science jokes (18/21)
Joachim Verhagen
=6.2 RULES FOR WRITING AN ARTICLE:
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From: ch...@labtam.labtam.oz.au (Chris Taylor)
Here is an old collection that I rediscovered recently.
A brief guide to Scientific literature
======================================
Phrase Translation
------------------------------------------------
It has been long known...............I haven't bothered to check the references
It is known..........................I believe
It is believed.......................I think
It is generally believed.............My collegues and I think
There has been some discussion.......Nobody agrees with me
It can be shown......................Take my word for it
It is proven.........................It agrees with something mathematical
Of great theoretical importance......I find it interesting
Of great practical importance........This justifies my employment
Of great historical importance.......This ought to make me famous
Some samples were chosen for study...The others didn't make sense
Typical results are shown............The best results are shown
Correct within order of magnitude....Wrong
The values were obtained empirically.The values were obtained by accident
The results are inconclusive........The results seem to disprove my hypothesis
Additional work is required..........Someone else can work out the details
It might be argued that..............I have a good answer to this objection
The investigations proved rewarding..My grant has been renewed
From: eri...@scn.org (Martha K. Koester)
Synthesised according to.............Purchased from Sigma
standard protocols
Thanks to Joe Blow for expert........Thanks to Joe Blow for doing
technical assistance and Jane all the work and Jane Doe for
Doe for valuable discussion. telling me what it meant.
From: Ne...@ecol.ucl.ac.be (Gabriel NEVE)
While it has not been possible.......The experiments didn't work out,
to provide definite answers to but I figured I could at least
these questions... get a publication out of it.
Mus musculus domesticus..............Mus musculus domesticus
was chosen as especially suitable to is a lovely animal
test this hypothesis. which is easy to study in
the lab.
accidentally strained during mounting dropped on the floor
handled with extreme care ...not dropped on the floor
throughout the experiments
Although some detail has been It is impossible to tell from the
lost in reproduction, it is clear original micrograph.
from the original micrograph
Presumably at longer times... I didn't take the time to find out.
The agreement with the predicted
curve is...
excellent fair
good poor
satisfactory doubtful
fair imaginary
as good as could be expected non-existent
The most reliable values are Jones was a student of mine.
those of Jones.
It is suggested that...
It is believed that... I think that...
It may be that...
It is generally believed that... A couple of other guys think so too.
It is clear that much additional I don't understand it.
work will be required before
a complete understanding...
Unfortunately, a quantitative Neither does anybody else.
theory to account for these effects
has not been formulated.
It is hoped that this work will This paper isn't very good, but
stimulate further work in the field. neither are any of the others in
this miserable subject.
High purity Composition unknown except for
Very high purity the exaggerated claims of the
suppliers
[adapted by Dominic Semple and Gabriel Neve from an article by C.D. Graham,
Jr., Metal Progress, 1957, and Technology Review, January 1977]
And the last one from mammalogists :
Arvicola voles were found as The radio-traking collars we've
especially suitable to investigate got are too big for Microtus
this interesting ecological problem vole species.
___________________________________________________________________________
THE REFEREE'S CREED:
What I don't understand I despise, what I despise I reject.
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The game of refereeing:
The author's goal: Publish a worthless paper.
The referee's goal: Prevent publishing of a major contribution to field.
___________________________________________________________________________
No matter what degree of rigor the author uses, the referee replies by saying
it is not the correct one.
___________________________________________________________________________
"It is dangerous to be right in matters on which the established
authorities are wrong." - Voltaire
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From an unknown but astute source:
Every new scientist must learn early that it is never good taste to
designate the sum of two quantities in the form:
1 + 1 = 2 (1)
Anyone who has made a study o f advanced mathematics is aware that:
1 = ln e
1 = sin^2 x + cos^2 x
\inf
2 = sum 1/2^n
n=
Therefore eq. (1) can be expressed more scientifically as:
\inf
ln e + sin^2 x + cos^2 x = sum 1/2^n (2)
n=
This may be further simplified by use of the relations:
1 = cosh y sqrt(1 - tanh^2 y)
e = lim (1+1/z)^z
z-> inf
Equation (2) may therefore be rewritten as:
inf cosh y sqrt(1 - tanh^2 y)
ln[ lim (1+1/z)^z ] + sin^2 x + cos^2 x = SUM ____________________________
z-> inf n= 2^n
(3)
At this point it should be obvious that eq. (3) is much clearer and more
easily onderstood than eq. (1). Other methods of a similar nature could be
used to clarify eq. (1), but these are easily divined once the reader
grasps the underlying principles.
___________________________________________________________________________
Since figures and pictures strike the imagination of the reader much better,
all articles and dissertations should be published in cartoon form to
reach a larger publicum.
___________________________________________________________________________
From: Aliquotes iv.vii (journal) (rog...@microsoft.com)
IF SECRETARIAL DUTIES WERE PERFORMED BY SCIENTISTS...
A letter wich was dictated to read....
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
from the desk of: ELAINE ROBINSON
Anyday, February 31, 1996
Dear Jerry,
We regret to inform you that we have reanalyzed the current fiscal
situation in the company and have come to the decision that the position
which you currently hold will be phased out in the next few months. As you
have been a loyal employee for the past twenty years, we will be offering
you an early retirement package wich will hopefully fulfill all of your
requirements. We wish you the best of luck in your future endeavours and
hope that you will stay in touch.
Sincerely,
Elaine Robinson, CEO
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
would instead read....
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Analysis of Fiscal Responsibilities in the Company Superstructure
Robinson, Elaine (CEO), et al.
The following treatise describes the results of the most recent findings
of the study of monetary fluctuarions in the area of resource management,
especially with regard to the placement and distribution of human
resources. There is an indication from the data wich has been presented
(see Figure 1a) that the future fiscal situation will indicate
deficiencies. While this is counter to the previous results (Company
profile, 1994 and 1995), we feel strongly that the data suggests a
realignment of personnel placements, although we do not discount other
avenues of readjustment (for a review, see Memo #17, 1996). While the
analysis is not complete, the projection of the curve (Figure 2) indicates
that the changes which we propose should occur within a time frame amenable
to stabilizing the situation.
Previous results (Employee Profile, 1976-1995) have suggested other
possible scenarios but the present situation (Figure 3) causes our group to
re-evaluate. Owing to the enormity of our proposal, certain allowances
have been established (Table 1) to deal with the current findings and we
will soon present more findings regarding the extended time vector (data
not shown, in preparation).
Note added in proof: Further analysis has indicated a strong preference
for the sacrifice of secific variables, with particular reference to Jerry.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
=6.3 POETRY
E__________________________________________________________________________
From: NANCY...@bdt.COM (Nancy Gill)
The Condemned
When the earth was created, the powers above,
Gave each man a job to work at and love.
He made doctors and lawyers and plumbers and then,
He made carpenters, singers, and confidence men.
And when each had a job to work as he should,
He looked them all over and saw it was good.
He then sat down to rest for a day,
When a horrible groan chanced to come his way.
The Lord then looked down and his eyes opened wide,
For a motley collection of bums stood outside.
"And what do you want?" the creator asked them,
"Help us," they cried out, "A job for us men".
"We have no profession," they cried in dismay,
"And even the jails have turned us away".
Said the Lord, "I've seen many things without worth,
But here I find gathered the scum of the earth!"
The Lord was perplexed, and then he was mad,
For the jobs were all gone, there was none to be had.
Then he spoke aloud in a deep angry tone,
"Forever and ever ye mongrels shall roam,
Ye shall freeze in the summer and sweat when it's cold,
Ye shall work on equipment that's dirty and old,
Ye shall crawl under raised floors, and there cables lay,
Ye shall be called out at midnight and work through the day,
Ye shall work on all holidays, and not make your worth,
Ye shall be blamed for all downtime that occurs on the earth,
Ye shall watch all the glory go to software and sales,
Ye shall be blamed by them both if the system then fails.
Ye shall be paid nothing out of sorrow and tears,
Ye shall be forever cursed, and called FIELD ENGINEERS!"
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From: clu...@ix.netcom.com (John Clulow)
Plot the product of xy equals 3, 4, or 5
on a sphere of immeasurable size.
Then through mental transportation
find the point of destination,
independent of real space and time.
A single path is found
to go the sphere around;
to where East meets West
and where north-'n-south's a jest,
and where positive and negative unite.
___________________________________________________________________________
Grant, oh God, Thy benedictions
on my theory's predictions
Lest the facts, when verified,
Show Thy servant to have lied.
May they make me B.Sc.
A Ph. D. and then
A D. Sc., and F. R. S.
A Times Obit. Amen.
Oh, Lord, I pray, forgive me please,
My unsuccesful syntheses,
Tho know'st, of course -- in Thy position --
I'm up angainst such competition.
Let not the hardened Editor,
With referee to quote,
Cut all may explanation out
And print it as a Not.
- Researcher's prayer, from: R.L. Weber (ed.), A random walk in Science,
the Institute of Physics, London, 1973,1974,1975.
PC_________________________________________________________________________
Inspired, perhaps, by the Unabomber, reader Chris Marks composed
three original scientific limericks with the common theme of
"Explosions of Various Sizes". They appear, for easy reference, in
order ofincreasing magnitude of destruction:
A cautious young chemist named Mound
Was surprised (but not hurt) when he found
That A mixed with B
In the presence of C
Made a hole (ringed with dirt) in the ground.
[note; in this limerick, (r) represents the "registered" symbol]
A scientist working at Sandia(r)
Found a way to make larger bombs handier.
The result of a test
In the desert Southwest
Turned the land close at hand even sandier.
Great minds have been known to recite,
Or in papers they publish, to write
That before time began
There occurred a Big Bang --
But the theory has never been quite
completed.
___________________________________________________________________________
From: Aliquotes iv.vi (journal) (rog...@microsoft.com)
AS THEY LIKE IT
By: Wm Shakespipette
All the world's a lab,
And all the men and women merely subjects:
They have theri theses and exams,
And one doc in his time plans many experiments
His notes in seven stages. At first the _undergrad_,
mewlink and puking at the frat house jams.
And then the winning _doctorate_, with his papers
And statistical analysis, doing just enough
If only to graduate. And then the _postdoc_,
Wailing like hell, with a woeful ballad
Of experiments gone sour. Then _assoicate prof_,
Full of strange theories and requiring a tech,
Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in temper,
Seeking the bubble reputation
While kissing the chairman's butt. And then the _tenure_,
In fair round belly with good postdocs lined,
With eyes severe and pen to thesis cut,
Full of wise saws and forgotten techniques;
And so he plays his part. The sixt stage shifts
To the lean and slippered _chair_
With spectacles on nose and job on the side,
His theories of youth, well saved, a world to weird
For his shrunk grant; and so his "go get'em" attitude
Turning again towards mild caution, tempered
Theories all around. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is status _emeritus_ and mere oblivion,
sans students, sans postdocs, sans grants, sans everything.
___________________________________________________________________________
From: jca...@jet.es (Javier Camara)
Tell me why the stars do shine,
Tell me why the ivy twines,
Tell me what makes skies so blue,
And I'll tell you why I love you.
Nuclear fusion makes stars to shine,
Tropisms make the ivy twine,
Raleigh scattering make skies so blue,
Testicular hormones are why I love you.
-- From the Joke Book of Isaac Asimov
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=6.4 QUOTES
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"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what
the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and
be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is
another theory which states that this has already happened."
-- Douglas Adams
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"The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses
a base ten counting system and likes round numbers."
Scott Adams
*__________________________________________________________________________
From: Vadim Zelenkov <zele...@gray.isir.minsk.by>
Science is the best way to satisfy your own curiosity for the governmental
account.
Soviet physicist Lev Artsimovich (1909-1973)
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From: WIN...@AgResearch.cri.nz (Louise Winder)
'The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new
discoveries, is not "Eureka!" ("I found it!") but rather "hmm....that's
funny..."' -- Isaac Asimov
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From: ed...@aol.com (Ed Fitzgerald)
The ability to reduce everything to simple fundamental laws does not imply
the ability to start from those laws and reconstruct the universe.
-- Philip W. Anderson "More Is Different" Science magazine (1972)
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From: ed...@aol.com (Ed Fitzgerald)
At each stage [of the hierarchical structure of reality] entirely new laws,
concepts and generalizations are necessary, requiring inspiration and
creativity to just as great a degree as in the previous one. ... Psychology
is not applied biology, nor is biology applied chemistry.
-- Philip W. Anderson "More Is Different" Science magazine (1972)
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Errors using inadequate data are much less than those using no data at all.
- Charles Babbage (1792-1871)
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From: jr3...@aol.com (JR3000) If a man will begin with certainties, he will
end in doubts; but if he will be content to begin with doubts, he will end
in certainties. -Francis Bacon (1561-1626),_Advancement of Learning_
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From: do...@larry.infi.net (Don A. Berkowitz) As I look back upon my
education in chemistry and physics, I see that each year I learned that the
stuff I learned the previous year was either a special case of a more
general theory, an approximation, or, on occasion, an outright lie!
Nonetheless, I needed those lower order approximations to be able to make
sense of more general and conceptually more difficult formulations.
- Don A. Berkowitz
MP_________________________________________________________________________
...it would be better for the true physics if there were no mathematicians
on earth. - Daniel (no, not Daniel or Jakob) Bernoulli
___________________________________________________________________________
From:Matthew Austern ma...@physics.berkeley.edu:
Never express yourself more clearly than you think.
-- Niels Bohr (1885-1962) Danish physicist
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"The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite
of a profound truth may well be another profound truth." -- Niels Bohr
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An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes, which can be made, in
a very narrow field. - Niels Henrik David Bohr (1885-1962)
More from Bohr in the physics section
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@A: Bronowski,Jacob (1908-1974)
@Q: That is the essence of science: Ask an impertinent question, and you
are on the way to a pertinent answer.
@R: Ascent of man (1973) ch.4.
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If scientific reasoning were limited to the logical processes of
arithmetic, we should not get very far in our understanding of the
physical world. One might as well attempt to grasp the game of poker
entirely by the use of the mathematics of probability. -- Vannevar Bush
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From: CRI...@delphi.com (Susan Crites/CRITESS)
As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty, and
I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life -- so I became a
scientist. This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls.
-- Matt Cartmill
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CLARKE'S LAWS
Arthur C. Clarke (1917-)
When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is
possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something
is impossible, he is very probably wrong.
_Profiles of the Future_ (1962; rev. 1973)
``Hazards of Prophecy: The Failure of Imagination''
Clarke's First Law
On which he commented:
Perhaps the adjective ``elderly'' requires definition. In physics,
mathematics, and astronautics it means over thirty; in the other
disciplines, senile decay is sometimes postponed to the forties.
There are, of course, glorious exceptions; but as every researcher
just out of college knows, scientists of over fifty are good for
nothing but board meetings, and should at all costs be kept out of the
laboratory!
_Profiles of the Future_ (1962; rev. 1973)
``Hazards of Prophecy: The Failure of Imagination''
But the only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to
venture a little way past them into the impossible.
_Profiles of the Future_ (1962; rev. 1973)
``Hazards of Prophecy: The Failure of Imagination''
Clarke's Second Law
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
_Profiles of the Future_ (1962; rev. 1973)
``Hazards of Prophecy: The Failure of Imagination''
Clarke's Third Law
Clarke adds: As three laws were good enough for Newton, I have
modestly decided to stop there.
A post with the ``first law'' invariably gets followed up with one
mentioning this:
When, however, the lay public rallies round an idea that is denounced
by distinguished but elderly scientists and supports that idea with
great fervor and emotion--the distinguished but elderly scientists are
then, after all, probably right.
Isaac Asimov (1920-1992)
_Fantasy & Science Fiction_ 1977 [magazine]
In answer to Clarke's First Law
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From: WIN...@AgResearch.cri.nz (Louise Winder)
'Scientists are to journalists what rats are to scientists'
Victor Cohn, medical writer, Washington Post
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From: mar...@concentric.com (marlowe)
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by
everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the
exact opposite . -- Paul Dirac
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From: FCB <fb...@mci.newscorp.com>
Keep on the lookout for novel ideas that others have used successfully. Your
idea has to be original only in its adaptation to the problem you're working
on. - Thomas Edison (1847-1931)
Results! Why, man, I have gotten a lot of results. I know several thousand
things that won't work. - Thomas Edison (1847-1931)
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What used to be called a prejudice is now called a null hypothesis.
- AWF Edwards, Nature, 9th March 1971
___________________________________________________________________________
From: WIN...@AgResearch.cri.nz (Louise Winder)
'The average scientist is basically toilet-trained to the point where if what
he does is comprehensible to the general public, it means he's not a good
scientist. That's what I thought. I was wrong'
Paul Ehrlich, biologist
Author of 'The Population Bomb'
___________________________________________________________________________
From: Dr. Stuart Savory savor...@sni.de / savor...@sni-usa.com
"If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research,
would it?". -- Albert Einstein (1879-1955) [German physicist]
___________________________________________________________________________
From: AXY...@prodigy.com (Kristian Jungen)
My favorite from Einstein (forgive me if I paraphrase slightly:)
Einstein was listening to a student of his when he stated:
"Do not trouble me with your concerns with Mathematics.
I assure you, mine are greater."
___________________________________________________________________________
From: go...@infonaut.com (Clark Goble)
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and
I'm not sure about the the universe. -- Albert Einstein
___________________________________________________________________________
From: jr3...@aol.com (JR3000)
"The must incomprehensible thing about the universe is that it is
comprehensible." --Albert Einstein
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From: Colin_Do...@equinox.gen.nz (Colin Douthwaite)
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age 18.
- Albert Einstein
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From: Colin_Do...@equinox.gen.nz (Colin Douthwaite)
"Nothing will benefit human health and increase the chances for survival
of life on Earth as much as the evolution to a vegetarian diet"
- Albert Einstein
___________________________________________________________________________
From: s...@dnai.com (Sue Reinhold)
"You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your
grandmother." - Albert Einstein
___________________________________________________________________________
From: kha...@ozonline.com.au (Kevin Harris)
Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
I want to know God's thoughts; the rest are details.
Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.
Science is a wonderful thing if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
God does not care about our mathematical difficulties. He integrates
empirically.
One had to cram all this stuff into one's mind for the
examinations, whether one liked it or not. This coercion had
such a deterring effect on me that, after I had passed the
final examination, I found the consideration of any scientific
problems distasteful to me for an entire year.
...one of the strongest motives that lead men to art and science is
escape from everyday life with its painful crudity and hopeless dreariness,
from the fetters of one's own ever-shifting desires. A finely tempered
nature longs to escape from the personal life into the world of objective
perception and thought.
You're aware the boy failed my grade school math class, I take it?
And not that many years later he's teaching college. Now I ask you:
Is that the sorriest indictment of the American educational system
you ever heard? [pauses to light cigarette.] No aptitude at all
for long division, but never mind. It's him they ask to split the
atom. How he talked his way into the Nobel prize is beyond me. But
then, I suppose it's like the man says, "It's not what you know..."
Karl Arbeiter: former teacher of Albert Einstein
___________________________________________________________________________
From: ka...@cybernetics.net (Eric Karp)
I never thought that others would take them so much more seriously then I
did. - Albert Einstein about his theories
___________________________________________________________________________
From: tdel...@eehpx13.cen.uiuc.edu (Timothy M Dellinger)
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
-Albert Einstein
___________________________________________________________________________
From: fcb...@shentel.net (FRANK)
Subject: FRANK's Quotations for Mar 14 from Albert Einstein
FRANK's Quotations for Mar 14 from Albert Einstein
Foraging Quote:
We should take care not to make intellect our god; it has, of
course, powerful muscles, but no personality.
Reflecting quote:
I think and think for months and years. Ninety-nine times, the
conclusion is false. The hundredth time I am right.
Adopting quote:
A theory can be proved by experiment; but no path leads from
experiment to the birth of a theory.
Nurturing Quote:
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.
Knuckling Down Quote:
Try not to become a man of success but rather try to become a man
of value.
% Albert Einstein (1879-1955) born on Mar 14
Swiss-German-U.S. physicist; His theories of relativity
revolutionized physics; famous for E = MC squared; won Nobel
Prize, 1921.
___________________________________________________________________________
From: Ian Ellis <i...@iglou.com>
Q. What were Einstein's last words?
A. No-one knows!
Albert Einstein's last words were spoken in German. The only other
person in the room was a nurse who didn't speak or understand German, so
Einstein's "last words" remain a mystery.
[source "Poor Charlie's Almanac©" by Charles Suitt]
More from Einstein in the physics section
*__________________________________________________________________________
From: Don Westerheijden <d.f.west...@cheps.utwente.nl>
The present flood of publications hampers the progress of science.
(Eric Evers, thesis in Ph.D. dissertation, Amsterdam --my translation, DFW)
___________________________________________________________________________
From: ric...@milton.win-uk.net (Richard Milton)
"Nothing is too wonderful to be true if it be consistent with the laws of
nature." - Michael Faraday
___________________________________________________________________________
From: Ne...@ecol.ucl.ac.be (Gabriel NEVE)
"Experimental confirmation of a prediction is merely a
measurement. An experiment disproving a prediction is a discovery."
-- Enrico Fermi, Italian physicist, 1901-1954
___________________________________________________________________________
From: Steve Cutchen <scut...@arco.com>
@A Richard Feynman *
@Q First you guess. Don't laugh, this is the most important step.
Then you compute the consequences. Compare the consequences to
experience. If it disagrees with experience, the guess is wrong.
In that simple statement is the key to science. It doesn't matter
how beautiful your guess is or how smart you are or what your name is.
If it disagrees with experience, it's wrong. That's all there is to it.
@D The quote is from a PBS show on Dr. Feynman. He was describing to his
class how to look for a new law of physics
___________________________________________________________________________
From: Steve Cutchen <scut...@arco.com>
@A Richard Feynman
@Q I think that it is much more likely that the reports of flying saucers
are the results of the known irrational characteristics of terrestrial
intelligence than of the unknown rational efforts of extra-terrestrial
intelligence
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"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us
with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forego their use."
-- Galileo Galilei
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"It has always seemed to me extreme presumptuousness on the part of those who
want to make human ability the measure of what nature can and knows how to
do, since, when one comes down to it, there is not one effect in nature, no
matter how small, that even the most speculative minds can fully understand."
- Galileo Galilei
___________________________________________________________________________
From: ed...@aol.com (Ed Fitzgerald)
'There is no truth beyond magic' ... reality is strange.
Many people think reality is prosaic. I don't. We don't explain things
away in science. We get closer to the mystery.
-- Brian Goodwin quoted by Roger Lewin in "Complexity" (1992)
___________________________________________________________________________
From: ed...@aol.com (Ed Fitzgerald)
Science is an integral part of culture. It's not this foreign thing, done
by an arcane priesthood. It's one of the glories of human intellectual
tradition.
-- Stephen Jay Gould
___________________________________________________________________________
From: Jane Vosk <just...@u.washington.edu>
Now, my suspicion is that the universe is not only queerer than we
suppose, but queerer than we _can_ suppose. ... I suspect that there are
more things in heaven and earth than are dreamed of, in any
philosophy.[note] That is the reason why I have no philosophy for myself,
and must be my excuse for dreaming.
J.B.S. Haldane, "Possible Worlds", in "Possible worlds and other essays",
Chatto & Windus, London, 1927. On p286 of that edition.
Haldane, John Burdon Sanderson (British geneticist and writer, 1892-1964)
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From: off...@aa.wl.com (Jim Offord)
Four stages of acceptance:
i) this is worthless nonsense;
ii) this is an interesting, but perverse, point of view;
iii) this is true, but quite unimportant;
iv) I always said so.
(J.B.S. Haldane, Journal of Genetics #58, 1963,p.464)
*__________________________________________________________________________
From: Don Westerheijden <d.f.west...@cheps.utwente.nl>
Einstein didn't go around racking his brain, muttering to himself, "How,
oh how, can I come up with a Great Idea?" [...] The bottom line is that
invention is much more like falling off a log than like sawing one in two.
-- Douglas R. Hofstadter, Metamagical Themes, p. 233
___________________________________________________________________________
From: bou...@server.uwindsor.ca (Boucher David)
It is a capital mistake to theorise before one has data.
Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories
instead of theories to suit facts." - Sherlock Holmes
___________________________________________________________________________
Why think? Why not try the experiment?
-- John Hunter (letter to Edward Jenner)
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From: t...@panix.com (Tom Parsons)
Every cold empirick, when his heart is expanded by a successful
experiment, swells into a theorist.
--Johnson, Dr Samuel (1709-1784), Preface to Shakespeare
___________________________________________________________________________
From: cha...@jolt.mpx.com.au (Charles Cave)
Inventions have long since reached their limit, and I see no hope for
further development. -- Julius Sextus Frontinus
(Highly regarded engineer in Rome, 1st century A.D.)
___________________________________________________________________________
From: lsto...@pyrnova.mis.pyramid.com (Lon Stowell)
"It is unworthy of excellent men to lose hours, like slaves, in
the labors of calculation" .....Liebnitz (?)
___________________________________________________________________________
From: loc...@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (Jon Locker)
It is one Thing, to show a Man that he is in an Error,
and another, to put him in possession of Truth." - John Locke
___________________________________________________________________________
From: Ne...@ecol.ucl.ac.be (Gabriel NEVE)
"Scientific theories tell us what is possible; myths tell us what is
desirable. Both are needed to guide proper action."
- John Maynard Smith (Science and myth)
___________________________________________________________________________
From: Paul D. Shocklee (pd...@cornell.edu) "When in
doubt, cause as much confusion as you can, and, with luck,
there'll always be a loophole." - Richard Mueller
*__________________________________________________________________________
From: Casper Lans <cdl...@cs.ruu.nl>
"Who says nothing is impossible? Some people do it every day!"
--Alfred E. Neuman
___________________________________________________________________________
If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of Giants.
- Isaac Newton (1642-1727) in: Letter to Robert Hooke, February 5, 1675/1676
In the sciences, we are now uniquely privileged to sit side by side
with the giants on whose shoulders we stand. -- Gerald Holton
If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing
on my shoulders. -- Hal Abelson
In computer science, we stand on each other's feet. -- Brian K. Reid
From: vanh...@gdl.msu.edu (Todd E Van Hoosear)
In the sciences, we are now uniquely privileged to sit side by side with
the giants on whose shoulders we stand.
-- Holton, Gerald
From:libl...@nic.cerf.net (Bill Thomas)
-- Bartlett 16. Note: See Robert Burton. On the history and the
pseudo-history of this celebrated aphorism see Robert K. Merton, _On the
Shoulders of Giants_ [1965].
Robert Burton
1577-1640
A dwarf standing on the shoulders of a giant may see farther than a giant
himself.
_The Anatomy of Melancholy [1621-1651].
Decomocritus to the Reader_
___________________________________________________________________________
From: jr3...@aol.com (JR3000)
ORIGINALITY:
A man with a new idea is a crank until he succeeds. --Mark Twain
In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts; they come
back to us with a certain alienated majesty. --Ralph Waldo Emerson
Accept your genius and say what you think. --Emerson
From: ld...@ix.netcom.com (LTD)
Who never walks save where he sees men's tracks makes no discoveries.
--J.G. Holland
___________________________________________________________________________
From: ed...@aol.com (Ed Fitzgerald)
An important scientific innovation rarely makes its way by gradually winning
over and converting its opponents: it rarely happens that Saul becomes Paul.
What does happen is that its opponents gradually die out and that the growing
generation is familiarized with the idea from the beginning.
-- Max Planck "The Philosophy of Physics" (1936)
__________________________________________________________________________
From: ver...@netcom.com (Vertner Vergon)
A new scientific truth does not triumph by convincing its opponents and
making them see the light, but rather because its opponents eventually
die and a new generation grows up that is familiar with it.
--- Max Planck
___________________________________________________________________________
From: ami...@acpub.duke.edu (Anita Mills)
It is through science that we prove, but through intuition that we discover.
- Henri Poincare
___________________________________________________________________________
From: Antonio Almeida <aalm...@lemac18.lemac.ist.utl.pt>
"Science is built upon facts, as a house is built of stones;
but an accumulation of facts is no more a science that a heap
of stones is a house." -- Henri Poincare' in Science and Hypothesis
*__________________________________________________________________________
From: Don Westerheijden <d.f.west...@cheps.utwente.nl>
science is common sense `writ large'
- Karl R. Popper (1902- ), Austrian philosopher of science.
in: The Logic of Scientific Discovery, 1980 edn., p. 22
___________________________________________________________________________
From: m...@math.canterbury.ac.nz (El Technicolour)
"The symbols are so illuminating that the fact that the text is
incomprehensible doesn't much matter" - A.N. Prior
___________________________________________________________________________
From: ed...@aol.com (Ed Fitzgerald)
We live in a society exquisitely dependent on science and technology, in
which hardly anyone knows anything about science and technology.
-- Carl Sagan
___________________________________________________________________________
From: mar...@concentric.com (marlowe)
Science is nothing but developed perception, interpreted intent, common
sense rounded out and minutely articulated.
-- George Santayana (1863-1952) [US philosopher]
___________________________________________________________________________
You should never bet against anything in science at odds of more than
about 10^12 to 1. -- Ernest Rutherford, New Zealand physicist (1871-1937)
___________________________________________________________________________
From: c...@Rrlyrae.Berkeley.EDU (Chien Peng)
"The only posible conclusion the social sciences can draw is: some do,
some don't." -- Ernest Rutherford, New Zealand physicist (1871-1937)
More Rutherford in physics section.
___________________________________________________________________________
From: d...@fwi.uva.nl (Sir Hans)
@A: Twain, Mark (1835-1910) *
@Q: In the space of one hundred and seventy-six years the Lower
Mississippi has shortened itself two hundred and forty-two miles. That
is an average of a trifle over one mile and a third per year.
Therefore, any calm person, who is not blind or an idiot, can see that
in the Old O\"olitic Silurian Period, just a million years ago next
November, the Lower Mississippi River was upward of one million three
hundred thousand miles long, and stuck out over the Gulf of Mexico like
a fishing-rod. And by the same token any person can see that seven
hundred and forty-two years from now the Lower Mississippi will be only
a mile and three-quarters long, and Cairo and New Orleans will have
joined their streets together, and be plodding comfortably along under
a single mayor and a mutual board of alderman. There is something
fascinating about science. One gets such wholesome returns of
conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
@R: _Life on the Mississippi_ (1883) ch. 17
___________________________________________________________________________
From: mzi...@plasma.ps.uci.edu (Michael W. Zintl)
"Scientists have odious manners, except when you prop up their theory;
then you can borrow money from them." --Mark Twain
___________________________________________________________________________
From: sic...@csa5.lbl.gov (SCOTT I CHASE)
The question seems to be of such a character that if I should come to life
after my death and some mathematician were to tell me that it had been
definitely settled, I think I would immediately drop dead again."
- Vandiver
___________________________________________________________________________
From: ed...@aol.com (Ed Fitzgerald)
The pop artist Andy Warhol once approached me at a party and told me that
he collected scientific journals, but he couldn't understand them. He
drifted away, then came back and said, "Do you mind if I ask you a
question?" "Of course not," I replied. He asked, "why does science take so
long?" I said, "Mr. Warhol, when you do a picture of Marilyn Monroe, does
it have to be exactly like her, as close to being her as you can make it?"
He said, "Oh no. And anyhow, I have this place called the Factory where my
helpers do it." I said, "Well, in science it has to be exact, as exact as
you can make it." He looked at me with limp sympathy and said, "Isn't that
terrible?"
-- Gerald M. Edelman _Bright Air, Brilliant Fire_ (1992)
___________________________________________________________________________
From: go...@infonaut.com (Clark Goble)
One could not be a successful scientist without realizing that, in
contrast to the popular conception supported by newspapers and
mothers of scientists, a goodly number of scientists are not only
narrow-minded and dull, but also just stupid.
-- J. D. Watson _The Double Helix_
___________________________________________________________________________
@A: Herbert George Wells (1866-1946)
@Q: Experimental work is the most tedious thing in the world (unless it be
the reports of it in the _philosophical transactions_).
@R: The food of the gods (1904)
___________________________________________________________________________
Everything of importance has been said before by somebody who did not
discover it.
-- Alfred North Whitehead (1861-1947) [English philosopher and mathematician]
___________________________________________________________________________
From: jr3...@aol.com (JR3000)
Seek simplicity but distrust it. --A N Whitehead
___________________________________________________________________________
From: FCB <fb...@mci.newscorp.com>
It requires a very unusual mind to undertake the analysis of the obvious.
(in *Science and the Modern World*)
Ideas won't keep. Something must be done about them. When the idea is new
its custodians have fervour, live for it, and, if need be, die for it.
- Alfred North Whitehead (1861-1947)
___________________________________________________________________________
From: cha...@jolt.mpx.com.au (Charles Cave)
Alfred North Whitehead
We think in generalities, but we live in detail
Source: Little Zen Companion, Schiller.
The "silly question" is the first intimation of some totally new
development.
Source: Little Zen Companion, Schiller.
Every really new idea looks crazy at first
Source: The Art of Creative Thinking - book by Robert Olson (1986)
___________________________________________________________________________
From: r...@cycor.ca (Richard Lubbock)
"It is a short step from a careless phrase to a flash of insight."
- A.N. Whitehead [Process and Reality (Corrected edn) p 60.]
___________________________________________________________________________
@A: Wigner, Eugene Paul. Hungarian/US physicist (1902-1995)
@Q: There is no natural phenomenon that is comparable with the sudden
and apparently accidentally timed development of science, except
perhaps the condensation of a super-saturated gas or the explosion of
some unpredictable explosives. Will the fate of science show some
similarity to one of these phenomena?.
@R: In an essay ``The Limits of Science'' intended to estimate them,
originally in Procs. of the _Amer. Philosophical Soc._ v. 94, #5 (1950).
___________________________________________________________________________
From: dr...@buphyk.bu.edu (Alon Drory)
Furious activity is no substitute for understanding -- H. H. Williams
___________________________________________________________________________
From: shu...@ucssun1.sdsu.edu (shumard)
Science is a differential equation. Religion is a boundry condition.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
=7. ANECDOTES ABOUT SCIENTISTS
M__________________________________________________________________________
(I'm not sure if the following one is a true story or not)
The great logician Bertrand Russell (or was it A.N. Whitehead?)
once claimed that he could prove anything if given that 1+1=1.
So one day, some smarty-pants asked him, "Ok. Prove that
you're the Pope."
He thought for a while and proclaimed, "I am one. The Pope
is one. Therefore, the Pope and I are one."
[NOTE: The following is from mer...@Gendev.slc.paramax.com (Merritt).
The story about 1+1=1 causing ridiculous consequences was, I believe,
originally the product of a conversation at the Trinity High Table.
It is recorded in Sir Harold Jeffreys' Scientific Inference, in a note
to chapter one. Jeffreys remarks that the fact that everything
followed from a single contradiction had been noticed by Aristotle (I
doubt this way of putting it is quite correct, but that is beside the
point). He goes on to say that McTaggart denied the consequence: "if
2+2=5, how can you prove that I am the pope?" Hardy is supposed to
have replied: "if 2+2=5, 4=5; subtract 3; then 1=2; but McTaggart and
the pope are two; therefore McTaggart and the pope are one." When I
consider this story, I am astonished at how much more brilliant some
people are than I (quite independent of the fallacies in the
argument).
Since McTaggart, Hardy, Whitehead, and Russell (the last two of whom
were credited with a variant of Hardy's argument in your post) were
all fellows of Trinity and Jeffreys (their exact contemporary) was a
fellow of St. Johns, I suspect that (whatever the truth of Jeffreys'
story) it is very unlikely that Whitehead or Russell had anything to do
with it. The extraordinary point to me about the story is that Hardy
was able to snap this argument out between mouthfuls, so to speak, and
he was not even a logician at all. This is probably why it came in
some people's minds to be attributed to one or other of the famous
Trinity logicians.
___________________________________________________________________________
John von Neumann (1903-1957) [Hungarian/US mathematician and scientist]
The following problem can be solved either the easy way or the hard way.
Two trains 200 miles apart are moving toward each other; each one is
going at a speed of 50 miles per hour. A fly starting on the front of
one of them flies back and forth between them at a rate of 75 miles
per hour. It does this until the trains collide and crush the fly to
death. What is the total distance the fly has flown?
The fly actually hits each train an infinite number of times before it
gets crushed, and one could solve the problem the hard way with pencil
and paper by summing an infinite series of distances. The easy way
is as follows: Since the trains are 200 miles apart and each train is
going 50 miles an hour, it takes 2 hours for the trains to collide.
Therefore the fly was flying for two hours. Since the fly was flying
at a rate of 75 miles per hour, the fly must have flown 150 miles.
That's all there is to it.
When this problem was posed to John von Neumann, he immediately
replied, "150 miles."
"It is very strange," said the poser, "but nearly everyone tries to
sum the infinite series."
"What do you mean, strange?" asked Von Neumann. "That's how I did it!"
___________________________________________________________________________
From: thom...@access5.digex.net (Mark A. Thomas)
How about the apocryphal story about the MIT student who cornered
the famous John von Neumann in the hallway:
Student: "Er, excuse me, Professor von Neumann, could you please
help me with a calculus problem?"
John: "Okay, sonny, if it's real quick -- I'm a busy man."
Student: "I'm having trouble with this integral."
John: "Let's have a look." (insert brief pause here)
"Alright, sonny, the answer's two-pi over 5."
Student: "I know that, sir, the answer's in the back -- I'm
having trouble deriving it, though."
John: "Okay, let me see it again." (another pause)
"The answer's two-pi over 5."
Student (frustrated): "Uh, sir, I _know_ the answer, I just don't
see how to derive it."
John: "Whaddya want, sonny, I worked the problem in two
different ways!"
___________________________________________________________________________
Von Neumann and Norbert Weiner were both the subject of many dotty
professor stories. Von Neumann supposedly had the habit of simply
writing answers to homework assignments on the board (the method of
solution being, of course, obvious) when he was asked how to solve
problems. One time one of his students tried to get more helpful
information by asking if there was another way to solve the problem.
Von Neumann looked blank for a moment, thought, and then answered,
"Yes".
Weiner was in fact very absent minded. The following story is told
about him: When they moved from Cambridge to Newton his wife, knowing
that he would be absolutely useless on the move, packed him off to MIT
while she directed the move. Since she was certain that he would
forget that they had moved and where they had moved to, she wrote down
the new address on a piece of paper, and gave it to him. Naturally,
in the course of the day, an insight occurred to him. He reached in
his pocket, found a piece of paper on which he furiously scribbled
some notes, thought it over, decided there was a fallacy in his idea,
and threw the piece of paper away. At the end of the day he went home
(to the old address in Cambridge, of course). When he got there he
realized that they had moved, that he had no idea where they had moved
to, and that the piece of paper with the address was long gone.
Fortunately inspiration struck. There was a young girl on the street
and he conceived the idea of asking her where he had moved to, saying,
"Excuse me, perhaps you know me. I'm Norbert Weiner and we've just
moved. Would you know where we've moved to?" To which the young girl
replied, "Yes daddy, mommy thought you would forget."
The capper to the story is that I asked his daughter (the girl in the
story) about the truth of the story, many years later. She said that
it wasn't quite true -- that he never forgot who his children were!
The rest of it, however, was pretty close to what actually happened...
___________________________________________________________________________
The french scientist Ampere was on his way to an important meeting at
the Academy in Paris. In the carriage he got a brilliant idea which he
immediately wrote down ... on the wand of the carriage: dH=ipdl/r^2. As he
arrived he payed the driver and ran into the building to tell everyone.
Then he found out his notes were on the carriage and he had to hunt through
the streets of Paris to find his notes on wheels.
___________________________________________________________________________
During a class of calculus my lecturer suddenly checked himself and
stared intently at the table in front of him for a while. Then he
looked up at us and explained that he thought he had brought six piles
of papers with him, but "no matter how he counted" there was only five
on the table. Then he became silent for a while again and then told
the following story:
"When I was young in Poland I met the great mathematician Waclaw
Sierpinski. He was old already then and rather absent-minded. Once he
had to move to a new place for some reason. His wife didn't trust
him very much, so when they stood down on the street with all their
things, she said:
- Now, you stand here and watch our ten trunks, while I go and get a
taxi.
She left and left him there, eyes somewhat glazed and humming
absently. Some minutes later she returned, presumably having called
for a taxi. Says Mr. Sierpinski (possibly with a glint in his eye):
- I thought you said there were ten trunks, but I've only counted to nine.
- No, they're TEN!
- No, count them: 0, 1, 2, ..."
___________________________________________________________________________
Albert Einstein (1879-1955) [German physicist]
Albert Einstein, who fancied himself as a violinist, was rehearsing a
Haydn string quartet. When he failed for the fourth time to get his
entry in the second movement, the cellist looked up and said, "The
problem with you, Albert, is that you simply can't count."
___________________________________________________________________________
From: Colin_Do...@equinox.gen.nz (Colin Douthwaite)
Einstein was attending a music salon in Germany before the second
world war, with the violinist S. Suzuki. Two Japanese women played
a German piece of music and a woman in the audience excaimed: "How
wonderful! It sounds so German!" Einstein responded: "Madam,
people are all the same."
___________________________________________________________________________
From: Colin_Do...@equinox.gen.nz (Colin Douthwaite)
This is a story I heard as a freshman at the University of Utah when
Dr. Henry Eyring was still teaching chemistry there. Many years
before he and Dr. Einstein were colleagues. As they walked together
they noted an unusual plant growing along a garden walk. Dr. Eyring
asked Dr. Einstein if he knew what the plant was. Einstein did not,
and together they consulted a gardner. The gardner indicated the
plant was green beans and forever afterwards Eyring said Einstein
didn't know beans <g>. I heard this second hand and I don't know if
the story has ever been published...
--
Joachim Verhagen E-mail:J.C.D.V...@fys.ruu.nl
Department of molecular biofysics, University of Utrecht
Utrecht, The Netherlands.
Home-page: http://www.fys.ruu.nl/~verhagen (Science Jokes & SF)