Am I saved?

[George]

I have had such a hard time hearing God’s voice for a while now. I am
filled with self doubt, what used to be solid and unshakable is now
crumbling and there seems to be nothing I can do to save it.

A couple of weeks ago, while walking through the airport in Denver, I
began to wonder if I was even a Christian. I doubted if I was even
saved. For a brief moment all the Lord has done in my life, was
brought into doubt, not that I doubted His greatness, or His mercy, or
His love. God is God and will always be God, but did He save me? Or
did I simply buy into the idea of having a savior? I spent most of my
life studying the Bible, theology and history. I was a missionary and
a church planter, was it all an academic exercise yet no change of
heart? Was there a “born again” event in my life? Did I become another
person who can fool so many people, even fool myself into thinking
that I was saved by the blood of Christ? Yet with all of my best
efforts everything that is dear to me is falling apart. Where is God?
Why doesn’t He step in?

This is what spiritual warfare feels like. In the midst of loneliness
and isolation, the enemy casts doubt on God’s work in my life, even to
the point of questioning my own salvation.

I just returned from a walk after another very difficult conversation
with my dear wife. On my walk I cried out to the Lord, asking Him to
intervene, wondering if He has cast my out of His presence. I asked
Him if He was there, or has He completely withdrawn from me. This is
very difficult for me to face. For most of my life, I always thought
God never abandons His people. Jesus said “I will never leave you, nor
forsake you.” – Hebrews 13:5. I thought He was with me when I was a
kid, I thought He was with me when we lived through the civil war in
Lebanon when I was 10, I thought He was with me when I came to the US
at 14, I thought He was with me throughout my adult life.

Yet I can’t help but feel forsaken.

After my walk, I checked my email, and there was a message from a dear
friend. It is simply a link to a site playing my favorite all time
Hymn, “How great thou art.”

I can’t express how this lifted my spirit. This Hymn means nothing to
a person who is NOT saved, but to a Christian, it is incredible, “Then
sings my soul, my savior God to Thee, how great Thou art, how great
Thou art.” It is the soul that is singing about the greatness of God,
only a saved person can do that, only a saved person can express
gratitude to God from within the soul.

What assurance do we have of our own salvation? Please read through
this hymn and give me your responses. I really want to know, how do we
know we are saved? What assurance do we have of our own salvation?

O Lord my God! When I in awesome wonder
Consider all the works thy hand hath made,
I see the stars, I hear the mighty thunder,
Thy power throughout the universe displayed;

Refrain:
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!

When through the woods and forest glades I wander
and hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees;
when I look down from lofty mountain grandeur,
and hear the brook, and feel he gentle breeze;

Refrain

And when I think that God his son not sparing,
Sent him to die - I scarce can take it in,
That on the cross my burden gladly bearing,
He bled and died to take away my sin:

Refrain

When Christ shall come with shout of acclamation
And take me home- what joy shall fill my heart!
Then I shall bow in humble adoration
And there proclaim, my God, how great thou art!

Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!
Then sings my soul, my Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, how great Thou art!