Horrible news

bzl

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Oct 15, 2015, 4:46:02 PM10/15/15

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Old friends, I don't know the details yet, but my good friend Doug Lilley (3Jane) has died. I wish this was a Fred-type rumor, but it's not.

All I know is there is no obvious cause. As a matter of RMGD policy, I won't reveal it, even if/when I do find out.

I'll check back once I know more about any arrangements, etc.

I just saw him at a local moe. show two weeks ago tonight. He was well.

Go with God.

The old geezer

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Oct 15, 2015, 5:20:51 PM10/15/15

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On Thursday, October 15, 2015 at 4:46:02 PM UTC-4, bzl wrote:
>
> All I know is there is no obvious cause. As a matter of RMGD policy, I won't reveal it, even if/when I do find out.......

Why not? If he had a heart attack he had a heart attack.

TOG

James Pablos

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Oct 15, 2015, 5:34:23 PM10/15/15

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On Thursday, October 15, 2015 at 4:46:02 PM UTC-4, bzl wrote:

> Old friends, I don't know the details yet, but my good friend Doug Lilley (3Jane) has died. I wish this was a Fred-type rumor, but it's not.

So sorry to hear that. He was a good guy.

Tarp Skidoo

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Oct 15, 2015, 8:49:13 PM10/15/15

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Bummer, I liked Doug. Condolences to you, and RIP 3jane.

Band Beyond You

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Oct 16, 2015, 4:19:43 AM10/16/15

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Wow, really sorry to hear...godspeed and condolences ...

Steve Terry

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Oct 16, 2015, 7:41:11 AM10/16/15

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Sorry for your loss Bzl, and RIP Doug. I didn't know him in real life like you did, but he always seemed to be one of the good guys.

bzl

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Oct 16, 2015, 9:08:32 AM10/16/15

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On Friday, October 16, 2015 at 7:41:11 AM UTC-4, Steve Terry wrote:
> Sorry for your loss Bzl, and RIP Doug. I didn't know him in real life like you did, but he always seemed to be one of the good guys.

He was a good guy, Steve, thanks. I'm concerned about his family, including his 80+ y/o mother, as well as his ex-fiance. He and Beth broke up a few months ago after ~5 years.

Big void around here for me... we were always seeing shows and games. We were basically in constant contact, but I hadn't communicated with him in a couple weeks, at least partly due to a rough work stretch for me. Had tickets together for the local Dead and Co. show on 11/6. That's going to be bittersweet, if I even go.

the Felonious Kidd

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Oct 16, 2015, 11:15:28 AM10/16/15

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First and foremost this is sad news. Condolences.

Second, I understand people's desire to know "why?" more than I do the desire of some to keep that information private. To me it doesn't really matter if I ever know "why?", but... People do some strange things in the name of a legacy. To some it may seem just as strange that anyone would have an emotional stake in someone they only met online, never met in person or even spoken with over the phone, but it happens. And it is a natural reaction to ask "why?" when someone you have had friendly interactions with has died unexpectedly. I can't think of a single funeral, wake or memorial that I have ever been to where there has not been some discussion of the manner of death. IMO it's not morbid, it's human.

Again, bzl, I sympathize with how you are feeling right now.

rld.w...@gmail.com

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Oct 16, 2015, 1:29:03 PM10/16/15

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I did not know him but I am so sorry, May his memory be a blessing.

gratefuljoe

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Oct 16, 2015, 4:05:27 PM10/16/15

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That's a shame, RIP. I had sent him some music over the years, one of which was a DVDr of a Talking Heads concert in Forest Hills, NY that we both were at. Seemed like a good guy.

k sturm

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Oct 16, 2015, 5:14:29 PM10/16/15

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On Thursday, October 15, 2015 at 3:46:02 PM UTC-5, bzl wrote:

On Thursday, October 15, 2015 at 3:46:02 PM UTC-5, bzl wrote:
> Old friends, I don't know the details yet, but my good friend Doug Lilley (3Jane) has died.

I haven't been here in ages, but when I read this on fb, I had to come back to where I first knew Doug to say I'm sorry for your loss, Bzl. I feel so sad today and I never even met him in person. Doug was a good guy and he will be greatly missed.

Yoke R

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Oct 16, 2015, 5:58:44 PM10/16/15

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On Thursday, October 15, 2015 at 4:46:02 PM UTC-4, bzl wrote:

May he Rest In Peace.

DanPopp

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Oct 16, 2015, 6:16:10 PM10/16/15

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Sorry

marcman

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Oct 17, 2015, 7:31:30 AM10/17/15

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I met Doug at Merriweather summer of '10 and we did some live music together. He was great guy. A wonderful person t hang out with and I think I'm qualified to say that because over the years I've hung out with some real winners. He was an absolute gentleman, and incredibly clever and very funny. We laughed a a lot hanging out at that venue. When I realized this morning that he had passed, a lump in my throat formed that hasn't gone away. This is so sad and I'm so sorry for those of you that knew him better than I did. My best to all of you and to his family.

N F A <3

bzl

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Oct 17, 2015, 9:27:13 AM10/17/15

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On Saturday, October 17, 2015 at 7:31:30 AM UTC-4, marcman wrote:
> I met Doug at Merriweather summer of '10 and we did some live music together. He was great guy. A wonderful person t hang out with and I think I'm qualified to say that because over the years I've hung out with some real winners. He was an absolute gentleman, and incredibly clever and very funny. We laughed a a lot hanging out at that venue. When I realized this morning that he had passed, a lump in my throat formed that hasn't gone away. This is so sad and I'm so sorry for those of you that knew him better than I did. My best to all of you and to his family.
>
> N F A <3

He spoke very well of you Marc.

Mark Hitchings, Andy Gefen, Doug and I went to another Sunday Phish show at Merriweather in August. Good times, good show (and I'm not a Phishie). So, his rmgd connections were there up to the end.

NFA, indeed.

Nothing formal is going to happen as far as a memorial service for a while. His mom is/was overseas visiting family and taking comfort with them. There is a very informal frisbee toss near his brother's place tomorrow afternoon (which I can't make). Doug was not a religious guy, so no need for a "formal" funeral or anything.

Man, this really sucks.

Yoke R

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Oct 17, 2015, 6:03:10 PM10/17/15

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I wonder if there will be an obituary posted
on www.legacy.com anytime soon?

dr.narcolepsy

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Oct 18, 2015, 12:03:12 AM10/18/15

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I am so sorry to learn of this, bzl - I'm sorry you lost your friend. Doug
was always a good guy to me and he had interesting takes on lots of the
stuff that gets discussed, here. I can't believe it, really ... I hope his
family and you are doing well.

bzl

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Oct 18, 2015, 9:24:06 AM10/18/15

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Dunno. My guess is not for awhile, since the family probably won't schedule a memorial service for a while. (His mom is visiting family in Europe, I gather Doug's siblings encouraged her not to rush back.)

If I see something local, I'll post.

bzl

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Oct 18, 2015, 9:29:25 AM10/18/15

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Thanks. He has such a large circle of friends from his pre-return to DC; I barely register in the overall scheme of things (not complaining).

My phone is filled with reams of texts, at least 80% baseball and basketball related, most of rest music. We'd always text during Nats and Wizards games. Little stuff like that is going to be missing.

Turned on my ipod at the gym yesterday, the Baseball Project was first to play, which is an outfit we saw a couple times together, and he turned me on to. Reminders everywhere!

sweetbac

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Oct 19, 2015, 6:47:33 PM10/19/15

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Bummer, Bizz....He was always a cool guy with me.
Shit, Goddamn....

frndthdevl

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Oct 21, 2015, 12:30:00 AM10/21/15

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"And when the broken hearted people
Living in the world agree,
There will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is
Still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be."

bzl

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Nov 25, 2015, 8:25:49 AM11/25/15

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Here is the long-overdue death notice, published today:

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/washingtonpost/obituary.aspx?n=douglas-t-lilley&pid=176643020

On October 14, 2015, Douglas Taylor Lilley died in his sleep at his residence in Washington, DC. Born in 1958 in the Philippines to James and Sally Lilley, Douglas spent his childhood in Southeast Asia. He graduated from Phillips Academy Andover in 1976 and Middlebury College in 1981 before receiving an MBA from NYU in 1987. He spent a semester of business school at the University of New South in Australia. He worked in California, New York and most recently as the business manager at Capital City Public Charter School Washington, DC where he enjoyed being part of a vibrant community. He served as a pro-bono financial advisor to the Douglas A. Campbell Foundation, which supports hands-on projects in the developing world, particularly Southeast Asia. Douglas was an avid ultimate Frisbee player and traveled widely in the world. In later years he enjoyed playing Frisbee golf with his nephews and nieces in Lewes, DE. He was a Washington Redskins fan and had a deep interest in music, particularly The Grateful Dead, which tied him to friends and fellow music lovers from near and far. He loved to read. He is survived by his mother, Sally Lilley of Washington, DC; brothers, Mike Lilley of Rumson, NJ and Jeff Lilley of Silver Spring, MD; six nephews and nieces. A private family service will be held at a later date. Contributions in memory of Douglas can be made to one of the following charities:

Ultimate Peace - www.ultimatepeace.org/

Capital City Public Charter School - www.ccpcs.org/about/support/

the Felonious Kidd

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Nov 25, 2015, 11:14:22 AM11/25/15

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Here is another:

http://www.melindakaylivesfaraway.com/2015/10/in-remembrance-of.html

Lfh

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Nov 25, 2015, 11:41:44 AM11/25/15

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Aw, fuck. Douglas was a real fine cat in my book. So sorry to hear about this.

Ed Chapin

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Nov 29, 2015, 11:59:31 AM11/29/15

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Indeed.

I thoroughly enjoyed Doug's RMGD presence, as he often accentuated the
positive and seemed to genuinely care about the human condition.

He was a very good cyberneighbor :-)

Ed

bzl

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Apr 23, 2016, 11:30:34 AM4/23/16

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On Thursday, October 15, 2015 at 4:46:02 PM UTC-4, bzl wrote:

The family and the Ex (Beth) finally had the "celebration" for Doug last Saturday, almost exactly 6 months after he passed. It was really nice... They had it in art gallery where he was finance director, and friends and relatives came from all over the country (and even some cousins from Austria). His Middlebury and 12-y/o summer camp crowd was particularly well-represented. They kept the crowd to Doug and Beth's first-cut wedding invite list (before they split a few months before he died) since that was more than capacity at the gallery. Lots of cool remembrances of his wit, generosity and loyalty. The guy was obviously loved by many. They had a big giveaway of his CDs and books... take what you want... I grabbed some "Doug music" stuff: Steve Wynn, Eric Brace (alt-country), Belle & Sebastian... and I directed others to particularly good GD CDs.

My favorite speech was by a cousin who described talking politics with Doug being like opening an oven door that had been preset to 500 degrees and sticking your head in it. He was the "liberal voice" of his quite conservative family, and you *always* knew his views.

Things had the potential to get a little awkward when his brother talked about his death being "a cautionary tale". Doug was a long-time hard drinker and exhuberant partier and his body was giving out; I was aware of some liver issues he'd been having. But, the comments were all somehow appropriate. The family got some good closure, so it was all good.

If you'd like a scan of the little program, email me at bzlrbi at aol and I'll send it to you.

bzl

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Apr 23, 2016, 11:33:47 AM4/23/16

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Hey, that's really cool. I hadn't seen it. Must have been right before he and Beth met... they were together about 5 years.

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