Who schedules a debate on STAR WARS opening weekend? Debbie
Wasserman-Schultz is apparently trying to provide cover for Hillary
Clinton. It's almost as if the DNC is sheltering its hideously-flawed
predetermined nominee from public examination.
DNC put out a dancing stormtrooper video to get people hyped for the
debate.
https://twitter.com/TheDemocrats/status/678336220779429888?ref_src=twsrc%
5Etfw
America: Sorry, Debbie. I have to worm my dog.
One hour before stage time: Bernie's doing bar-dips while the CAPE FEAR
theme plays. Massive Howard Zinn tat on his back.
ABC is obviously going for the record-smallest debate audience ever.
Push away viewers with a pointless half hour of nattering talking heads.
Debate is being billed as a showdown between Hillary & Bernie. Sounds
like an argument over the early-bird special check at Denny's.
Lead-in to debate is the movie COCOON.
Llleeeettttt's get ready to rumbzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....
Hillary looks fetching in her Ann Taylor Loft "Shaved Chewbacca" sweater
frock.
Bernie Sanders: a 70-year-old man pushing 100-year-old ideas. Progress!
You can tell who is an uninformed voter because they're enthusiastic
about one of the candidates.
This group exudes the powerful confidence of three people in line at the
pharmacy.
Bernie Sanders's backwardness would almost be cute if not for the
unacknowledged violence in the system he espouses.
Bernie Sanders hacked into Hillary's computer files, officially making
him the final person left in the world to do so. He claims he didn't
actually hack into Clinton's voter file. He just socialized it.
George Stephanopoulos is surprised Republicans would tie Obama's
Secretary of State for four years to Obama.
Hillary suggests mean rhetoric is enough to radicalize people to become
psychopathic barbarians.
Martin O'Malley tries to gravy-train Hillary's applause.
Bernie is concerned about "Mooslims".
I bet all of Bernie Sanders ties have cream cheese stains on them.
Hillary's detailed plan to go after ISIS:
1. Go after ISIS.
2. Go after ISIS network.
3. Make us safe.
I hope Lincoln Chafee walks on stage holding up this photo like Sally
Field in NORMA RAE.
https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/88475764/Clinton.jpg
I dig O'Malley's "battle tempo" jazz hands.
Hillary: "Republicans don't want to do anything to increase incomes."
Um... yes they do. They're called jobs.
Bernie promises that anyone who creates jobs will hate him.
This is the greatest debate I've seen since 1988's Dukakis/ALF face-off.
Martin O'Malley makes me yearn for the animal charisma of Lincoln
Chaffee.
Hillz wants to establish a Math-hattan Project to invent magical
unicorns, er... I mean secure encryption back doors.
Hillary: "I don't understand all the tech, but..." If a Republican said
this, they would be ridiculed as out of touch and lost in the past.
And here comes gun control!
The question that neither Bernie nor Hillary can answer: How will giving
up my right to bear arms make my family safer?
O'Malley: "Combat assault weapons." <facepalm>
Sanders: "The American people do not need to own automatic weapons."
<second facepalm>
[Note: It has been 28 years since selective-fire weapons could be
legally manufactured for civilians and outside some very rarefied and
strictly controlled instances, they have been illegal for civilians to
own for decades. Every candidate on the debate stage is lying.]
O'Malley: We should never give up our freedoms for the promise of
security. (Except for freedoms guaranteed by the 2nd Amendment.)
The panel is having trouble staying awake, as is the audience. Mission
accomplished DNC!
Bernie: "I am not saying that Martin O'Malley is a lizard, but I will
say he does not blink. See for yourself!"
Get ready, folks. We are almost at the "free college" part of the debate.
Bernie gets really excited when he lists all the new taxes he'll enact.
Hillary's got Kasich's lobster-claw hand thing going.
Oh, sweet mercy, finally a break.
And we're back. But Hillz seems to be lost back stage where she
retreated to drink her "relaxation juice".
<<SILVER ALERT>> Grandmother wearing burlap sack, last seen at
convention hall in New Hampshire. <<SILVER ALERT>>
"People keep telling me to watch THE WIRE. They're fucking with me,
right?" -- Martin O'Malley
"Maybe the back door is the wrong door."-- Hillary Clinton just now. And
there's an image that will haunt me for eternity.
Bernie now talking about how he and his wife started youth programs back
in the early Triassic.
[Note: That my-wife-is-smarter/better/prettier-than-me shtick that male
politician do is beyond tiresome.]
Crowd boos O'Malley for hinting at the fact that the other two
candidates are collectively 3000 years old.
Hillz advocates an ISIS no-fly zone but refuses to say what she'd do if
other countries violate it. Makes sense.
Three old white people will now lecture America about institutional
racism.
My favorite part of the Dem debate so far is all the diversity.
Now all the candidates are swapping heroin anecdotes. Good lord...
This is the latest Bernie Sanders has been awake since The Dead appeared
on a 1972 episode of MIDNIGHT SPECIAL.
Closing statements! Here we go!
Martin O'Malley is talking to the American people like a boyfriend
talking to a girlfriend who he cannot believe is breaking up with him.
Comrade Sanders just pledged to bring about "revolution". We now live in
an America where socialism has been given an air of legitimacy. ("There
is only one way to shorten and ease the convulsions of the old society
and the bloody birth pangs of the new: revolutionary terror." --Karl
Marx)
DNC: Thanks for not watching!!!