They're on to us!
BPElkon
Date: Wednesday, May 21, 1997 1:47:59 AM
From: joe...@MINDSPRING.COM (Joe Watterson)
Subj: Humor, Water can kill you. The Journal of
To: SF...@MAELSTROM.STJOHNS.EDU
Hello, list --
This is pretty long. I apologize for that, but it's pretty funny too. I
got it on a list for shrinks. Hope you don't mind!
Peter Elkon
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>Source: The Journal of Irreproducible Results
>
> Water Can Kill You
> Dale Lowdermilk
> Montecito, CA
>
>
> Water is one of the most hazardous substances known to man. However,
> until now, no one had yet seriously considered the grave threat that
> water poses to unsuspecting victims. The evils of water-dependence --
> a physical addiction to which every human being has fallen victim
> --have gone virtually unrecognized in our time. It is our purpose here
> to detail the harm that this chemical causes to people, in the hope
> that responsible leaders in government and industry will adopt
> appropriate legislative and voluntary measures to contain the
> widespread abuse of water, and to develop treatments against water
> addiction.
>
> According to Ann Landers and various official government sources,
> every year there are approximately 2.7 million injuries from
> recreational and leisure activities such as boating, fishing,
> swimming, beach and pool parties and waterskiing. Each year, there are
> 7000 drownings in the United States--outright cases of water overdose.
>
> Motor-vehicle accidents account for nearly 50,000 additional deaths
> and almost two million permanent disabilities annually. How many of
> these are a direct result of wet (i.e., water-covered) roads, snow or
> sleet, and other water-related obstructions to visibility, such as fog
> and heavy rain? Nearly 85 percent of all aviation accidents are
> classified as "weather" (make that water) related. Yet nobody thinks
> of regulating travel during periods of water weather.
>
>
> Water: Life Giver, or Death Bringer?
>
> As with hepatitis from infected heroin needles, many deaths from water
> abuse are incidental and not caused directly by the substance. They
> occur because of the unsafe conditions in which it is used.
>
> Water may wash our bodies clean but it also brings to them countless
> harmful microbic and toxic chemicals. Cancer, influenza, and other
> life-threatening diseases can be introduced by water-borne bacteria,
> viruses and carcinogens. Drinking fountains and faucets in California
> are now producing more trichloroethane (TCA), benzene, chloroform,
> carbon tetrachloride and PCE than the companies that manufacture these
> chemicals. In Silicon Valley alone, there are 140,000 underground
> storage tanks containing hazardous substances most of which have been
> leaking for years. Most garden hoses are so filled with residual
> pesticides that a mere weekly watering (without supplemental
> chemicals) is sufficient to keep the weed and insect population under
> control. According to a California magazine for March 3,1985, there
> have been more than 100,000 chemicals introduced since 1940, 92% of
> which are water soluble, and hundreds of which are known carcinogens.
>
> It is therefore our conclusion that the most dangerous components of
> artificially flavored food and drinks are not the caffeine, saccharin,
> aspartame, BHT, BHA or colorings, but the water.
>
> Most drug enforcement officials accept the possibility that many
> heroin addicts die because of infected needles. The obvious question
> is, How did the needles become infected? By trying to sterilize the
> needles in infected water, perhaps?
>
> Drunkenness, often associated with the alcoholic contents of wine,
> beer and whiskey, is actually, a cellular reaction to the major
> component of these liquors--water. (One company even blatantly makes
> this proclamation in its advertising, with the slogan, "It's the
> Water." Another company cleverly disguises the culprit by blaming it
> on "The Artesians.") Even more staggering evidence is research which
> originally linked the over consumption of milk and dairy products with
> juvenile crime in large metropolitan areas, but overlooked the
> obvious: milk is 85% water.
>
> Water abuse among teenagers, both intentional and accidental, has
> risen to epidemic levels. Youngsters are rapidly discovering the
> satanic pleasures of water beds, water-driven toothbrushes
> shower-attached pulsating devices, and the dreaded hot-tub, which can
> cause fainting, hyperthermia, heart failure and brain damage not to
> mention countless immoral and unnatural acts which are in themselves
> dangerous. Lakes, rivers and ponds are all temptations which beckon
> the unwary, lulling them into a sense of peacefulness, causing
> overexposure to ultraviolet radiation in sunlight, and eventually
> thousands of cases of skin cancer.
>
>
> Psychological Addiction and Overdose Effects
>
> Psychologists have reported that in 1984 there were four cases of a
> disorder, known as psychogenic polydipsia, in which the victim becomes
> overloaded with the consumption of water, and literally drinks himself
> or herself to death. In cities with high chlorine levels, the kidneys
> and brain may become overloaded and a mild form of intoxication
> develop. This disorder is growing at an alarming rate. In 1995, there
> have already been nine cases of psychogenic polydipsia through May--a
> 125% increase in the incidence relative to all of 1994. Most doctors,
> however, agree that drinking distilled water may be even more
> dangerous than regular tap water because of the lack of minerals and
> concentration of thalomethanes in distilled water. There is no such
> thing as "safe" water.
>
> Nutrition researchers Durk Pearson and Sandy Shaw, in their 1982 work
> Life Extension: A Practical Scientific Approach cited a 1981 report
> from Medical Hotline warning that "Excess water intake by infants can
> induce hyponatremia, an abnormal concentration of sodium in the blood,
> which can result in irritability, confusion, lethargy, followed by
> coma, convulsions, and even death." This little-known effect of water
> overdose adds to those associated with drowning, the most common form
> of direct overdose.
>
> Since January, most of the 80 suicides committed by people who jumped
> off bridges (such as the infamous Golden Gate) could have been
> prevented if these bridges had not been built over bodies of water.
>
> Not until the early 1970s did we begin to realize the immense danger
> inherent in the stored (dammed) and kinetic (falling) energy of water.
> The very presence of metropolitan drinking-water reservoirs is an open
> invitation to terrorism, These unguarded civilian targets could be
> poisoned or detonated without great physical or intellectual effort.
> One scenario includes the possibility of foreign aircraft dropping
> 75,000 tons of gelatin into a Pentagon water supply intake, causing
> the Joint Chiefs of Staff to become childlike in their behavior
> (giggling and laughing). This would of course enable the enemy to
> further entice our military leaders with lollipops and candy bars.
>
> Anyone living in the vicinity, particularly downstream, of earthen
> dams is constantly aware of the possibility of rupture by earthquake.
> It remains, however, an unverified assertion that there are more dam
> cracks in California than there are cracked politicians in the state
> of New York.
>
> Every nuclear power plant in the country contains dangerously high
> concentrations of superheated water. This hot water, when discharged
> into nearby waterways, kills fishlife and upsets the delicate balance
> in streams and rivers with far reaching effects on the environment and
> economy, as resorts depending on recreational fisherman see their
> source of income dry-up. In an even more insidious consequence of
> water and nuclear energy, had heavy water (containing one atom of
> oxygen and two of deuterium, a hydrogen atom with one neutron) never
> been discovered or concentrated, the construction of atomic weapons
> and nuclear power plants would have been impossible, leading to much
> better mental health than modern man enjoys. Scientifically mutated
> into deuterium oxide, this offspring of water could easily be
> responsible for the annihilation of the world.
>
>
> The Horrible Sight of Water Addiction
>
> Even worse than the sight of the heroin junkie are the writhing and
> pathetic gestures associated with water withdrawal. The dry throat,
> the ripping headaches and muscle spasms of thirst lead the victim to
> random violence in craving search of the next sip, only to be followed
> by another fix soon thereafter, in perpetual succession. Water
> withdrawal inevitably ends with death. Every man, woman and child is
> afflicted with this habitual and physical addiction. Expectant mothers
> who are addicted pass on their dependence to their offspring, who are
> water addicts.
>
> This sordid, irreversible condition can only be controlled with
> stringent actions combined with an understanding of the water addict's
> problem as a disease to be treated. Educational efforts alone are not
> nearly enough. We cannot expect that individuals can come to recognize
> their problem and take appropriate action on their own. Pushers,
> merchants of water death are entrenched in every community and even
> enjoy some repute as friendly servants of the needs of customers.
> Indeed, trafficking in water is a billions-a-year industry that can
> only be fought with genuine and sustained civic action. This action
> must be aimed at implementing or all of the following recommendations:
>
> 1. Free, unregulated trafficking in water must be stopped. We must
> take the glasses out of the hands of those who abuse themselves
> and create a burden on society.
> 2. To this end, we recommend that water paraphernalia, such as squirt
> pistols, balloons, garden hoses, canteens, flushing and pumping
> devices be registered and licensed for use only after an approved
> training program is taken. Additionally, only those who qualify
> for a Liquid Permit from their local fire departments may be
> allowed to obtain containers capable of holding more than one
> gallon of water.
> 3. Water use must also be controlled at the consumption level. The
> Food and Drug Administration could place water on its list of
> controlled substances, such that prescriptions from licensed
> physicians will hence forth be required to purchase water. The FBI
> and federal Drug Enforcement Administration should be empowered to
> investigate violators and illicit traffickers of water. Local
> police must be given the power to enter, without warrants,
> buildings where there is reasonable cause to suspect illegal
> showering activity, water sports or stockpiling of water. Reward
> systems could be implemented to encourage neighbors and family
> members to report violations on each other.
> 4. Legislation must be passed at the state or local level to require
> the placement of flow-control devices on faucets and showerheads
> to approved levels (preferably not more than 16 fluid ounces per
> day), and to require airplane style commodes (which do not allow
> access to flushing water) in all new housing and public restrooms
> built beginning January 1, 1996.
> 5. Although we doubt that public educational efforts are effective in
> combating water abuse, nevertheless they may do some good. To this
> end, we urge the President to declare a "War on Water" and
> establish a National Commission on Water Abuse to coordinate media
> advertising campaigns, school-based water awareness programs and
> ongoing research into the dangers and effects of water abuse.
> Nancy Reagan and NBC could be recruited to pitch in their efforts
> to fight water abuse among children and teenagers. We also propose
> legislation to put warning labels on distilled-water bottles, with
> language indicating that the Surgeon General has determined water
> is dangerous to your health.
>
> Think again. Can you tolerate the grim sight of your child falling
> easy prey to this fatal drug? Measures such as these are necessary to
> avoid sordid tales like the following one from "Wayne," a 19-year-old
> water addict:
>
> "I think I had my first taste at about the age of six months. That's
> what my daddy used to tell me. By the time I was 7 years old, I was
> guzzling about three pints a day of the stuff. Pushers would set up
> stands by the schoolyard at recess and offer us cans filled with
> sugared water. Then I wake up one morning after Iying unconscious for
> eight hours and realized what was happening to me. Drink and urinate,
> that's all my life had become. Even now all I can think of is a tall
> glass of ice water trickling down my throat. God, I'm so ashamed!"
>
> The views expressed in The Journal of Irreproducible Results are the
> authors' own, and may not necessarily reflect the views of Reuters
> Health Information Services.
>
>
George R. Rickard
>>Source: The Journal of Irreproducible Results
>>
>> Water Can Kill You
>> Dale Lowdermilk
>> Montecito, CA
>> Water is one of the most hazardous substances known to man.
I also heard that oxygen is addicting as well...I guess now we have to
find out who's making the stuff and contact their lawyers. Since I
have heard this I have been breathing a bit more shallow than before,
but have been unsuccessful at quitting.....hmmmmm....maybe someone
should make a patch for this...... ;-)
Rain-man
Ken Panton
rick...@ssdch-usassdc.army.mil (George R. Rickard) writes:
|> |>
|> |>
|> |> >>Source: The Journal of Irreproducible Results
|> |> >>
|> |> >> Water Can Kill You
|> |> >> Dale Lowdermilk
|> |> >> Montecito, CA
|> |>
|> |> >> Water is one of the most hazardous substances known to man.
|> |>
|> |> I also heard that oxygen is addicting as well...I guess now we have to
|> |> find out who's making the stuff and contact their lawyers. Since I
|> |> have heard this I have been breathing a bit more shallow than before,
|> |> but have been unsuccessful at quitting.....hmmmmm....maybe someone
|> |> should make a patch for this...... ;-)
|> |> Rain-man
|> |>
|>
|>
Another unfortunate epidemic:
Life is a terminal illness!
but,
Death is worth waiting for!
.. back to the river...
Mark Hei
George R. Rickard wrote:
>
> >>Source: The Journal of Irreproducible Results
> >>
> >> Water Can Kill You
> >> Dale Lowdermilk
> >> Montecito, CA
>
> >> Water is one of the most hazardous substances known to man.
>
why don't we get Tim I. to market sponsons as an oxygen suppliment
bag for those really big holes?
George R. Rickard
Mark Hei <mar...@erols.com> wrote:
>why don't we get Tim I. to market sponsons as an oxygen suppliment
>bag for those really big holes?
I thougt Tim WAS a really big hole!