Fwd: THE GATE OF FUCKING TEARS IS ABOUT TO SHRED TRUMP
Art Hunter
THE GATE OF FUCKING TEARS IS ABOUT TO SHRED TRUMPTrumps Ass Pie Has Just Finished Baking
You already know about the Strait of Hormuz. 20% of the world’s oil. The throat of the global economy. Iran’s got its hand around it and it is squeeeeezing. But here’s the thing nobody is talking about loudly enough. There’s a second strait. And it just got a lot more interesting. It’s called the Bab el-Mandeb. Which translates, I shit you not, to “the Gate of Tears.” That’s the actual name. The people who named it hundreds of years ago looked at this narrow 30 kilometre strip of water between Yemen and the Horn of Africa and said yeah, that’s a weeping gate. They knew. They absolutely knew. About 12% of the world’s seaborne oil trade moves through it every year. And before the Houthis started playing silly buggers with shipping, 8.7 million barrels of oil per day were flowing through it in 2023. The strait also handles over 30% of global container trade. Grain. Fertiliser. LNG. Everything that keeps supermarkets stocked and farmers farming and babies eating. Now here’s where it gets properly terrifying. The Houthis are already there. They’ve been there. Since November 2023, Houthi attacks, over 190 of them by October 2024, significantly disrupted Red Sea and Gulf of Aden shipping. They already halved the flow of oil through the strait. Oil trade flows through the Bab el-Mandeb plummeted to an average of 4 million barrels per day in 2024, down from 8.7 million in 2023. That’s over 50% gone. Already. Before this new war kicked off. And now they’ve formally joined the Iran conflict. A group of barefoot missile enthusiasts in Yemen, funded by Iran, armed to the fucking teeth with drones and anti-ship missiles, is sitting right on top of the second most important oil chokepoint on the planet. And they have now declared they are all-in. Think about what that means. We already have the Strait of Hormuz being throttled. Commercial traffic in the Strait of Hormuz has declined sharply after Iran began targeting vessels transiting the waterway. That’s chokepoint number 1. And now the Houthis are threatening to go full noise at the Gate of Tears. When the two chokepoints are disrupted simultaneously, the world will have one of the worst supply shocks in decades. That’s not me. That’s analysts. Sober ones, presumably. This isn’t a double whammy. This is a double decker bus driving straight through the front window of the global economy at 120 kilometres an hour. Now let’s talk about what you’re already paying at the pump. Because this is where it gets very personal very fast. The US national average for a gallon of petrol is $3.93 right now, as of this week. California is already sitting at $5.62 a gallon. Here in Australia, diesel hit $3.20 a litre across our five largest cities as of March 25, a 10% jump in a single week. Regional Australia is paying $3.50. And petrol at the bowser is $2.52 a litre for ethanol blend. That’s what one closed strait looks like. One. Now imagine both of them shut down. Or even severely restricted. We’re already looking at oil experts pricing the aggregate somewhere between $120 and $130 a barrel. If the Houthis go to work on the Gate of Tears while Iran continues strangling Hormuz, we are very plausibly looking at $150, $175, maybe $200 a barrel. The historical record high was $147 in 2008 and that nearly broke the global economy with one chokepoint barely involved. Do the maths. Americans could be looking at $7 or $8 a gallon at the pump. That’s not a wild conspiracy. That’s proportional arithmetic based on how oil prices translate to retail fuel. Australians could be staring at $4 to $5 a litre for diesel. Five dollars a litre. For the fuel that moves every truck, every tractor, every piece of freight between every farm and every supermarket shelf in this country. Think about what that does to food prices. To transport costs. To every single thing that arrives at your door or your local shop. And the beautiful, poetic, karmic irony of all of this is that the man most responsible for lighting this match is now sitting in the Oval Office watching the smoke rise. Donald J. Trump. The guy who tore up the Iran nuclear deal in 2018. The guy who assassinated Qasem Soleimani in 2020 to show what a big swinging dick he was. The guy who spent years screaming that Biden was weak on Iran while doing absolutely nothing about the Houthis except occasionally bombing a few tents and declaring victory. The guy who actually brokered a ceasefire with the Houthis earlier in 2025, agreeing to stop US strikes while the Houthis continued attacking Israeli-linked vessels, a deal his own administration officials admitted happened because the airstrikes were not achieving their objectives. He surrendered to a group of guys in sandals. Then called it winning. Then started a war with Iran anyway. And now those same guys in sandals are back, angrier than ever, sitting on the Gate of Tears with their fingers on the trigger. This is the shit sandwich Donald Trump has personally hand-crafted, seasoned, and is now being forced to eat. Every layer of it. The Iraq invasion that handed Iran regional dominance. The tearing up of the nuclear deal that eliminated any diplomatic off-ramp. The assassination that made any negotiation politically impossible. The ceasefire that the Houthis correctly identified as the US blinking. Every single ingredient is an American foreign policy decision that felt tough at the time and turned out to be catastrophically stupid in retrospect. And it’s not just oil. Natural gas provides the feedstock for nitrogen-based fertilisers. The disruption of the Strait imperils the world’s fertiliser supply. Qatar, Saudi Arabia, the UAE, Oman, Bahrain, and Iran produce a concentrated share of global agricultural inputs. Urea prices in the Middle East and North Africa already jumped 20% within 48 hours of initial disruptions. Farmers will dedicate a larger share of yields to pay for inputs, cut phosphate applications, shift out of corn and wheat, and trigger a cascade that takes 12 months to hit the supermarket shelf. The food crisis isn’t coming from nowhere. It’s being assembled right now in a narrow strip of water named after crying. Through their attacks, the Houthis are reportedly blocking an estimated 10 billion dollars in cargo each day. 10 billion dollars. Per day. From a militia with a defence budget that wouldn’t cover the catering at a Mar-a-Lago fundraiser. And they’ve already sunk ships carrying fertiliser. Twice. The Rubymar was carrying approximately 21,000 metric tons of fertiliser when it was sunk in March 2024. The Magic Seas was also carrying fertiliser when it was attacked and sunk in July 2025. Fertiliser dissolving into the Red Sea. Shipping insurance going through the roof. Freight rates on major routes increased 200 to 400% with 95% of container ships rerouting around Africa. Each rerouted voyage around the Cape of Good Hope adds 11,000 nautical miles, 10 days of travel, and a million dollars in fuel costs. That extra cost lands somewhere. It lands on the price of the fuel you pump. The food you buy. The parts in the car you drive. The medicine in the cabinet. Everything. Two choke points. Simultaneously. For the first time in modern history. The Strait of Hormuz and the Gate of Tears, both compromised, both volatile, both connected to a war that started because Donald Trump wanted to look strong and ended up looking exactly like every other American president who thought they could bomb the Middle East into submission. They never learn. They never, ever learn. And the rest of us are about to pay for the lesson. Again. You're currently a free subscriber to I Fucking Love Australia. For the full experience, upgrade your subscription.
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