[Blog/Commentary] [MT, USA] Lesbians, Gays and Trannies! OH MY!
Stephanie Stevens
COMMUNITY BLOGS
Lesbians, Gays and Trannies! OH MY!
NotMyBathroom: I haven't seen people this obsessed with public
restrooms since George Michael came to town.
By Bob Wire, 4-11-10
[Image <http://www.newwest.net/images/articles/cache/whateversign-0x300.jpg> ]
I am sick and tired of the offensive sight of my neighbor down the
street going out to fetch his newspaper every morning wearing nothing
but a bathrobe. He should understand that no one wants to be exposed
to his bare lower legs, his bare feet, or an occasional flash of his
hairy belly as he parades around his driveway, flaunting his sinful
terrycloth. He’s obviously nude underneath that robe, and I find that
to be shameful and dirty. If the good Lord had meant for us to run
around naked, sir, we would have been born that way.
So I have taken the liberty to speak for all of you on my new website,
NotMyBathrobe.com <http://bobwiremusic.com/home.html> . If you
disagree with my point of view, well, you’re just wrong so I’m going
to tell you all how it should be. The Constitution guarantees me the
right to keep and bear arms, and a bunch of other stuff. I’m sure
there’s something in there about not having to be exposed to my
neighbor’s pasty shins in the morning light, and it makes no
difference to me that not one person in the whole neighborhood would
sign my anti-bathrobe petition. I’m going to picket my neighbor’s
house and send letters to the editor until he starts thinking the way
I want him to, and starts picking up his morning paper fully clothed.
Crazy, right? In this case it’s meant to be entertaining. But for the
strident conservative Christians hiding behind the NotMyBathroom.com
<http://notmybathroom.com/> website, the idea of providing equal
rights to people who think differently than them, i.e., people whose
sexual orientation is different from theirs (i.e., rigidly straight
and extremely narrow) shakes them to their God-fearing core.
Monday night’s public hearing over the Missoula City Council’s
proposed anti-discrimination ordinance will no doubt be jammed with
blowhards on both sides of the issue, but only one side comes off
looking like puritanical fear-mongers. I didn’t have to look much
further than their own website to find enough hilarious material to
fuel this article. They include a link to the outdated third draft of
the anti-discrimination amendment to the municipal code, from Feb. 26.
[The current, fourth draft, is available at missoulian.com, or here.]
I encourage you to download it and read it for yourself. Especially if
you’re having trouble sleeping. [Thanks, Missoulian and KTVM.]
The NotMyBathroom site (which was probably authored by longtime
self-appointed Bitterroot morality sheriff Dallas Erickson) prefers to
call it the PEEPING TOM PROTECTION ordinance (hysterical caps theirs).
While the amendment is designed to prevent discrimination against
people of various sexual orientations or gender expression, the folks
at NMB are utterly fascinated and terrified with the idea of
transgender people using public restroom facilities. Their basic fear
seems to be that they’ll get hit on or molested by a homosexual person
in the bathroom.
First off, don’t flatter yourselves. You’re overestimating your
appeal. And from what I’ve read on your website, your many letters to
the editor, and your comments in various online news outlets, it seems
that your fear and hatred are only outpaced by your ignorance. I’m
sure a lot of you never drive farther south than Sula, because you’re
afraid of falling off the edge of the earth. And every time one of
your ilk writes about how “there going to start preying on our
children,” I automatically deduct 20 points from your I.Q. because you
don’t know the difference between “there” and “they’re.” Maybe you
should have spent more time in summer school, less time in catechism
class.
Oh, it’s not that these shrill hand-wringers are anti-gay, it says on
their website: “Does this mean that the participants in this group
hate homosexuals and those who may be gender confused? Absolutely not!
This alliance is made up of people who have close friends and
co-workers and family members who claim to be homosexual and some
gender confused.” What? They only CLAIM to be homosexual? Well, by
god, that’s outrageous! Is that just to provide an excuse for their
trendsetting sense of style, but they can still shop at Gary and
Leo’s? Apalling!
And why has Dallas Erickson made a career out of trying to foist his
uptight morality on the rest of society? There can’t be any money in
it. But he’s been at it forever. I remember working in a downtown
Missoula print shop in the early 90’s, when Mr. Erickson would come in
to make copies of various pornographic materials for “research” and
“study.” Maybe it’s good to have these fringe characters out there
making noise, so we have a better perspective on what “normal” is.
The ordinance in question “prohibits discriminatory practices in the
areas of employment, public accommodations and housing on the basis of
race, color, national origin, ancestry, religion, creed, sex, age,
marital or familial status, physical or mental disability, sexual
orientation, gender identity or gender expression.” Seems clear
enough: discrimination, bad. Equal rights, good. Oh, but the NMB
crusaders have “an INSIDE SOURCE” (hysterical caps mine) who claims
that “the ACLU has plans in the future to use this law to challenge
the Montana Marriage Amendment that requires a marriage be between one
man and one woman.” This “inside source” has NMBers fearing (and they
loves them some fear) that Montana clergy will be forced to perform
same-sex marriages. People, calm down already. That’s not what this
ordinance is about. Let’s take one hysterical misdirection campaign at
a time, shall we? You can burn that bridge when we come to it.
Missoula is a progressive city that attracts liberals, free spirits,
and open-minded souls who are by and large very tolerant and very
accepting of alternative lifestyles. That includes the gay community,
and, yes, it also includes Christian conservatives. But when a small
handful of humorless, priggish soreheads try to make something good
into something evil and scary, even the most tolerant among us will
not let their hateful lies and distortions go unheeded.
As the late Senator Daniel Patrick Moynahan said, you’re entitled to
your own opinion, but not to your own facts. This ordinance is NOT
about you, Mr. and Mrs. Christian conservative. It’s not about public
restrooms, for crying out loud. It’s not about keeping your children
safe in the bathroom, and it’s certainly not about somebody sneaking a
peek when you’re at the urinal. Get your heads out of the toilet. It’s
about discrimination, plain and simple. How would you feel if you were
denied an apartment or fired from your job because you put “Catholic”
(for example) on your application? What if someone put up a website
called NotMyDogma.com, where they spread lies and fear about the
Catholic faith, and how if we start treating Catholics equally, soon
one of them will push you up against the wall in a public restroom and
shove a communion wafer in your mouth while forcing you to look at a
picture of Bono?
No one is trying to make you gay, any more than any of you are forcing
me to enter the priesthood so I can diddle altar boys. No one is
scheming to pounce on you when you’re trying to take a squeege. Relax.
Stand down. You should put your energies into trying to learn to be
more tolerant of your fellow human beings. They’re here. They’re
queer. Get used to it.
Join the Bob Wire Appreciation Society
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