SNL reruns this week (Oct 19-25)

[Frank Serpas III]

Below, find this week's schedule of reruns of Saturday Night Live,
along with episode summaries taken from the SNL Episode Guide, which
is available at SATURDAY NET (http://www.io.com/~serpas/snl.html).

To receive this information weekly via e-mail, send the message

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to majo...@lists.io.com (leave the "subject" line blank).

~~~

The NBC episode for this Saturday night (19-Oct-02) is new:

02c John McCain / The White Stripes

In some markets, it will be followed by a "classic" episode.

~~~

The following 60-minute versions of SNL episodes will air on
Comedy Central (CC) & E! Entertainment Television (E!); all times EDT...

Sa 19-Oct-02
8:00am CC 99r John Goodman / Neil Young
1:00pm CC 96k David Alan Grier / Snoop Doggy Dogg
2:00pm CC 98e DAS / Eagle-Eye Cherry
3:00pm CC 95m Tom Arnold / Tupac Shakur
4:00pm CC 94g Roseanne / Green Day
5:00pm CC 95t Jim Carrey / Soundgarden
10:00pm E! 01e Gwyneth Paltrow / Ryan Adams

Su 20-Oct-02
12:30pm CC 94r Courteney Cox / Dave Matthews Band
1:30pm CC 97b Matthew Perry / Oasis
2:30pm CC 96b Lisa Kudrow / Sheryl Crow
3:30pm CC 99f Jennifer Aniston / Sting
4:30pm CC 95c David Schwimmer / Natalie Merchant

Mo 21-Oct-02
noon CC 98h Vince Vaughn / Lauryn Hill
2:00pm CC 93r Emilio Estevez / Pearl Jam
3:30pm E! 79l Kirk Douglas / Sam & Dave
6:00pm CC 95r Teri Hatcher / Dave Matthews Band
7:00pm E! 01d John Goodman / Ja Rule
11:30pm CC 98q John Goodman / Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
1:00am E! 75u Buck Henry / Gordon Lightfoot
2:00am CC 93b Shannen Doherty / Cypress Hill

Tu 22-Oct-02
noon CC 89q Corbin Bernsen / The Smithereens
2:00pm CC 97c Brendan Fraser / Bjork
3:30pm E! 78t Buck Henry / Bette Midler
6:00pm CC 99c NOM / Dr. Dre
7:00pm E! 79j CHC / Marianne Faithfull
11:30pm CC 97j Samuel L. Jackson / Ben Folds Five
1:00am E! 79j CHC / Marianne Faithfull
1:00am CC 92o John Goodman / Mary J. Blige
2:00am CC 94g Roseanne / Green Day

We 23-Oct-02
noon CC 90m Roseanne Barr / Deee-Lite with Bootsy Collins & Rubber Band
2:00pm CC 89n Fred Savage / Technotronic
3:30pm E! 76c Eric Idle / Joe Cocker, Stuff
6:00pm CC 00n Conan O'Brien / Don Henley
7:00pm E! 01a Reese Witherspoon / Alicia Keys
9:00pm CC xxx Best of EDM
11:30pm CC 98n BIM / Lucinda Williams
1:00am E! 79c Bill Russell / Chicago
1:00am CC 92k Harvey Keitel / Madonna
2:00am CC 89b Rick Moranis / Rickie Lee Jones

Th 24-Oct-02
noon CC 92s Christina Applegate / Midnight Oil
2:00pm CC 92m Alec Baldwin / Paul McCartney
3:30pm E! 79k Elliott Gould / Gary Numan
6:00pm CC 95m Tom Arnold / Tupac Shakur
7:00pm E! 79r Bob Newhart / Amazing Rhythm Aces, Bruce Cockburn
11:30pm CC 95t Jim Carrey / Soundgarden
1:00am E! 79r Bob Newhart / Amazing Rhythm Aces, Bruce Cockburn
1:00am CC 97l John Goodman / Paula Cole
2:00am CC 90l Kevin Bacon / INXS

Fr 25-Oct-02
noon CC 95p PHH / Gin Blossoms
2:00pm CC 92p Miranda Richardson / Soul Asylum
3:30pm E! 75x Kris Kristofferson / Rita Coolidge
6:00pm CC 96r Pamela Lee / Rollins Band
7:00pm E! 01i Ellen Degeneres / No Doubt
1:00am E! 75f Lily Tomlin
2:00am CC 90k Sting
3:00am CC 92d Christopher Walken / Arrested Development

*******************************************************************************
75f Lily Tomlin
...............................................................................

cold: Ford (CHC) addresses link between NYC debt default & his re-election
mono: host reads some one-liners from her journal & does a cheer for NYC
skit Beethoven (JOB) invents "Tie A Yellow Ribbon 'Round The Ole Oak Tree"
song: host & All-Nurse SNL Band perform "St. James Infirmary"
COMM Triopenin {rerun}
skit: Jaws III- Matt Cooper (JOB) & Sheriff Brady (DAA) resume Land Shark hunt
skit: a clumsy bellhop (CHC) walks in on an interracial couple (GAM) & (JAC)
FILM: little girl Edith Ann (host) cautiously ventures onto an ice skating rink
skit Beethoven (JOB) plays piano & sings "My Girl"
COMM Spud Beer is the potato-based brew to drink after electroshock therapy
news CHC admits he drinks Spud Beer & pours a can of it on his suit
news with GAM's help, CHC repeats the top story for the hard-of-hearing
skit Susie (host) forgives her recently-arrested sorority sister Patty Hearst
FILM "Show Us Your Guns" {rerun}
misc: Ploobis & wife Peuta (Alice Tweedy) find that Scred has fallen for host
song: host & Scred sing "I Got You Babe"
FILM: "The Impossible Truth" {rerun}
skit Beethoven (JOB) sings "What'd I Say" with backups wife (GIR) & maid (LAN)
skit: forewoman (host) gives female hardhats lessons on how to harass men
COMM Speed diet pill lets housewife (Anne Beatts) get a lot of work done
misc: at a dance, 1950's teen (host) gossips about classmates to her friend
misc: at closing, host & Bees (GAM), (LAN), (GIR), (CHC) scat with SNL Band

*******************************************************************************
75u Buck Henry / Gordon Lightfoot
...............................................................................

cold: injured CHC boasts of Emmy win & insults LAN as she preps to do the fall
mono: JOB fills in while LOM helps insufficiently-famous host get past security
comm: Peter Lemon Moodring (CHC) changes colors to reflect the songs he sings
skit: Samurai Tailor- Mr. Dantley needs a tuxedo for his wedding
show: Talk Back- lack of calls leads (host) to increase topic controversy level
comm: Dell Stator's 99-Cent Toad Ranch Restaurant- (DAA) pitches frog meat
song: musical guest performs "Summertime Dream"
COMM Germasol {rerun}
NEWS old film of fruits documents psychiatric tests done on Patty Hearst
skit (host) & (CHC) audition a crowd for scenes in a movie
misc: LOM sweetens his offer to the Beatles- $200 more & hotel accommodations
show: Not For Ladies Only- Baba Wawa interviews director Lina Wertmuller (LAN)
FILM: by Gary Weis- host talks to shoppers in a store's toilet seat department
show: Looks At Books- sexologist (host) is evasive about subject of his book
song musical guest performs "Spanish Moss"
misc Futaba breaks musical guest's guitar strings- no time for a third song
misc GAM sings Schubert's "An Die Musik" as an explanation scrolls by
misc: MOD does impression of Tony Orlando having long needles plunged into eyes

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75x Kris Kristofferson / Rita Coolidge
...............................................................................

cold: host sings "Help Me Make It Through The Night" as CHC woos musical guest
misc: new employee Sherry recalls male SNL writers' advances toward her
skit: Samurai General Practitioner- Futaba gives host an examination
song musical guest performs "Hula Hoop"
comm: Jesse Owens (GAM) sells medallions of the endangered Great White Athlete
skit: Ford (CHC) hears uncommitted delegate's (host) pork barrel request
show: Police State- officers (DAA) & (CHC) shoot first, ask questions later
news: Viking I's soil scoop narrowly misses finding evidence of life on Mars
comm: Talk Country- host's book helps you overcome education with dialect
news: LAN reports on Viking I mission from Nassau instead of NASA
misc Bobbi McGee (GIR) of host's song is now the wife of Larry Farber (JOB)
skit: (JAC) is apprehensive about a blind date with her gynecologist (host)
song host & musical guest perform "Eddie the Eunuch"
skit suckup Andrew Young (GAM) sings the praises of Carter (DAA) in vain
skit: Waiting For Pardo- Vladimir (host) & Estragon (CHC) ponder enigmatic DOP
song host performs "I've Got a Life of My Own"

*******************************************************************************
76c Eric Idle / Joe Cocker, Stuff
...............................................................................

cold: hospitalized CHC phones SNL to confront his impostor (Richard Belzer)
mono: host plays guitar & yells "Here Comes The Sun" until JAC interrupts him
skit: (DAA) & (GIR) choose their future baby's traits with doctor's (host) help
skit KLOG deejay (DAA) switches personas to match station's AM & FM formats
skit: host's British words blow sketch about Killer Bees & swine flu center
misc host continues to butcher "Here Comes The Sun" until JAC stops him
song: Joe Cocker performs "You are So Beautiful"
comm: Baba Wawa uses her last moments on NBC to explain why she's leaving
news: amateurish TOS drawings summarize the Norton-Ali boxing match
news: in a GAM interview, rabbi (ALZ) OKs Michelangelo's David's circumcision
comm: druggist (DAA) touts syringe-based Epifix for super-fast headache relief
news: alleged Carson clip shows Ed Ames (JOB) attacking silhouette with an ax
misc LOM recounts how host duped him into giving him the Beatles' money
FILM "The Rutles"- British rock group's music & history mirrors the Beatles'
skit: Allied spies (host) & (DAA) make plans at a Nazi hangout during WWII
misc host ruins an Australian song until GAM interrupts him
song: Stuff performs "Feelin' Alright" with Joe Cocker & doppelganger (JOB)
show: Dragnet- (host) & Joe Friday (DAA) investigate crimes in women's clothing
misc: JOB interrupts skit by telling host that drag is not funny to Americans
FILM: "Drag Racing Today"- crossdressed DAA & host sprint against each other
song Stuff performs "Foots"
show: The Undersea World of Jacques Cousteau- Python-esque segues bookend show
show: Pets & Petting- (host) shows how to feed people food to goldfish
comm Ken Norton (GAM) claims that he is more talented than Muhammad Ali
show Cufflinks Of The Gods?- (LAN) displays evidence of alien comic existence
misc: over a game of Pong, (ALF) & (TOD) discuss a recent Math quiz
misc: at closing, host & cast shout a rendition of "Here Comes The Sun"

*******************************************************************************
78t Buck Henry / Bette Midler
...............................................................................

COLD: Mr. Bill visits SNL; JAC complains that she's never said the opening line
mono: the picture size decreases as host's monologue becomes less interesting
comm: Ray's (BIM) Disco Roller Fishing Park combines three popular pastimes
skit: Samurai Bakery- Mr. Dantley orders a wedding cake from Futaba
skit: Nixon (DAA) claims that the Watergate tapes were done as a joke
song musical guest performs "Married Men"
news: a Rolling Stones lyric leads GAM to ask where the horny black women are
news: Roseanne Roseannadanna rambles from gas crisis to sand in JAC's swimsuit
skit: pedophilic "Uncle" Roy tells Terri & Tracy a story before bedtime
misc TOD tries to do comedy routine despite ALF's having become a Hare Krishna
skit: an insurance adjuster (JAC) visits after a fire destroys the Olympia Cafe
song musical guest performs "Martha"
FILM "Clones Exist Now" by TOS- a report on the status of duplication science
show Not For Transsexuals Only- sex-changed (host) & (LAN) swapped genitalia
misc: MOD does impression of Elvis Presley having needles plunged into eyes

*******************************************************************************
79c Bill Russell / Chicago
...............................................................................

cold: Chappaquiddick looms as Ted Kennedy (BIM) makes campaign announcement
COMM: Ed Herlihy [real] endorses the Banshee surrogate mourning device
show The Black Shadow- white basketball team keeps coach (host) out of trouble
show: The Landers Files- Ann (JAC) dramatizes etiquette for widow (GIR)
song: musical guest performs "I'm a Man"
news (JID) & (GIR) stage a Korean Surprise dinner party during LAN interview
news: a century after its invention, BIM sings "Happy Birthday" to a light bulb
skit: Nick "Borealis" & Swankmates entertain black soldiers at Greenland base
show: Eleanor Roosevelt's (JAC) correspondence to creditors suggests lesbianism
FILM: "Mr. Bill Stays Home" by Walter Williams- Mr. Hands' home remedies harm
skit: to host's surprise, callers to (BIM)'s radio show focus on obscure sports
comm: you'll get a rebate after buying two Chryslers, says Joe Garagiola (HAS)
song musical guest performs "Street Player"
skit mall woes are affecting Barry White's Big & Tall That's All store

*******************************************************************************
79j CHC / Marianne Faithfull
...............................................................................

cold: while visiting Ford (CHC), Henry Kissinger (ALF) guards against accidents
mono: once-feuding CHC & BIM musically dispel any bad vibes between them
comm: all the food at Pre-Chew Charlie's (BIM) restaurant is easy to digest
show: The Bel Airabs- middle-eastern family entraps congressman (TOD) in Abscam
song musical guest performs "Broken English"
news: BIM says we should draft women- if we lose, the Russians look like jerks
news: BIM sings "Happy Birthday" to busts of Washington & Lincoln
show: You Can't Win!- contestants face impossible odds; Bert Convy cameo
show Speaking of Fashion- Mr. Blackwell (HAS) discusses CHC's line of clothes
song musical guest performs "Guilt"
FILM "Linden Palmer, Hollywood's Forgotten Director" by TOS- career recalled
skit Honduran's poison darts cut short (JAC)'s audio tape to mother (LAN)
song: CHC, Tom Scott [real], SNL Band perform "Sixteen Tons"

*******************************************************************************
79k Elliott Gould / Gary Numan
...............................................................................

cold: outside Nixon's brownstone, Father Guido Sarducci waits for ex-President
COMM: Jewess Jeans- Rhonda Weiss models the kosher designer denim
skit: Jody Powell (BDM) subs for Carter during debate with Ted Kennedy (BIM)
COMM: Everett & Giorgio Gallo wine is made & shipped with care for winos
skit The Incredible Man (HAS)- yellow snow leads to the Canadian Wizard of Oz
song: musical guest performs "Cars"
news: Father Guido Sarducci believes the Nixons are late because of long movie
news: JAC sends a message to retiring Walter Cronkite by unbuttoning her blouse
skit: college basketball coach (host) heavily recruits jailed murderer (GAM)
skit: all-time radio station deejay (HAS) keeps listeners chronologically aware
skit a subway genie (host) takes (GIR) on an underground tour of NYC
misc: Father Guido Sarducci talks to one of Nixon's new neighbors
comm: Kramer vs. Godzilla- movie has custody battle pitting man against monster
song musical guest performs "Praying to the Aliens"
misc: the Nixons' limousine arrives just as the show ends

*******************************************************************************
79l Kirk Douglas / Sam & Dave
...............................................................................

cold: a trip to host's dressing room reveals he's very short & has no dimple
mono: host's godchild Alexandra [real] is his most loyal fan
show: What If?- implications of Spartacus (host) in a Piper Cub are explored
skit The Micro Dentists- tiny tooth doctors work in Anwar Sadat's (GAM) mouth
song musical guest performs "You Don't Know Like I Know"
news: Reagan's (HAS) damage-control commercial features additional ethnic jokes
news: ALF supports reinstating the draft- it will only affect him positively
skit: drunk last-minute replacement Nick "Collins" sings at a bar mitzvah
show: Tom Snyder (HAS) seeks flakiness in Republican candidates' brothers
comm: Kirk's Greatest Kirks- album has host aping mimics' impersonations of him
FILM: "Mask Of Fear" by TOS- break-in victims learn that they'll be skiing
song musical guest performs "Soul Man"
skit: at Sardi's, bathroom attendant (GIR) gets host's autograph on paper towel

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79r Bob Newhart / Amazing Rhythm Aces, Bruce Cockburn
...............................................................................

cold: Marvin Hamlisch (PAS) & Pink Lady (LAN) & (GIR) & Carl Sagan (HAS) joke
mono: host does stand-up about a "seven lost cities of the Incas" travelogue
show: The Dating Zone- (host) questions Iris de Flaminio & catatonic Colleen
song: Amazing Rhythm Aces perform "Who Will The Next Fool Be"
song: Amazing Rhythm Aces & BIM perform "Third-Rate Romance"
news: ALF says he should have a limousine, not "lame-o" Fred Silverman
skit Civil War officer (host) fails to write to dead soldier's mother (GIR)
song Bruce Cockburn performs "Wondering Where the Lions Are"
skit: store owner (host) fills customers' orders of rare & unusual wares
FILM: "Mr. Bill Goes To Jail" by Walter Williams- escape attempts backfire
skit: after proposing, (host) learns fiancee (JAC) used to weigh 260 pounds

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89b Rick Moranis / Rickie Lee Jones
...............................................................................

cold: Jackie Mason (host) apologizes & endorses Ronald Lauder for NYC mayor
mono: host plays with SNL Band, works around the studio, delivers a baby
skit: Leona Helmsley (NOD), Zsa Zsa Gabor (VIJ), Bakkers (JAH) & (host) go nuts
show: Honey, I Shrunk Hans & Franz- the tiny musclemen deal with a mouse
song: musical guest performs "Satellites"
news Mr. Subliminal comments on Manuel Noriega & the situation in Panama
news PHH gives George Steinbrenner Health Watch update for hopeful Yankee fans
news detestable stereotype Frenchy (JOL) offends & disgusts during commentary
skit: Merv Griffin (host) does all the work at his money-losing hotel
skit: (PHH), (host), (MIM), (NOD) unsuccessfully try to ride a wild horse
song: musical guest performs "Ghetto Of My Mind"
skit new commissioner (PHH) alters baseball rules in memory of Bart Giamatti
skit in a bar, (JAH), (NOD), (VIJ) bother a cute guy (host) with baby talk
show: Word Busters- contestants have to come up with the correct pain response

*******************************************************************************
89n Fred Savage / Technotronic
...............................................................................

cold: Church Chat- Church Lady & niece (host) criticize Marla Maples (JAH)
mono: Wonder Years narrative documents host hitting puberty while on-stage
skit: results of leaving (host) home with gun demonstrate firearm safety don'ts
show: The Pat Stevens Show- guests are neglected daughter Missy (VIJ) & host
song musical guest performs "Pump Up The Jam"
news KEN reports audience's displeasure with News From 10 Feet Away bit
news Annoying Man's magic tricks include chewing foil & scraping a chalkboard
news irate audience member (RBS) concludes KEN's News From 10 Feet Away
news Grumpy Old Man dislikes bottled water, athletic footwear, amusement parks
skit: (host)'s parents pressure him to develop a more creative imaginary friend
skit: Space Shuttle countdown is repeatedly stopped due to launch pad wanderers
skit on a hunt, Lothar Of The Hill People prepares son (host) for manhood rite
song musical guest performs "Get Up!"
FILM "Hooked On Sushi" by TOS- Japanese restaurant literally lures (KEN)

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89q Corbin Bernsen / The Smithereens
...............................................................................

cold: CBS outcast Brent Musberger (KEN) works at the Cable Shopping Network
skit: host & other actors who play lawyers on TV try their act in a real court
skit Hanukkah Harry & invisible Elijah (ALF) sub for Easter Bunny (host)
song: musical guest performs "A Girl Like You"
news: VIJ has words of praise for Mother Theresa & Mickey Mantle
news: Grumpy Old Man doesn't like cash machines, Kleenex, motion pictures
show: George F. Will's (DAC) Sports Machine- intellectual baseball questions
skit (JAH) discovers that her date (host) is preoccupied with his own face
show Movers & Shakers- character names lend authenticity to (KEN)'s shows
song: musical guest performs "Blue Before & After"
skit: Playgirl models (KEN), (DAC), (host) adorn their penises for the people

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90k Sting
...............................................................................

cold: Wayne's World- opinions on the best & worst of Gulf War TV coverage
song: musical guest performs "All This Time"
comm British people love brushing with sugary Hedley & Wyche toothpaste
skit: during a long elevator ride, fans (KEN) & (DAC) sing host's songs to him
show: The Sinatra (PHH) Group- Sinead O'Connor (JAH) & others discuss issues
MISC: Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on figuring out why clowns seem frightening
skit: Richard Laymer (ROS) bombards his co-workers with elaborate nicknames
MISC Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on the definition of cowardice
news: one-man mobile uplink unit ALF reports on the Gulf War from Baghdad
news: DAS gives his thoughts on what's in & what's out
news: DEM demonstrates the mating habits of the dancing Coke can
song: musical guest performs "Mad About You"
skit Dr. Frankenstein (host) tries to expand his monster's verbal skills
MISC Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on telling kids where rain comes from
show: Coffee Talk- Paul Baldwin (MIM) takes calls about dogs & daughters
MISC Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on the contents of a big shark's stomach
skit flashbacks show the first time (VIJ) met husband's (host) parents
song musical guest performs "Purple Haze"
skit nightclub patron (MIM) suggests (host)'s bleak poetry could be brighter

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90l Kevin Bacon / INXS
...............................................................................

cold: reporters at a Desert Storm press briefing ask for classified information
mono: host counters nervousness by controlling his pulse rate & salivary glands
MISC: due to Gulf War, SNL refrains from running fake commercial for Execu-John
skit: Richard Laymer loses his socialization facilitator when the copier breaks
show: The Dark Side- Nat X's guests are Colin Powell (TIM) & Vanilla Ice (host)
skit: members of The Sarcastic Clapping Family Of Southhampton speak their mind
MISC: Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on how kids like to be tricked
song musical guest performs "Bitter Tears"
news: AWB says it's no surprise that the Gulf War happened during Bush's tenure
skit (host) has no problems with potential roommate's (DAC) strange habits
MISC Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on biting what seemed to be a nectarine
show Dance Party USA- teens boogie in support of the Gulf War effort
show SoundStage- (host) only contributes handclaps in lopsided folk duo
song musical guest performs "Suicide Blonde"
show: Daily Affirmation- insecure Stuart Smalley (ALF) teaches self-acceptance
misc: a Desert Storm soldier (host) sings "Cleaning My Rifle & Dreaming Of You"

*******************************************************************************
90m Roseanne Barr / Deee-Lite with Bootsy Collins & The Rubber Band
...............................................................................

cold: army general Mr. Subliminal briefs the press about the Gulf War
comm: MetroCard- operator (host) & customer (PHH) remember a call for help
skit: Misery II- DAC's biggest fan (host) makes him keep Church Lady alive
show Sally Jessy Raphael (JAH)- host & Tom Arnold [real] respond to TV movie
song: musical guest performs "World Clique"
news propaganda tool Iraqi Pete (ADS) spouts anti-American sentiments
skit: (host) fails to figure out whether androgynous Pat is a man or a woman
COMM lunchroom talk shows how McIntosh Jr. gives the power to crush other kids
show A Presidents' Day Remembrance- Lincoln (PHH) & Mary Todd (host) brawl
COMM: Happy Fun Ball comes with a bunch of scary-sounding disclaimers
misc Iraqi Pete further eggs on the audience; TV Guide "cheers" SNL for him
show: Comedy Killers- stand-up comics on a game show about audience turn-offs
song: musical guest performs "The Power of Love"
misc: Victoria's Secrets- VIJ tells all about her dumb blonde image
COMM Opposites Attract- movie about a millionaire (MIM) & a prostitute
misc White Trash History Minute- how tuna noodle casserole was created

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92d Christopher Walken / Arrested Development
...............................................................................

cold: Ross Perot (DAC) ditches Admiral Stockdale (PHH) on the side of the road
mono: host sings "Let's Face The Music" & dances with castmembers & others
COMM: Jiffy Express will take the blame for packages you send late
show: The Continental flirts when a woman comes to reclaim her glove
skit: Ed Glosser, Trivial Psychic (host) annoys co-workers with ho-hum visions
MISC Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on the status of pudding-traversing ants
song musical guest performs "Tennessee"
news undecided voter Jan Brady (MEH) likens candidates to her family members
news Hollywood Minute- DAS defines terms for public figures on the decline
show Stalk Talk- guests discuss the nature of their obsessive trailing
skit: androgynous Pat's new boss (host) is discombobulated by gender dysphoria
misc: Sinead O'Connor (JAH) is booed off-stage during a Goodtime Happy Jamboree
skit sleuths watch their mentor (host) undergo embarrassing medical procedures
misc: Audience McGee (ADS) to Sinead O'Connor (JAH)- "love, don't hate"
song musical guest performs "People Everyday"
misc (host) sings about catching crabs on "The Boulevard Of Broken Balls"
misc at closing, host congratulates Toronto on their World Series win

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92k Harvey Keitel / Madonna
...............................................................................

cold: Marilyn Monroe-like musical guest wishes Clinton (PHH) happy inauguration
mono: host thinks musical guest's fans are there to see him
COMM: Jiffy Express {rerun}
skit: fancy restaurant bathroom attendant (KEN) makes (host) self-conscious
comm: mush-mouthed transit workers produce unintelligible subway announcements
song: musical guest performs "Fever"
news KEN gives a subliminal editorial about Clinton's inauguration
news CSR discusses racial stereotypes, declares "yakoo" as new anti-white slur
news Hollywood Minute- DAS reviews 1992 celebrity news & recent movies
skit: (host) tries to figure out the gender of fellow castaway androgynous Pat
misc: Audience McGee intercedes to maintain androgynous Pat's aura of mystery
skit Bush (DAC) cleans out his desk & talks with Dan Quayle (Jeff Renaudo)
skit Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer- Cirroc tries primitive act in Mexican court
song: musical guest performs "Bad Girl"
misc: musical guest tears up a photo of the "real enemy"- Joey Buttafuoco
misc: an insane idiot (host) shows his collection of descending-size deer heads
skit (MIM) & (JUS) get alternating orders to get in or out of (host)'s cab
MISC: Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on making the world safe for our children

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92m Alec Baldwin / Paul McCartney
...............................................................................

cold: after Dateline NBC anchors admit ethical lapses, Toonces drives them home
mono: host generously tips cast & crew to get special backstage treatment
COMM: Cluckin' Chicken {rerun}
skit: The Mimic (host)- (JUS) hires self-proclaimed master of 1000 voices
show: The Chris Farley Show- CHF asks musical guest some dumb questions
song musical guest performs "Get Out Of My Way"
news KEN gives a subliminal editorial about the early days of Clinton's term
news: ADS sings an ode to his "Red Hooded Sweatshirt"; Linda McCartney cameo
skit: French teacher (host) makes sure students' inflection matches his
show: Soap Opera Digest- TV doctor (host) mispronounces medical terms
song musical guest performs "Biker Like An Icon"
skit Gap employees Kristy & Lucy both think (host) is their guy
show Naked Woman Theatre- (host) responds to complaints the show has received
show Daily Affirmation- Stuart deconstructs some Valentine's Day cards
comm David Hasselhoff (host) & Patti LaBelle (ELC) in The Bodyguard TV series
song musical guest performs "Hey Jude"

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92o John Goodman / Mary J. Blige
...............................................................................

cold: Richard Laymer chats with David Koresh (MIM) in the Waco compound
mono: host & The Bravados [real] sing "So In Love"
COMM: Wilson countersink flanges- for those with requisite technical knowledge
skit: Bear (host) finds that Ox (CHF) has taken over as brain's (ROS) protector
show: Soylent Green director (host) talks about his less successful sequels
MISC Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on cheap people that want to be repaid
song musical guest performs "Reminisce"
news KEN interviews newly-crowned Storm Of The Century (CHF)
news old codger Buster Jenkins (CSR) blames spaceships for the huge deficit
news Sleepyhead (ADS) eventually gives editorial on Yeltsin's near-impeachment
show: How'd You Do That?- guests tell origins of accidental disfigurements
skit: while on a cruise, Linda Richman & (host) talk about all the great food
skit partygoers pretend to believe eccentric loser Canteen Boy's (ADS) stories
song musical guest performs "Sweet Thing"
skit: once again, Turkish (ROS) is the target of (host)'s anti-Arab sentiments
MISC: Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on the difference between wise & stupid men
comm traditional Irish singers try rock classics & rap on new albums
show The Man Without A Shout- tragedy spurs (host) never to raise his voice
misc: musical guest's mother [real] joins her on-stage at closing

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92p Miranda Richardson / Soul Asylum
...............................................................................

cold: androgynous Pat sings "The Crying Game" for host & Stephen Rea [real]
mono: host sings like Marilyn Monroe & tries to ingratiate herself with USA
COMM: Barry Green (PHH) says you don't have to be in an accident to sue {rerun}
skit: actor (PHH) frustrates (host)'s attempts to complete an emotional scene
skit after WWII soldier (MIM) recovers, nurse (host) gives string of bad news
COMM: Barry Green offers some more ways to get rich through litigation {rerun}
comm heterosexuals Eager (CHF) & Jones (TIM) sing duets as if they were gay
song musical guest performs "Somebody to Shove"
news KEN gives a subliminal editorial about David Koresh & Branch Davidians
news Hanna-Barbera paid ROS to discuss the educational merits of cartoons
show: MTV Spring Break U.K. '93- VJs get roughed up by British hooligans
comm: Russell Simmons' Def Magic Show Jam features foul-mouthed illusionists
song musical guest performs "Black Gold"
MISC: Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on aliens making fun of our civilization
FILM: whorenun (host), shemale Susan, Marv Albert [real] inhabit Dieter's Dream
skit spineless pub owner (CHF) remembers celebrities taking advantage of him
MISC: Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on what to ask during a job interview

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92s Christina Applegate / Midnight Oil
...............................................................................

cold: Coffee Talk- alone & farklempt Linda takes calls on Mother's Day
mono: during her week in NYC, host visited malls instead of unique attractions
COMM: Nerf bats & missiles are OK for use with crotch, the pure stuff is not
comm: Focus On Beauty II- Cher (host) loves Lori Davis' (CHF) no-alcohol spray
skit The Backwards Romance- the events in (PHH)'s play are anti-chronological
song: musical guest performs "Truganini"
news: ADS plays guitar & sings "I Love You Momma," KEN also tries a few verses
skit Kristy & Lucy help orient a new employee (host) at The Gap
skit: motivational speaker Matt Foley (CHF) warns two teens about using drugs
show You Bet Your Life- Bill Cosby (ADS) babbles his way through the game show
song: musical guest performs "My Country"
misc G-Spot members (TIM) & (CSR) sing "All I Wanna Do Is Suck Your Big Toe"
MISC: Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on what makes a better peace symbol
skit an actress (host) gets some worrying warnings just before an audition
MISC: Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on an old man's folly & his Adam's apple

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93b Shannen Doherty / Cypress Hill
...............................................................................

cold: Operaman comes within one number of hitting the lottery jackpot
MONO: videotape of host's recent wedding shows there was plenty of fighting
COMM: Crystal Gravy- the latest in the clear food craze is a transparent sauce
show: The Real World- diverse young adults are sensitive to perceived prejudice
show: The Denise (host) Show- jilted Brian (ADS) is obsessed with ex-girlfriend
song: musical guest performs "Insane In The Brain"
news: ROS narrates some wacky sports bloopers that are actually quite mundane
news: Ike Turner (TIM) hits KEN with a cake, then tries to make up with him
show Is It Date Rape?- (host) & (CHF) use Antioch College guidelines to decide
skit The Relapse Guy (CHF)- he says he's changed, but he's still unreliable
misc hairdresser Noah (MIM) & wardrober Frans (TIM) give host advice backstage
skit: early-American lynch mob wants to find (host) guilty at Salem Bitch Trial
song: musical guest performs "I Ain't Goin' Out Like That"
comm Michael Eisner (PHH) assures tourists they'll be safe in northern Florida

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93r Emilio Estevez / Pearl Jam
...............................................................................

cold: Michael Fay (host) gets his punishment from a friendly caner (KEN)
show: Geek, Dweeb, or Spazz- cool kids identify types of high school outcasts
comm The Whitewater Folder- host in latest movie based on a John Grisham book
song: musical guest performs "Not For You"
news: KEN gives a subliminal editorial about flogging in Singapore
news: Operaman sings a medley about Whitewater, Singapore, Eddie Vedder
show: How Much Ya Bench?- supposedly steroid-free weightlifters take some calls
song musical guest performs "Rearviewmirror"
comm The Herlihy Boy Grandmother Sitting Service- he wants to bathe, marry her
skit stupid Poker Billy (host) doesn't know how to play the card game
MISC Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on the earliest fly swatters
song: musical guest performs "Daughter"

*******************************************************************************
94g Roseanne / Green Day
...............................................................................

cold: at a press conference, Jesse Helms (MIM) expands his presidential threats
COMM: H.H.T. home headache test {rerun}
comm: USAir employees talk about the airline's improved flight safety measures
skit parallels to host's life in Tom Arnold (CHF) & Madonna (JAG) TV movie
show: Rescue 911- rude operator (host) answers emergency calls in Philadelphia
song: musical guest performs "When I Come Around"
news: DAS to striking athletes- "entertainers lack marketable skills- I know"
news ACLU representative Naomi Green (JAG) stands up for prisoners' rights
news: ADS plays guitar & sings a Hanukkah song about celebrities that are Jews
skit: weight-conscious (host), (ELC), (LAK) investigate chemical-laden yogurt
show: Civil War Memories- high school dropouts talk about Battle for Charleston
skit: of host's multiple personalities, psychoanalyst (NOM) prefers the whore
song: musical guest performs "Geek Stink Breath"
skit Funny Strange shop owner (CSE) envies twin's (CSE) novelty store success
show Lock-Up- Bobby Blake's (LAK) women's prison talk show; Rip Taylor cameo

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94q DAW / Dionne Farris
...............................................................................

cold: Judge Ito (MAM) reciprocates Alfonse D'Amato's racial stereotype
mono: DAW does stand-up about African Americans' undesirable job assignments
COMM: Bathroom Monkey {rerun}
skit: African American day campers' names come from dictionary & supermarket
show: Men On Film- Blaine Edwards (DAW), Roger Ebert (CHF), (David Alan Grier)
song: musical guest performs "I Know"
news: Jeff Foxworthy (DAS) tells you how to know if you're the Ebola virus
news: ADS tries to get recently-released Mike Tyson to beat up people for him
skit: (KEN) & (MOS) get drenched by excess saliva of jazz trumpeter (DAW)
skit: homeless Anton Jackson (DAW) testifies at the O.J. trial
show: Perspectives- the logistics of a black militant's (DAW) upcoming march
skit Cirque du Soleil performers (MAM), (CSE), (MOB) offer animal-free acts
MISC Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- on how to keep mosquitoes away
comm Christopher Walken (JAM) endorses Skittles
song musical guest performs "Blackbird"
comm Tony Bennett (JAM) offers Tom Jones' (ADS) used underwear for sale

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94r Courteney Cox / Dave Matthews Band
...............................................................................

cold: Matt Foley offers bilingual motivation for two latin kids (MOB) & (JAM)
mono: Bruce Springsteen (ADS) joins host on-stage for "Dancing In The Dark"
show: Good Morning Brooklyn- unlucky (CHF) receives "beating of the week"
misc: going to commercial, Bela Fleck [real] plays banjo with SNL Band
show: Gapardy- Gap girls Kristy, Lucy, Cindy compete on a game show
song: musical guest performs "What Would You Say"
news: eccentric English teacher Louise Ingstrom (MOS) punctuates her commentary
skit: (CSE) takes advantage of teenage babysitter Melanie (MAM) in a car
skit offhand remark leads to hiring of Charles Manson (ADS) as office manager
skit (TIM) keeps (KEN) on the defensive by alternating truth with "jokes"
show Replacement Baseball- a documentary on the scabs' brief careers
skit: His Muse Friday- (host) & poetry editor (MMK) trade verse in film noir
song musical guest performs "Ants Marching"
skit aloof (DAS) becomes obnoxiously cloying after a night with (host)

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95c David Schwimmer / Natalie Merchant
...............................................................................

cold: Darius Rucker (TIM) sings "Hold My Hand" variant at D.C. frat boy march
mono: host & Lisa Kudrow, Gary Coleman, Barry Williams, Jimmie Walker [real]
COMM: Grayson Moorhead Securities founder (JID) tells his investing philosophy
show: Kids vs. Grownups- game show questions are biased toward the adults
COMM: more common-sense Grayson Moorhead Securities company guidelines
skit: Rita Delvecchio (CHO) confiscates kids' items that land on her porch
MISC Jack Handey's Fuzzy Memories- of a seemingly turkeyless Thanksgiving
skit: actions of fellow elevator passengers make (host) feel uncomfortable
news: to re-enact the time he got beat up in a bar, JMB hits himself
news Cleveland Indians fan (WIF) pretends to be an upset Native American
song: musical guest sings "Wonder"
skit (DAH)'s friends discover his secrets while setting up his surprise party
misc: Spade in America- Jennifer Aniston [real] objects to anti-Friends remarks
skit slim Shannon (NAW) is insensitively rude to plus size clothing customers
song musical guest sings "Carnival"
show Triumph Performers- they remain in showbiz despite severe disabilities
misc: CHO puts money in the swear jar for saying "shit" earlier in the show

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95m Tom Arnold / Tupac Shakur
...............................................................................

cold: during a debate, GOP candidates trick themselves into endorsing Clinton
mono: host repeats Golden Globes faux pas by carelessly insulting castmembers
show: The Life We Lead- news stories are presented in context of a soap opera
skit: Gail Lafferty (NAW) threatens ass kickings for perceived offenses
song: musical guest performs "California Love"
news a phone call from O.J. Simpson gets NOM up-to-date on search for killers
news: Joe Blow talks about some other things that make his life more difficult
news: ADS plays guitar & sings a song about his grandmother
show Miracles of Science- Braniac's (host) cranium size belies his smarts
skit: naive (JMB) thinks her criminal son (COQ) is engaged in harmless pursuits
skit: hospital orderly Gerald Tibbins prepares (host) for an appendectomy
MISC: Jack Handey's Fuzzy Memories- of a woodpecker driving dad to suicide
song musical guest performs "I Ain't Mad At Cha"
skit: a tree slice both explains & embodies outlaw park ranger's (host) crusade
COMM: the packaging of Hank Petchow's (WIF) rat poison is quite misleading

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95p PHH / Gin Blossoms
...............................................................................

cold Bob Dole (NOM) gets advice on his image from Charlton Heston (PHH)
mono: an identity crisis leads PHH to lock himself in his dressing room
COMM: BugOff roach trap {rerun}
show: Leg Up- Sinatra (PHH) talks about dalliances of a bygone era
skit: eager acting students follow Bobby Colsman's (PHH) oddball instructions
skit Roxbury Guys Steve (WIF) & Doug (CHK) Butabi seek dance partners at club
news: Frankenstein gives his opinion of a possible result of budget cutbacks
news: Jesse Jackson (DAH) protests the lack of Oscar recognition for blacks
song: musical guest performs "Follow You Down"
skit slow-to-react gunman (CHK) is assured that he's in control by cop (PHH)
misc: Spade in America- DAS does a Hollywood Minute on current cinema items
skit: Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer- Cirroc defends a tobacco company executive
song musical guest performs "Memphis Time"
show Taddli (MAM)- pot-smoking talk show panel receives simpleminded reprimand
MISC: Jack Handey's Fuzzy Memories- of the car window {rerun}

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95r Teri Hatcher / Dave Matthews Band
...............................................................................

cold: Johnnie Cochran (TIM) & other lawyers form Unabomber (WIF) defense plan
mono: host has Lois Lane-ish inability to recognize glasses-wearing castmembers
COMM: Old Glory Insurance {rerun}
skit prop girl Mary Katherine Gallagher wants Maria role in West Side Story
skit: inept romantic (CHK) seeks mood music & dance steps to use on date (host)
COMM: The Princess & The Homeboy- (host) & G-Dog clash in a new NBC sitcom
skit: Arianna is left behind when Craig has an opportunity to be a real Spartan
news: due to his Masters choke, Greg Norman (MAM) has chosen a new nickname
song: musical guest performs "Too Much"
misc: Spade in America- host & DAS do unflattering imitations of one other
show The Local News- (host) & NOM are guests on Joe Blow's basement talk show
MISC Jack Handey's Fuzzy Memories- of making good on a worm-eating bet
skit: a rumble ensues when (host) stands up to Gail Lafferty's bullying ways
song musical guest performs "So Much To Say"
COMM Petchow rat poison {rerun}

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95t Jim Carrey / Soundgarden
...............................................................................

cold: Nightline- Bob Dole (NOM) is willing to change in order to beat Clinton
mono: to please an audience member, host reverts to his popular catchphrases
skit: Craig & Arianna welcome an exchange student (host) to their squad
skit: (host) & fellow Roxbury Guys work their moves in non-traditional venues
skit: an overprotective lifeguard (host) monitors jacuzzi-goer (WIF) closely
song: musical guest performs "Pretty Noose"
skit (host) says "I'll see you in Hell" so much, the phrase loses its impact
MISC Spade in America- DAS looks back at some of his Hollywood Minutes
show: The Joe Pesci (JMB) Show- Jimmy Stewart (host) & Jim Carrey (MAM)
song musical guest performs "Burden In My Hand"
comm: Jimmy Tango's (host) Fat Busters- heat beads & crystal meth remove pounds
misc: at closing, host announces stage manager Joe Dicso's [real] retirement

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96b Lisa Kudrow / Sheryl Crow
...............................................................................

cold Bob Dole (NOM) prepares for a debate with Clinton; David L. Lander cameo
mono: host describes her fantasy one-night stand with SNL
COMM: Caribbean Essence Bath Oil literally lifts you up & takes you away
show Singled Out- Mary Katherine Gallagher looks for love amongst Generation X
skit: air traffic controller Suel Forrester "helps" stewardess (host) land
TOON: "Fun With Real Audio" by RBS- Ross Perot & Larry King ramble
news: Clinton (DAH) likes Independence Day's "dead First Lady" plot
song: musical guest performs "If It Makes You Happy"
show: Single & Loving It- joyologist Helen (MOS) claims to enjoy manlessness
skit: five-star hotel bellmen (JMB), (CHK), (WIF) destroy guests' luggage
skit: Mickey The Dyke (CHO) emcees Wymins Poetry Night at a lesbian bar
song musical guest performs "Love Is A Good Thing"
skit: ex-con waiter Gene (COQ) harasses a dining couple (host) & (MAM)
MISC Brief Histories- explosives ensured the success of George Ferris' Wheel

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96k David Alan Grier / Snoop Doggy Dogg
...............................................................................

cold: Paula Jones (CHO) tries to identify Clinton's (DAH) genitalia in line-up
mono: host sings "Let's Get Butt-Naked In The White House" to mark inauguration
COMM: capital punishment wackiness on Death Row Bloopers & Practical Jokes tape
show 20/20- Barbara Walters (CHO) interviews musical guest amid his entourage
skit: (host), (TIM), (TRM) get emotional while watching Waiting To Exhale
show: Both Sides with Jesse Jackson (DAH)- Kincaid & others discuss Ebonics
skit (ANG), (MOS), other Rocky Roads say no to sexual harassment & shoplifting
COMM: Maya Angelou (host) recites verse in praise of Butterfinger
news: though Michael Irvin was falsely accused, COQ isn't going to apologize
song: musical guest performs "Snoop's Upside Ya Head"
skit: ex-porn stars Don Wong (JMB) & Reggie Owens (TRM) try a fast-food career
COMM: Maya Angelou (host) endorses Froot Loops! poetically
show mispriced Scottie Pippen bust may ruin Don West (WIF) & Eddy Lewis (CHK)
FILM "Wheaty the Wheaten Terrier" by RBS- dog's supposed heroism not apparent
song musical guest performs "Vapors"
comm: Bill Gates (MAM) introduces Microsoft products that will change the world
COMM: Maya Angelou (host) voices muse-inspired admiration for Pennzoil
COMM see monster trucks & funny car civilization Sunday at Worcester Centrum

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96r Pamela Lee / Rollins Band
...............................................................................

cold: Janet Reno (WIF) hijacks Clinton (DAH) press conference to defend herself
mono: in an attempt to calm her nerves, host takes off some of her clothing
COMM Darnette Disposable Toilets {rerun}
skit: at a beach volleyball tourney, Craig & Arianna cheer & rescue C.J. (host)
show: Biography- Tiger Woods (TIM) & controlling father Earl (TRM) are profiled
skit: Roxbury Guys pursue (host) from the dance club to the health club
skit on host's movie set, jealous hubby Tommy (NOM) can't fathom make-believe
misc Tommy Lee [real] doesn't understand that previous skit was make-believe
TOON: by RBS- The Ambiguously Gay Duo teaches safety tips to kids
song: musical guest performs "Starve"
show: Hey, Remember the 80's- Jenny McCarthy (host) & David Lee Roth (CHK)
show Oprah's (TIM) Book Club- sycophantic guests say what she wants to hear
COMM: Larry King's (NOM) News & Views range from the trite to the bizarre
comm host's cleavage causes accidents at her Invitational NASCAR Rally
COMM: Larry King (NOM) offers more News & Views
show The Twilight Zone- in the eyes of her pig-faced beholders, (host) is hot
skit on a first date, (CHK) pretends to like knockout (host)'s sense of humor

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97b Matthew Perry / Oasis
...............................................................................

cold: hoping to become real Spartans, Craig & Arianna practice for tryouts
MONO: host tries to get NYC residents to help re-create Friends fountain dance
COMM: Cookie Dough Sport- the drink replenishes sugar lost during exercise
show: Jeopardy!- Michael Keaton (host) & others exasperate Alex Trebek (WIF)
skit: students in (host)'s Sarcasm 101 class get first-hand irony experience
show: The Ladies' Man- old-fashioned player Leon Phelps (TIM) takes some calls
show Space, The Infinite Frontier- Harry Caray (WIF) drifts into sci-fi
song: musical guest performs "Don't Go Away"
show: MTV News- Goat Boy sings with Willie Nelson (WIF) & Julio Iglesias (host)
COMM The Kevin Franklin Show will be different from the other black talk shows
skit: host doesn't care for COQ's fey Chandler characterization in Friends skit
FILM: puppet siblings Mike & Sissy Golord rescue kidnap victim Clinton
song musical guest performs "Acquiesce"
show Good Morning With Liza!- unstable Minnelli (MOS) & Woody Allen (host)
COMM a sober Kevin Franklin announces his new show- Discovering Faith

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97c Brendan Fraser / Bjork
...............................................................................

cold: in her bedroom, girlish Janet Reno (WIF) fantasizes about Clinton (DAH)
COMM: Lemon Glow floor cleaner convinced wild (MOS) to settle in suburbia
show: fight between Xena (MOS) & Urswina (host) contains hints of lesbianism
show: Issues- stoners (host) & Jeff (JMB) lose focus when topic's not legal pot
skit Margaret Jo & Terry talk gourds with controversial squash expert (host)
FILM: Golords beat robots but fail to save NYC from Bill Gates' nuclear warhead
show: Frank Gifford (DAH) mixes NFL & personal matters; Eric Dickerson cameo
skit: Colette Reardon explains her medication needs to pharmacist (host)
news: Harry Caray's (WIF) World Series analysis mostly deals with team mascots
song: musical guest performs "Bachelorette"
show Biography- Jack Perkins (DAH) drinks during Courtney Love (MOS) profile
skit (host) becomes obsessed with enigmatic male stripper Mango (CHK)
COMM Shark Channel programming only partially reflects network's implied focus
misc creeped-out cast watches as host sings about his new best friend WIF

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97j Samuel L. Jackson / Ben Folds Five
...............................................................................

cold: Clinton (DAH) plans to blow the budget surplus by making a kick-ass movie
mono: host shares his blaxploitation-themed New Year's resolutions
COMM: Lemon Glow {rerun}
skit: Publishers Clearing House visits the ghetto to award prize to (host)
SHOW: Quentin Tarantino (NOM) presents unsuccessful Pulp Fiction screen tests
comm Jazzterpieces documents the rocky career of musical couple (host) & (ANG)
show: Judge Judy (CHO)- personal trainer (host) sues former customer (ANG)
TOON: "The Sexiest Car Alive" by RBS- Speed Racer George Clooney dodges press
news: Harry Caray (WIF) explores the implications of cloning hot dogs
song: musical guest performs "Brick"
skit: fifth-class passengers (host) & (TRM) wait to be evacuated from Titanic
skit Mango enthralls an otherwise-heterosexual hard-core criminal (host)
comm The Learning Annex can help you become a joyful, germ-free fake preacher
show Poolside Lovin'- dad's death leaves (CHK) not in the mood to "get it on"
COMM: "I'm #1" hat & "I'm Hot Stuff" necklace {rerun}

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97l John Goodman / Paula Cole
...............................................................................

cold: Linda Tripp (host) wears a wire during meeting with Monica Lewinsky (MOS)
mono: Mighty Mack & Elwood Blues perform "Lookin' For A Fox"
show: Morning Latte- chatter of Tom & Cass eventually causes (host) to snap
skit: at Mount Sinai, Clinton (DAH) seeks loophole in anti-adultery Commandment
show: Brian Boitano (WIF) & Rudy Galindo (CHK) camp it up at Nagano Olympics
TOON "X-Presidents" by RBS- X-First Ladies help defeat communist aliens
show Emeril (JMB) Live- Monica Lewinsky's lawyer William Ginsburg (host) begs
news: COQ explains why he's not happy about Matt Damon's success
news: fraternity member Randy Graves (WIF) sides with Clinton & blames women
song: musical guest performs "I Don't Want To Wait"
show Judge Judy (CHO)- (ANG) claims that Irwin Mainway's toys are dangerous
comm: Martha Stewart (ANG) Living- items to aid exodus from Cuba are presented
show Sabado Chistoso- William Ginsburg (WIF) makes his plea on a Hispanic show
skit: a cobra terrorizes airline passengers (host), (ANG), (TIM)
show Storytellers- Neil Diamond (WIF) performs songs & reveals his sicko muses

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98e DAS / Eagle-Eye Cherry
...............................................................................

COLD: DAS complains to his therapist (Brad Pitt) about the curse of fame
mono: DAS does stand-up about a polar bear mauling & the archetypal Cops perp
COMM the Mercury Mistress is the car you can both drive & have sex with
skit: Monica Lewinsky (MOS) & publicist (DAS) screen potential interviewers
COMM: Mack North (WIF) relishes victory in exorbitant post-election attack ad
show Accruing Equity & Making Hot, Sweet Love- finance & fornication mingle
COMM: Mack North accosts vanquished opponent Fred Peete (CHP) in a parking lot
skit: drill sergeant (WIF) aggressively solicits love-life advice from recruits
skit new dancer Kiwi (DAS) seems to have stolen Mango's magic; CSR cameo
COMM Mack North uses a Fred Peete mask to further rub in the election results
skit: kids' attempts to wish grandma "Happy Birthday" via phone displease (WIF)
news COQ analyzes the gifts given by Clinton to Monica Lewinsky
news: Hollywood Minute- DAS & lookalike hand puppet engage in celebrity gossip
song: musical guest performs "Save Tonight"
skit (DAS) ruins Felicity scene by also speaking Keri Russell's (MOS) part
skit Dr. Laura Schlessinger (ANG) berates callers to her radio program
skit: chaperone (DAS) lays down the ground rules for bachelor party attendees

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98h Vince Vaughn / Lauryn Hill
...............................................................................

cold oral sex experts testify for Clinton-investigating Senate committee
mono: to host's relief, Alfred Hitchcock (DAH) isn't upset about Psycho remake
COMM: Oops! I Crapped My Pants {rerun}
show: Dog Show- David Larry (WIF) & Miss Colleen (MOS) prefer canine company
skit Trent Walker (host) makes a Swinger of Mr. Peepers with a Vegas road trip
skit: spoken-for (host) & (WIF) mislead engaged (JIF) about joys of marriage
COMM: Brew Dude party hat helps college students focus on beer, not books
skit: ghosts of John Lennon (JIF) & Jerry Garcia (HOS) frustrate wisdom seekers
skit gas station employees mull the future in aftermath of Mobil-Exxon merger
news: COQ marvels at Republicans' persistence in pursuing impeachment
news: tree-chained Cinder Calhoun sings "Christmas Chainsaw Massacre"
song: musical guest performs "Doo Wop"
skit cloying cheer of Norman Bates' (host) mother (CHO) precipitated murder
show: Pimp Chat- Bishop Don 'Mack' Donald (TRM) & Pimpin' Kyle (TIM) talk shop
song musical guest performs "Ex-Factor"
skit: Delco Cat Toys salesmen trade macho banter & test quality of new products

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98n BIM / Lucinda Williams
...............................................................................

cold: The Ladies' Man- Stephanie Seymour [real] helps Leon teach love lessons
mono: inspired by the Footloose musical, BIM sings & dances around the stage
skit: competitive couple (BIM) & (MOS) challenges dinner guests to Yahtzee
skit (BIM) leads fellow male Knicks City Dancers in front of unfriendly crowd
COMM: Swill {rerun}
comm: The Quotable Caddyshack- BIM & CHC explain the reference work's utility
show: Morning Latte- minor celebrity (BIM) engages Tom & Cass in vapid banter
news: wistful for coverage, Clinton (DAH) asks media to dig around for dirt
news freshly snubbed by Academy nominators, BIM gives his Oscar picks
song: musical guest performs "Can't Let Go"
skit: because (HOS)'s parents were eaten by a bear, (CHP)'s party is ruined
skit (BIM) spouts gibberish while trying to pose as owner of mystic curio shop
song musical guest performs "Too Cool To Be Forgotten"
comm: Hollywood gynecologist (BIM) has casual attitude toward patients' privacy

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98q John Goodman / Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
...............................................................................

cold: ruing his truthful turn, Clinton (DAH) tries reverse psychology on Kosovo
mono: host can't convince audience members that the show isn't a rerun
skit: (host) brings high school antics to adult literacy class led by (TIM)
comm: self-styled wine heir's (WIF) vile liquid further ires stepfather (host)
COMM: CNN Newsstand- lightweight magazines provide basis for serious reportage
skit (host) strongarms complaints about his incompetent gift wrapper son (CHK)
show Hello Dolly- hucksters prefer collectibles to real-life youngsters
news: TRM explains the meaning of acronyms appearing on current fashions
news: Colette Reardon surveys prescription drugs available to treat allergies
song: musical guest performs "Swingin'"
skit: a boozy & unpleasant Santa (host) unwinds at home during the offseason
show: kid show stars' ugly fate told by news bulletins aired during the program
COMM Behind The Music- bowling alley attendant Bun E. Carlos (HOS) thinks back
song musical guest performs "Room At The Top"
skit embarrassed john (host) endures bordello computer system learning curve

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99c NOM / Dr. Dre
...............................................................................

cold: Rudolph Giuliani (DAH) wanted higher stakes for mayoral World Series bet
mono: NOM deduces that SNL has gotten much worse in the time since he was fired
comm: in the wake of her successful IPO, Martha Stewart (ANG) enjoys being rich
misc: Great Moments in Yankee History- Lou Gehrig (NOM) was being sarcastic
show: Jeopardy!- French Stewart (JIF), Burt Reynolds (NOM), Sean Connery (DAH)
misc: going to commercial, Savion Glover [real] tap-dances
show: Crosstalk- the sexiness of unhealthily-thin women is championed
comm Larry King (NOM) relates yet more News & Views
TOON "Fun With Real Audio" by RBS- Charlton Heston rails against gun control
comm Larry King (NOM) delineates additional News & Views
NEWS: The Millennium- moments from the past 1000 years that never occurred
news: gold digger Marla Maples (CHO) tries to assail Donald Trump's character
song: musical guest & Snoop Dogg [real] perform "Still D.R.E."
skit between visits from trick-or-treaters, dentist (NOM) & wife (CHO) fight
skit newly-single Michael Jackson (TIM) & Howard Stern (JIF) commiserate
song musical guest & Eminem [real] perform "Forgot About Dre"
show: Inside The Actors Studio- James Lipton (WIF) rankles Clint Eastwood (NOM)
COMM Chess for Girls {rerun}

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99f Jennifer Aniston / Sting
...............................................................................

cold: Donald Trump's (DAH) running mate is millionaire John Carpenter [real]
mono: host gets MOS, ANG, CHO, RAD to join her Catfight Club
show Pretty Living- joyologist Helen & horny self-esteem guru (musical guest)
skit: Nick Burns (JIF) condescends while giving tech support to officeworkers
comm: castaway Wayne Porter (CHP) wants to be reelected as leader of the island
comm (host) confuses coworkers by breaking fourth wall for genital herpes ad
show: Sex & The City- Carrie (host) recounts her rendezvous with Mr. Peepers
news: wired George W. Bush (WIF) plugs his book & fields COQ's questions
news: subtitles reveal the truth behind the polite race discussion of COQ & TRM
song: musical guest performs "Brand New Day"
skit: rented street urchins (host) & (RAD) entertain a family by begging
comm Wayne Porter's rival Kim Plunkett (WIF) counters with an attack ad
skit parents (DAH) & (host) are worried because their kid isn't into Pokemon
song musical guest & Cheb Mami [real] perform "Desert Rose"
skit Roberta ruins the family Thanksgiving dinner to which she invited herself

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99r John Goodman / Neil Young
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cold: Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?- Time Warner interrupts celebrity contest
mono: plastered host mistakenly thinks he acted in the Flintstones prequel
COMM: Gillette's Platinum Mach 14 razor is more advanced than the Triple-Trac
show: Wanna Be A VJ 3- Raymond (CHK) & Shannon (ANG) compete for a job at MTV
skit: co-workers endure office vamp Adele's (CHO) unsubtle sexual innuendo
TOON: "The Life of a Catchphrase" by RBS- "Yeah, That's The Ticket" is tracked
show: The Christopher Lowell (CHK) Show- fey panelists laud decorating ideas
song: musical guest performs "Razor Love"
news Kevin Brennan [real] downplays the value of familial relations
news lame duck Clinton (DAH) has no qualms telling Cuban-Americans to shut up
skit Jim Morrison impersonator (HOS) waits on diners at rock & roll restaurant
skit: troopers (host) & (TIM) administer sobriety test to the Bloater brothers
song musical guest performs "Silver & Gold"
comm Tek-co Mechanical Currency Masticator automates coin valuation via biting

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00n Conan O'Brien / Don Henley
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cold: unlike ailing workaholic Dick Cheney, George W. Bush (WIF) has no worries
mono: TRM & Japanese tourists accompany host to his studio; Max Weinberg cameo
COMM: overstuffed Subshack sandwiches fatten up Jared Fogel (JIF) & friends
skit: underage Sully manages to buy booze for Denise, (host), Johnny Bartolotti
skit catchphrase betrays secret identity of Moleculo, The Molecular Man (host)
skit: Right Said Fred (host) & other one-hit wonders give Napster testimony
song: musical guest performs "Everything Is Different Now"
skit (HOS) is distressed to learn that he lost his taint in a car accident
FILM "Find The Black People At The Knick Game" by RBS- off-the-court, not many
show during a concert, Deandra Wells barely avoids a mutiny by her band
comm Marc Rich (CHK) can afford to be against a tax cut because he doesn't pay
song musical guest performs "The Heart Of The Matter"
show: SportsCentury- black opponents end career of boxing pioneer (host)

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01a Reese Witherspoon / Alicia Keys
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misc: in the wake of terrorism, Rudolph Giuliani [real] encourages perseverance
cold: Paul Simon [real] performs "The Boxer" amidst NYC police & firemen
mono: host tells a joke about a polar bear cub's identity crisis
COMM Preparation H- skateboarders sell hemorrhoid relief to youth culture
show: Wake Up Wakefield!- Randy Goldman's (JIF) girlfriend (host) is a guest
skit: The Little Mermaid- (WIF) is put off by Ariel's (host) fish genitalia
song: musical guest peforms "Fallin'"
news Jesse Jackson (DAH) explains circumstances of proposed Taliban meeting
news: TIF & JIF lend drama to Maine's decision to extend moose-hunting season
news: TIF encourages viewers to call 877-870-4278 & donate to Twin Towers Fund
skit: Marty & Bobbi perform a medley at a lesbian commitment ceremony
show Jeopardy!- Chris Tucker (DEE), Anne Heche (host), Sean Connery (DAH)
song musical guest performs "A Woman's Worth"
skit newborn baby's non-stop farts & burps distress parents (WIF) & (host)
comm: For The Children- Donatella Versace (MAR) & fashionistas sing kids songs

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01d John Goodman / Ja Rule
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cold: John Ashcroft (DAH) alarms the press with vague warnings about terrorism
mono: Arizona Diamondbacks pitcher Byung-Hyun Kim (CHK) gets host off the hook
COMM Clairol Herbal Essences For Men- shampoo spurs distinctively male orgasms
show: (DAA) interviews unfortunately-named victims of September 11th backlash
comm: Liberty Medical spokesman Wilford Brimley (host) neglects his own health
skit: Nicole, The Girl With No Gaydar (RAD) is oblivious to sexual orientation
COMM: E.P.T.- college students (SEM) & (AMP) sweat result of pregnancy test
show CBS Evening Anthrax Update- Dan Rather (DAH) projects journalists' health
song: musical guest performs "Always On Time"
news: Red Sox fan SEM will root against the Yankees in order to help them win
news: postal workers Mighty Mack & Elwood Blues sing "The Letter"
show: America Undercover- trashy white couple (CHK) & (AMP) in domestic dispute
song musical guest performs "Livin' It Up"
show Bad Conceptual Theater- Leonard Pinth-Garnell offers monkey-authored play
skit kid detective Bookie Newton (SEM) helps (host) solve a grisly case
misc going to commercial, DAA plays harmonica

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01e Gwyneth Paltrow / Ryan Adams
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cold: George W. Bush (WIF) quells Muslims' misgivings by dispelling some myths
mono: host & overshadowed childhood friend MAR sing "Flashdance"
skit: at the Fall formal, Sully scoffs at Denise's friend's (host) troubles
show: Gemini's Twin & newest member (host) ride the wave of USA patriotism
skit: Mrs. Attebury is insensitive toward man of Middle Eastern heritage (CHK)
TOON by RBS; Michael Jackson's entourage tries to curb his pedophilic habits
misc going to commerical, Dr. John [real] plays piano
song: musical guest performs "New York, New York"
news TIF offers a pizza party to the first airport guard to catch a terrorist
news defiant Rudolph Giuliani (DAH) declares himself NYC mayor-for-life
news Jasper Hahn (HOS) completes drawings related to the war against terrorism
skit at dinnertime, gangsta-wannabe daughter (AMP) vexes irritable patriarch
skit: Mango & high school sweetie host recall "Summer Nights"; Matt Damon cameo
show Fiesta Politica- Donald Rumsfeld (DAH) is out of place at Telemundo show
MISC: My Big Thick Novel by Jack Handey- mauled by a lion in chapter 507

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01i Ellen Degeneres / No Doubt
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cold: Osama bin Laden (WIF) tape reveals that terrorists were reluctant martyrs
mono: host admits that her declaration of homosexuality was a publicity stunt
skit: Marty & Bobbi perform a medley at a shopping mall Nativity scene
skit federal agent Kitty Singleton (host) is terrible at hand-to-hand combat
TOON "The Narrator That Ruined Christmas" by RBS- snowman visits Ground Zero
song: musical guest performs "Hey Baby"
news TRM suggests creative romantic holiday gifts for your spouse
news: JIF, TIF, Rudolph Giuliani [real] sing "Will You Love Me Tomorrow?"
skit: host's Mango obsession creates backlash among lesbian media heavyweights
skit: panic over forgotten household chores causes family to cut its trip short
MISC My Big Thick Novel by Jack Handey- "sighing" on Mars in chapter 917
skit (WIF)'s kids (SEM) & (AMP) don't meet his new girlfriend (host) halfway
misc: Dick Cheney (DAH) imagines happy Christmas ditty by HOS, CHK, TRM, JIF
song musical guest performs "Hella Good"
misc: Rudolph Giuliani [real] wishes peace from Rockefeller Center skating rink

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Frank Serpas III ser...@io.com
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it's SATURDAY NET- http://www.io.com/~serpas/snl.html