The Ulster Protestant..A Rough Guide.
Peter Devlin
Some of you Johnny Foreigners may be monitoring this ng with a view to
visiting Ireland. If you do, you may run into the odd protestant. Here's
a rough guide to this animal and how he may best be approached...
1. Forget the Uncle Andy stereotypes, today's modern protestant is wearing
a shell-suit and answering to Leslie, Wolesey or Alastair. Around the
beginning of July, he can be found either dragging a tree up the road or
boozing it up in his 'Pride of the Birches FB' uniform.
2. In conversation, there are a few things you should never say. (a)
Never say that you love visiting 'Ireland'..It's Ulster to him (b) Don't
mention Guinness, the average protestant has never come to terms with it
being from Dublin, he won't know what to say! (c) Never ever call him a
'paddy'...you might as well just kick him in the balls.
3. Political discussions should never be entered into, but in case you get
stuck, here's a few pointers. (i) Don't mention Drumcree. Drumcree sends
him into paroxysms. (ii) Don't ever, ever mention demographics. This is
the pet hate of all time for prods. He will crawl over glass before he
admits that they're not looking good. (iii) If you must criticise
politicians, only do so in the most general sense, ie "Sure they're all a
bunch of useless bastards". Do not make the mistake of using anybody's
name. (iv) Never bring up the subject of the Kennedys, This is almost as
bad as demographics. He will instantly file you as a republican,
interfering yank/brit and misdirect you to the pub.
4. Culture. A sore point in the past, this is an ideal opportunity to
make up for your opening 'Isn't the Guinness lovely here in Ireland' gambit.
Go heavy on the Lambeg drum. Tell him it is very stirring. Talk about
colour (esp red white and blue). Admire his dialect, and be sure to ask
him why it is so unique ie 'Wow, that's a quare dialect there, you would
almost think that it was a totally different language you were talikng' Act
interested.
5. If all else fails, just have a go at the RUC. Nobody likes the cops.
be sure to add some balance, though. ie 'I know the police have had a lot
to put up with from the nationalists and the IRA, but do they have to be
such bastards to protestants too?'
We hope you enjoy your stay here in _Ulster_, and we apologise for the
_lack of Guinness_. _Enjoy_ the parades, but for God's sake don't mention
the war.
petesy
--
To doubt everything or believe everything are two equally convenient
solutions; both dispense with the necessity of reflection.
Aleister Crowley's Cat
Regards,
Dave
BTW you forgot to mention the "work ethic"...
WWW:http://www.geocities.com/SunsetStrip/Alley/5885/index.html
(The Legions of the Black Moon - the unofficial Bal-Sagoth homepage)
====================================================================
"Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law" - Aleister Crowley
I L
nothing better to do with your life then send shit into newsgroups??
I am sure the rough guide to an ulster RC would be just as hilarious HA HA
HA HA HA [sarcasm]
Peter Devlin <pete...@geocities.com> wrote in message
news:7nkk4p$agj$1...@news7.svr.pol.co.uk...
Falcon
Peter Devlin wrote in message <7nkk4p$agj$1...@news7.svr.pol.co.uk>...
<snip>
:We hope you enjoy your stay here in _Ulster_, and we apologise for the
:_lack of Guinness_. _Enjoy_ the parades, but for God's sake don't
mention
:the war.
I mentioned it once, but I think I got away with it.....
Falcon.
xbelfast
_lack of Guinness_. _Enjoy_ the parades, but for God's sake don't
mention
the war.
I laughed my ass off.
--
May you have the hindsight to know where you've been, the forsight to
know were you're going, and the insight to know when you have gone too
far.
Golden Arse
out his protestant arsehole:
--->>Some Protestants are normal decent people and not bigots like you.
Have you
--->>nothing better to do with your life then send shit into newsgroups??
--->>
--->>I am sure the rough guide to an ulster RC would be just as hilarious
HA HA
--->>HA HA HA [sarcasm]
--->>
--->>
--->>Peter Devlin <pete...@geocities.com> wrote in message
--->>news:7nkk4p$agj$1...@news7.svr.pol.co.uk...
--->>>
Bernadette's long lost son? Thought not, stupid cunt.
SCI Cunt spotter
The One True Holy & Apostolic GoldenArse
SCI Correspondent Extraordinaire
Lisdoonvarna's Newest Resident
As seen in Hot Press in April 1999
Aleister Crowley's Cat
<the.f...@wings.virgin.net> wrote:
>
>Peter Devlin wrote in message <7nkk4p$agj$1...@news7.svr.pol.co.uk>...
>
><snip>
>:We hope you enjoy your stay here in _Ulster_, and we apologise for the
>:_lack of Guinness_. _Enjoy_ the parades, but for God's sake don't
>mention
>:the war.
>
>I mentioned it once, but I think I got away with it.....
>
>Falcon.
>
>
heheheh....
Regards,
Dave
supe...@my-deja.com
"Peter Devlin" <pete...@geocities.com> wrote:
>
> Some of you Johnny Foreigners may be monitoring this ng with a view to
> visiting Ireland. If you do, you may run into the odd protestant.
So when are we going to get the "Ulster Catlick", or do I have to write
it myself. (Parity of Piss Steam etc.)
Keith
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Share what you know. Learn what you don't.
Peter Devlin
supe...@my-deja.com wrote in message <7nsbl1$f8b$1...@nnrp1.deja.com>...
>In article <7nkk4p$agj$1...@news7.svr.pol.co.uk>,
> "Peter Devlin" <pete...@geocities.com> wrote:
>>
>> Some of you Johnny Foreigners may be monitoring this ng with a view to
>> visiting Ireland. If you do, you may run into the odd protestant.
>
>So when are we going to get the "Ulster Catlick", or do I have to write
>it myself. (Parity of Piss Steam etc.)
>
>Keith
There is no such animal...there is only the northern catlick, the six
counties catlick, the occupied territories catlick or the oppressed variety
".... (a)
Never say that you love visiting 'Ireland'..It's Ulster to him "
petesy
Wes
1. Forget your quaint Irish peasant ideal...he's more likely sitting in his
Council home, furnished by the government that he hates, surrounded by his
sixteen kids whose very being provides him with enough child support to run
a small South American Country. He'll be wearing a Celtic shirt (although he
probably couldn't name a single player on the team) and supping Guiness. The
coal will be in the bath.
2. In conversation never refer to the country as Northern Ireland...always
refer to it as 'the six counties' or, per Seamus Mallen,...'the North of
Ireland. Your average Northern Nationalist is very picky about names...to
include the name of a British city in the name of a city on the banks of the
Foyle causes him sooo much pain that he and his compatriots felt obliged to
change the name of the same city council to try to have evenge on the Brits.
Your average nationalist is also somewhat petty...
3. Politics...don't ever refer to Sinn Fein as 'Sinn Fein/IRA'...Paddy will
of course deny to your face that there is any link, unless of course you
happen to be an Irish-American with a wadge of cash and a limited
understanding of NI politics...
Feel free to mention the Kennedies..they love to hear them refered to as
'Irish-American'. Whatever you do don't point out the other 10 American
Presidents who were of Ulster Protestant stock...they probably wouldn't have
heard of them anyway.
4. Culture...make sure you bring that one up,after all Irealnd is brimming
with Catholic Cultural greats...Riverdance, the Fureys etc.
Don't mention that it was the Protestants who saved Gaelic when the
Catholics abandoned it, that GB Shaw, Swift, Yeats etc etc were all Prods,
and that every building worth talking about in Ireland was build by the
Anglo-Irish establishment. Oh and whatever you do don't tell them that
Guiness is owned by Prods...that would be the final nail in the coffin!
Sorry to bring it down to this level...but if you want to produce stupid
stereotypes then please note that it works both ways...my apologies to all
Northern nationalists not currently wearing Celtic shirts
Peter Devlin wrote in message <7nkk4p$agj$1...@news7.svr.pol.co.uk>...
>
>Some of you Johnny Foreigners may be monitoring this ng with a view to
>visiting Ireland. If you do, you may run into the odd protestant. Here's
>We hope you enjoy your stay here in _Ulster_, and we apologise for the
>_lack of Guinness_. _Enjoy_ the parades, but for God's sake don't mention
>the war.
>
Keith G.Mills
There were two things that I was going to cover which you only touched upon
were..
Don't ever mention "Economics". Never tell these people how much better off
they are then their neighbours in the Republic, and never EVER tell them who
actually pays for all this. If the Irish taxpayer was to subsidise N.I. at
the same rate which the British taxpayers do, it would mean adding 10%-15%
onto each tax band. Never ever point out why they find shopping so cheap in
Dublin.
By all means listen to Northern Ireland nationalists, but be sure to switch
off before they start into a "everybody's out to get us" rant. Take your
pick from the Brits. The Prods, The Free State Bastards, The RUC, the UDA,
RTE (for not broadcasting to fall flung areas of Antrim) etc ad nausium. In
fact any three letter organisation you choose, and one time or another
they've been out to get your delicate little nationalist. Never ever mention
"persecution complex", these people define notional martyrdom.
I'm sure there's more (you missed those awful GAA shirts with the name of
the local butchers on the front!), but we must be kind!
Keith
Wes wrote in message <7o9sda$dao$1...@news7.svr.pol.co.uk>...
Tell me why
Devlin" <pete...@geocities.com> wrote:
>So when are we going to get the "Ulster Catlick", or do I have to write
>it myself. (Parity of Piss Steam etc.)
>
>Keith
>
>There is no such animal...there is only the northern catlick, the six
>counties catlick, the occupied territories catlick or the oppressed variety
OH I do wish you stick to one story line pedó?
Ulster according to you, only when it suits you, it is 9 counties
so the *northern Catlicks* do exist. eh?
I know a Kathylick, IrishMan in Dunkineely would beg to differ!!
Maybe your thinking about a *Nordie Catlick* , as we'd say in Dublin?
They also say * we don't want dem F@@K### Nordies down 'ere* :-)
>petesy
>
>
Peter Devlin
Keith G.Mills wrote in message <7oa54u$pjt$1...@scotty.tinet.ie>...
>
>By all means listen to Northern Ireland nationalists, but be sure to switch
>off before they start into a "everybody's out to get us" rant. Take your
>pick from the Brits. The Prods, The Free State Bastards, The RUC, the UDA,
>RTE (for not broadcasting to fall flung areas of Antrim) etc ad nausium. In
>fact any three letter organisation you choose, and one time or another
>they've been out to get your delicate little nationalist. Never ever
mention
>"persecution complex", these people define notional martyrdom.
>
>I'm sure there's more (you missed those awful GAA shirts with the name of
>the local butchers on the front!), but we must be kind!
>
<BG>
See...Humour! It's a great thing isn't it. Actually I prefer this one to
the the coal in the bath one:-))
J Lane883
>...to
>include the name of a British city in the name of a city on the banks of the
>Foyle causes him sooo much pain that he and his compatriots felt obliged to
>change the name of the same city council to try to have evenge on the
blah,blah,blah
according to;
>>"Wes" w...@vbeattiew.freeserve.co.uk
No one in England gives a fuck about you,you are Irish to them so quit trying
to be a plastic Englishman.
Remove s to reply
J Lane883
>Don't ever mention "Economics"
You must never have heard of "Economics",the Republic of Ireland has out
performed the U.K. for years in economic growth DUMMY.
Remove s to reply
seamusot
wrong horse then? You know that the diarrorhetic scribble called the
"Border" is less relevant than the Berlin Wall. But perhaps you and your
mob have a west-brit Fwoxwock axint. So insult away you sheep's fart. Will
not do you or your quisling mentality much good. Polite warning - Sealink
have seriously increased the ferry cost to Holyhead - but if you need
financial accomodation I will use best endeavours.
Tally-ho
Mise
<supe...@my-deja.com> wrote in message news:7nsbl1$f8b$1...@nnrp1.deja.com...
> In article <7nkk4p$agj$1...@news7.svr.pol.co.uk>,
> "Peter Devlin" <pete...@geocities.com> wrote:
> >
> > Some of you Johnny Foreigners may be monitoring this ng with a view to
> > visiting Ireland. If you do, you may run into the odd protestant.
>
> So when are we going to get the "Ulster Catlick", or do I have to write
> it myself. (Parity of Piss Steam etc.)
>
> Keith
>
>