submission by Ammar Butt

[Ammar Butt]

Scars


I finally told him that night that he hurts me.

For whenever we were alone,
He would circle around me like a hawk, monitoring hall ways,
waiting to attack when confronted.

He stared at me then forcefully dug his fingers into my handles.
I screamed out his name pushing him backwards.
He then pulled me close and tore my clothes.
I screamed of pain as his mouth hollowed I love yous.

One paper had brought me here,
Made me what once was shameful, A prostitute.

After he was done he left immediately.
Leaving me to suffer in pain and filth.
I would weep, wrapped in the bed sheets.
Praying for this to end.

I told my parents. They said he is allowed to do that.
He is allowed to kill me. Is allowed to hurt me.

I am not a wife to him, just a mortal for self absorption.
Not the mother of his child, just a waste ready for his disposal.

I wonder what keeps me from letting him go.
What withholds me from freeing myself from this agony.

Is it shame that had imprisoned my soul of such slavery.
It is not divorce that will free me, It is bravery.

If so, then allow me to let go of my dignity.
And grant myself freedom.



~*~

Ammar Butt, Pakistan

— I am 18 years old, born 1998, and brought up in Lahore, Pakistan. I have always loved writing poems and I have been part of the Pakistan Poetry Slam. I have always had a deep connection with poetry: always adored the fact that poetry really heals every inch of the soul. Even the scars that one carves himself. This poem is on a very 'unknown' topic. I felt that this needs a voice. So, I wrote about it. The poems about Martial Rape. For all those who don't know what that is, it's basically forcing your wife/spouse into having intercourse with you, without considering if she is ready for it. It also means to harm your spouse in any manner during intercourse. Hope you like it.