News of the Weird Daily for Friday

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Chuck Shepherd

Apr 10, 2009, 8:07:53 AM4/10/09
News of the Weird Daily

© 2009 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.

Chuck's Links for Friday, April 10, 2009

A 55-yr-old woman did a successful suicidal cannonball over a railing at a New York City shopping mall, landing on a guy "relaxing" on a coin-operated vibrating chair. New York Daily News

Once again, a loving mother protectively sends her child to heaven in order to pre-empt Satan, who was surely about to take him the other way. Orlando Sentinel

Sweden's National Library archives copies of everything published in the country, including from the years 1971-1980, when child pornography was legal, and ya can check it out over the counter, apparently. The Local (Stockholm)

Can ya really make crack cocaine with a microwave oven? Fort Pierce Tribune

Last week, it was a funeral home mistakenly cremating a female when the order was for a male; and now another home incinerates a black man when the order was for a white woman. Houston Chronicle

Suddenly, sperm-harvesting is a hot topic again: A Texas mother yearns to be a grandmother even though her son had just been killed (and so she obtained an emergency body-preservation order to keep the sperm viable). And a divorced Michigan couple who earlier divided up their six pedigreed bullmastiffs are back in court fighting over bullmastiff jizm. Austin American-Statesman /// Detroit News

Small-town politics (Duncanville, Tex.) at its best, with the mayor ordering the arrest of a mouthy city councilman, who promptly falls to the floor in pain. (Bonus: It's on video!) Dallas Morning News

People who should've left well-enough alone: (1) A registered sex offender is charged only with failure to submit a change-of-address, but he's got his laptop with him at the station and offers to show the guys an "amazing" flight simulator game he's been playing, and they said, cool, but up should pop what on the screen? (Of course.). (2) This guy was let off with a warning to stop harassing diners at a restaurant and to get home in a taxi because he was drunk, and he did that, but then started stewing about being accused of intoxication, and so drove down to the station and offered to take a breathalyzer to prove he was sober. (You know it.) Anchorage Daily News /// Akron Beacon-Journal

[Jury Duty] Tammy Webb, 43, Milford Center, Ohio, got three DUIs in a six-day period . . disoriented, yes, but with nary a drop of alcohol in her system. WCMH-TV (Columbus)

Today's Newsrangers: Rob Snyder, Gil Nelson, Shannon Thompson, Joe Weckbacher, Harry Farkas, Ken Vermette, Sandy Pearlman, Stephen Taylor

Chuck Shepherd

Apr 17, 2009, 10:13:09 AM4/17/09
News of the Weird Daily

© 2009 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.

Chuck's Links for Friday, April 17, 2009

[Ed.: and maybe it's just me, but these all sound like Recurring Themes]

Yet another variety of DUI: joyriding a steamroller while drunk (Bonus: The cop said he could tell that the 'roller was "weaving" all over the road). KTBC-TV (Austin, Tex.)

Shot in the chest, but saved when the bullet couldn't penetrate the . . wad of money she had stuffed in her bra. Agence France-Presse via Yahoo

A convicted child molester had his stuff bitten off . . by his own self (only the tip, though; he's not that big). New York Daily News

A Louisiana man, 54, stabbed his brother, 63, in an argument over a can of pork 'n' beans. Associated Press via Yahoo

Apparently, no flashlights in Fort Dodge, Iowa: It was dark under the sofa so he used a cigarette lighter to look around. Des Moines Register

Carmen Canas, 28, burned the hell out of herself when she tried to heat the cosmetic hot wax in a microwave and didn't handle the container very well taking it out, which of course is the cosmetics company's fault, said her lawyer. WPIX-TV (New York City)

A Kenyan man prevailed in a three-hour,.life-or-death struggle with a 13-ft-long python that had actually dragged him up a tree and was preparing to swallow him (but the man used his shirt to block the snake's mouth) (Yikes). BBC News

[Jury Duty] Lawrence Hembd [yeah, Hembd], 40, Port Orchard, Wash., might be testimony for the proposition that meth muddles one's sense of fashion. Kitsap Sun (Kitsap, Wash.)

[Jury Duty Bonus] Let's hope the next 21 yrs aren't as rough on the face of Joshua Griffin, 21, Galveston, Tex., as the first 21 have apparently been for the alleged purse-snatcher. KRIV-TV (Houston)

Today's Newsrangers: Max Simms, Cindy Hildebrand, Stephen Taylor, Kathryn Wood, Bruce Alter
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