You may have conflated two different systems.
Your new wheel with cassette format hub doesn't require
excessive force to undo the lockring. That lockring is in
fact marked 40nm. If your tool is badly worn or fits poorly
you could spin an axle nut on behind it but that's usually
not necessary.
The other format, a freewheel with threaded hub, pedals
tight with as much force as you have applied while climbing
in a low gear. Removal may indeed require a lot of force.
Securing your removing tool with a skewer or axle nut is
definitely good practice if not absolutely necessary
(depending on which of the many tool styles applies)
I was about to link to a youtube video but the first three I
watched were abysmal (remove axle set? really?) and the
thumbnails for a couple more showed big plumber's wrenches
and vise grips so I agave up on that search.
p.s. If your tool has a 5mm hole for a skewer only, return
it and get a different tool with a bigger hole. The price
should be the same and most shops carry several brands of
these things.
--
Andrew Muzi
<
www.yellowjersey.org/>
Open every day since 1 April, 1971