Things I Must Try to Remember

[Steven Pusateri]

Things I Must Try to Remember
by our puppy

The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

I must shake the rainwater (or snow) out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.

I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.

I will not throw up in the car.

I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

When at the beach, I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.

I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.

"Kitty box crunchies" are not food.

The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.

I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.

I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.

We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.

I will not steal Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.

The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.

My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

I will not help Mom with the gardening by digging up all the flowers she just planted.

I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Dad's driver's license and car registration.

I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.

I will not shred the newspaper and redistribute it across the living room -- especially not before Dad has read the Sports section.

I will give lots of kisses -- but I must remember to not lick toes, ears or glasses

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