Online Activity #4: The Conclusion

[Andrew Burton]

*** Your Writing ***

Write a conclusion by copying one of the thesis statements below and
then adding a memorable ending of your invention. See the Conclusion
Structure Handout posted on Omnivox for an example of a memorable
ending. Please be respectful of your classmates – do not post
anything that is offensive or insensitive. Ask yourself if your
memorable ending meets the following criteria:

- Offers something new and interesting for the reader to ponder after
finishing the essay and so goes beyond the thesis (i.e. breaks unity)
- Strategies
- Offer a solution to a problem
- Pose a stimulating question
- Point out your subject’s importance
- Return to something in your introduction
- Make a suggestion for change
- Make a prediction
- Tell (conclude?) a story

Thesis statements (choose one)
- To conclude, characterization, metaphor and foreshowing express the
theme that teenagers are addicted to cell phones.
- In conclusion, the theme that Dawson students have more fun than
Marianopolis students is demonstrated by repetition, narrative point
of view and simile.
- To sum up, the theme that ultimate fighting is more popular than
hockey is conveyed by contrast, diction and dialogue.
- In summary, personification, characterization and imagery express
the theme that the Harry Potter movies are far better than the
Twilight movies.

Your memorable ending must be posted by midnight Sunday October 2nd.

*** Your Feedback ***

Each student must offer critical feedback to at least two other
students regarding their memorable endings. Describe the strategy you
feel a student has used and explain whether or not you feel it would
successfully leave a reader with something new and interesting to
think about. In your feedback, please make specific reference to a
student’s writing to illustrate your points instead of just offering
vague general comments. Make sure every student has received feedback
from at least two students before offering any student a third round
of feedback. Be courteous and keep your comments focused on students’
writing.

All comments regarding other students' paragraphs must be posted by
midnight Tuesday October 4th.

[William Shakespeare]

In conclusion, the theme that Dawson students have more fun than
Marianopolis students is demonstrated by repetition, narrative point

of view and simile. However, this essay has assumed that fun means
partying and socializing. If fun is redefined to mean spending twenty
hours a day seven days a week studying math, visiting teachers during
office hours and participating in study groups, couldn’t the Nerds on
the Hill be said to have more fun?

[Andrew Burton]

Hey Willie,

Looks like you’re posing a stimulating question since a) you challenge
the conventional definition of fun b) you “stimulate” Marianopolis
students by insulting them (no one likes being called a Nerd on the
Hill). This ending will definitely leave a reader with something new
and interesting to think about, since they’ll wonder if you’re serious
or not about your proposed redefinition.

Props,

Mr. Burton

On Sep 30, 1:46 pm, William Shakespeare <andrewelbur...@hotmail.com>
wrote:

> > midnight Tuesday October 4th.- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -

[Melody Jia Yue Wang]

In conclusion, the theme that Dawson students have more fun than
Marianopolis students is demonstrated by repetition, narrative point

of view and simile. On the other hand, Marianopolis student's average
is higher than Dawson student's which increase their chance of success
in their future carrer life. How can we judge if it's worthy for
Marianopolis
student to have less fun now and more fun later?

On Sep 30, 1:45 pm, Andrew Burton <a.bur...@marianopolis.edu> wrote:

[Calvin Chin]

In summary, personification, characterization and imagery express the
theme that the Harry Potter movies are far better than the Twilight

movies. Harry duels with Voldemort one on one, it's an epic showdown;
good versus evil! In regards to Bella's marriage to Edward, forbidden
love between human and vampire is much overrated. Remember that "the
boy who lived" conquered great evil and brought balance to the magic
world.

[Shiyan Du]

In conclusion, the theme that teenagers are addicted to cell phones is
expressed by characterization, metaphor and foreshadowing. However, in
the light of rapid expansion of diverse electronic devices, the
frequent use of cell phone seems ordinary. In this case, should we
qualify this addiction as simply the following of the tendency?

On Sep 30, 1:45 pm, Andrew Burton <a.bur...@marianopolis.edu> wrote:

[Olivier Mariani]

In conclusion, the theme that Dawson students have more fun than
Marianopolis students is demonstrated by repetition, narrative point

of view and simile. According to this text, Dawson students have more
fun than Marianopolis students. Well, what does fun mean? There is two
answers. The first one, which can be applied for Dawson students, is
partying all week. The second one, which is much more original, is to
pass many hours at the library on EBSCO databases looking for
thrilling surveys. Don't you think the problem is that the second
option is much more interesting but no one knows it yet?

[Olivier Mariani]

Hey,

It looks like you ask a stimulating question. It is well- done! Your
question make us wondering about the reason we use so much our cell
phones.

> > midnight Tuesday October 4th.- Masquer le texte des messages précédents -
>
> - Afficher le texte des messages précédents -

[Olivier Mariani]

Hey,

It looks like you are asking a stimulating question. It is well-done!
Your are talking about the present and about the future which makes us
wondering who is going to have a more successful career between a
Dawson student and a Marianopolis student.

On 1 oct, 18:48, Melody Jia Yue Wang <melodyjiayuew...@gmail.com>
wrote:

[Melody Jia Yue Wang]

Hi Olivier,
the question of what does fun means is really controversial, because
fun doesn't have a concret definiton. Like you said, maybe for Dawson
students is to party kind of fun and for Marianopolis students is more
the
intellectual fun. Also, I like your last sentence when you adress
directly to
the readers which make them imply to you texte.
Good job, keep going.

[Melody Jia Yue Wang]

Hi Calvin,
I like your point of view that save the world is more important
than love between two different kind of people (if we may consider
vampires as people). In my point of view, I think that your ending
is more an argument for your paragraph than an opening to another
idea, but
it is still a really good job.
Keep going.

[Karinne Legare]

In conclusion, the theme that Dawson students have more fun than
Marianopolis students is demonstrated by repetition, narrative point

of view and simile. Fun can have different meanings to different
people. For me it would be
succeeding at Marianopolis and being better prepared for University
than Dawson College Students.
Maybe they can amuse themselves more with partying and socialization,
but in the long
run, years from now, who do you think will be having more fun?

On Sep 30, 1:45 pm, Andrew Burton <a.bur...@marianopolis.edu> wrote:

[Karinne Legare]

Hey Olivier!

As i chose the same thesis statement, I really liked your question
it is interesting, you gave us something to think about and could be
debated!

On Oct 2, 9:59 am, Olivier Mariani <oliviermari...@hotmail.com> wrote:

[Karinne Legare]

Hey Shiyan Du,

I find your question quite intriguing, you argue with the statement
and have a great solid point! It is captivating and I would have to
agree with you!
You leave us (the readers) with a contradicting question.

Good job-

[Salmon Nessa]

In conclusion, the theme that Dawson students have more fun than
Marianopolis students is demonstrated by repetition, narrative point

of view and simile. Futhermore, maybe it is the Dawson students that
are
having fun in this critical time of life where hard work and
determination is
important to have a bright futur. But at the end, who will be
garanteed
to have fun for the rest of their life with the career of their
choice?

On Sep 30, 1:45 pm, Andrew Burton <a.bur...@marianopolis.edu> wrote:

[Laurent Lao]

In summary, personification, characterization and imagery express
the theme that the Harry Potter movies are far better than the

Twilight movies. If it weren't for love-struck Justin Bieber fans, the
Twilight franchise wouldn't even exist!

On Sep 30, 1:45 pm, Andrew Burton <a.bur...@marianopolis.edu> wrote:

[Laurent Lao]

Melody,

I guess your strategy is to ask a stimulating question. It does entice
the reader to think about your question; it is really well done. It
finishes the essay in a beautiful way!

On Oct 1, 6:48 pm, Melody Jia Yue Wang <melodyjiayuew...@gmail.com>
wrote:

[Laurent Lao]

Hey,

It seems like you're asking a stimulating question. While it does make
us think, it doesn't seem like an ending; it looks as if you are
trying to bring other arguments in. Once again, the "keep it simple"
is there. Just simply ask the question: "However, what if
Marianopolis's studentds definition of fun is reading thrilling
survey?" Or something like that.

Also, the exercise here is supposed to be to conclude the essay. Using
the saying "According to this text" makes it seems that this essay
have not been written by you.

Just be careful! :)

On Oct 2, 9:59 am, Olivier Mariani <oliviermari...@hotmail.com> wrote:

[Sasha Bordonaro]

In conclusion, the theme that Dawson students have more fun than
Marianopolis students is demonstrated by repetition, narrative point

of view and simile. Do you consider failing fun? Parting all weekend
fun? Not getting anything done fun? Well I don't, I believe being
organized and prepared for life is fun. Waking up every morning
knowing that i'm going to be a successful entrepreneur instead of
waking up with a hangover. At Marianopolis we find our fun in being
the people who we are.

On Sep 30, 1:45 pm, Andrew Burton <a.bur...@marianopolis.edu> wrote:

[Sheng Hao Liu]

To conclude, characterization, metaphor and foreshowing express the

theme that teenagers are addicted to cell phones. Teenagers are so
addicted to cell phones that it is almost a part of their bodies. Can
cell phones be surgically implanted to actually be a part of the body
in the future?

On Sep 30, 1:45 pm, Andrew Burton <a.bur...@marianopolis.edu> wrote:

[Julia Ros-Larocque]

In summary, personification, characterization and imagery express
the theme that the Harry Potter movies are far better than the

Twilight movies./ Now that all the saga is finished we can probably
assume that universal's Wizarding wold of Harry Potter (park) visits
will bloom in the next year.

On Sep 30, 1:45 pm, Andrew Burton <a.bur...@marianopolis.edu> wrote:

[Julia Ros-Larocque]

I like that you used a stimulating question but also you made a
suggestion for change, in maybe the Dawson students habits? I now
defenitely think about my own habits .

[Julia Ros-Larocque]

Great stimulating question it defenitevely brings it to an other level
of reasoning, if we think medicine.

[samir ajam]

To conclude, characterization, metaphor and foreshowing express the

theme that teenagers are addicted to cell phones. This may possibly
be normal. Our current generation of teenagers and children are
getting more involved with mobile devices such as cell phones. Is it
possible that the current generation of adults and parents are not
being more involved with mobile devices? Is that why they are
questioning teenagers and children’s addictions?

On Sep 30, 1:45 pm, Andrew Burton <a.bur...@marianopolis.edu> wrote:

[Lian Ma]

In summary, personification, characterization and imagery express
the theme that the Harry Potter movies are far better than the

Twilight movies.It is amazing to see what we can do with a camera, a
big budget and a little magic. Take Avatar for example, the story line
was almost identical to Pocahontas', but all of the expensive special
effects were what made it such an incredible movie to watch. That
being said, could the Twilight movies' small budget be the cause of
their downfall?

On Sep 30, 1:45 pm, Andrew Burton <a.bur...@marianopolis.edu> wrote:

[Jackson Chan]

In summary, personification, characterization and imagery express the
theme that the Harry Potter movies are far better than the Twilight

movies. Obviously, it is a public enemy for most of the male,
especially for those who are forced to watch Twilight with their
girlfriend. As a male, who will like it?

On Sep 30, 1:45 pm, Andrew Burton <a.bur...@marianopolis.edu> wrote:

[Zeshi Zhong]

In summary, personification, characterization and imagery express the
theme that the Harry Potter movies are far better than the Twilight

movies. Plus, we all know that wizards tame vampires and werewolves
all the time, right?

[Xin Tong Zhao]

In conclusion, the theme that Dawson students have more fun than
Marianopolis students is demonstrated by repetition, narrative point

of view and simile. This problem could be solved by adding more
stimulating activities for students at Marianopolis College.

[Jia Yue You]

In conclusion, the theme that Dawson students have more fun than
Marianopolis students is demonstrated by repetition, narrative point

of view and simile. As a result, I find it is rather unfair that they
get to enjoy life more then us. My suggestion? Let's go make Dawson
students' life miserable.

[Vincent Ko]

To conclude, characterization, metaphor and foreshowing express the

theme that teenagers are addicted to cell phones. However, teenagers
doesn't seem to care much. Perhaps, only previous generations consider
it as an addiction, when , for teenagers today, it is perfectly
normal.

[Jia Yue You]

No. What are you talking about Zeshi?

Excellent ending! You really got me there. I couldn't resist answering
your question. You used your strategy well; it is a stimulating
question indeed. I particularly like the ''right?'' in the end. It
gives a good visual and auditory imagery.


Good job and I bet Edward could squash harry's little head anytime of
the day. *evil grin*

Cheers,
Jia

[John Khoury]

In conclusion, the theme that Dawson students have more fun than
Marianopolis students is demonstrated by repetition, narrative point

of view and simile. Marianopolis is known as one of the top colleges
and have a good amount of there students accepted in university. Kids
enjoy more success at Marianopolis and have more fun at Dawson. Yes
kids at Dawson have fun at school but Marianopolis students have fun
in the future because they worked hard and succeeded when they were
young. They were not out all night partying like Dawson students.

[yuan kun li]

To conclude, characterization, metaphor and foreshowing express the

theme that teenagers are addicted to cell phones. In fact, using
cellphone doesn't necessarily mean being addicted, cellphones can be a
useful tool when we need instant help. In fact, cellphones can be a
better choice than other electronical devices as computers when we
need quickly find an answer to our question from our classmates.

On 9月30日, 下午1时45分, Andrew Burton <a.bur...@marianopolis.edu> wrote:
> *** Your Writing ***
>
> Write a conclusion by copying one of the thesis statements below and
> then adding a memorable ending of your invention. See the Conclusion
> Structure Handout posted on Omnivox for an example of a memorable

> ending. Please be respectful of your classmates - do not post

[Louis-Martin Jussaume]

To sum up, the theme that ultimate fighting is more popular than

hockey is conveyed by contrast, diction and dialogue. However, every
hockey fan likes to watch opposite players fight. Does it mean that
today humans are as barbarous as the arena combats with gladiators?

On Sep 30, 1:45 pm, Andrew Burton <a.bur...@marianopolis.edu> wrote:
> *** Your Writing ***
>
> Write a conclusion by copying one of the thesis statements below and
> then adding a memorable ending of your invention.  See the Conclusion
> Structure Handout posted on Omnivox for an example of a memorable

> ending.  Please be respectful of your classmates – do not post

[Louis-Martin Jussaume]

Hi Samir,
The idea is good and may be shocking for parents; however, I find the
first sentences repetitive. Maybe you can do it shorter and direct (2
sentences) for a better effect! It could be more like : Teenagers are
getting involved faster than adults with mobile devices such as
cellphone. Is this why they are questioning teenagers and children's
addictions? Just a suggestion!

[Hai Qi Liang]

To conclude, characterization, metaphor and foreshowing express the

theme that teenagers are addicted to cell phones. However, cell phones
allow teenager to socialize with each other more efficiently,more
flexibiliy and faster.Isn't it normal for teenagers to communicate
with their potential life-time friends?

[Karina Hirian]

To conclude, characterization, metaphor and foreshadowing express the
theme that teenagers are addicted to cell phones. These devices can be
redefined as many things; an escape from the real world, a social tool
to gain popularity, a pool of games, etc. Will we get to the point
where cellphones will dictate our life and follow us through simple
steps like mowing the lawn or cooking pasta? Unfortunately, cellphones
might even come to replace teenager's brains one day.

[Vladimir Turturica]

To sum up, the theme that ultimate fighting is more popular than

hockey is conveyed by contrast, diction and dialogue. Yet, if you are
still doubting you might have never seen an UFC fight.

[Calvin Chin]

Hi Salmon,

Great memorable ending, you critiqued how Dawson students are having
fun when college is an important time in our lives but at the same
time you said that they may end up unsuccessful in the future. This
joke about Dawson is only understood by us Marianopolis students.
You've written a funny ending and it makes me laugh and think at the
same time about the importance of college.

Good job

[Calvin Chin]

Hi Zeshi

Awesome memorable ending, it is so true what you said; those who have
read or heard of the Harry Potter books/movies know that. It's
actually a great argument for saying that the Harry Potter movies are
way better than the Twilight movies. If I were a Twilight fan...which
I'm not, I wouldn't be able to counter your point.

Great job

[Salmon Nessa]

Hey Jackson,

I like the fact that you are explaining why the Twilight movies are
less popular than the Harry Potter movies by giving the point of view
of males. I also like the fact that you are giving an example to
demonstrate how can a male dislike watching Twilight ( when they are
with their girlfriend). So what you are trying to prove is that
Twilight movies are less popular because the males are jealous of
Edward? And you even question your readers on their opinion of either
a male will like it or not. I think you wrote a great conclusion
because you are offering a hole new aspect of seeing things which will
definitely make the readers think ,it made me think.
Good job.

[Jing-Lun Xu]

To conclude, characterization, metaphor and foreshowing express the

theme that teenagers are addicted to cell phones. Cell phone addiction
has became a new form of threat for teenagers like drugs did. Should
we forbid the use of cell phone like the interdiction of drugs?

[Jing-Lun Xu]

Hi vladimir!
I liked the ending. You stimulated the reader by saying that they had
probably never seen an UFC fight.
However, it may be a little offensive since you adopted a provocative
tone; but it still goes well with the ambiance of fighting.
Good job
Jinglun

[Xu Yan]

In conclusion, the theme that Dawson students have more fun than
Marianopolis students is demonstrated by repetition, narrative point

of view and simile .However, Marianopolis has better students. When
those Marianopolis students will be successful in their life they we
have much more fun than Dawson’s students.

[Karina Hirian]

Hey Jia

Well, let me start by pointing out your conclusion contained humor in
it which will make it definitely memorable. By saying "My suggestion?
Let's go make Dawson students' life miserable.", you are giving a
solution to the problem. I think if this would be a piece based on
humor, it would be a great ending, but if not, you should write
something a bit more realistic or maybe an ending containing new and
interesting information for the reader.
You did a great job though!:)

On Oct 2, 9:33 pm, Jia Yue You <greenpearlmermaid_l...@hotmail.com>
wrote:

[Karina Hirian]

Hi Yuan,

You make a really good point saying that "using

cellphone doesn't necessarily mean being addicted, cellphones can be a

useful tool when we need instant help.". I don't think it is a good
idea to go against what you said. If you start your conclusion saying
teenagers are addicted to their cellphones, that must mean that your
whole text was supporting this idea. It seems wrong to change your
mind at the end of the conclusion. You might make the readers feel
lost a bit.

A part from going against what you said, you did a great job
countering it!

[Salmon Nessa]

Hey Vincent,

I really like your conclusion, it is short and simple not to hard to
understand bu also, you are showing your readers that the fact that
teenagers are addicted to cellphones is only a one sidded point of
view (previous generation) and you are suggesting that for teenagers,
it si rather a really normal thing.So you are making a suggestion and
offering a different point of vue this will really make the readers
think after reading your text. I think you did a reall good
conclusion.

> > midnight Tuesday October 4th.- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -

[John Khoury]

I like your idea for your conclusion, although they way you try to
write it is confusing and really hard to understand. Next time re read
your conclusion and make sure that it makes sense. But good job just
fix it up besides that every things fine.

[John Khoury]

I really like your conclusion. I like how you ask questions about
others lives and then say what you like. I think its a perfect
conclusion and if this was an essay would really grab the attention of
the reader.

On Oct 2, 1:47 pm, Sasha Bordonaro <sashabordon...@gmail.com> wrote:
> In conclusion, the theme that Dawson students have more fun than
> Marianopolis students is demonstrated by repetition, narrative point

> of view and simile. Do you consider failing fun? Parting all weekend
> fun? Not getting anything done fun? Well I don't, I believe being
> organized and prepared for life is fun. Waking up every morning
> knowing that i'm going to be a successful entrepreneur instead of
> waking up with a hangover. At Marianopolis we find our fun in being
> the people who we are.

[Sasha Bordonaro]

hey Xu Yan,

i like the topic you chose and i like the way you structured you
paragraph. the one thing i would change is your sentence "
marianopolis has better students" i don't think we have better student
but i do agree with you that we are getting a better education and we
take school more seriously then Dawson students do, yet i don't
believe we are better than them.

On Oct 3, 9:20 pm, Xu Yan <yanx...@gmail.com> wrote:

[Sasha Bordonaro]

hello Samir Ajam,

i like the topic you took i didn't think of it, the way you said that
maybe adults aren't so into technology like we are and maybe if they
were they would be addicted to. one thing i would change in your
paragraph is that theres a lot of repetition, so maybe not say
teenagers and children or adults and parents. apart from that i really
like the question you asked it made me thing about it.

On Oct 2, 6:44 pm, samir ajam <ajamsa...@gmail.com> wrote:

> To conclude, characterization, metaphor and foreshowing express the

> theme that teenagers are addicted to cell phones.  This may possibly
> be normal. Our current generation of teenagers and children are
> getting more involved with mobile devices such as cell phones.  Is it
> possible that the current generation of adults and parents are not
> being more involved with mobile devices? Is that why they are
> questioning teenagers and children’s addictions?
>

[Lian Ma]

hi Louis-Martin,

i find your question very interesting. it really makes us think about
men today and how they were in the gladiator day. We can really see
the link with the theme, but it bring us to another direction that
concerned more violence on TV. it pushes us to think beyond the essay.
Good job!

On Oct 2, 10:43 pm, Louis-Martin Jussaume

[Lian Ma]

hi Hai-Qi,

i find your question really stimulating. You took something that most
people would consider bad and you made it seem positive. It makes us
question whether our previous assumptions could be wrong after all.
You make a very interesting point that brings the reader to think in a
different and unconventional way. Its a great conclusion!

[Vladimir Turturica]

Hey Yan,
I like your conclusion but I believe it's relative to say that a
school has better students thus, they have more success in life.
Because, if by success you mean money, we could easly argue that money
can't buy us happiness (fun).

On Oct 3, 9:20 pm, Xu Yan <yanx...@gmail.com> wrote:

[Vladimir Turturica]

Hey John,
I agree on your argument, but I believe that you should shorten up a
bit your conclusion and make it a lot more synthetic. Anyhow, you made
a very good point.

[Vladimir Turturica]

Hey, Calvin, I highly agree with you in your conclusion (that good/bad
argument vs the love of two people). But, try to open up your
conclusion with something that leaves the reader thinking/reasoning
about your theme.
Hope it helped.

On Oct 1, 8:11 pm, Calvin Chin <nivlacn...@gmail.com> wrote:
> In summary, personification, characterization and imagery express the
> theme that the Harry Potter movies are far better than the Twilight

> movies. Harry duels with Voldemort one on one, it's an epic showdown;
> good versus evil! In regards to Bella's marriage to Edward, forbidden
> love between human and vampire is much overrated. Remember that "the
> boy who lived" conquered great evil and brought balance to the magic
> world.

[Xin Tong Zhao]

Hi Jing-Lun,

I find your conclusion very intersting, you compare cell-phone to
drugs in order to show the its addiction to teenagers. I think it is a
real successful one, because everyone knows that drugs are addictive,
by comparing these two elemnets, you point out your subject’s
importance. And you posed a very interesting question that makes
people think.

[Xin Tong Zhao]

Hi Lian,

I really like your conclusion.You compare Harry Potter to Avatar for
their big budget, and you pose a very pertinent question which is
"could the Twilight movies' small budget be the cause of their
downfall?" This question leads people to think about the link of the
economical issue of the problem which is very interesting.

On Oct 2, 7:08 pm, Lian Ma <lian_azn_natat...@hotmail.com> wrote:
> In summary, personification, characterization and imagery express
> the theme that the Harry Potter movies are far better than the

> Twilight movies.It is amazing to see what we can do with a camera, a
> big budget and a little magic. Take Avatar for example, the story line
> was almost identical to Pocahontas', but all of the expensive special
> effects were what made it such an incredible movie to watch. That
> being said, could the Twilight movies' small budget be the cause of
> their downfall?

[Shiyan Du]

This memorable ending is correct, you offered a pertinent solution to
the problem. This seems not so intriguing but it does its work. Nobody
will suspect if this solution will work.

On Oct 2, 9:27 pm, Xin Tong Zhao <zx...@msn.com> wrote:
> In conclusion, the theme that Dawson students have more fun than
> Marianopolis students is demonstrated by repetition, narrative point

> of view and simile. This problem could be solved by adding more
> stimulating activities for students at Marianopolis College.

[Hai Qi Liang]

Hey Vincent,
I like your conclusion,it is short and sweet. You wrote in the
perspective of the teenagers so it lets the reader to know the what
teenagers think of the 'problem'. I think that it is effective since
you offered a different point of view on the topic.

On Oct 2, 9:41 pm, Vincent Ko <ksh4...@gmail.com> wrote:

>  To conclude, characterization, metaphor and foreshowing express the

> theme that teenagers are addicted to cell phones. However, teenagers
> doesn't seem to care much. Perhaps, only previous generations consider
> it as an addiction, when , for teenagers today, it is perfectly
> normal.
>

[Hai Qi Liang]

Hey Jinglun,
I think that your stimulating question is very interesting since you
are comparing cell phone addiction to drug usage. The question of
forbidding the use of cell phones as you asked at the end of the
conclusion will definitely make the reader think about the
subject.That is why I think it is a good and effective conclusion!

[Shiyan Du]

It is a successful memorable ending, the stimulating question that you
asked would evidently attract readers to give their own answer. It's
so natural to relate the word "addiction" to drugs. The subject seems
to have a more considerable importance by emphasizing the problem of
addiction.

On Oct 3, 3:47 pm, Jing-Lun Xu <x.j.l....@hotmail.com> wrote:

[Louis-Martin Jussaume]

Hey Vladimir,
I like the tone and the shortness, but it doesn't fit universally.
Imagine someone who has seen hockey and Ufc fights (which are about
50$/night on tv!) and likes better hockey. In my point of view, your
conclusion will probably not be efficient on him.

On Oct 3, 6:24 am, Vladimir Turturica <theblad...@gmail.com> wrote:

[samir ajam]

Hi Hai-Qi,
As your strategy you pose a stimulating question, which I really
thought was good. In my opinion I think you’re putting this question
towards parent and/or adults, you took something most adults and
parents would agree on, and replaced it with something positive.
This question will cause a parent and/or adult to think about giving
teenagers cellphones since this is current way to socialize. Great
conclusion, got me thinking!

On Oct 2, 11:07 pm, Hai Qi Liang <haiqi2...@gmail.com> wrote:

> To conclude, characterization, metaphor and foreshowing express the

> theme that teenagers are addicted to cell phones. However, cell phones
> allow teenager to socialize with each other more efficiently,more
> flexibiliy and faster.Isn't it normal for teenagers to communicate
> with their potential life-time friends?
>

[Sheng Hao Liu]

Hi Karinne,

I think you're trying to point out the importance of studying and make
a prediction of the future by saying "years from now." It's pretty
stimulating since it shows that fun now might not be equal to fun
later. You're on the right track and I don't think you're breaking the
unity at the same time. It's not wrong but be more creative. It will
be more stimulating that way.

On Oct 2, 11:05 am, Karinne Legare <xo.kari...@hotmail.com> wrote:
> In conclusion, the theme that Dawson students have more fun than
> Marianopolis students is demonstrated by repetition, narrative point

> of view and simile. Fun can have different meanings to different
> people. For me it would be
> succeeding at Marianopolis and being better prepared for University
> than Dawson College Students.
> Maybe they can amuse themselves more with partying and socialization,
> but in the long
> run, years from now, who do you think will be having more fun?

[Jackson Chan]

Hi Karina, I really like the question you ask to the audience. It
leads us to think about the use of cell phones. Moreover, you answer
the question by yourself to exhibit your point of view which is really
powerful. You have pointed out the negative side of using a cell
phone. Your ending is awesome. Nice job!

On Oct 3, 12:01 am, Karina Hirian <karr...@msn.com> wrote:
> To conclude, characterization, metaphor and foreshadowing express the
> theme that teenagers are addicted to cell phones. These devices can be
> redefined as many things; an escape from the real world, a social tool
> to gain popularity, a pool of games, etc. Will we get to the point
> where cellphones will dictate our life and follow us through simple
> steps like mowing the lawn or cooking pasta? Unfortunately, cellphones
> might even come to replace teenager's brains one day.

[Jackson Chan]

Hi Yuan, I like your explanation of the use of cell phone which
displays a positive image to the audience. You make us realize that
cell phone is a useful tool that simplifies our life's style.
Furthermore, you provide an awesome example which supports your
explanation. I really adore your memorable ending. Good Job!

On Oct 2, 10:27 pm, yuan kun li <liyuankun7357...@hotmail.com> wrote:
> To conclude, characterization, metaphor and foreshowing express the

> theme that teenagers are addicted to cell phones. In fact, using
> cellphone doesn't necessarily mean being addicted, cellphones can be a
> useful tool when we need instant help. In fact, cellphones can be a
> better choice than other electronical devices as computers when we
> need quickly find an answer to our question from our classmates.
>

> On 9月30日, 下午1时45分, Andrew Burton <a.bur...@marianopolis.edu> wrote:
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> > *** Your Writing ***
>
> > Write a conclusion by copying one of the thesis statements below and
> > then adding a memorable ending of your invention. See the Conclusion
> > Structure Handout posted on Omnivox for an example of a memorable

> > ending. Please be respectful of your classmates - do not post

[Sheng Hao Liu]

Hi Laurent,

I think your strategy is a prediction of a different outcome. It does
indeed break the unity of your text by talking about music (bad music)
and comparing it to Twilight. I think it's a very effective strategy
to end it this way mostly because it's very entertaining and eye
catching. Keep it up.

On Oct 2, 1:28 pm, Laurent Lao <xh0p...@gmail.com> wrote:
> In summary, personification, characterization and imagery express
> the theme that the Harry Potter movies are far better than the

> Twilight movies. If it weren't for love-struck Justin Bieber fans, the
> Twilight franchise wouldn't even exist!

>
> On Sep 30, 1:45 pm, Andrew Burton <a.bur...@marianopolis.edu> wrote:
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> > *** Your Writing ***
>
> > Write a conclusion by copying one of the thesis statements below and
> > then adding a memorable ending of your invention.  See the Conclusion
> > Structure Handout posted on Omnivox for an example of a memorable

> > ending.  Please be respectful of your classmates – do not post

[samir ajam]

Hi Yuan kun
You used the strategy of making a suggestion for change, which I think
you did very well. The change you used was from teenagers are
addicted to their cellphones to teenagers aren't really addicted to
their cellphones they just use it because it's a portable computer or
a very useful tool. I really enjoyed how you made the connection
between a cell phone and a computer; and how you were suggesting that
a cellphone (smartphone) is more convenient to use than a computer.
Great work, it made me think more about portable devices such as the
ipad and the convenient of them.

On Oct 2, 10:27 pm, yuan kun li <liyuankun7357...@hotmail.com> wrote:

> To conclude, characterization, metaphor and foreshowing express the

> theme that teenagers are addicted to cell phones. In fact, using
> cellphone doesn't necessarily mean being addicted, cellphones can be a
> useful tool when we need instant help. In fact, cellphones can be a
> better choice than other electronical devices as computers when we
> need quickly find an answer to our question from our classmates.
>

> On 9月30日, 下午1时45分, Andrew Burton <a.bur...@marianopolis.edu> wrote:
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> > *** Your Writing ***
>
> > Write a conclusion by copying one of the thesis statements below and
> > then adding a memorable ending of your invention. See the Conclusion
> > Structure Handout posted on Omnivox for an example of a memorable

> > ending. Please be respectful of your classmates - do not post

[Vincent Ko]

Hi Jackson,

I really like your ending! It is very catchy and interesting. Your
last question made it even more memorable to anyone. The readers would
definitely think and talk about your 'tactful' question: As a male,
who will like it?

On Oct 2, 9:09 pm, Jackson Chan <jackson...@gmail.com> wrote:
> In summary, personification, characterization and imagery express the
> theme that the Harry Potter movies are far better than the Twilight

> movies. Obviously, it is a public enemy for most of the male,
> especially for those who are forced to watch Twilight with their
> girlfriend. As a male, who will like it?

>
> On Sep 30, 1:45 pm, Andrew Burton <a.bur...@marianopolis.edu> wrote:
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> > *** Your Writing ***
>
> > Write a conclusion by copying one of the thesis statements below and
> > then adding a memorable ending of your invention.  See the Conclusion
> > Structure Handout posted on Omnivox for an example of a memorable

> > ending.  Please be respectful of your classmates – do not post

[yuan kun li]

Hi Sasha
I like your conclusion because it challenges people's definition of
fun. You're not only posing questions, in the same time, you make a
link between college life and future career, it's very interesting. In
addition, you give your own opinion on the definition of fun and
remind something foundamental in life. Good job!

On 10月2日, 下午1时47分, Sasha Bordonaro <sashabordon...@gmail.com> wrote:
> In conclusion, the theme that Dawson students have more fun than
> Marianopolis students is demonstrated by repetition, narrative point

> of view and simile. Do you consider failing fun? Parting all weekend
> fun? Not getting anything done fun? Well I don't, I believe being
> organized and prepared for life is fun. Waking up every morning
> knowing that i'm going to be a successful entrepreneur instead of
> waking up with a hangover. At Marianopolis we find our fun in being
> the people who we are.
>

> On Sep 30, 1:45 pm, Andrew Burton <a.bur...@marianopolis.edu> wrote:
>
>
>
> > *** Your Writing ***
>
> > Write a conclusion by copying one of the thesis statements below and
> > then adding a memorable ending of your invention. See the Conclusion
> > Structure Handout posted on Omnivox for an example of a memorable

> > ending. Please be respectful of your classmates - do not post

> > midnight Tuesday October 4th.- 隐藏被引用文字 -
>
> - 显示引用的文字 -

[yuan kun li]

Hi Louis-Martin
your conclusion it's very interesting. It's not long, but every word
is shocking. You make people think about actual society. Actually
there is too much violence in mass media. This conclusion makes me ask
myself:" Are we really civilised in modern society? If yes, how to
explain the barbarous acte people made in daily life?" Nice
conlusion!

On 10月2日, 下午10时43分, Louis-Martin Jussaume

<louismartin.jussa...@gmail.com> wrote:
> To sum up, the theme that ultimate fighting is more popular than

> hockey is conveyed by contrast, diction and dialogue. However, every
> hockey fan likes to watch opposite players fight. Does it mean that
> today humans are as barbarous as the arena combats with gladiators?

[Xu Yan]

you give suggestion and offer solution to the problem But I think that
you can find more creative ending to make people remember your
conclusion.

On Oct 2, 9:27 pm, Xin Tong Zhao <zx...@msn.com> wrote:

> In conclusion, the theme that Dawson students have more fun than
> Marianopolis students is demonstrated by repetition, narrative point

> of view and simile. This problem could be solved by adding more
> stimulating activities for students at Marianopolis College.
>

> On Sep 30, 1:45 pm, Andrew Burton <a.bur...@marianopolis.edu> wrote:
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> > *** Your Writing ***
>
> > Write a conclusion by copying one of the thesis statements below and
> > then adding a memorable ending of your invention.  See the Conclusion
> > Structure Handout posted on Omnivox for an example of a memorable

> > ending.  Please be respectful of your classmates – do not post

[Xu Yan]

I really like your conclusion, you give example for readers to better
understand the subject. You pose a question at the end that makes
readers think about your question. I find that it is a really good
memorable ending.

On Oct 2, 7:08 pm, Lian Ma <lian_azn_natat...@hotmail.com> wrote:
> In summary, personification, characterization and imagery express
> the theme that the Harry Potter movies are far better than the

> Twilight movies.It is amazing to see what we can do with a camera, a
> big budget and a little magic. Take Avatar for example, the story line
> was almost identical to Pocahontas', but all of the expensive special
> effects were what made it such an incredible movie to watch. That
> being said, could the Twilight movies' small budget be the cause of
> their downfall?
>