Men are like...
MariaClara
(walang pikunan haaaaa....sorry if some are a little on the green
side...)
1.Men are like department stores....their clothes should always be half
off.
2.Men are like vacations....they never seem to be long enough.
3.Men are like computers...hard to figure out and never have enough
memory.
4.Men are like coolers...load them with beer and you can take them
anywhere
5.Men are like chocolate bars....sweet, smooth, and they usually head
right
for your hips.
6.Men are like coffee....the best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you
up all night long.
7.Men are like horoscopes....they always tell you what to do and are
usually wrong.
8.Men are like plungers...they spend most of their lives in a hardware
store or the bathroom.
9.Men are like cement.... after getting laid, they take a long time to
get hard. (OUCH!!!!)
10 Q: Why are men like laxatives?
A: They irritate the shit out of you
11 Q: What are two reasons men don't mind their own business?
A: No mind-No business
12 Q: How are men and parking spots alike?
A: The good ones are taken and what's left is handicapped
13 Q: Why is it hard for women to find men who are sensitive,caring and
good looking?
A: Because those men already have boyfriends
14 Q: How is a man like a snowstorm?
A: You never know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get or how
long it will last
15 Q: Why are men given larger brains than dogs?
A: So they don't hump women's legs at cocktail parties
16 Q: Why can't men get mad cow disease?
A: Because they're all pigs
jojo
My Turn :
Paraphrase ulit wala yung original text eh :
Scientist recently made an amazing discovery in the University
of MN . Years ago some intelligent people hypothesize that BEER
contains female hormones.
Using this hypothesis The University BioChemistry Research
group employed a hundred test subject to conduct the experiment.
The subjects were confined in a room and a test field and were
given a quart of BEER every 15 minutes . The study yielded the
following result after the second dose of the liquid 20 percent
of the subjects started talking aloud, After the third dose of
the liquid 30 percent of the subjects started talking nonse
sense, after the fifth dose some of the subjects started to
become irritable and keeps whinning and trying to provoke
quarels. After administering the 8th dose the researchers found
out that all subjects can not drive ...
This amazing research draws the conclusion that BEER indeed
contain female hormones !
So watch out guys drink LAMBANOG instead ... right Tipitipitom ?
Kardo
MariaClara wrote:
> (walang pikunan haaaaa....sorry if some are a little on the green
> side...)
>
> <snipped>
> 15 Q: Why are men given larger brains than dogs?
> A: So they don't hump women's legs at cocktail parties
> 16 Q: Why can't men get mad cow disease?
> A: Because they're all pigs
That's punny, MC. But it's still very advantageous to be a man for a
lot of reasons:
1. The obvious - no worries about pregnancy & that monthly thing.
2. We never have to ask for directions because we never get lost.
3. If we're still single at 30, no one notices.
4. We don't need to wake up an hour early to put on makeup.
5. Hollywood tend to make movies we like - Dirty Harry, Terminator,
Rambo, The Godfather, Star Wars, Rocky, all James Bond flicks and their
countless number of sequels.
6. We can play Lupang Hinirang with our armpits.
7. Nobody expects our wardrobe to be coordinated.
8. Our lifestyle is very low maintenance: Sex & Dinner - if we get
some regularly, we're happy campers.
9. It's fun to watch TV and eat in bed with the remote on one hand, a
bottle of San Miguel on the other and a balut propped up on our pusod.
10. The toilet seat - up or down - it does not matter!
tchi...@hotmail.com
WOMEN - A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS
HAZARDOUS MATERIALS INFORMATION SHEET
MATERIALS SAFETY DATA SHEET
WOMEN - A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS
Element: Women
Symbol: Wo
Discoverer: Adam
Atomic Mass: Accepted at 53.6Kg, but known to vary from 40-200Kg.
Occurrences: Copious quantities in all urban areas.
Physical Properties:
1. Surface usually covered in painted film.
2. Boils at nothing; freezes without reason.
3. Melts if given treatment.
4. Bitter if incorrectly used.
5. Yields if pressure applied in correct places.
Chemical Properties:
1. Has great affinity for gold, silver and a range of precious stones.
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason.
4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity increases greatly by saturation in
alcohol.
5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.
Common Uses:
1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation.
3. Very effective cleaning agent.
Tests:
1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state.
2. Turns green when placed beside a better looking specimen.
Hazards:
1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained
at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct
contactwith each other.
-----== Posted via Deja News, The Leader in Internet Discussion ==-----
http://www.dejanews.com/ Now offering spam-free web-based newsreading
MariaClara
**************************
<MC grabs Tchiowa and slams him against the wall> no sweetie pie, YOU
asked for it....
WOMEN'S COMPACT INSTRUCTION BOOK
1. Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman
because the house was spotless.
2. You know he's lying if his lips are moving.
3. Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany.
4. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in
nappies.
5. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the
door.
6. So many men - so many reasons not to sleep with any of
them.
7. If they can put a man on the moon - they should be able to
put them all there.
8. Tell him you're not his type - you have a pulse.
9. Never let your man's mind wander - its too little to be
left out alone.
10. Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature
anyway.
11. A man who can dress himself without looking like Pee Wee
Herman is unquestionably gay.
12. Never marry a man for money. You'll have to earn every
penny.
13. Men are all the same - they just have different faces so
you can tell them apart.
14. Definition of a bachelor: A man who has missed the
opportunity to make some woman miserable.
15. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the
do-it-yourself types.
16. The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest
they are too old for it.
17. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
18. If you wanted a committed man look in a mental hospital.
19. The children of Israel wondered around the desert for 40
years. Even in biblical times men wouldn't ask for
directions.
20. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell
him cheque books.
21. A man's idea of serious commitment is usually, "Oh all
right I'll stay the night".
22. Always wear high heels, it makes it easier to look down on
him.
23. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him
jokes, it means you laugh at his.
24. If he asks you if you're faking it tell him no,
you're just practicing.
25. Sadly, all men are created equal.
26. The main point of having a boyfriend is so that he can
one day graduate to the exalted status of a 'former
boyfriend.'
27. There are two significant influences in a man's life and
they are both his mother.
BENJAMIN L. GUADIZ
In <35076D18...@hotmail.com> Kardo <ka...@hotmail.com> writes:
>
>MariaClara wrote:
>
>> (walang pikunan haaaaa....sorry if some are a little on the green
>> side...)
>>
>> <snipped>
>
>>
>lot of reasons:
>1. The obvious - no worries about pregnancy & that monthly thing.
>2. We never have to ask for directions because we never get lost.
>3. If we're still single at 30, no one notices.
>4. We don't need to wake up an hour early to put on makeup.
>5. Hollywood tend to make movies we like - Dirty Harry, Terminator,
>Rambo, The Godfather, Star Wars, Rocky, all James Bond flicks and
their
>countless number of sequels.
>6. We can play Lupang Hinirang with our armpits.
>7. Nobody expects our wardrobe to be coordinated.
>8. Our lifestyle is very low maintenance: Sex & Dinner - if we get
>some regularly, we're happy campers.
>9. It's fun to watch TV and eat in bed with the remote on one hand,
a
>bottle of San Miguel on the other and a balut propped up on our pusod.
>10. The toilet seat - up or down - it does not matter!
>
=========
MY TURN:
11. A tabo-ful of H2O is sufficient for hilamos and washing some
strategic & delicate anatomical parts.
12. Kung walang sex, Mary Palm is "ALWAYS" abelabol.
13. Puede kaming mamasyal/date with only P20 sa bulsa ...,
tutal sagot naman lahat ni GF or Matandang Mayaman.
14. We can wear mis-matched socks - covered by our pants.
15. We take the elevators FREE-quently. Just do it UP and DOWN.
16. BMW is the favored car - Bring Mommy to Work; Maraming
Chemists (ke Misis Umaasa) and at times do odd jobs sa
PAL (palamunin). Kung sinuwerte, CPA (costs pera again)
and some lawyers ... (as in Mama, low your panty).
17. SEVENTY YEARS OLD na'y nakakabuntis pa rin !!!
benjamin
bl...@ix.netcom.com
bl...@earthlink.net
rcd...@i-manila.com.ph
Colton, CA 92324
USA
Precy T. Ordinario
Hey, Guys. It's too bad we grow up with MC. Now I understand why they
call the 50s as the "Happy Days."
Times have changed! The following is from a 1950's Home Economics
textbook for High School girls, teaching them how to prepare for married
life.
1. Have dinner ready: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a
delicious meal - on time. This is a way of letting him know that you
have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. Most
men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are
part of the warm welcome needed.
2. Prepare yourself: Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed
when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be
fresh looking. He has been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a
little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a
lift.
3. Clear away the clutter: Make one last trip through the main part of
the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up schoolbooks,
toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband
will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you
a lift too.
4. Prepare the children: Take a few minutes to wash the children's
hands and faces if they are small, comb their hair, and if necessary,
change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to
see them playing the part.
5. Minimize the noise: At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise
of washer, dryer, dishwasher, or vacuum. Try to encourage the children
to be quiet. Be Happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and be
glad to see him.
6. Some Don'ts: Don't greet him with problems or complaints. Don't
complain if he's late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with
what he might have gone through that day.
7. Make him comfortable: Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or
suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for
him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a
low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and unwind.
8. Listen to him: You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the
moment is of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first.
9. Make the evening his: Never complain if he does not take you out to
dinner or to other places of entertainment; instead, try to understand
his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home and relax.
10. The goal: Try to make your home a place of peace and order where
your husband can relax.
MariaClara wrote:
--
Mr. Precy T. Ordinario
Carson, California, U.S.A.
********************************************************
PINOYs WEB LINKS
http://www.netcom.com/~pordinar/home.html
********************************************************
Southern California Mapua Alumni Pages
http://www.netcom.com/~pordinar/scma.html
********************************************************
Philippines Genealogy Web Project Site
http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Ranch/9121/index.html
********************************************************
MariaClara
Precy T. Ordinario wrote:
>
> Hey, Guys. It's too bad we grow up with MC. Now I understand why they
> call the 50s as the "Happy Days."
>
> Times have changed! The following is from a 1950's Home Economics
> textbook for High School girls, teaching them how to prepare for married
> life.
>
> 1. Have dinner ready: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a
> delicious meal - on time. This is a way of letting him know that you
> have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. Most
> men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are
> part of the warm welcome needed.
(snipped)
************************
precy sweetheart, you don't need to be with someone like me, i'll just
mail you my doormat...
mariaclara
;-)
tchi...@hotmail.com
Get to work, MC!!!!!!!!!
;-)
In article <350A266D...@ix.netcom.com>,
-----== Posted via Deja News, The Leader in Internet Discussion ==-----
NGOK NGOK
MariaClara wrote:
> WOMEN'S COMPACT INSTRUCTION BOOK
>
> 24. If he asks you if you're faking it tell him no,
> you're just practicing.
Don't bother faking it, as long I have mine that's all I care.
NGOK NGOK
Gen Artemio Ricarte
Now this is really a MUST! for every girl, woman, and wife in the
Philippines, US or anywhere.
MariaClara
********************
you'll be found buried in my backyard...
mariaclara
;-)
>
> In article <350A266D...@ix.netcom.com>,
> "Precy T. Ordinario" <pord...@ix.netcom.com> wrote:
> >