Update from Nigeria

[Clueless Wonder]

Dear Loves,

As I carefully selected your name from my contact list to send an email to,
I smiled as your name conjured memories of joy and laughter.
I am grateful for you and everything that you have taught, shared, and given me,
You opened a window to yourself that allowed me to look in
and in beholding such a wondrous view,
I was able to know myself more too.
Thank you.
I know that
I am just the sum of all these parts
shards of wisdom captured and held by flesh
that is still imperfect and permeable
because we forget
our impermanence when we have to let
it all go.
But for now,
I can love you.

There are a number of people this is being emailed to, I must admit. I feel blessed to have all of you in my life!! and I hate that it has to be so impersonal so, I made a very personal poem that applies to how I feel for all of you especially, and for most of the people that I meet in life.  I wish I could send a letter to each of you individually specifically outlining memories and moments that are most potent when I remember you but I am still mortal and limited by time and space.  haha

I did want to send out a brief email at this time though.  I am currently in Nigeria  until the beginning of January (maybe?) and possibly will be starting in a position with CUSO in February (it's still yet to be confirmed).  Otherwise I will be looking for something else to do.  I know people like updates so this is my attempt at an update!  This past year has been very intense.  Last year at this time I was getting ready to leave India for Nigeria with my partner (who is Nigerian and whom I met in Delhi) so I feel like I'm at the end of a circle.  Or the beginning of a circle?  Circles have no end (until you transcend!). I realize.

Anyway, I then started working for Otesha in April and coordinated a fall tour that I also cycled with from September to mid October.  In non-working life: I had a great time in Ottawa and was enamoured with the cultural, poetic/artistic and activist communities.  I was very blessed to meet, learn from and be encouraged by a number of very very talented and gifted people.  I started working on writing a collection of short stories last year and was accepted to a summer writing workshop at Humber College in the summer which was a very inspiring experience.  I'm still working on my manuscript (editing, revising and writing more!) as well as poems and other short stories that I will hopefully be able to do something with eventually.  The Otesha ride offered another great space to learn a ton about Ontario and water issues specifically and be around supportive and insanely creative and passionate people. It was truly incredible.

After the ride finished, I had a whirlwind two weeks in Ottawa trying to do everything I wanted to do and only doing everything that needed to happen.  As is usually the case.  It was still wonderful :)  The main reason for the rush was that I was accepted to a 10 day Silent Vipassana Meditation just outside of Barrie.  I got the idea to do this from one of my wonderful team mates from the Otesha ride I did last year (you know who you are! hehe).  When she told her story of her time at the meditation I knew that it was something I wanted to do as well.  For the whole 10 days we weren't able to speak to anyone accept the meditation teachers and only if we had a question about the meditation techniques.  We meditated for 12 hours/day from 4:30am until 9pm and were served breakfast, lunch and evening tea.  The main focus of the meditation was to observe bodily sensations with equanimity--no reaction, and understand on an experiential level the nature of craving and aversion. . .and its impermanence.  It was a really interesting experience and I would recommend it to anyone that's interested!

Since then I've been rather confused about life in general though.  I have been applying to jobs and trying to figure out with my partner the best steps forward from here.  At the moment I'm feeling very uncertain. . .as if I've taken a step into a densely wooded forest with no sign of a path and no clear destination either.  Some parts of me are wondering what the heck I'm doing here.  Other parts are telling me to trust my instincts and keep going.  Still another part suggests that I get really good at kung fu, kick both of them in the face and just set up a sweet log cabin by the closest body of water.  I might not even have to get really good at Kung Fu first.

Anyway, now you have wandered into my mind, and that is scary territory. . .even for me.  If you enjoyed it for some unknown reason, I also have a blog at: sizzleteen.blogspot.ca.  I don't really 'update' stuff about my life there very often since everyone can read it. . .but I do write thoughts, poems and stories fairly regularly.  Feel free to read and comment :)

Let me know how you are doing too please!  I will try to respond when I have time and internet :)
Hope you are doing well and enjoy your holidays (if you celebrate them) and life in general.  Hope to see you in 2013!

Love,

LindsEy

[Marc Derosa]

Hey LindsEy,

I am well. I've been staying with my parents since the end of Otesha and working at a company called Native Reflections with some of my old highschool friends. I enjoy it, though it's mostly just a means of getting money, not improving any of my skills or learning anything new really. My neice and nefew have brought me joy though and it's nice to be closer to them. They remind me that the real purpose of life is to play. I absolutely love it.

Yesterday I payed the last of the money I owed my parents and it feels good to be out of the red and into the black. It's interesting and unsettling how much a number on a screen can change one's outlook on life. Anyways this isn't where all of my energy goes these days, I have taken to playing more piano and learning some composing techniques because I'd like to be able to play more stuff without sheet music, for when I'm traveling mostly. Also been drawing a bit, as a creative outlet. And I've also put some energy into a bike co-op here, but not nearly as much as I'd like to. There's just so much to do and learn there. And it's just an awesome inspiring atmosphere.

And I wish I had some poetry to send along with you, something creative, but words aren't really my forte. Perhaps when some inspiration hits I will send some material your way.

Thanks for the email, it was wonderful hearing about your life and your travels. Good luck in the future, and have fun in the present.

Love,

Marc

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