Three Jokes
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Steven Pusateri
Aug 7, 2008, 1:39:42 AM8/7/08
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Joke 1:
A teacher was working with her pupils, trying to broaden their horizons through
sensory perception. One day, she brought in rolls of Lifesavers of all flavors.
"Children," she announced, passing out the Lifesavers, "I'd like you to close
your eyes and taste these and tell me what they are."
The kids managed to identify the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when
the teacher gave them the honey-flavored Lifesavers, every one of the kids was
stumped.
"I'll give you a hint," said the teacher. "It's something your Daddy and Mommy
probably call each other all the time."
Instantly one of the kids nearly gagged and hollered, "Spit 'em out, they're
assholes!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke 2:
NEW DRUGS
With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented
towards improving the performance of men in today's society..
DIRECTRA - a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips
caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost,
compared to a control group of 0.2 percent.
PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to
actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one.
CHILDAGRA - Men taking this drug reported a sudden, over-whelming urge to
perform more child-care tasks - especially cleaning up spills and "little"
accidents.
COMPLIMENTRA - In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men
administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle.
* Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing.
BUYAGRA - Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge to
buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts after taking this drug for only two
days. Still to be seen: whether the drug can be continued for a period longer than
your favorite store's return limit.
NEGA-VIAGRA - Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra. Currently
undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S. presidents.
NEGA-SPORTAGRA - This drug had the strange effect of making men want to
turn off televised sports and actually converse with other family members.
FLATULAGRA - This complex drug converts men's noxious intestinal gases
back into food solids. Special bonus: Dosage can be doubled for long car rides.
FLYAGRA - This drug has been showing great promise in treating men with
O.F.D. (Open Fly Disorder). Especially useful for men on Viagra.
PRYAGRA - About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in the test group
an irresistible urge to dig into the personal affairs of other people. Note:
Apparent overdose turned three test subjects into "special prosecutors."
LIAGRA - This drug causes men to be less than truthful when being asked about
their sexual affairs. Will be available in Regular, Grand Jury and Presidential
Strength versions
=========================================================
===============
Joke 3:
Miss Bee was in her eighties, and much admired for her sweetness and kindness
to all. The pastor came to call on her one afternoon early in spring, and she
welcomed him into her Victorian parlor. She invited him to have a seat while
she prepared a little tea.
As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass
bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a
condom. Imagine his shock and surprise. Imagine his curiosity!
Surely Miss Bee had flipped... or something! But he certainly couldn't mention
the strange sight in her parlor. When she returned with tea and cookies, they
began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and
its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him, and he could resist no longer.
"Miss Bee," he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this." (Pointing to the
bowl)
"Oh yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking downtown last fall, and
I found this little package. It said to put it on the organ and keep it wet, and it
would prevent disease. And you know, I think it's working! I haven't had a cold
all winter."
A teacher was working with her pupils, trying to broaden their horizons through
sensory perception. One day, she brought in rolls of Lifesavers of all flavors.
"Children," she announced, passing out the Lifesavers, "I'd like you to close
your eyes and taste these and tell me what they are."
The kids managed to identify the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when
the teacher gave them the honey-flavored Lifesavers, every one of the kids was
stumped.
"I'll give you a hint," said the teacher. "It's something your Daddy and Mommy
probably call each other all the time."
Instantly one of the kids nearly gagged and hollered, "Spit 'em out, they're
assholes!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke 2:
NEW DRUGS
With Viagra such a hit, Pfizer is bringing forth a whole line of drugs oriented
towards improving the performance of men in today's society..
DIRECTRA - a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips
caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost,
compared to a control group of 0.2 percent.
PROJECTRA - Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to
actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one.
CHILDAGRA - Men taking this drug reported a sudden, over-whelming urge to
perform more child-care tasks - especially cleaning up spills and "little"
accidents.
COMPLIMENTRA - In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men
administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle.
* Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing.
BUYAGRA - Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge to
buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts after taking this drug for only two
days. Still to be seen: whether the drug can be continued for a period longer than
your favorite store's return limit.
NEGA-VIAGRA - Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra. Currently
undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S. presidents.
NEGA-SPORTAGRA - This drug had the strange effect of making men want to
turn off televised sports and actually converse with other family members.
FLATULAGRA - This complex drug converts men's noxious intestinal gases
back into food solids. Special bonus: Dosage can be doubled for long car rides.
FLYAGRA - This drug has been showing great promise in treating men with
O.F.D. (Open Fly Disorder). Especially useful for men on Viagra.
PRYAGRA - About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in the test group
an irresistible urge to dig into the personal affairs of other people. Note:
Apparent overdose turned three test subjects into "special prosecutors."
LIAGRA - This drug causes men to be less than truthful when being asked about
their sexual affairs. Will be available in Regular, Grand Jury and Presidential
Strength versions
=========================================================
===============
Joke 3:
Miss Bee was in her eighties, and much admired for her sweetness and kindness
to all. The pastor came to call on her one afternoon early in spring, and she
welcomed him into her Victorian parlor. She invited him to have a seat while
she prepared a little tea.
As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass
bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a
condom. Imagine his shock and surprise. Imagine his curiosity!
Surely Miss Bee had flipped... or something! But he certainly couldn't mention
the strange sight in her parlor. When she returned with tea and cookies, they
began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and
its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him, and he could resist no longer.
"Miss Bee," he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this." (Pointing to the
bowl)
"Oh yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking downtown last fall, and
I found this little package. It said to put it on the organ and keep it wet, and it
would prevent disease. And you know, I think it's working! I haven't had a cold
all winter."
Evil fine print: for any funny images on the web. go to www.freewebs.com/beefgir.
For all old jokes go to http://groups.google.com/group/BeefGir
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