10 Star Trek Episodes We’re Glad They Never Filmed
Karolina Dean...It's alright we told you what to dream
Space, the final frontier, is endless — and so are the storytelling
possibilities of Star Trek, in all its various incarnations. But
sometimes Trek boldly goes too far. We all have our own least favorite
episodes of Star Trek — but it could have been much worse.
Over the decades, the producers of Trek considered, and ultimately
killed, some totally ludicrous storylines. A giant baby taking over
the Enterprise? An evil stuffed animal coming to Kirk's bedside? Here
are 10 Star Trek episodes we're glad were scrapped.
1) "Miss Gulliver," Star Trek TOS:
Though no writer is credited, the April 1997 issue of Star Trek
Monthly mentions a proposed episode reminiscent of Attack of the 50
Foot Woman, in which a science officer aboard the Enterprise
experimenting with limb regeneration accidentally causes herself to
grow to gigantic proportions, threatening the ship in the process.
It's a small wonder the producers decided to can the episode.
Most Ridiculous Moment: The episode would have concluded with her
boyfriend undergoing the same process, and the two leaving their old
lives behind to found a planet of giants.
2) "The Rebels Unthawed," Star Trek TOS:
Legendary Riverworld author Philip Jose Farmer helped to shape the
concept of Star Trek before the series filmed its first pilot, and
also submitted several story outlines to the series. Gene Roddenberry
considered them to be "too far out," but Farmer later published two of
them as standalone short stories: "The Shadow of Space" and "Sketches
Among the Ruins of My Mind." More recently, a third of Farmer's unsold
Trek episodes, "The Rebels Unthawed," came to light — the Enterprise
discovers a derelict spaceship floating with twelve passengers in
suspended animation. But it's not Khan — it's twelve Confederate
soldiers who were kidnapped by aliens during the Civil War.
Most Ridiculous Moment: "Culture shock ensues." I'm guessing the
Confederate soldiers would have had a hard time coping with Kirk's
more enlightened future.
3) "Out of Time", Star Trek: The Next Generation:
While on a hunting trip with Worf, Alexander steps through a time
portal, and then comes back a moment later as an angry 25-year-old
warrior. According to the Star Trek: Deep Space Nine Companion,Joe
Menosky pitched this story during the seventh and final season of The
Next Generation, as a means to "get rid" of the Alexander character he
despised. The episode never went forward, because, according to Rene
Echevarria, "Alexander was Michael Piller's mother's favorite
character". The episode was eventually turned into a story about the
O'Briens and their daughter Molly — but the grown-up Molly was made
into a "wild child," raised in the wilderness, and eventually the
young Molly is returned.
Most Ludicrous Moment: The grown-up Alexander is "now a grown man and
a warrior and has great resentment towards his father, because he
doesn't understand what's happened," according to Rene Echevarria.
(Why is the concept of "time portal" so hard to grasp?)
4) "He Walked Among Us", Star Trek TOS:
In this episode from a script by Gene L. Coon and Norman Spinrad,
which underwent at least five separate drafts before its eventual
abandonment, a Federation "health food nut" hijacks a planet and sets
himself up as god, violating the Prime Directive to such an extent
Kirk is forced to intervene. Problematically, he's so thoroughly
overcoded the planet's society that Kirk cannot possibly dethrone him
without sending its people into turmoil. Norman Spinrad was so
displeased with the script he pleaded with Gene Rodenberry to bury the
episode. Spinrad eventually released a heavily revised, five-hundred-
page novel based on the story just last year.
Most Ludicrous Moment: Rodenberry asked Spinrad to write the episode
as a vehicle for Milton Berle, fresh off his performance as Louie, the
Lilac on Batman '66. And the network kept asking for more ridiculous
"Uncle Miltie" schticks. It wasn't to be, but Berle did go on to guest
star in a 1972 episode of the CBS sitcom Arnie titled "Star Trekking".
5) "I.Q. Test", Star Trek: The Next Generation
In this story from an unnamed writer, developed in assistance with
Herbert J. Wright, Q holds an unspecified wager with another member of
the Q Continuum that somehow leads to an Arena-esque duel called the
"Q-Olympics" between the Enterprise crew and an alien race known as
the Zaa-Naar, or possibly the Talarians. This was another episode we
can thank Michael Piller for stifling.
Most Ludicrous Moment: According to one source, the games would have
included a poker game between the two captains, with the Enterprise
crew turned into living poker chips. The entire conceit is essentially
an episode of Hanna-Barbera's Laff-A-Lympics with Riker in place of
Dynomutt. In a 1998 AOL chat, Ronald D. Moore was quoted as saying,
"In defense of Michael, the Q-Olympics story was ludicrous and to be
deep-sixed."
6) "Bandi", Star Trek TOS:
In a story more Snorks than Star Trek, Kirk is alerted to the presence
of a three-foot tall teddy bear-like creature that a technician
discreetly beamed aboard the Enterprise, named Bandi. Kirk immediately
commands that the creature be destroyed, but has a change of heart
after staring into its adorable, large eyes. While Bandi remains
aboard the ship, the crew becomes increasingly devoted to the
creature, though careless and indifferent in their duties. This leads
Kirk to discover Bandi's true nature as an emotional telepath, who
projects its own feelings on those around it. Kirk then orders the
creature to be eliminated on sight, but the Enterprise crew, under the
influence of Bandi, takes arms against Kirk – until the unaffected
Spock steps in and saves the day.
While it may have been fun to see Kirk take on the Furby from Lunar
Park, the episode itself is entirely redundant to the themes set forth
in The Trouble With Tribbles, and in the ensuing years, the concept of
a secretly malignant, though beloved foe has become a staple story
template for every Saturday morning cartoons imaginable.
Fascinatingly, an episode of The Real Ghostbusters follows this exact
outline to the letter.
Most Ludicrous Moment: After Kirk has Bandi locked up, he awakens to
find the giant teddy bear perched on the ledge of his bed, staring
malevolently.
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7) "Rock-a-Bye-Baby or Die!", Star Trek TOS:
While the Enterprise visits a planet for the criminally insane, the
ship is possessed by the soul of a cosmic baby that integrates itself
into the circuitry and grows at an accelerated rate. Meanwhile, Kirk
and McCoy must prevent two psycho-killers from harming any more of the
crocodile men who control a mental asylum. In his career
retrospective, All of Us Are Dying and Other Stories, writer George
Clayton Johnson revealed Gene Rodenberry purchased the story from him,
but it was Gene Coon who killed the episode when he came aboard as
line producer. He reportedly disliked the concept of humanizing the
ship and its computers. Johnson resubmitted the concept to the Next
Generation writing staff where it was once again rejected.
Most Ludicrous Moment: Three-way tie: 1. Uhura consoling the
despondent Enterprise by singing "Rock-a-bye-baby" - and having the
ship fall asleep. 2. The baby enterprise steering itself towards the
sun as it coos, "pretty, pretty", forcing Kirk to electrocute its hull
with high tension wire to teach it a lesson – he retorts "Once burned,
twice shy." 3. The idea of a hospital planet for the criminally
deranged run by a species of humanoid alligators.
8) Untitled "Q on a beach" story, Star Trek: Voyager:
According to Supervising Producer Joe Menosky (in Cinefantastique,
Vol. 31, No. 11, p. 51),"Brannon [Braga] and I went to Rick Berman's
house for Thanksgiving dinner, and Brent Spiner and John de Lancie
were there. John had an idea for a Q episode. He had a couple of
interesting images, of Q on an ocean somewhere, on a beach, either
having lost his complete identity as Q, or lost his will to live.
Somehow he gets involved with an everyday kind of person, and that
person's fate and life somehow affects Q. That was his pitch, and it
had some nice images."
Though the outline is somewhat nebulous, the idea of a suicidal Q has
tremendous potential — but a suicidal Q finding affirmation through a
salt of the Earth type seems forced, predictable and…against
character, doesn't it?
Most Ludicrous Moment: The basic idea eventually became the fifth
season episode "11:59," about Janeway's ancestor falls in love with a
man who's trying to stop a space project.
"Are Unheard Memories Sweet?," Star Trek: Phase II:
The Enterprise sets out to find a missing starship, but finds itself
trapped on a world ruled by women desperately in need of men instead —
Worley Thorne wrote this episode for the mythic Star Trek : Phase II,
based upon the 1882 Walter Besant novel The Revolt of Man. In the
novel, women have taken over society, including the sciences, from
passive and pacifistic men, consequently terminating all scientific
advancement since "women have no capacity for it". Thorne's script
somehow called for extensive nudity, so it's assumed if the episode
had been filmed as is, the network would have refused to air it. A
similar premise, minus the nudity, was eventually used in what would
become one of the most widely disliked TNG episodes ever, "Angel One".
Most Ludicrous Moment: The story involved the ever-popular missing
dilithium catalyst, this time preventing the Enterprise from finding
the mineral on the female-run planet because "girls don't do science".
(The Next Generation series bible recognized the overuse of missing
dilithium and put a stop to it, reasoning that in the future, it could
be easily replaced.)
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10) Various Porthos storylines, Star Trek: Enterprise
According to the Enterprise season four DVDs (as quoted by Memory
Alpha), the final Star Trek TV show considered many script ideas
centering around Captain Archer's dog — which were generally rejected,
because they didn't want the dog to steal the show. Ideas included
Porthos becoming super-intelligent, or the crew encountering a canine
alien that only Porthos could communicate with.
Most Ludicrous Moment: In one of these mooted stories, the crew is
incapacitated, and Porthos has to take command of the ship.
David E. Powell
7) "Rock-a-Bye-Baby or Die!", Star Trek TOS:
While the Enterprise visits a planet for the criminally insane, the
ship is possessed by the soul of a cosmic baby that integrates itself
into the circuitry and grows at an accelerated rate. Meanwhile, Kirk
and McCoy must prevent two psycho-killers from harming any more of
the
crocodile men who control a mental asylum. In his career
retrospective, All of Us Are Dying and Other Stories, writer George
Clayton Johnson revealed Gene Rodenberry purchased the story from
him,
but it was Gene Coon who killed the episode when he came aboard as
line producer. He reportedly disliked the concept of humanizing the
ship and its computers. Johnson resubmitted the concept to the Next
Generation writing staff where it was once again rejected.
Most Ludicrous Moment: Three-way tie: 1. Uhura consoling the
despondent Enterprise by singing "Rock-a-bye-baby" - and having the
ship fall asleep. 2. The baby enterprise steering itself towards the
sun as it coos, "pretty, pretty", forcing Kirk to electrocute its
hull
with high tension wire to teach it a lesson – he retorts "Once
burned,
twice shy." 3. The idea of a hospital planet for the criminally
deranged run by a species of humanoid alligators.
episode of TNG (The baby creature on the hull, where the Enterprise-D
eventually played with the energy it was drawing from the ship) and
"Dagger of the Mind" in TOS, with the Asylum.
Also the "Women can't do science" concept TOS episode sounds
suspiciously like "Spock's Brain."
FAR-VA~RSPW's Very Own Ubermenschen
According to the Enterprise season four DVDs (as quoted by Memory
Alpha), the final Star Trek TV show considered many script ideas
centering around Captain Archer's dog — which were generally rejected,
because they didn't want the dog to steal the show. Ideas included
Porthos becoming super-intelligent, or the crew encountering a canine
alien that only Porthos could communicate with. Most Ludicrous Moment:
In one of these mooted stories, the crew is incapacitated, >and Porthos
has to take command of the ship.
exiled to Delta-Vega was revealled that he had used 'Admiral Archer's
Dog' in his Long Range Transporter Experiments and 'Porthos' had not
reassembled.
in the book version, the dog reappears on the Enterprise.
rob
FAR-VA~RSPW's Very Own Ubermenschen
Re: 10 Star Trek Episodes We're Glad They Never Filmed
Group: rec.sport.pro-wrestling Date: Thu, Sep 29, 2011, 1:32pm (EDT-3)
From: rjs...@aol.com (rob)
_
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/'_'/' '/'__'7,
/'/ / / /" /_\
('( ' Fuck /' ')
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UNIFARVA-#1 ALL TIME POSTER in RSPW HISTORY!
BEWARE JACKOFF JENKEMROBBY.
DON'T TAZE MY GRANNY!
BEYOND BE VACHEL CARLING'S RUBILATOR.
COURVOISALIEN COFFEE IS UNDERGROUND
rob
> Re: 10 Star Trek Episodes We're Glad They Never Filmed
>
> Group: rec.sport.pro-wrestling Date: Thu, Sep 29, 2011, 1:32pm (EDT-3)
FAR-VA~RSPW's Very Own Ubermenschen
Re: 10 Star Trek Episodes We're Glad They Never Filmed
From: rjs...@aol.com (rob)
_
/'_/)
,/_ /
/ /
/'_'/' '/'__'7,
/'/ / / /" /_\
('( ' Fuck /' ')
\ You' /
'\' _.7'
\ (
\ \
UNIFARVA-#1 ALL TIME POSTER in RSPW HISTORY!
BEWARE JACKOFF JENKEMROBBY.
DON'T TAZE MY GRANNY!
BEYOND BE VACHEL CARLING'S RUBILATOR.
COURVOISALIEN COFFEE IS UNDERGROUND
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rob
Ubermenschen) wrote:
> Re: 10 Star Trek Episodes We're Glad They Never Filmed
>
> On Oct 3, 8:14 pm, Vindr...@webtv.net (FAR-VA~RSPW's Very OwnUbermenschen) wrote:
>
> Re: 10 Star Trek Episodes We're Glad They Never Filmed
> Group: rec.sport.pro-wrestling Date: Thu, Sep 29, 2011, 1:32pm (EDT-3)
> From: rjs2...@aol.com (rob)
stop saying that or else!