FW: [EME_Corps] The Best " Out Of Office " e-mail Auto-replies
Ahmad Siddiqi
1. Money is not everything. There's also Mastercard & Visa.
2. One should love animals.They are tasty too.
3. Save water. Drink beer.
4. Studying is healthy, So leave it for the sick.
5. Books are holy. So don't touch them.
6. Love your neighbour but never get caught.
7. Everyone should marry because happiness is not the only thing in life.
The Perfect Woman
An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the God-given responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce children beyond comparison.
With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman.
After a diligent, but fruitless, search up and down the East coast, he started to head west. Shortly thereafter he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to marry one of them.
The farmer simply replied, "They're all lookin' to get married, so you came to the right place. Look them over and select the one you want."
The man dated the first daughter. The next day the farmer asked for the man's opinion.
"Well" said the man, " She's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice, but pigeon-toed. "
The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter.
The next day, the farmer again asked how things went.
"Well," the man replied, "She's just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell, cross-eyed."
The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did.
The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming, "She's perfect, just perfect! She's the one I want to marry!" So they were wed right away.
Nine Months later the baby was born. When the man visited nursery he was horrified: the baby was the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine. He rushed to his father-in-law asking how such a thing could happen considering the parents.
"Well," explained the farmer, "She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell, pregnant when you met her."
Two starving cannibals,
A father and son, were out trying to get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path. Before long, along came a little old man. The son said,
"Oh Dad, there's one."
"No", said the father. "There's not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. We'll just wait."
A little while later, along came a really fat man. The son said,
"Hey dad, he's big enough."
"No", the father said. "We'd all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. We'll just wait."
About an hour later, there came this absolutely gorgeous woman.
The son said,
"Now there's nothing wrong with that one Dad, let's eat her."
"No", said the father. "Were not going to eat her either."
"Why not?" asked the son.
"Because, we're going to take her back alive, and eat your mother".
Some One-liners Of Famed Personalities
The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they're too old to do it. (Ann Bancroft)
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewellery. (Rita Rudner)
Keep your eyes wide open before the wedding, half shut afterwards. (Benjamin Franklin)
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. (Socrates)
A husband is like a fire, he goes out when unattended. (Evan Esar)
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. (Henny Youngman)
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. (Rodney Dangerfield)
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. (Milton Berle)
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. (George Burns)
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, 'There's water in the carburettor' . I said, 'Where's the car?' She said, 'In the lake'. (Henny Youngman)
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. (Rita Rudner)
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. (Phyllis Diller)
All marriages are mixed marriages. (Chantal Saperstein)
There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again. (Clint Eastwood)
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. (Henny Youngman)
... S@gh@r ...
EME_...@yahoogroups.com.
To know more about us visit website: http://www.pravalli.org
Col Mushtaq Ahmad (R)
PA 10956
Your E-mail and More On-the-Go. Get Windows Live Hotmail Free. Sign up now.