News of the Weird Daily for Tuesday

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Chuck Shepherd

Mar 31, 2009, 2:53:12 PM3/31/09
News of the Weird Daily
Tuesday, March 31, 2009

© 2009 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.

Things to Worry About Today

Religious cult member Ria Ramkissoon had been refusing to testify against Queen Antoinette for her ritual that ultimately killed Ria's son, in that she thought maybe the Queen could resurrect him, but now Ria's driven a hard bargain with Baltimore prosecutors: She'll testify, but they have to agree in writing to drop all charges when her son comes back to life. (Yeah, we can do that, they said.) Washington Post

Is Marc Beaumont, Esq., such a cad that he'd charge his client for the time they spent in bed, or is she (also a lawyer) just nuts (and by the way, how did she ever get any clients at all when her actual name is Anal Sheikh)? Daily Telegraph

U.S.'s World-Famous Higher Education: Northern Illinois Univ. researchers found that people who do consensual S&M have higher stress and testosterone during, but calm down afterward! New Scientist

An arbitrator chastises an employer for "willfully" and over a long period of time violating the venerable Fair Labor Standards Act (the "employer" in this case being, um, the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission). Washington Post

Worse Sex Life Than Yours: He was arrested after being spotted lying on his back in a dressing room at a Kohl's Department Store peering up at the woman in the next booth. Associated Press via

Readers' Choice: DUI on a lawnmower, a mobility scooter, a horse, fine. Now, DUI on a tricked-out barstool. Associated Press via CBS News [photo!]

I've known 100 lawyers who'd take this case for free: Air-O-Matic's iPhone app Pull My Finger was the best-selling electronic whoopie-cushion until recently when InfoMedia's iFart overtook it, but it wasn't fair, said A-O-M because InfoMedia was using its "trademarked" p-m-f phrase in its marketing (because InfoMedia says the phrase is way-generic and therefore un-trademarkable). Denver Post

Your Daily Loser
Marckenly Estima, 23, an enterprising rapper in Port St. Lucie, Fla., wanted police cars in the background of his new video, and he and his cameraman were chatting it up with officers in the parking lot of the police station when the cops ran his name through the computer and found a warrant for skipping out on a trial.

Your Daily Jury Duty
["In America, a person is presumed innocent until the mug shot is released"]
Michael Shoemaker, 42. Doesn't matter what he's charged with. WMAR-TV (Baltimore)

Today's Newsrangers: Paul Music, Bruce Alter, Gerald Sacks, Karl Olson, Emory Kimbrough, Gary Goldberg, Scott Langill, and many finders of the barstool story.

Chuck Shepherd

Apr 7, 2009, 11:22:48 AM4/7/09
News of the Weird Daily
169; 2009 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.

Chuck's Links for Tuesday, April 7, 2009

200 mosques in Mecca point in the wrong direction for prayers (but the prayers still count!) BBC News

In Arkansas, funeral-goers brawled after a lady guest holding a beer was turned away. Associated Press via Houston Chronicle

Another low-profile-oblivious guy: has outstanding warrants and drug stuff, but he still wore a bra and stockings to the park while baby-sitting his 2-yr-old. KOLN-TV (Lincoln, Neb.)

On a flight to London, as his girlfriend naps to his right, he gets a hum job from woman on his left. The Sun

A 23-yr-old woman borrowed her boss's Ferrari, and guess what? San Jose Mercury News [photo!]

"Florida is embarrassing itself," said a detective, describing the state's loose regulation of drug-dispensing by "pain management centers"' (as opposed to the hundreds of other things she could be referring to). South Florida Sun-Sentinel

A Colorado "Focus on the Family" media narrator was charged with focusing on a 15-yr-old girl. Colorado Independent [which by the way is not the Colorado Springs Independent]

U.S. aid to Italy's earthquake victims . . 50 . . thousand . . dollars! Agence France-Presse via Yahoo

Cool: Ten yrs of expletives in London's Guardian plotted and graphed for you (e.g., "_hit" is up since 2005). The Guardian

Courtney Love furious that movers mistakenly tossed out an artwork (a dead bird in a matchbox, but . . it's by a trendy Brit and thus fetches around $12k). Daily Mail

Today's Newsrangers: Ginger Katz, Bruce Alter, John Holsinger
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