[MEWF] MEWF Arena, Dundalk, MD - Feb. 2 [LONG]

[Rob Hoffmann]

It was the night the Headbangers said "goodbye" to the MEWF...

It was the night one Internetter actually had the gall to say that we'd
be OK tonight because "Knuckles Zanwich can carry Raven"...

It was the night the MEWF looked back on 1996 (fondly)...

And it was the night the bWo took charge...

Welcome to another silly little show report for the Mid-Eastern Wrestling
Federation show held February 2 at the MEWF Arena at Teamsters Hall in
Dundalk (East Baltimore), Maryland. During the show, the MEWF would
present several 1996 Achievement Awards (as voted by fans at the Dec. 27
show) -- for ease of reading, I'll list them first, then get on to the show
itself. If something notable happened during an awards presentation, we'll
have it on video tape after the commercial... oops... I'll mention it as we
go along. :)

WRESTLER OF THE YEAR - Mark "The Shark" Shrader
TAG TEAM OF THE YEAR - The Headbangers
MANAGER OF THE YEAR - Royce C. Profit
NEWCOMER OF THE YEAR - "Wiseguy" Jimmy Cicero
ROOKIE OF THE YEAR - Knuckles Zanwich
MOST POPULAR WRESTLER - "Dancin'" Stevie Richards
MOST HATED WRESTLER - Steve Corino
MOST IMPROVED WRESTLER - Adam Flash
INSPIRATIONAL WRESTLER - Mark "The Shark" Shrader
CHEESIEST WRESTLER - "Playboy" Bob Starr
MATCH OF THE YEAR - Axl Rotten vs. Corporal Punishment, Feb. 1996
COMMISSIONER'S AWARD - Lucifer

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BUT FIRST, SOME PROMOTIONAL ANNOUNCEMENTS - ON THE HORIZON IN THE
MID-ATLANTIC:

Saturday, Feb. 8 - NWA US Title tournament in Norfolk. Site unknown.
Email me, please, if you have info.
Saturday, Feb. 22 - Three cards to choose from: ECW at the Arena. Southern
Championship Wrestling at the Secret Cove in Alexandria. East Coast
Wrestling Association Super 8 Tournament in Wilmington.
Sunday, March 2 - next MEWF show in Dundalk.
Saturday, March 15 - NWL in Keyser, WV.
Rumored in April - an IPWA show at a northern Virginia high school.

If you're running cards in the Mid-Atlantic, email me, or post in the
newsgroup. Internet fans are known to drive hundreds of miles for a good
(or not so good) show...
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Team Internet tonight: me (of course!), Lee Morey (the Dark Cheetah, who
can't wait to see Cheetah Master wrestle later this month in Wilmington!),
Jeremy Billones (the one with the colossal gall), Natster Forgotson, Steve
of Los Lurkers Locos Mid-Atlantic Division, Chris Shutters (yeah, his wife
paroled him again), David B. Hagan (and his camera, and his friend who
thinks we're all nuts), Jeff Amdur at the bell, and Dan "Da Webpage Guy"
Beling with his camera...

Before we begin (at 7:05pm!), ring announcer Al Albert notes that MEWF
rankings will appear in Pro Wrestling Illustrated magazine starting with
the April 1997 issue -- which happens to be on sale now (but not at the
Arena). :)

MATCH 1: STEVE CORINO (w/ROYCE C. PROFIT) vs. CAT BURGLAR

Steve's famous pout starts early and often, as he reacts to the "4-5-6"
chant from the crowd. We get a solid match, running 5:15, which Corino won
with a Dragon Suplex. You've seen the move where a wrestler puts his leg
on his opponent's neck and flips out of an attempted hiptoss? Well, Corino
allowed Burglar to put his leg on his neck -- and dumped him into a solid
powerbomb. Who said there was no innovation anymore? After the match,
Corino received his Most Hated Wrestler award -- and broke down in
frustration. He told the crowd that he'd still be the light-heavyweight
champ (if it weren't for a "fat man's mistake" -- wonder who THAT was?) and
that he had to deal with the 4-5-6 chant and... and... he broke down and
cried. Being the kind-hearted souls we are, we all said "Awww...." loud
enough that Steve started crying again. Steve's good at that... somewhere
in there, he bemoaned the fact that Quinn Nash had another shot at that
light-heavy belt tonight...

STRANGE INTERLUDE

As long as TCW (Royce's so-called federation) is in the ring, let's meet
the newest member of TCW -- the artist who won't be known as Johnny Desire
for long. In a rambling, semi-coherent speech, Royce appears to indicate
that he has trademarked the "Earl the Pearl" gimmick (name, tights, jacket,
dancing...) -- which means that the man we currently know as Earl the Pearl
has to give all that up!!! MEWF Commissioner Tom Kanaras reads the
documents Royce produced, and verifies that the artist formerly known as
Earl the Pearl "lost [his] identity". So now Johnny Desire is known as
Earl the Pearl, and Earl the Pearl is... um... that's a VERY good question.
Does Jim Ross know Royce Profit? :)

MATCH 2: HOLLYWOOD SUPER NOVA of the bWo (w/DA BLUE GUY) vs. PLAYBOY BOB
STARR

Nova came out pre-match doing a passable Hollywood Hogan impersonation
(right down to the painted-on beard)... but ended by dissing Bob Starr.
This brought Starr out to jump Nova before the bell. I should note that
Nova did more moves in the 4:30 this match ran than Hogan has done in 4 1/2
years... but anyway, it was another solid match, with Starr controlling
most of the way. The Playboy tried to hit a Pedigree (which Nova fell out
of too early) before finishing Nova with a DDT. He continued to abuse
Nova, which brought Big Stevie Cool out to Steviekick Starr so hard he
never knew he was supposed to receive his Cheesiest Wrestler award. While
Starr was down, all three bWoers did the Leg Drop of Doom onto him and
scored "pins".

MATCH 3: BODACIOUS PRETTY BOY (w/PINKY, THE FLAMINGO KID) vs. PABLO MARQUEZ

While Marquez may be the artist formerly known as Ubas, he more closely
resembles a short Joe Gomez. Fortunately, he wrestles far better than
Gomez. On the other hand, BPB (no boa this month - sorry, fashion fans)
is... well... um... isn't he? He's also not a bad wrestler, when he steps
OUT of the gimmick and works... problem was, all of the flashy moves added
up to less than the sum of their parts. Occasionally, you get a match
which is all moves and no story -- this was it. After 9:15, Pinky came up
on the apron to distract the ref and hold Marquez... BPB went for a
superkick, and got Pinky by mistake... Marquez rolled up a shocked BPB for
the pin. BPB and Pinky teamed up to do some post-match assault and battery
on Marquez... who responded with two incredible moves. First was the
top-rope split-leg dropkick, hitting both men. Second was a somersault off
the ropes onto the Pink Team on the floor, which left Marquez in the front
row.

MATCH 4: FOR THE MEWF LIGHT-HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE - champ ADAM FLASH vs.
"MIGHTY SEXY" QUINN NASH

This started as a brawl -- these guys have a long history, and if you
didn't know that, watching them pound each other might have tipped you off.
It was interesting to hear Quinn rant at the crowd -- since we really
didn't understand it, we figure it was Gaelic. They fight back and forth
for almost 7 minutes before Steve Corino comes out to make a point. Let's
see... Corino tries to powder Nash, Nash slaps the powder into the ref's
face. OK, so we try again, this time with a chair. Nash ducks, so Flash
takes the chairshot and drops like he'd been shot. Corino comes into the
ring, and gets DDTed onto the chair for his trouble. Quinn rolls over onto
Corino, the dazed ref counts three, and (after 7:45) THIS gives us a new
champ???? Um... no. Commissioner Kanaras immediately voids the match and
declares the belt vacant. He sanctions a triangle ladder match for the
title next month -- for which a free preview is provided as Corino, Flash,
and Nash brawl among themselves and back to the lockers.

STRANGER INTERLUDE

As Royce C. Profit is awarded his Manager of the Year award by 1995 Manager
of the Year Stud Lee Osborne (Stud Lee, come back to ringside...
PLEASE!!!), he takes the opportunity to gloat a bit. So it's time to meet
the new Earl the Pearl... and here he comes. Let's put it this way. THIS
Earl the Pearl is no dancer... and not much of a sensation. And there is
this really bizarre feeling watching Johnny Desire in Earl's trademark
yellow and black tights. It's even more bizarre watching the
1-for-a-lifetime "new Earl" being called the Crown Jewel of Profit's TCW.
The original Earl didn't like it, either, so he comes out to clear the
ring. He then gives a heartfelt speech about his long friendship with
Desire -- they were in school together, broke into wrestling together,
joined the MEWF together, but there the road split. Earl made it, Johnny
didn't. Earl ended by quoting a legend, the American Dream. "When you're
a follower, the view never changes..." OK, he got the quote wrong, but it
didn't matter. The effect on the Dark Cheetah (who's quoted that Rhodes
line many a time) was the same -- she took a bump of her own as she fell
down in hysterical laughter... and we were all along for the ride. You
probably had to be there.

CLASSY INTERLUDE

Before the next match, Axl Rotten was awarded his Match of the Year plaque.
He took the mike and told the voters they'd made a mistake -- that, among
others, the Dec. 1 Shrader-Candido and Dec. 27 Shrader-Storm matches were
better -- but, hell, he earned it and he'll take it. But we were still
wrong. But thanks anyway.

MATCH 5: FOR THE MEWF (or bWo?) HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE: champ AXL ROTTEN
(w/friend) vs. BIG STEVIE COOL (w/bWo's BLUE GUY & HOLLYWOOD)

Yeah, Axl brought his crone in again -- the truly strange Ginger Lynn
Lucas. I'm not sure if's it's the Courtney Love lipstick, the black
Raggedy Ann hairdo, or the print dress, but I'm glad I didn't eat much
before the show. Meanwhile, in the ring... Axl and Stevie wrestled. Yes,
wrestled. No blood, no garbage, no nonsense. Just a solid, well-paced,
good *wrestling* match. Of course, there WERE chairshots... but that's
almost normal for wrestling in the '90's, right? It was really weird to
see Axl hit Ron Simmons' "Dominator" face-first slam... is he in the NOD
now, too? It was Axl's decision to pick Stevie up from the pin at 2 that
cost him the title. At 9:30, Stevie spun out of a second Dominator, hit a
Steviekick, and ended Axl's MEWF title reign. Of course, it's now the bWo
heavyweight title, and Stevie did mark his territory. But not with paint,
no... he put a bWo *sticker* on the belt.

INTERMISSION

But the ring's not clear, and Axl has more work to do. He came out with
Jeff Jones (notably absent for the title match), took the belt from
Stevie... and then gave it back to him with a handshake and applause from
the crowd. Stevie promised Axl the first shot at the bWo belt.

MATCH 6: TRASHCAN LUMBERJACK BRAWL - LUCIFER vs. CUEBALL CARMICHAEL (JOE
THUNDER's "hired assassin")

Joe's hurt, and he needed the best man money could buy. So why is Cueball
here? Cueball wanted to assure Lucifer that it's all business, nothing
personal, and - by the way - WHAP (he hit Lucifer with the ring
microphone). We've found another move Cueball shouldn't do -- we already
knew he couldn't sell a clothesline, and he can't execute a Tigerdriver...
but he can do a DDT onto a trashcan lid! Is there any significance to the
fact that all the lumberjacks put aside their own feuds to thrash Cueball
both times he fell out of the ring? After 4:45, Cueball held Lucifer up
for a Bob Starr trashcan lid shot (could we *possibly* get away without a
renewal of the decades-old Lucifer-Starr feud?)... Lucifer ducked, Cueball
took the shot, and Lucifer got the pin. Fortunately, we move on...

MATCH 7: FOR THE MEWF TAG TEAM TITLES - THE FAMILY OF FREAKS [later
re-introduced as THE HEADBANGERS] (w/JEFF JONES & ISIS) vs. THE SAMOAN
GANGSTA TRIBE (w/ROYCE C. PROFIT)

Before we start... Thrasher wants to know exactly what the hell Jeff Jones
was thinking when he used the Tribe to substitute for the WWF-committed
Bangers last time [ironically, the Gangsta Tribe are substituting THIS time
for the missing J.T. Smith and D-Lo Brown]... whose side ARE you on, Jeff?
Jeff says he just wanted to keep the titles from being stripped... to which
Thrasher says "sit down in that corner and DON'T MOVE!". Now we are
Headbanger fans, so we tried to be helpful -- each time Jeff moved, we
chanted "Sit Down, Jeff!" so the Bangers knew they had to move him back!
Aren't we nice? It was about this time where the ring ropes sagged like
the supports had moved (and, we think, they did). Several MEWF officials
came out to work on the ring, prompting Thrasher to ask if anyone had "a
Phillips-head pair of pliers". Whatever? The match runs 7:45, at which
point Jeff gets out of his corner long enough to try to pull Cocoa Samoa's
leg out from under him. It didn't work, really, but it kept Samoa busy
enough for Thrasher to schoolboy him for the pin. Now you'd think the
Bangers would be happy, right? Wrong. After several minutes of arguing,
Thrasher fires Jeff. He then tells the crowd that he *knows* there's one
thing we have wanted to see since they came here last June. We do, too,
and chant "kick his ass". The Bangers do. Jones gets the Bangerbomb (the
legdrop/powerbomb combo), and then gets stomped. The rest of Axl's Family,
Axl and Corporal Punishment, come out and get in the Bangers' faces. Axl
asks "What are you doing kicking our manager's ass.... without inviting
US????", and THEY start stomping Jeff. I'm enjoying this, in a markish
sort of way...

VERY CLASSY INTERLUDE

The somewhat twitching body of Jeff Jones is finally hauled out of the
ring, and Tom Kanaras comes in. He presents the Bangers with their Tag
Team of the Year plaques, and Thrasher tells us that it's kind of a sad
night. You see, they're going full-time with the WWF this month (major
pop) and won't be around here much anymore. But he knows that, without
Baltimore and the MEWF, they might not BE in the WWF at this point -- and
that they'll be back in Baltimore any time an MEWF show is on an off-day
from the WWF. They have nice things to say about Axl and Corp, Axl says
more nice things about them, and you get the feeling that none of THIS
particular segment is a work. Bottom line - the Bangers turn over the MEWF
tag titles to Commissioner Kanaras, and the 500-plus crowd on hand give the
Bangers a serious standing ovation. To Mosh and Thrasher -- I look forward
to saying "I saw them BEFORE they were WWF Tag Team Champions"... to Axl,
Corp, and the MEWF -- that was a hell of a sendoff. You ALL done good.

After a break to try to fix the sagging ring ropes...

MATCH 8: RAVEN (w/his ECW World Title belt) vs. KNUCKLES ZANWICH

Your basic squash, really. It started with Raven giving Knux a tour of the
Arena (and bouncing him off the walls), and ended with a DDT and pin at
6:45. In between, Knux got about 30 seconds of offense and did manage to
draw a little blood from Raven's forehead (probably opened the cuts Raven
suffered the night before in ECW). So, to Jeremy Billones, the question is
this: did Knux carry Raven well enough? [sheesh]

MATCH 9: CORPORAL PUNISHMENT vs. CHRIS CANDIDO (w/MISS PATRICIA)

Patricia quickly explains her presence -- seems she's so tight with Sunny
that she can watch Sunny's interests here in the MEWF. Something about the
same plastic surgeon. A moment, if I may. If you weren't there, and
didn't see the dress Patricia spray-painted on for the occasion, your life
can never be complete. Wow. The ECW pay-per-view isn't barely legal --
that dress was. OK, back to the match. Corp and Chris put on a good show,
a very solid match. Of course, Patricia kept making "mistakes" and getting
in Candido's way... first, after an extended pantomimed demonstration of
pulling Corp's feet out from under him, Patricia practiced on Chris. Then,
later, she not-so-accidentally shook the top rope and crotched Candido.
After 6:30, Corp went up the shaky ropes for a shaky superplex, Candido
shifted his weight on landing, and 3 seconds later, Candido is the winner
and Patricia and Corp are in the ring looking confused. One hug later, and
we know who's managing Corp now that Jeff Jones has more tire tracks than
the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. After this demonstration, only one
question remains. Which was looser... the ring ropes tonight, or Patricia?

This is a good place to mention that there may be pictures of Miss
Patricia's barely-there dress at the soon-to-be-official MEWF website at
http://www.erols.com/~dwbeling/mewf.html.

MATCH 10: "THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE" JASON KNIGHT & "WISEGUY" JIMMY CICERO
(w/ROYCE C. PROFIT & BRITTANY BOSOMS) vs. MARK "THE SHARK" SHRADER &
"DANGEROUS" DEVON STORM

SPECIAL GUEST RING ANNOUNCER: ANDY WARHOL. (No, not really. He kind of
looked like him, a resemblance Lee and Natster BOTH picked up almost in
stereo.)

As long as I'm drooling over the women of the MEWF, Brittany dumped the PVC
for torn denims, curve-hugging top, and leather jacket. Wow again. How in
the hell am I supposed to concentrate on my show report when the MEWF keeps
putting women like Patricia and Brittany in front of me??? I'm sorry, let
me get back to the wrestling. No, let me get back to the angle. After a
night of "Profit Loves Men" chants, Royce needed to prove his manhood. I
am writing this about 24 hours later, and I suspect Brittany is STILL
looking for enough Scope to wash the taste of Penguin out of her mouth...
and somewhere, the Dark Cheetah is still breathing a sigh of relief that
Royce didn't use HER to demonstrate his personal proclivities. This was a
match that bounced back and forth between brawling and science, but never
stayed on either long enough to get dull. The ring ropes were still
sagging badly, so some of Mark and Devon's aerial attack was blunted.
There were still some great moments -- Cicero's slingshot powerbomb on
Shrader (I have NO idea how he still has all his vertebrae working!)...
Jason gives the women in the crowd a moment with an extended half-moon...
Devon tees off on Royce with Royce's own golf club... after 17:30, Devon
managed to hit a top-rope standing Frankensteiner onto Cicero, onto a
chair, and scored the three-count. This while Jason and Shark were
brawling outside the ring. So what did Devon get for his efforts?
Toasted. With Shrader hauled off to the back, Jason was free to help the
Wiseguy destroy Storm. It took several MEWF officials to break up the
attack, while Shark tried to come back into the ring to help but was too
badly battered to do much but collapse. Needless to say, THIS feud is far,
far from over.

But this card is quite done.

See you March 2, same time, same place.