Why say "God Willing?" (Inshallah) My understanding of "God Willing" through my experience

[Lambda]

I remember that before I converted Islam, I studied Arabic, and the author of the Arabic course wrote "Inshallah" several times on a single page. I was always curious about what it means. Soon after I converted Sunni, I went through the Quran, and I encountered 18:23 to 24, which ordered us to say "Inshallah" before saying "I will do sth. tomorrow." I didn't understand at first, but still followed the verses, since at that time, I thought that only precise practice of rituals of Islam could please God. Later, even after I reformed, I still utterred "God Willing" after most of my future tense, though in my deepest heart, I wasn't expecting God's help; I'd do everything myself. Now I'm writing here, because now I understand better the meaning of the verses, after the not-so-successful college admissions and A-Level exams.

Firstly, I'd thank God greatly for guiding me and teaching me the Book. I'll quote some verses here. 

2:45-46 "Seek help through patience, and the Contact prayer. It is a difficult thing, but not so for the humble: The ones who conceive that they will meet their Lord and that to Him they will return."

18:23-24 "Do not say of anything: 'I will do this tomorrow;' 'Except if God wills.' Remember your Lord if you forget and say, 'Perhaps my Lord will guide me closer than this to the truth.'"

In the past year, though I claimed to be a monotheist, in fact, I remembered God except very little. There was an innate feeling in my mind that it was shameful to ask God for help in some matters, like studying for exams, and applying for colleges. I thought that I could do everything fine by myself, as everyone said that I was a clever girl. Therefore, I never mentioned college application, studying for exams, selecting courses or anything similar in my prayers, except just before submitting the application or sitting the exam. 

I remember that last August, when I was choosing my A-Level courses, under a burst of enthusiasm to resurrect my art career (I got a C in AS Art), I chose A-Level Art without thinking. Because of Art, I had no time to study physics, so I gave up A-Level Physics, while I was clear that I was much more talented in science than in art. Beyond my expectation, Art was much more time consuming than I thought. To study for SAT in October, I had to set Art aside for a while. However, in October, I did much worse in SAT than I expected, and I had no way to apply for my dream schools - MIT, UPenn, and JHU, with that horrible score. So I gave up Early Decision or Early Action, and registered for SAT in December, and swore that I must try my best to study for it. As a result, for the sake of SAT, I forsook Art and even other A-Level course homework. I did do much better in December SAT than in October, but because I forsook A-Level, I did the worst ever in the End of Semester Exam in early January, 2013. Because I didn't do math homework for long term, I forgot a very important equation, which was the principal equation of several major questions in Further Applied Math in that exam, and I got a C the Applied Math that term, while I always got A* in the past. Also, bacause I forsook Art Coursework, I had so few works that I could only get C again. Therefore, I dropped Art. As I wasn't familiar with the procedure of dropping Art, a D appeared on my transcript, which was sent to my dream schools, because I no longer worked for Coursework long before the end of semester. 

I still didn't pray when I was applying for college, and wrote lots of silly stuff in my essays. When I was submitting my JHU application, I clicked "Submit" in a burst of enthusiasm, and soon afterwards, I realized that my essay was silly, so I sent Admissions Office a replacing essay. Also, I got the C and D on my transcript. To explain those poor grades, I sent Admissions Officers letters explaining why I dropped Art even without proofreading. I thought that I was clever enough to clarify everything to the officers. As a result, I felt badly for my application when I was informed that the decisions were to be released. I made several dreams that I got rejected by all my dream schools, though my classmates couldn't believe in my dreams. Those dreams came true. I got rejected by all my dream schools. Then my best offer was UCLA. 

I didn't reason even after receiving a pile of rejections. I didn't revise seriously for the formal A-Level; I played with the cat, Justia. The only subject I revised seriously was Further Math, because Justia got severely injured (that's why I broght her home; she was a feral cat) just before my studying math, and she was hospitalized. I did pray before exams, but just 10 minutes before the exam, not earlier. I was the most confident in chemistry and biology, because I frequently got the first place in them in our school. However, my plan went wrong because I forgot about God, so I gave up a lot of questions in chemistry, and I almost didn't finish answering the questions in biology. 

I did not wake up until recently, when I was writing to brother Yuksel about punctuations in translation of Quran. I suggested that 2:45 and 46 are in fact one sentence. Meanwhile, when I was thinking about the content of those verses, I realized that I failed to seek help through patience and prayer in the past year. I was also reminded of 18:23-24. Why did I not say "God Willing" before starting everything? I knew that "I will apply for MIT/UPenn/JHU..." and that "I will take A-Level biology exam" before starting preparing for them, but as you can see through the story I told above, my plan failed, and my own enthusiasm failed, and my own little power failed. "...'Perhaps my Lord will guide me closer than this to the truth.'..." 18:24 According to the Quran, acknowledging the truth will lead to success. The truth may not only show up in Scripture, but also in Nature, and in our daily life. Say, God didn't create the universe except with truth, right? (I forgot which verse)  It would have been a lot better if I had prayed to God before starting anything, seeking His help and guidance, so He would guide me to the best way to do it, which is the true way. Am I more knowledgable or is God? 

Furthermore, through the above story, you see that I was arrogant. 2:45 was pointing on me, as I was not humble, and I followed bursts of enthusiasm, so "seeking help through patience and prayer" was difficult for me, and really, I did not seek help through patience and prayer.

Through the above example of mine, you can also find that I violated 17:36 by following the bursts of enthusiasm. 17:36 "Do not uphold what you have no knowledge of. For the hearing, eyesight, and mind, all these are held responsible for that." I continued studying Art without considering or discussing with teachers, and I had enthusiasm, so I didn't have or follow knowledge of the pros and cons of taking A-Level Art. You see the sequence of harms caused by that burst.

I don't think it's fate that brought me those failure. Fate might play a part, but if the majority of cause is not my own deed, then what's the merit of Day of Judgement? Here, God has taught me a great lesson through the rejection of dream schools. Though, UCLA isn't too bad, and it's still a blessing; it's much stronger in some majors than many Ivy League schools, and LA has a great artistic atmosphere and nice warm climate. God still has mercy on me. I need to pray for everything from now on, from playing a new piano sonata, to deciding my future career. May God lead me to the best, and the true way! And, of course, may God teach me the Truth in Scripture and Nature!

I wish that you brothers and sisters will not make the same mistake I made. Through this example, I see that 18:23-24 doesn't really mean that you should attach "God Willing" to any future tense as a rite, but it's more probable that it means that we should seek God's help in everything we do, and put our trust in Him, see, that's what 18:24 means, and never think that you can attain something because of the knowledge you have. God is the Knowledgable, Wise, while we know not except what He taught. Also, be humble. Are you mightier than God? And don't set your ego up as a partner besides God. And don't make a decision before you have enough knowledge and you have reasoned. 

Well, I may go wrong, as I'm a person. If you have questions or something more to discuss, feel free to e-mail me: djm...@qq.com. We're all students, since we know not except what God has taught. May the Lord's blessing be upon you all!