Fwd: SOME NEAT ONE-LINERS. (The essence of wit!)

[Madonna Dizon]

😉❤️Me Ke Aloha Pumehana, Madonna 😘💞

---------- Forwarded message ---------
From: John Shockley <shock...@gmail.com>
Date: Mon, Jan 24, 2022, 2:50 PM
Subject: Fwd: SOME NEAT ONE-LINERS. (The essence of wit!)
To:

 

If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they'd 
eventually find me attractive.

 

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand forFreedom, 
until they're flashing behind you.

 

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards 
the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.

 

I changed my password to "incorrect" so whenever I forget it the 
Computer will say, "Your password is incorrect."

 

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

 

I'm great at multi-tasking - I can waste time, be unproductive, and 
procrastinate all at once.

 

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind 
to blame.

 

Never tell your problems to anyone, because 20 percent don't care 
and the other 80 percent are glad you have them.

 

Doesn't expecting the unexpected mean that the unexpected is 
actually expected?

 

Take my advice — I'm not using it.

 

My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.

 

I hate it when people use big words just to make themselves sound 
Perspicacious.

 

Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they're at home when 
you wish they were.

 

Television may insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like aComputer.

 

I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago, and so far all it's beendoing 
is gathering dust.

 

Every time someone comes up with a foolproof solution, along comes a 

more-talented fool.

 

If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have troubleputting on 
your pants.

 

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

 

Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

 

My wife got 8 out of 10 on her driver's test--the other two guys managed 
to jump out of her way.

 

There may be no excuse for laziness, but I'm still looking.

 

Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men 
spend thinking.

 

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

 

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

 

Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?

 

Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the 
do-it-yourself type.

 

I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.

 

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

 

The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don't 
have to mow it.

 

I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me.

 

I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn't find it.

 

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

 

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let him sleep.

 

If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?

 

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

=====================================================

“The great thing about faith in God is that it keeps a 

man undisturbed in the midst of disturbance.” 

Oswald Chambers 

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