Should I stay or should I go Now?
blbk...@hotmail.com
not "perfect", and some may be striving for the "next level" and
frustrated with what they perceive as a lack of progress.
Perhaps they have been dating the same gentleman for 2 years and he
has not yet proposed, or perhaps they are living together and he has
not yet asked for marriage, or perhaps they are casually dating and he
has not yet asked to be "exclusive" or defined the relationship at a
level they are satisfied with, i.e. significant other.
Well, let me start by telling you that as an Advisor here on Keen.com,
it would be totally unethical and unprofessional for me to tell you
WHAT to do. The best counsel I can offer you is what you can expect
given your current path and what changes you would need to make if you
are dissatisfied with the outcome. The rest is up to you, your free
will will define the course as you move forward. If you like the
outcome, of course, you are going to stay on that same path working
toward that goal. If you do not like the outcome, we can look at what
(if anything) you can do to change that particular outcome......and work
from there.
One of the primary reasons that progress slows in relationships prior
to establishing the "next level" of commitment, no matter what step of
the relationship ladder you are on, is the imbalance of masculine and
feminine energies within a pairing. Please read my blogs on the
subject matter for further information. Click here for some insight
into the masculine and feminine energie of your situation:
http://www.keen.com/CommunityServer/UserBlogPosts/Brigid_Bishop/So--You-Are-a-Masculine-Energy-Female-You-Say---The-Dating-Game-Continues--by-Brigid-Bishop/120363.aspx
If you love the person you are with, my best advice to you is to try
to rectify the relationship you are in first, to the best of your
ability, prior to breaking it off and starting from scratch again.
Unless you are in an abusive situation, in which case you should end
it immediately, it is best to repair the cracks in your existing
foundation prior to tearing the whole relationship down.
Starting over is always a bit of a setback when you are looking for a
committed relationship as you have to start from ground zero all over
again, shop around, test them out, it takes time, a lot of time, and
you already have a certain amount of time invested in your current
situation.
If you have been dating casually and you want to know how long it
should take to become exclusive, the answer varies, and you have to
take into consideration whether or not you have allowed physical
intimacy to take place absent the "exclusivity" clause. If you have
had physical relations prior to establishing your exclusiveness,
you've got a bit of a situation on your hands as you have already
communicated the message to your partner that you are willing to give
of yourself in that manner without any commitment from him, it's a
tough one.
If you have been exclusive and dating for some time, how long should
it take for him to propose? There is no standard answer or time frame
for that question. Every individual has their own "commitment clock"
and I would be remiss to answer that. The issue is, how much time are
you willing to invest in a relationship prior to engagement and
marriage. If you are not happy with your relationship clock, then you
cannot force him to commit, the only thing you can do is tell him that
you wish that things were different, but you are ready for a deeper
commitment and if he is not willing to make that commitment to you,
you need the freedom to find someone who is on the same time schedule
as you. Then you must exit the situation.
If he really loves you, he won't let you go for long, he may take a
few months, and you may need to move on, but if he really loves you,
he will come back and commit.
Should you stay or should you go?
Most people are afraid to endure the pain to effect change by risking
loss, but loss can be turned into gain. You can turn your current
situation around by risking loss, or you can find a new situation that
does not require so much analysis when you actually do take matters
into your own hands and reject situations that are unsatisfactory to
you.