[News/People] [NJ, USA] ‘I just thought I was a girl’
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Transgender News
Jun 24, 2018, 8:44:50 AM6/24/18
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The Hudson Reporter, NJ, USA
Nikole Cabeza knew she was different when she was just a five-year-old little boy.
“I used to buy girl toys,” said the Memorial High School senior and softball standout. “I always wanted to be with the girls.”
Cabeza, a transgender female, heard taunts from little kids when she was in day care.
“Someone said that I was gay,” Cabeza said. “At that time, I didn’t know what it meant. They made me think that I was gay. That’s how I was portrayed. But how did I know I was gay at such a young age?”
As the former Nikolas Cabeza started to get older, the thoughts changed.
“I was about eight or nine and I knew that I wasn’t just a feminine boy,” Cabeza said.
At the time, Cabeza had no idea what a transgender was. But then again, who really understood the gender inequality a decade ago? Hardly anyone recognized the different terminology then. So it was only natural that Nikole was confused.
“I didn’t know what a transgender was,” Cabeza said.
But Cabeza was a competitive cheerleader in West New York. At that time, cheering was her life, her escape from reality.
“At that age, I already knew I was a female,” Cabeza said. “I wanted to be a female. I didn’t want to be a boy. Being a boy felt weird to me. It felt different. I used to hang out with the girls. I felt like I wasn’t a boy.”
Cabeza’s parents separated and divorced when Nikole was young. Her father, Oscar, a native of Colombia, was a stereotypical Latin male, understanding the Latin “machismo.”
But Cabeza’s stepmother, Carolina, was the first to recognize what was happening with Nikole.
“She knew I wasn’t happy,” Cabeza said of her stepmother. “She knew what I was going through. She helped me feel more comfortable about who I really am.”
It certainly was not easy for Nikole to stop being Nikolas.
“There was a lot of bullying of me,” Cabeza said. “There were a lot of smart remarks. I think it made me create a tougher attitude. I was very strong minded. I wasn’t going to let people step all over me.”
So Cabeza was determined to live her life as a girl, dressing as one, acting as one. Take back the acting part. Nikole Cabeza was truly a female, no doubt about it, before puberty even became an issue.
“I look back at pictures of me when I was nine years old,” Cabeza said. “I was already growing out my hair. When I got to middle school, I was enrolled as Nikolas but I already was Nikki and was guiding people to call me Nikki. I didn’t feel comfortable with being Nikolas.”
Cabeza wanted to participate in other sports other than her activities with being a cheerleader. She played Little League baseball when she was younger and was pretty good at it, but there was always an uncomfortable air about it.
“The environment wasn’t good for me,” Cabeza said.
She didn’t like hearing the negative comments from others, so she stuck to cheerleading.
“It still had the athletic side of things,” Cabeza said. “I did hear things from others, but not so much with cheerleading, so that’s where I wanted to be. It was sad, because I really liked playing, but at that age, what could I do?”
Some unnamed person from the town of West New York’s recreation department said that Nikki was unable to play softball because she was a boy.
“It just all felt so weird for me,” Cabeza said.
When she arrived at Memorial High School almost four years ago, Cabeza was welcomed with open arms.
“I understood the situation,” said Memorial athletic director John Fraraccio. “I did my research about it. I contacted the state [the NJSIAA, the state’s governing body for athletics] and I asked them about it.”
A few years ago, before the U.S. Supreme Court determined that transgender people could live their lives freely according to the preference of gender, the NJSIAA made provisions in their bylaws in regards to “gender identity” athletes, so the pieces were already in place. The state then determined that Nikki could compete in softball.
“I started playing softball when I got here to the high school,” said Cabeza, who first attended Hoboken Charter as a freshman, but didn’t compete in sports. “I thought that this would be a fresh start for me.”
Memorial head softball coach Jorge Pardo was also long aware that Nikki was transgender.
“I saw her and treated her like everyone else,” Pardo said. “We live in an environment where it all should be inseparable. Nikole did a lot of cheering and was very athletic with her cheering. I had a lot of people always tell me about her. When I saw her, I always thought she was an extremely talented athlete. I was excited about having her on the team.”
Pardo never worried about any ramifications about having the first transgender athlete in the state.
“John [Fraraccio] and I had a talk about it beforehand and we always treated her like she was a female,” Pardo said. “We all made sure that we made her feel welcome.”
“I really didn’t feel different,” Cabeza said. “I felt like we all came together. Sure, there was always going to be someone who had a smart remark, but not here. Not with my teammates or classmates or anyone in this school. They all made me feel so comfortable.”
Through it all, there was always one goal in mind: Nikole wanted to transition into becoming a woman physically. Of course, she wasn’t old enough to have the surgery to transition from being a boy into a girl. She had to fully go through puberty before any surgery could be done. She has been receiving hormone therapy for a few years now to help the transition. The surgery will eventually take place, no question. Nikki wants to be a woman, not a transgender.
“When that day happens, it will be the best day of my life,” Cabeza said with a sigh of relief. “I can’t wait. I’ll be at ease with myself. I’m really excited about that. I can finally be Nikole as Nikole and not have to worry about anything. I could be recognized as an athlete, not a transgender athlete.”
There’s no denying Cabeza’s talent as a softball player.
Last year, Cabeza, the Tigers’ centerfielder, batted .621 with nine home runs and 28 RBI, with 11 doubles among her 41 hits, earning Hudson Reporter All-Area Softball honors as a designated hitter.
This year, the numbers were even better. Cabeza batted an astounding .646 with 42 hits, 43 RBI, 39 runs scored, 44 stolen bases and an astounding 10 home runs.
She had six stolen bases in one game. She had two homers and six RBI in a game against Union City and had five RBI in a game three other times, earning Reporter All-Area honors once again, this time as an outfielder.
For her career, Cabeza batted .565 with 113 hits, 24 homers and 94 RBI.
“As the years went on, she just kept getting better,” Pardo said. “I think we let her know that everything was going to be okay with us, but she’s only human. I imagined that things got to her, but she never let on. Her speed and her throwing arm were keys. She could cover the whole outfield by herself. She always had a good view from centerfield and was a leader out there.”
Cabeza has earned the right to play college softball next year. She will play at William Paterson University, a school that is well aware of her situation.
“I am really excited about that,” Cabeza said. “To be honest, I’m also a little nervous about everything. I think I’m able to play at that level, but there are the moments where I still am transgender and how people react to that. That’s what makes me nervous.”
“I don’t think society is fully acceptable to who transgender people are,” Cabeza said. “Most people don’t know what transgender is. Most don’t even know it existed. I didn’t want to feel like I was a drag queen. That’s not who I am. I just thought I was always a girl.”
Cabeza is still learning about herself and how she feels as a young woman.
“I don’t think I’m feminine at all,” Cabeza said. “I don’t know about wearing girls’ clothes, like dresses and stuff. I won’t wear it.”
And as for makeup?
“I do it mostly to cover up facial hair,” Cabeza said. “Because right now, I have to shave. But I don’t like wearing too much makeup.”
Pardo is impressed with the way Cabeza has performed, both on and off the field.
“I always knew she was going to be someone special,” Pardo said. “I knew she could handle the pressure. She handled herself so well in every situation. It was exciting to watch her develop. I made her realize that there was a chance for her to play at the next level. But the way she handled herself? I always tell her how proud I am of her as a player and a person. She kept her composure every day, even with a lot of the attention on her. Her teammates always had her back. She had so many people backing her up. I think everyone accepted her for who she is.”
“It’s been an amazing ride,” Pardo said. “I wouldn’t do anything differently. I think it all made her the player and the person that she is.”
“I didn’t know what to expect, but she’s been tremendous,” Fraraccio said. “I have to tell you, but it was pretty seamless, having her as a part of our athletic program.”
Cabeza was asked if she had courage, first being who she is and secondly for being comfortable enough to speak about it.
“There are certain things about it that I say, ‘Wow!’” Cabeza said. “In a way, yeah, I think I’m brave. I don’t want to be the best transgender softball player. I want to be the best and be that in life. Without my friends, my coaches, my teammates, I wouldn’t be brave. They helped me. I love softball. Playing the game comes natural to me.”
Cabeza was asked if her addressing the situation will help others who might be afraid to cope with their possible gender issues and sexuality.
“I really hope it encourages others,” Cabeza said. “If anyone else is put in my shoes and they feel like they have issues, they should come out. I don’t want any student to be afraid to be who they are. This school, this community always helped me be who I am. I’m proud of that.”
So Nikole Cabeza is definitely her own person. And she’s definitely a girl, regardless of her current anatomy.
SCOREBOARD
‘I just thought I was a girl’
Memorial’s Cabeza a trailblazer as transgender athlete
by Jim Hague
Jun 24, 2018
[Photo]
“I used to buy girl toys,” said the Memorial High School senior and softball standout. “I always wanted to be with the girls.”
Cabeza, a transgender female, heard taunts from little kids when she was in day care.
“Someone said that I was gay,” Cabeza said. “At that time, I didn’t know what it meant. They made me think that I was gay. That’s how I was portrayed. But how did I know I was gay at such a young age?”
As the former Nikolas Cabeza started to get older, the thoughts changed.
“I was about eight or nine and I knew that I wasn’t just a feminine boy,” Cabeza said.
At the time, Cabeza had no idea what a transgender was. But then again, who really understood the gender inequality a decade ago? Hardly anyone recognized the different terminology then. So it was only natural that Nikole was confused.
“I didn’t know what a transgender was,” Cabeza said.
But Cabeza was a competitive cheerleader in West New York. At that time, cheering was her life, her escape from reality.
“At that age, I already knew I was a female,” Cabeza said. “I wanted to be a female. I didn’t want to be a boy. Being a boy felt weird to me. It felt different. I used to hang out with the girls. I felt like I wasn’t a boy.”
Cabeza’s parents separated and divorced when Nikole was young. Her father, Oscar, a native of Colombia, was a stereotypical Latin male, understanding the Latin “machismo.”
But Cabeza’s stepmother, Carolina, was the first to recognize what was happening with Nikole.
“She knew I wasn’t happy,” Cabeza said of her stepmother. “She knew what I was going through. She helped me feel more comfortable about who I really am.”
It certainly was not easy for Nikole to stop being Nikolas.
“There was a lot of bullying of me,” Cabeza said. “There were a lot of smart remarks. I think it made me create a tougher attitude. I was very strong minded. I wasn’t going to let people step all over me.”
So Cabeza was determined to live her life as a girl, dressing as one, acting as one. Take back the acting part. Nikole Cabeza was truly a female, no doubt about it, before puberty even became an issue.
“I look back at pictures of me when I was nine years old,” Cabeza said. “I was already growing out my hair. When I got to middle school, I was enrolled as Nikolas but I already was Nikki and was guiding people to call me Nikki. I didn’t feel comfortable with being Nikolas.”
Cabeza wanted to participate in other sports other than her activities with being a cheerleader. She played Little League baseball when she was younger and was pretty good at it, but there was always an uncomfortable air about it.
“The environment wasn’t good for me,” Cabeza said.
She didn’t like hearing the negative comments from others, so she stuck to cheerleading.
“It still had the athletic side of things,” Cabeza said. “I did hear things from others, but not so much with cheerleading, so that’s where I wanted to be. It was sad, because I really liked playing, but at that age, what could I do?”
Some unnamed person from the town of West New York’s recreation department said that Nikki was unable to play softball because she was a boy.
“It just all felt so weird for me,” Cabeza said.
When she arrived at Memorial High School almost four years ago, Cabeza was welcomed with open arms.
“I understood the situation,” said Memorial athletic director John Fraraccio. “I did my research about it. I contacted the state [the NJSIAA, the state’s governing body for athletics] and I asked them about it.”
A few years ago, before the U.S. Supreme Court determined that transgender people could live their lives freely according to the preference of gender, the NJSIAA made provisions in their bylaws in regards to “gender identity” athletes, so the pieces were already in place. The state then determined that Nikki could compete in softball.
“I started playing softball when I got here to the high school,” said Cabeza, who first attended Hoboken Charter as a freshman, but didn’t compete in sports. “I thought that this would be a fresh start for me.”
Memorial head softball coach Jorge Pardo was also long aware that Nikki was transgender.
“I saw her and treated her like everyone else,” Pardo said. “We live in an environment where it all should be inseparable. Nikole did a lot of cheering and was very athletic with her cheering. I had a lot of people always tell me about her. When I saw her, I always thought she was an extremely talented athlete. I was excited about having her on the team.”
Pardo never worried about any ramifications about having the first transgender athlete in the state.
“John [Fraraccio] and I had a talk about it beforehand and we always treated her like she was a female,” Pardo said. “We all made sure that we made her feel welcome.”
“I really didn’t feel different,” Cabeza said. “I felt like we all came together. Sure, there was always going to be someone who had a smart remark, but not here. Not with my teammates or classmates or anyone in this school. They all made me feel so comfortable.”
Through it all, there was always one goal in mind: Nikole wanted to transition into becoming a woman physically. Of course, she wasn’t old enough to have the surgery to transition from being a boy into a girl. She had to fully go through puberty before any surgery could be done. She has been receiving hormone therapy for a few years now to help the transition. The surgery will eventually take place, no question. Nikki wants to be a woman, not a transgender.
“When that day happens, it will be the best day of my life,” Cabeza said with a sigh of relief. “I can’t wait. I’ll be at ease with myself. I’m really excited about that. I can finally be Nikole as Nikole and not have to worry about anything. I could be recognized as an athlete, not a transgender athlete.”
There’s no denying Cabeza’s talent as a softball player.
Last year, Cabeza, the Tigers’ centerfielder, batted .621 with nine home runs and 28 RBI, with 11 doubles among her 41 hits, earning Hudson Reporter All-Area Softball honors as a designated hitter.
This year, the numbers were even better. Cabeza batted an astounding .646 with 42 hits, 43 RBI, 39 runs scored, 44 stolen bases and an astounding 10 home runs.
She had six stolen bases in one game. She had two homers and six RBI in a game against Union City and had five RBI in a game three other times, earning Reporter All-Area honors once again, this time as an outfielder.
For her career, Cabeza batted .565 with 113 hits, 24 homers and 94 RBI.
“As the years went on, she just kept getting better,” Pardo said. “I think we let her know that everything was going to be okay with us, but she’s only human. I imagined that things got to her, but she never let on. Her speed and her throwing arm were keys. She could cover the whole outfield by herself. She always had a good view from centerfield and was a leader out there.”
Cabeza has earned the right to play college softball next year. She will play at William Paterson University, a school that is well aware of her situation.
“I am really excited about that,” Cabeza said. “To be honest, I’m also a little nervous about everything. I think I’m able to play at that level, but there are the moments where I still am transgender and how people react to that. That’s what makes me nervous.”
“I don’t think society is fully acceptable to who transgender people are,” Cabeza said. “Most people don’t know what transgender is. Most don’t even know it existed. I didn’t want to feel like I was a drag queen. That’s not who I am. I just thought I was always a girl.”
Cabeza is still learning about herself and how she feels as a young woman.
“I don’t think I’m feminine at all,” Cabeza said. “I don’t know about wearing girls’ clothes, like dresses and stuff. I won’t wear it.”
And as for makeup?
“I do it mostly to cover up facial hair,” Cabeza said. “Because right now, I have to shave. But I don’t like wearing too much makeup.”
Pardo is impressed with the way Cabeza has performed, both on and off the field.
“I always knew she was going to be someone special,” Pardo said. “I knew she could handle the pressure. She handled herself so well in every situation. It was exciting to watch her develop. I made her realize that there was a chance for her to play at the next level. But the way she handled herself? I always tell her how proud I am of her as a player and a person. She kept her composure every day, even with a lot of the attention on her. Her teammates always had her back. She had so many people backing her up. I think everyone accepted her for who she is.”
“It’s been an amazing ride,” Pardo said. “I wouldn’t do anything differently. I think it all made her the player and the person that she is.”
“I didn’t know what to expect, but she’s been tremendous,” Fraraccio said. “I have to tell you, but it was pretty seamless, having her as a part of our athletic program.”
Cabeza was asked if she had courage, first being who she is and secondly for being comfortable enough to speak about it.
“There are certain things about it that I say, ‘Wow!’” Cabeza said. “In a way, yeah, I think I’m brave. I don’t want to be the best transgender softball player. I want to be the best and be that in life. Without my friends, my coaches, my teammates, I wouldn’t be brave. They helped me. I love softball. Playing the game comes natural to me.”
Cabeza was asked if her addressing the situation will help others who might be afraid to cope with their possible gender issues and sexuality.
“I really hope it encourages others,” Cabeza said. “If anyone else is put in my shoes and they feel like they have issues, they should come out. I don’t want any student to be afraid to be who they are. This school, this community always helped me be who I am. I’m proud of that.”
So Nikole Cabeza is definitely her own person. And she’s definitely a girl, regardless of her current anatomy.
“I shouldn’t be defined by a single word, transgender,” Cabeza said. “I’m just Nikole.”
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