller, tossed her dog's feces at the caller at a mall. (Bonus: The caller had angered the woman by interrupting her while she was giving the dog an enema.) Orange County Register

Misunderstood the question: Why would you stand in front of a window in your home (in Arbuckle, Calif., just up I-5 from Sacramento) once a week diddling yourself, asked the cop? (Answer: Because that's the only day I have the house to myself.) Sacramento Bee

Man with bigger balls than mine: a bigamist keeping two wives who didn't know about each other but who live in same apartment complex. Associated Press via Yahoo

Jonathan Locke Jr., 15, already consigned to a last-chance-school in Lakeland, Fla., was suspended from the school bus for three days this week because of flagrant farting. (Bonus: Naturally, he denied it. "It was the kid who sits in front of me.") The Ledger (Lakeland)

A Cat Roundup
If you're in Chicago, you can still catch Samantha Martin's cat show tomorrow night at the Gorilla Tango Theatre, which features the Rock Cats trio (kitties on guitar, piano, and drums) as well as a tightrope walker, barrel-roller, and skateboarder, among other daring performers. The Rock Cats' music "sucks," Martin admitted. "I mean, when they're playing, they're not even playing the same thing." And being cats, they're subject to not playing at all if they damn well choose. They're "really like diva actresses," she said, "always walking off in a huff." (Worried especially about the drummer, she has two backups.) "This is why you don't see trained cat acts. Because people—namely, the managers—can't take the humiliation." (News of the Weird 527, 1-23-1998, reported on Russia's long-running Moscow Cat Theater, aka Moscow Cat Circus, which appeared in 1998 at least to be a financially stable enterprise. There are numerous YouTube videos available via both search terms.)
On a more somber note, Heidi Erickson, 48, has returned to the headlines. The Plymouth, Mass., woman has been battling the law for a decade, with more than 40 cases of cat confiscations or lawsuits emanating from cat confiscations. NOTW 799 [6-1-2003] reported on alleged cruelty involved .in her scheme to breed the "imperfections" out of Persians. An eviction or two later, she moved in with a black, hermaphrodite woman, with whom she had a falling out over the woman's reading a Bible while driving Erickson down Interstate 495
[NOTW 897, 4-17-2005]. She also had a thing for storing cat carcasses in her freezer (but the state's highest court said that, by itself, was not illegal). This week, the city Board of Health, acting on a smell complaint, authorized a search and removed her current three cats and a dog and also found two cat carcasses in the freezer. Throughout her years of ordeal, by the way, she has never, ever, ever, ever gone quietly. Chicago Tribune /// Boston Herald

Today's Newsrangers: Gary Davidson, Caroline Lawler

[Chuck Shepherd]

News of the Weird Daily

Friday, March 27, 2009

© 2009 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.

Things to Worry About Today

A judge in Edwardsville, Ill., ruled that Charles Douglas was using his right to free (though creepy) speech when he asked parents in a city park if he could go tickle their little urchins (because he is a "Tickle Monster"). Associated Press via WBBM-TV (Chicago)

The headmaster of the anciently prestigious Boston Latin High School felt it necessary to issue a public denial . . no vampires in the school, no one has been bitten. WCVB-TV (Boston)

Parallel Universe: Apparently you've had your choice the last few days in Oakland, Calif. You could attend the memorial services honoring the four cops gunned down Saturday by Lovelle Mixon, or you could attend the memorial service honoring Lovelle Mixon. Associated Press via KOVR-TV (Sacramento)

Update: District of Columbia Councilman Marion Barry's phobia about filing tax returns has put him at least $277k behind to the federal gov't, plus unspecified amounts to the D.C. gov't, and the U.S. Attorney wants to send Barry and his brand-new kidney to prison because he's twice violated his probation by failing to file. Washington Post

It had to happen sooner or later so might as well have been in Heilbronn, Germany: Police there have a 15-year open case on a female serial killer whose DNA has been found at 40 crime scenes in southern Germany and Austria, but are just now learning that maybe the matching DNA came from the cotton buds used to swab the crime scenes, inadvertently contaminated at the factory by a single female packager. BBC News

I think we're about ready to call the "motorist stuck on railroad tracks" predominately a senior-citizen problem. This Newark, Del., woman's age is not given, but inference is easy on the brain, and it takes a special person to mistake "the tracks" for the street you're supposed to turn onto. WPVI-TV (Philadelphia)

D'Oh! When a Hemphill, Pa., gas station customer complained about the price of cigarettes, it ticked off the clerk, who reached in his pocket and slapped down $60 to bet the guy he couldn't find a lower price anywhere . . whereupon the customer grabbed the cash and fled. Pittsburgh Tribune-Review

And a little good news to ease you into the weekend: No virgins for the suicide bomber in Helmand in southern Afghanistan, who was saying good-bye to his colleagues as he set out on his mission, and his vest accidentally exploded, killing him and six other jihadis. Reuters

Your Daily Loser
Catch me once on camera stealing stuff out of a police bait car: shame on me. Let me go and then catch me again on camera stealing stuff out of another police bait car: well, shame, shame, double shame, everybody knows my name: Dean Hancock, 29, Bristol, England Daily Telegraph

People Whose Sex Lives Are Worse Than Yours
You wouldn't expect to find Elvis Crespo in this space, but the 37-yr-old Grammy-winning Puerto Rican singer was the subject of an airline passenger complaint that he was openly diddling himself on a flight into Miami yesterday. Associated Press via Houston Chronicle

Your Daily Jury Duty
["In America, a person is presumed innocent until the mug shot is released"]
R. Lavern Davison, 40, Kelseyville, Calif., charged with convincing a 13-yr-old girl in Centerville, Utah, to hop on a bus and come see him. (She assumed he was a World of Warcraft pal; he wanted you-know-what.) The crime's ugly, but we must be fair and observe Davison on the perp walk before we judge him. KUTV (Salt Lake City)

Today's Newsrangers: Warren Brown, Kathryn Wood, Pete Randall, Karl Olson, Emory Kimbrough, Jerry Whittle