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The Bastard King of Westeros
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X-Lydia
Jan 14, 2015, 4:26:11 AM1/14/15
to
The Bastard King of Westeros
Tune: "The Phony King of England"
Lyrics by Susanna R.A. Miller
A song they'll sing of a wicked king, ten thousand years from now,
and not because he passed some laws, or had a head of tow:
As if this life of kingdom strife weren't dangerous enough,
We now have to live in fear of that good-for-nothing Joff!
though formally crowned as Joff the First, he's sure to be known as Joff the Worst -
Down with the bastard king of Westeros!
When good king Robert held the throne his sons they numbered two,
but both (as wasn't widely known) were lions through and through.
They both did share mum's golden hair, though dad's was black as ink -
there's more than great affairs of state to drive a man to drink!
Too drunk to be hunting wild boar, he won't be hunting anymore:
Thus rose the bastard king of Westeros.
The secret shame was swiftly guessed by Robert's good chum Ned,
but writing of that vile incest cost him his honest head.
His great sword Ice was melted twice for Lannister weaponry,
And the wedding's off for Sansa, but that doesn't mean she's free.
Too broadly applying treason's marks, young Joffrey outlawed the remaining Starks,
Down with the bastard king of Westeros!
Three kings laid claim in a dangerous game to hold the Iron Throne,
two more went forth to free the North or Iron Isles to own.
Though many fought for a king they sought, and now forever sleep,
our Joffrey claimed the victory from inside his castle keep.
Too royal to risk his getting hurt, he's safe behind Cersei's scarlet skirt,
Down with the bastard king of Westeros!
His royal rage, though not quite of age, respects no man nor maid
And if he'd like your heads on pikes, you'll soon be thus displayed.
They'll make more rhymes on his ghastly crimes (how many, who can say?)
From early boyhood cruel joy to his royal wedding day.
Where even the wine and the festive pie
had reason to want to watch him die -
Down goes the bastard king of Westeros!
(All the world seems in tune on a spring afternoon as we're poisoning pigeons in the pie...)
The crown was duly handed down to Tommen, next in line,
who'd rather play with kittens than shoot crossbows or drink wine.
When Cersei deigns to let him reign, and the Iron Throne he mounts
His lordly leonine Kingsguard will be headed by Ser Pounce.
He's really a rather pleasant lad, as good as his elder brother was bad,
(Spoken: I never thought I'd say this, but:)
Long live the Bastard King of Westeros!
Tune: "The Phony King of England"
Lyrics by Susanna R.A. Miller
A song they'll sing of a wicked king, ten thousand years from now,
and not because he passed some laws, or had a head of tow:
As if this life of kingdom strife weren't dangerous enough,
We now have to live in fear of that good-for-nothing Joff!
though formally crowned as Joff the First, he's sure to be known as Joff the Worst -
Down with the bastard king of Westeros!
When good king Robert held the throne his sons they numbered two,
but both (as wasn't widely known) were lions through and through.
They both did share mum's golden hair, though dad's was black as ink -
there's more than great affairs of state to drive a man to drink!
Too drunk to be hunting wild boar, he won't be hunting anymore:
Thus rose the bastard king of Westeros.
The secret shame was swiftly guessed by Robert's good chum Ned,
but writing of that vile incest cost him his honest head.
His great sword Ice was melted twice for Lannister weaponry,
And the wedding's off for Sansa, but that doesn't mean she's free.
Too broadly applying treason's marks, young Joffrey outlawed the remaining Starks,
Down with the bastard king of Westeros!
Three kings laid claim in a dangerous game to hold the Iron Throne,
two more went forth to free the North or Iron Isles to own.
Though many fought for a king they sought, and now forever sleep,
our Joffrey claimed the victory from inside his castle keep.
Too royal to risk his getting hurt, he's safe behind Cersei's scarlet skirt,
Down with the bastard king of Westeros!
His royal rage, though not quite of age, respects no man nor maid
And if he'd like your heads on pikes, you'll soon be thus displayed.
They'll make more rhymes on his ghastly crimes (how many, who can say?)
From early boyhood cruel joy to his royal wedding day.
Where even the wine and the festive pie
had reason to want to watch him die -
Down goes the bastard king of Westeros!
(All the world seems in tune on a spring afternoon as we're poisoning pigeons in the pie...)
The crown was duly handed down to Tommen, next in line,
who'd rather play with kittens than shoot crossbows or drink wine.
When Cersei deigns to let him reign, and the Iron Throne he mounts
His lordly leonine Kingsguard will be headed by Ser Pounce.
He's really a rather pleasant lad, as good as his elder brother was bad,
(Spoken: I never thought I'd say this, but:)
Long live the Bastard King of Westeros!
Jeff Urs
Jan 14, 2015, 7:25:30 AM1/14/15
to
Well done!
--
Jeff
--
Jeff
Lee Gold XP
Jan 14, 2015, 10:33:05 AM1/14/15
to
On 1/14/2015 4:25 AM, Jeff Urs wrote:
> Well done!
>
Agreed.
--Lee
> Well done!
>
Agreed.
--Lee
Rich Brown
Jan 14, 2015, 2:27:26 PM1/14/15
to
On Wed, 14 Jan 2015 01:26:10 -0800, X-Lydia wrote:
> The Bastard King of Westeros
A keeper. Yay.
> The Bastard King of Westeros
Perry F. Bruns
Jan 14, 2015, 6:54:16 PM1/14/15
to
Love it!
Kay Shapero
Jan 16, 2015, 3:42:01 AM1/16/15
to
In article <34e46d30-d764-4238...@googlegroups.com>, x-
ly...@rocketmail.com says...
--
Kay Shapero
FAQ at http://www.kayshapero.net/filkfaq.htm
Address munged, use kay at kayshapero extension as per website.
ly...@rocketmail.com says...
>
> The Bastard King of Westeros
>
> Tune: "The Phony King of England"
>
> Lyrics by Susanna R.A. Miller
>
> A song they'll sing of a wicked king, ten thousand years from now,
> and not because he passed some laws, or had a head of tow:
> As if this life of kingdom strife weren't dangerous enough,
> We now have to live in fear of that good-for-nothing Joff!
Hear hear!! Good one!
> The Bastard King of Westeros
>
> Tune: "The Phony King of England"
>
> Lyrics by Susanna R.A. Miller
>
> A song they'll sing of a wicked king, ten thousand years from now,
> and not because he passed some laws, or had a head of tow:
> As if this life of kingdom strife weren't dangerous enough,
> We now have to live in fear of that good-for-nothing Joff!
--
Kay Shapero
FAQ at http://www.kayshapero.net/filkfaq.htm
Address munged, use kay at kayshapero extension as per website.
Qe'van, Bard of Nor
Feb 22, 2015, 8:31:08 AM2/22/15
to
On Wed, 14 Jan 2015 01:26:10 -0800, X-Lydia wrote:
> The Bastard King of Westeros
>
> Tune: "The Phony King of England"
that is very, very well done.
>
> Tune: "The Phony King of England"
Good on ya!
X-Lydia
Feb 25, 2015, 2:16:02 AM2/25/15
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