New Year's Challenge: Sea Wasp's TEAM TECHNOMAGIC
Sea Wasp
challenges:
*******
The Gateway Device chimed, and a triple flash announced the arrival
of my team. I stepped forward. "Terribly sorry for the inconvenience."
"Listen, bud, if you've kidnapped me, you've REALLY chosen the wrong
girl." the lavender-haired woman on the right, about my own age, said.
"Do you know who I AM?"
"I most certainly do, and it's an honor and a pleasure to meet you,
Bulma Briefs, one of the greatest engineers of any universe, not to
mention one of the most lovely." I took her hand and bowed over it.
"Call me the Sea Wasp, as that is my name in these particular
circumstances."
The considerably younger man next to her snorted. "And what about --"
"Hey, I'm sorry. I can only properly greet one of you at a time.
Please don't take that to imply anything about importance. Because I
most certainly do not mean to imply that there is ANYTHING unimportant
about the legendary Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist." He shook
my hand, slightly mollified. "Allow me to finish greeting our last
companion, and I'll explain everything."
The beautiful blonde girl smiled courteously at me. "I am --"
"The incomparable Honey Kisaragi, I know." I bowed and kissed her
extended hand. "A great pleasure to meet you. The Sea Wasp, at your
service."
"Hey, why does she get a kiss and I just get a bow?" Bulma demanded.
"Because I know you have a very, very touchy paramor and I didn't
want to presume. Just in case."
She raised an eyebrow. "I guess you ARE well informed if you know
about Vegita."
"Please," I said to the group, "sit down. I've got a pretty heavy
explanation to give you and things could get very hairy very soon, so
I don't want to waste time."
Noticing that there were trays of snacks not far away, Ed shrugged.
"Hey, free food, I won't turn that down. Where's Al?"
"If I could have gotten both of you at once, I assure you I would
have. But first I can promise you this: you are here only for one
week, and at the end of that week you will return to whence you came,
precisely at the moment that you left -- missing from your worlds for,
perhaps, a second or two, no more."
Bulma had been studying the Gateway device. "That's... seriously
advanced technology. Amazing."
"So what's the deal?" Ed mumbled through a sandwich.
"Periodically the... Powers, you might say, who observe the many
different universes -- from three of which you happen to hail --
select certain individuals and for their amusement and, I like to
think, some higher purpose as well, present them with challenges to
solve. These challenges can range from the subtle to the monstrous,
and often threaten the world in which the challenged person lives.
That person, in this case, being me.
"However, as I am -- for the most part -- a very ordinary man, the
Powers in question also permit the challenged person to select three
individuals from any of the universes of interest to help him or her
solve the challenges. Some damage inflicted immediately during the
challenges will be "cleaned up" by the Powers when the challenge ends,
but it's quite possible that if the challenge is NOT addressed
properly, the penalties to my world would not simply disappear."
"So you chose US as your champions?" Edward Elric said. "How the hell
do you know about us, and why would you choose ME?"
"I'm not sure I want to get into the 'how' at this point -- that's a
complicated issue. Maybe later.
"As for why, well... As Bulma is well aware, there are far more
powerful beings out there, but in this case I was considering the
nature of prior challenges I have seen, and the fact is that many of
them *cannot* be addressed simply by the expedient of throwing more
power at the problem. Otherwise I'd have picked Son Goku, Piccolo
Daimao, and Vegita-sama from Bulma's own world.
"The challenges range from formidable combat-oriented ones to much
more subtle ones -- negotiation, sometimes relationship repair, often
combinations of subtlety and power, such as released diseases. So the
idea of a group who have some muscle," I nodded at Ed and Honey -- Ed
looked a bit dubious at my including the harmless-looking blonde in
that category, unsurprisingly, "considerable brains," I indicated Ed
and Bulma, "and experience at the border of magic, technology, and
such things was very appealing."
"And what do WE get out of it?" Bulma demanded.
"Self satisfaction at helping stop nasty things from happening to my
world, I suppose." I answered. "I mean, really, given your position, I
can't offer you money, or power, or even fame. You're exactly as well
known in your world as you want to be, immensely rich, and you have
the most powerful beings in just about any universe at your beck and
call. But at heart you're not just a genius, but a decent-hearted genius."
" 'Be thou for the people.' " Ed said quietly. "The purpose of a
State Alchemist, no matter what some people think. Fine, your world's
in danger and you think I might help. Okay. But what can these two do?"
"Listen, shrimp --"
I winced as the dangerous word left Bulma's lips. This was, however,
a somewhat older Edward Elric, and he merely bristled dangerously. Ed
also wasn't the sort to attack women when he could avoid it. "WHAT did
you call --"
"People, people, STOP now, please!" I managed to get between them.
"Look, Bulma, Ed is... somewhat sensitive about comments having to do
with vertical elevation. And Ed, Bulma has -- justifiable -- pride in
her abilities.
"Your basic question is perfectly reasonable, and I think it's good
for all of you to be familiar with each others' abilities for the
coming challenges, so we can work together.
"Bulma is a master technologist, especially in the area of
dimensional engineering; her father invented, and she built upon, the
'capsule' technology which permits things like entire spaceships to be
compressed into the space of a large pill, and released when needed.
She's also an authority on cybernetics, nanotechnology, and the
conversion of various energy sources including spiritual/mystical
ones, having worked with the products of deranged geniuses like Dr.
Wheel and Dr. Gear. With her help, we will be equipped with reliable
portable communications, transportation devices, tech shields, and so
on, and she'll be our first line of detection in most cases.
"Edward Elric, also called the Fullmetal Alchemist, is a master of
unarmed and armed combat, and an alchemist who performed a particular
dangerous act that has given him the capability to perform alchemy
without a transmutation circle. Alchemy, in his world's terms,
involves the ability to shape, transmute, destroy, and reconstruct
materials as desired, in large or small quantities. He can create a
two-inch high figurine, or reshape a mountain. He has superhuman
strength, toughness, and speed as well.
"Honey Kisaragi is a combined techno-magical android with an ability
to shapeshift at will. If there are particular skills, abilities and
subsidiary items associated with the shapeshift form, she gains those
capabilities as well. In her other 'standard' form, Honey-sama is a
very powerful, super-strong and fast warrior, armed with a mystical
sword and specifically designed to combat demonic creatures as well as
more mundane threats." Edward looked at both his companions with new
respect, and Bulma clearly now studied him with a more analytical eye.
Shortness, of course, didn't make much difference to the DBZ-world
girl, as her chosen paramor, Vegita, was quite a few inches shorter
than Ed Elric, and about a dozen orders of magnitude more powerful.
"I suggest the three of you confer and become familiar with
capabilities and preferred approaches. Bulma, I'll want communicators
to allow us to talk even when they're in combat."
"Easy." She said. "I'll base it on the Scouters. Those can survive
even moderate Z-level combat, contain communication and HUD
capability, and adhere in the proper location even during major
maneuvers."
"EXACTLY what I had in mind." I grinned. "Until the challenges start,
make yourselves comfortable, eat up, and let me know if there's
anything else I can do."
***
Easy Challenge
***
"This ... doesn't quite seem as grand a challenge as I envisioned
from your speech." Honey said finally.
I shrugged. "Hey, as I said, they cover the gamut. This one does have
some challenging aspects, depending on what group of assistants you pick."
Ed suddenly leaned forward, eyes bugging out. "Gott in himmel..."
I looked, already guessing what he was staring at. Sure enough, the
news footage had panned across a crowd that contained a bunch of FMA
cosplayers, including three female Edward Elrics, two Envys, one fat
Roy Mustang, and some lunatic who lacked the proper body shape but had
the proper mass trying to pose like Armstrong.
"Yeah. I suppose I should've warned you guys once --"
"Is that ... girl... dressed up like GOKU-SAN??" Bulma gasped.
"... once THIS was revealed to be the challenge. The universes I get
to pick from are the ones that are anime and/or manga in this
universe. Sometimes video games."
"I... I'm an ANIME CHARACTER???" Bulma stared at me.
"From what is, arguably, the most popular anime ever made, Dragonball
and Dragonball Z, yes. Though, as you probably could guess, you're
one of the strong secondary characters, not the main one."
She slowly sank back down. "Y...yes, I suppose so. Goku-san, right?"
"Right."
"What is this... anime? And why are those *dumkopfs* dressed up
like... like THAT?" Ed demanded.
I sighed. "Look, we don't have much time right now. It's fiction. In
your world, *I* might be fiction. In this one, you are. And the
challenge-makers will grab stuff from ANY world to set their
challenges. And we have to solve this one."
"We could just meet his demands." Honey said reasonably.
I grimaced. "We *could*, yes. But there's three problems with that.
First, on principle I don't agree with appeasing criminals and
allowing hostage situations to force actions; it basically gives any
sleazeball license to demand stuff using that tactic. Second, this
guy's nuts; we don't know if he'll change his demands, add more
demands, or just shoot them for the hell of it. Third, we also don't
know if he might be more than he seems -- this IS a transdimensional
challenge, after all."
"So what's the plan?"
I rubbed my chin, feeling the beginning of my beard again even though
it was only early afternoon. "You know, in this case I think we might
want to use the overkill approach. Ed, here's what I want you to do..."
A little while later, I watched from the street. Ed had entered
through the parking garage and, if things had gone as planned, simply
created a door into the building that didn't exist on the plans. This
allowed him to slip past the police line and get close in.
An alchemist like Ed could sense something about an object they
prepared to transmute -- stuff like size, volume, and so on -- because
they had to truly understand a target in order to transmute it. I
grinned. This should be... amusing.
With startling abruptness, greenish-white light shimmered across the
building just a short distance down from me. "NOW, Bulma!"
The lavender-haired engineer clicked the release and threw the small
capsule with unerring accuracy to land just beneath that location,
which was now shaped into a downward sloping spout.
With a rumble and a roar, a wall of water thundered out from the
hotel, sweeping a mass of cosplayers, furniture, soggy potato chips,
false neko-jin ears, and other contents of the relevant hotel suite
downward. At the same moment there was a deep, echoing *BOMF!* noise
and a shimmer of iridescent mist; just as the first cosplayer
plummeted with a scream towards the pavement below, the pavement was
obscured by a huge, soft, cushion with wide porous spaces to permit
the water to drain away. One figure, in combat fatigues, no
kitty-tail, and trying desperately to hold onto an automatic rifle,
shot out in the millrace towards the ground, and was grabbed in midair
by a lovely red-haired girl whose sword bisected the rifle neatly. The
other cosplayers landed safely, bedraggled but unharmed.
"Well," I said with a grin, "that's ONE way to make sure congoers
take a bath. Good work," I said to Ed as he rejoined us. "One
challenge down. The next's likely to be a bit harder, so we'd better
get back and get ready."
Ed gave a snort. "It had BETTER be harder. This one was beneath our
talents. Stupid terrorists, same in all universes."
***
Medium Challenge
***
"Hey, Herr Wasp!" Ed called from the living room. "That Gateway
device shouldn't be doing anything right now, should it?"
"INCOMING!" I shouted to the others as I sprinted for the living
room. White light blanked out everything for a moment, and I blinked
desperately to see...
...Something a lot more beautiful than I'd expected.
"This looks even less challenging than the first one." Bulma said.
I shook myself out of the hypnotized stare. Keiichi, fortunately, was
obviously long used to this reaction from other guys to the Goddess --
literally -- that accompanied him. "Don't be misled by appearances." I
said, and bowed deeply over Belldandy's hand. "This is the Goddess
Belldandy, and the most fortunate man in the universe, Keiichi
Morisato. Yeah, THEY aren't the threat -- although you REALLY
wouldn't want to get into a throwdown with Bell-sama if she got mad --
but I'll bet they've brought a threat WITH them somehow."
Belldandy looked down. "My apologies, Mr. Wasp -- that is you, yes?"
I nodded. "I have a letter here for you... and as you say, I did also
sense something very dark just as I entered this world."
I took the letter and read the words of Odin All-Father to my team.
We pondered the situation. "Okay. Bulma, these gadgets ARE Scouters,
aren't they?"
"Yep. No point in redesigning functionality OUT of them. And I've
been adjusting their scanning capability to make sure they'll read all
sorts of different power sources."
"Cool." I put the little earpiece/eyepiece combo on, tapped the side
button. It ran through a series of musical scanning chimes, then
displayed several readings and arrows. "Okay... Belldandy, at around
10,000 -- your seal suppresses your full power reading. Ed at...
Whoa... 5,000. Not too shabby, Mr. Elric. I suspect it's taking into
account what you're tapping into and your potential. Keiichi, a
whopping 10, which is pretty damn high for a human. Bulma at 5. It
ignores me entirely, of course, since I'm wearing it. Honey-chan at...
10,000 also. Whoa. That's impressive. And in THAT direction... ouch. A
power rating of at least 50,000."
Bulma winced. "That's very not-good."
"In sheer number terms, no, it's not. Planet-destroying level, easy.
But given that it entered at the same time as Bell-sama, I'm betting
that her presence is a clue. Lemme do a search."
For "dark" forces, there weren't all that many options to cover in
the Ah! Megamisama! universe. It didn't take long to get the basic
skinny on the likely candidates. Now we just had to narrow it down.
"Now we have to check out the situation." I said. "We'll follow the
signals until we can identify the target. Judging by the range, it's
in the Colonie area..." I realized that this presented some problem
of subtlety. A Capsule flying vehicle wouldn't be exactly subtle...
That had to be the low point of this year's challenges; with one of
the greatest technologists of anime at my (temporary) command, with a
master alchemist waiting to go into action, with one of the greatest
(and most curvaceous) heroines in history at my side...
... I had to drive them all to the potential scene of battle in the
family minivan.
We will pass over the sequence of Edward (already jaded to our
technology after a few days) asking me sarcastically "Are we there yet?".
The destination turned out to be Colonie Center, the oldest mall in
the area, and one recently expanded. "Okay, Honey-san," I said,
"Stealth and Disguise as we discussed earlier. We'll coach you in
using the Scouters to triangulate; you just wear the ear-bud, since we
don't want to attract attention."
"All right, Mr. Wasp." Honey said. "Though I'm starting to sense a
demonic presence; I might not need too much coaching."
"That'd be useful. As long as she won't sense YOU."
"They generally don't, until I completely drop my disguise."
A few minutes later, Honey's voice spoke in my ear. "I've found her.
From the pictures you showed us, it's definitely Mara."
Mara. Demoness whose motivations were always a bit murky, but which
always seemed to include hurting Bell-chan and, necessarily, Keiichi
as well. "She's more powerful than Bell or Honey?" Bulma inquired.
"Probably not." I answered, still thinking. "Bell has a seal on her
powers and very rarely makes much use of them -- probably even has an
automatic sor tof stealth function. Honey DEFINITELY doesn't show her
full power until she gets into trouble. Rather like the Zed Team,
really." Mara was undoubtedly dangerous, but not, however, the most
bloody-minded of opponents. I thought we could handle her. "Okay.
Here's the plan..."
The gorgeous blonde girl -- girl to me, given my age, anyway -- was
calmly sauntering along the central portion of the mall, giving the
casual brush-off to the constantly-changing crowd of boys and young
men around her. I walked straight up to her. "Hi, there." As she
opened her mouth, I said "Mara, right?"
Her eyebrows raised and her mouth momentarily closed. Then, "All
right, you have my attention."
"Good. Let's talk a bit."
She looked sideways at me as we strolled past the various kiosks,
whose vendors displayed different levels of pushiness in their wares.
"And your name, mortal?"
"Call me the Sea Wasp." I said. "That's my name for these purposes,
anyway, and any of my other names wouldn't do you any better."
"A title rather than a name. Intriguing. How do you know who I am?" A
cellphone vendor started to break in with a noisy spiel; there was a
glint of annoyance in Mara's eyes, and a flicker of light, and
suddenly he was on the other side of his booth, looking dazed. "I'm
quite sure I never met you before."
"No, we haven't. I suspect you're already aware that this isn't the
Earthly world you've visited before."
Mara nodded slowly. "Yes... there are things not quite right about
it, in a number of ways."
"Hi there!" a perky voice said from nearby. We glanced over, to see a
short, very cute little brown-haired young woman in a kiosk. "Take a
look at our selection of good luck charms!" She waved her hand over
the displays on either side.
Mara shrank back as though the booth was filled with venomous snakes,
actually moving to hide behind me. We hustled away from it, me calling
out, "Sorry, maybe later..."
"Where was I? Yes, as I said, a different world. But I've met a
couple people from your world just recently."
Her eyes narrowed. "Belldandy." The name was uttered with an
undertone of annoyance and anger.
"Exactly. And Keiichi Morisato, of course." We were entering one of
the larger central areas, where the mall often hosted special events.
This one was an amateur music exhibition, and a gorgeous black-haired
girl in a skintight costume was the current act up. She began a
hard-rock number that put me in mind of stuff from my misspent youth
-- Joan Jett, Pat Benatar -- and Mara started dancing (a sight very
much worth seeing). Her expression was an odd combination of
enjoyment, slight embarrassment, and irritation. After a couple
attempts I realized that conversation was out of the question until
she stopped dancing, which didn't happen until the song ended. At that
point she moved quickly away from the vicinity, me having to jog to
keep up.
"Now, I know that your primary purpose in life is to basically
humiliate Bell and the other goddesses and drive them back to the
Heavens."
"Yes..." she suddenly gave me a speculative glance. "Are you...
looking for a contract, perhaps? Offering to help me in my purpose as
an exchange?"
"Possibly..." I said. I stopped at the next booth. "Can I buy you
some ice cream? Chocolate, perhaps?"
Few are the women -- goddess or otherwise -- that I've encountered
who will turn down chocolate in any form, and Mara wasn't one of them.
The blonde girl behind the counter handed us our cones and I took a
bite from mine. "Mm. That's pretty darn good ice cream. Anyway, yes, I
could make a bargain with you, if it's acceptable. Here's the deal:
you guys don't belong in this world anyway, but *I* have to live here.
So if you'll promise NOT to cause trouble for the next week, I'll
guarantee that at the end of a week, Bell and Keiichi will be sent out
of this world for good."
She stared at me. "And just HOW are you going to manage THAT?"
"Does it matter? As long as I hold up my end of the bargain?"
She considered. "Hmmm... I suppose not. You seem well enough informed
that you should know what awaits you if you DON'T." We walked on a
bit. "Still... I can't help but be a bit suspicious. So... what if I
decide to just go elsewhere? After all... you aren't really my type at
all. I like good-looking men."
"Oh, ouch, now that's just mean. But then, you ARE a demon, so I
suppose I should expect that." I shook my head. "If we can't come to
an accord, though, I'd have to try to stop any trouble you want to
cause. You see, I know your focus and your tactics, and they'd result
in trouble for ME anyway."
She laughed, stepping back a pace. "YOU? Stop ME? There's barely a
hint of magic in you! I could turn you into a toad or make you forget
I'm even here! How would you even BEGIN to try to stop me?"
"With luck." I said, pulling my hand out of my pocket.
She recoiled from the little three-legged toad statue. "You know
about THAT?"
"Yep. Watched it work earlier, remember? Look, I don't want a fight
here. Treat this as a tourist vacation in a different universe, and we
have no trouble. Don't, and..."
She didn't seem quite ready to be reasonable, and suddenly a shopping
bag tore itself from a nearby woman's hands and slammed into my hand,
causing me to drop the figurine. In a blur, Mara was there, grabbing
me by the throat and lifting me effortlessly off the ground. "Arrogant
little --"
Something blurred through the air and cracked heavily into Mara's arm
-- my good-luck charm. Mara screamed and dropped me; I rolled away as
she glanced around, a snarl on her face.
"Stop this, please." said the ice-cream vendor.
Mara was rubbing feeling back into her arm and glaring. "Who in
Niffleheim are YOU?"
The girl smiled. "Sometimes I'm just an ice-cream seller." A shimmer,
and her her hair changed to brown. "Sometimes I'm a maker of good-luck
charms." Another shimmer, and she was black-haired and tall. "And
sometimes I'm a rock singer. But my true form is...HONEY FLASH!"
I regretted the lack of high-speed cameras and slow-motion replay; in
real life, her fanservice nudity was subliminally fast. (Hey, I'm
married but hardly blind)
Now a redheaded woman with a twin-edged sword stood in front of Mara,
whose expression was both hostile and far more serious; she'd sensed
real mystic power in that transformation. "...Warrior for Love and
Justice, Cutey Honey! I will not permit you to disrupt this world, or
to shatter a love between a goddess and a mortal!"
Following that speech, disbelief and amusement warred with hostile
caution on Mara's face. "What in... How..." She shook it off. "Enough!
I will not be mocked!" She drew back her arm...
And in a blaze of blue light, the floor suddenly rose up and grabbed
her. Her words at that point weren't English, and I'm quite sure were
extremely rude. In the moment of her confusion, however, I stepped
forward and pulled the small bag from my other pocket. "Filled with
good luck charms." I said, holding it just above her head. "A dozen at
least. I know ONE of them once took your memory; how would it be to
get hit by this many at once?"
Now her face showed real concern. "You... you wouldn't!"
"I will if I have to, and if you make a move to get out of there
before I'm finished, I think I'll have to. I don't like fighting women
-- even demons -- but I know what you're capable of and what could
happen if you decide to play nasty. As I've demonstrated, however, I
have allies -- how many, I won't say -- who are quite capable of
giving you at the LEAST a hard time and, with the fact that they all
know your weaknesses, can likely beat you."
She glared at me for several moments, then suddenly her gaze dropped.
"Fine. What do you want?"
"Exactly what I told you. Leave this world, and Bell and Keiichi,
alone for a week. Enjoy a vacation, eat snacks, play video games,
whatever. Don't cause trouble and at the end of a week it's all over.
Cause trouble, and we will do our best to kick your lovely self all
over this city. Sorry, but it's self defense on my part."
She sighed. "All right, all right. Let me out of this."
"Ed?"
"Okay. But I'm ready if she changes her mind." The
vertically-challenged Fullmetal Alchemist clapped his hands and the
floor suddenly went back to normal.
The gaze Mara gave me was slightly unsettling... almost...
*appraising*. "A bit more formidable than I originally estimated. My
mistake, I'll try to avoid that in the future. I'll keep my word...
but I think you had better hope we do not meet again in a week's time!"
She floated up into the air, and then disappeared.
I sagged down onto a nearby bench. "WHEW. My throat hurts. Guys,
let's get back home."
As I pulled into the driveway and stopped, Ed said "Well, she did
seem more challenging, but that still wasn't very exciting."
Still rubbing my throat, I said, "Exciting enough. To be honest,
though, wouldn't you rather NOT have the 'exciting' part if that
involves people getting hurt?"
Ed shrugged, then nodded. "Yeah, I get your point."
Apparently our demonstration had been sufficiently impressive. No
major troubles popped up during the week (well, aside from increasing
arguments about crowding, which led to Bulma setting up Capsule #1 as
extra living space and temporary command center. "Damn. I wish you
could leave a few of those here."
"I don't think they'd keep working after I left." Bulma said. "And
you can't afford to buy them, anyway."
"The former comment makes it pointless for me to complain about the
heartlessness of your second."
"I'm just a businesswoman, that's all."
A week to the second after they'd arrived, Keiichi and Bell waved to
us and vanished into luminous mist. I stared blankly after them for a
few moments, then chuckled.
"What is it, Herr Wasp?"
"Oh, I forgot to ask something important of Bell-sama before she
left. But it appears I didn't need to; her daddy took care of it." I
grinned wryly. "A small loss for a large long-term gain."
Ed looked puzzled. Honey, however, nodded in sudden understanding.
"You do have to live happily here afterwards. A wise man knows his
weaknesses."
"And I like to think I have at least some small wisdom there." I
stretched. "Well, let's get ready. The third one will be along soon,
I'm sure."
******
CHALLENGE THREE:
******
Alert klaxons screamed through the home base suite, just as I was
getting ready to go home for the day. "Talk to me, Bulma!"
The lavender-haired super-scientist was bent over her displays. "I
have two major power readings. One of them's a very large spaceship
just over the center of Albany, and the second's on the ground nearby.
The spaceship's total power rating is probably about 25,000; the
ground reading's not all that big, about 5,000 total." In the past few
days, we'd come to some conclusions about the overall power rating
scale. For sheer destructive power -- especially against inanimate
objects -- Ki energy appeared to be orders of magnitude more
effective than most other power sources. This meant that while a Ki
warrior with a power rating of 5,000 could probably wreck Earth fairly
easily, something with a different power source might not be able to
even come close to that. However, the power rating in that case might
reflect greater flexibility, inherent talents, or other threats. How
exactly the Scouter worked I couldn't understand -- not only wasn't I
a genius like Bulma, but the laws of physics it worked by weren't
mine. Visitors apparently brought their own laws with them and could
keep them in application to their own powers.
"Can you get me a view of the smaller one?"
"Can do; I have a UAV probe headed to the area n--" she broke off. "I
have a temporalspatial spike, and it's centered RIGHT HERE!"
I dove sideways as pearlescent radiance flared out, blinding me
momentarily. Getting to my feet, I saw an oriental-looking young man
gazing back.
"Sea Wasp, I do not have much time -- an odd thing for a
time-traveller to say, but... My name is Hiro, and I am from your
future. Yes, YOURS, not that of one of these others. In my future, you
nearly succeeded in meeting this challenge... but Leopardon
self-destructed just before the end. That vessel uses a form of
paired-monopole containment which, in the self-destruction, meant that
strands of actively fusing plasma were scattered across the globe, a
network of miniature thermonuclear destruction." His face was utterly
grim. "Worse, in the battle against Spider-Carnage, the--"
"Wha... SPIDER-CARNAGE??" I was trying to grapple with all this at once.
"Yes, Spider-man merged with the Carnage symbiote. Don't interrupt!
In that battle, some part of the symbiote escaped and was able to
begin replication later. The future I live in is a nightmare worse
than your postapocalyptic stories." He began to shimmer. "Time's up.
Sea Wasp -- Save the Spider to Save the Future!!"
And he was gone.
"Son of a..." I turned to the monitor as Bulma's UAV began to send
its video feed, already knowing what I was going to see.
A red-flowing shape enveloping a human form leaped like a demented
flea from one side of the South Mall to the other, spreading
destruction in its path. It seemed to notice the UAV and fired a
strand of webbing up, nearly catching the flying eye. It grinned fangs
as the little robot dodged.
"We've got to get out there!" Honey said, aghast.
"I know it's bad, but I have to find out what the hell he was talking
about with that ship. Remember, unless he's lying -- and I don't think
he was -- this really is MY WORLD that's about to get screwed. It's
not just a game any more." I typed in "leopardon" to Google. "Carnage
never had a ship and neither did Spi... Oh, that's totally fucked up.
The gods of the Challenge have gone nuts. They've crossed
Nihongo-Spidey with Marvel-Spidey."
A check of images confirmed it. The ship hovering above Albany was
the space battleship Marveller, which could transform into the great
fighting mecha Leopardon.
"Be thou for the people, Alchemist." I heard Ed mutter. "We can't
keep waiting. Your law enforcement people can't slow that thing down!"
"We have to take care of it RIGHT, Ed." I said. "Or a lot MORE people
will die." I grabbed up my laptop. "We need a flying transport, Bulma."
"Coming up!"
A few moments later we were airborne, thanks to Capsule 339. I gave
my team a quick rundown on the situation, with particular attention to
Carnage and Spidey. "Apparently, based on what I'm seeing and what
Hiro said -- he knew something about me, obviously -- that's what I
would consider the 'real' Spider-Man down there, unfortunately fused
with the Carnage/Venom symbiote and gone nuts because he can't handle
it, and probably somehow linked to Marveller/Leopardon. Bulma, you and
Ed have to deal with the ship -- he can help you get through the hull
and internal defenses, you can rig the ship to leave atmosphere and
detonate safely away from Earth. You CAN do that, can't you?"
"CAN I? Of COURSE I can!" She gave an unnerving laugh of the "anime
villainness" sort. "Bulma the Great is on the job!"
"So once you have it set, you abandon ship in one of your other
capsule aircraft. Note -- make sure you cut out specific tuned
frequencies and assemblies that might, for instance, resonate with
Spidey's soul, spider-sense, or something and thereby override you."
"Got you. None of this 'robot suddenly changes mind' bit. What about
you?"
"Honey's my front-line defense here. I'll need you to tune the
scouter carefully to track even subsidiary power readings. That
symbiote, judging from Hiro's words, will split up at least partially
if it gets pressed, and we have to be able to track ALL of it. I need
two of the little cryogenic capsules. And I need to borrow your
powered-armor capsule, if you have it."
"Not that one, I never re-made it. But I *DO* have a mini-tank with
shields and weapons that I designed, oh, a little after the Cell
games. Not worth anything in all-out Z combat, but good enough for
sidekicks and surviving to observe most battles."
Given that a DBZ sidekick could probably whip the crap out of the
Silver Surfer by the time of the Cell Game, that should do. "I'll take
it! Standard tread controls?"
"Like a tractor. And the other controls are labeled." She looked at
the looming form of Marveller and took a deep breath. "Pretty big ship."
"What's the backup plan?" Ed asked.
"If something happens to Bulma, or you think it's just not going to
work for some reason, transmute the entire reactor. It's plasma --
super-heated gas which has totally ionized all the atoms, making
basically a super-hot mix of electrons and nuclei -- controlled by
magnetic monopoles. So your transmutation should take into account
dumping the internal heat enough to prevent fusion and then physically
converting it. The problem with that of course is that then you'll be
dropping Marveller/Leopardon out of the sky. Better than destroying
the world, but not great."
"I can probably do another transmutation to at least minimize the
damage, but you're right. Something that size would be a bear to
transmute in one shot. I've done mountains before, but that took time."
Bulma tossed a two-seater Capsule unit into the middle of the cargo
area floor, where it BOMFed into solidity. "Drop the cargo door once
Ed's in, and we'll be on our way. I've looked at the Marveller design,
so I know where its defense weak spots should be. And it's never seen
anything like MY designs."
"Just be careful. I want you both coming back."
She grinned. "Vegita would kill you if I don't. So I'd better."
The cargo door opened, and the little Capsule jet blasted out,
causing me to squint against the jetwash. I turned to Honey. "Just you
and me, I guess." I suddenly realized a flaw in my plan. "Oh, crap.
I'm not sure how to land this thing."
Honey gave a brilliant smile and there was a flash. "Sometimes, I'm
an airplane pilot!"
I laughed with sudden relief, the first really relaxing feeling I'd
had since that time-traveller showed up. "Then take us down, Captain
Honey!"
Spider-Carnage watched from the side of one of the Mall buildings as
Honey brought Capsule 339 down to a safe landing. I trundled down
339's ramp in Capsule 3029, Mini-Tank Mk. II. Honey leaped out of 339
and pushed the button on the side, causing the cargo aircraft to
vanish in pearlescent fog and catching the resulting capsule. Even the
insane superbeing blinked at that. "Well, well, well. This world DOES
have something other than helpless meat on it I see."
"I know this isn't going to do any good, but since I'm basically the
kind of guy who hates real fights, I'd like to ask you to come
quietly." I said through the exterior speakers. "I loathe the Carnage
side of you, but even that I'm not here to destroy if I can help it."
Spider-Carnage laughed, a maniacal sound that sent shivers down my
spine, as it dodged a few bullets from sharpshooters. "You? In that
clumsy tank? Or the stacked babe down there? Either of you or both, it
doesn't matter!"
"I kinda thought so." I'd warned Honey about the formidable
capabilities of Parker and the Symbiote, and she was aware of how
difficult this might get.
Spider-Carnage moved first, a red tide of spikes and madness
launching straight for me. It apparently guessed -- correctly -- that
I really didn't want to use things like artillery against it, both
because I didn't want to hurt Parker and because a miss could go a
long, long way.
It apparently had not, however, guessed that the mini-tank was
surrounded by a forcefield. The impact momentarily stunned it as it
slid down the field like a glob of jello on a glass dome, Peter
Parker's Spider-man mask partially visible against the field.
This gave Cutey Honey her shot, and she took it. The symbiote parried
and stabbed and ducked and weaved, and then the body inside recovered.
Honey's problem was that most of her opponents (though not all) had
been basically bruisers. Spider-Man was sort of in that category:
fast, strong, with a couple special talents, but still, hit him
enough, he went down. Carnage was a shapeshifting symbiote which was,
in essence, a blob. Sword cuts and punches did minimal damage, mainly
costing it the energy for repair of the actual damage at the point of
impact or cut -- and given that it had its own resilience plus that of
Spider-man, that wasn't all that much damage from any individual hit.
Worse, Spidey's Spider-Sense gave the Spider-Carnage combination the
ability to sense and -- usually -- evade attacks.
But as the two battled their way from one side of the South Mall to
the other, shattering walls and fountains, breaking trees, slashing
through columns, it started to become clear that the fight wasn't
entirely one-sided. Honey was a mystical android, a battle robot
combined with something supernatural, and the magic around her seemed
to slightly cloud Spider-Carnage's perceptions. She was also as fast
as the blindingly-quick supervillain -- she had to be, given many of
her opponents -- and strong enough to take anything Spider-Carnage
could hit her with.
I couldn't tell which way this was going to go. At first it seemed
that Spider-Carnage was having fun, but after the first few minutes it
sank in that she wasn't going to be a pushover, and didn't find his
monstrous appearance at all intimidating. (if Spider-Carnage had any
idea what kinds of monsters Go Nagai had come up with, of course, it
would have realized it was practically a G-rated threat). And as the
battle dragged on, ten minutes, fifteen, the "fun" was definitely
dwindling. "Why aren't you slowing DOWN, bitch?" it shrieked suddenly.
"What does it take to make you lie down and DIE?"
Honey smiled grimly. She was bleeding in a dozen places (for an
android, she was awfully realistic), her costume artistically
shredded, breathing hard, but not nearly ready to give up. "More than
you have, monster. More than you have. I've fought demons that wanted
to consume the world. As long as there's a need for me, I will be
here. I will be standing between evil and its victims."
Suddenly sunlight streamed more brightly into the plaza.
Spider-Carnage looked up. "What the... NO! Come back! You can't..." he
whirled on me. "YOU! What have you DONE?"
"Me?" I said innocently. "I've been right here watching all along."
Marveller's main engines suddenly ignited, and in a flare of
brilliance it disappeared. A moment later a small figure dropped from
the sky and landed with shattering impact on the ground, bracketing
Spider-Carnage between it and Honey. "Sorry it took so long." Edward
Elric grinned. "Honey-san, let's finish this cut-rate homonculus."
"Who's the shrimp?"
"*SHRIMP*?" Ed snarled. "Are you saying I'm SHORT?"
"Ever look in a dictionary, pipsqueak? Your picture's right next to
the definition of sh... HOLY--"
Ahh, the advantages of having the right person taunt Edward Elric.
Ed's hands came together and down, and suddenly a thousand grasping
hands erupted from everywhere around Spider-Carnage. Even with the
screaming warning of his Spider-Sense, there simply wasn't anywhere
safe TO run. It evaded one, two, ten, but then he had to evade
Honey-sama, and one of the grasping stone tendrils caught his ankle.
The symbiote-hero-villain broke that grasp like yanking free of a
child's clutch, but three more latched onto him and then, in that
moment of delay, Honey's knee smashed into Spider-Carnage's solar
plexus like a wrecking ball. it slammed down into the ground, which
just as suddenly went as liquid and adaptable as the symbiote itself,
wrapping the monster from head to toe in solid rock that turned into
metal, leaving only enough exposed to breathe through. Two blobs of
red streaked out and disappeared into the ground. "Bulma, track 'em!"
"On it." came the response from the little plane above us. In the
sky, for a moment, a new, brilliant sun blazed, as Marveller
self-destructed. "That thing had more internal defenses than just
about anything I've ever seen. Good thing you sent Ed with me."
The metal coffin started to tear open, but the creature was still
mostly stuck when Honey hit it again. And again. And again. She'd
fully gotten its measure now, and she was giving it no chance to
recover. Bound to Parker's body as it was, the symbiote took some of
the shock and impact as feedback from Parker's own sensations. Blows
could still stun it. It sent out a desperate rain of spikes from every
point, driving Honey back, but before it could rise the Fullmetal
Alchemist came down. His immersion in the Red Water long before, and
training as a combat alchemist, made him just as superhuman -- if not
more so -- than Spider-Carnage. Some of the homonculi he'd fought had
powers not much different from Carnage's, and nothing it could do
intimidated him. Nor could the pain of combat slow down a man who was
able to sit silently through the bonding of automail to each and every
one of his nerves.
Spider-Carnage was outmatched now, and it finally grasped that fact.
But it was far too late to run. It released a few more sub-Carnage
symbiotes, but the combination of Honey and Edward smashed into it at
the same time, and it dropped, semiconscious, to the ground. I
activated the cryo capsule and threw it out the tank door. "Now!"
The two heaved the twitching body into the capsule, which closed and
sealed the thing in a dimensional, preservative stasis. "Now, go catch
the renegades. THOSE you can kill if you have to. I'd recommend the
Scar approach." I said to Ed.
He nodded. "I understand."
It took a few hours of hide-and-seek to catch the last of the Carnage
sub-symbiotes; they were intelligent, able to slide into cracks, and
trying their best to flee, but with Ed to change the very lay of the
land, seal any cracks, and eventually to destroy them with the first
stage of alchemical transformation, we eventually succeeded.
Now was the really tough part. "We have to separate them." I said as
we brought the sealed capsule into Capsule 1. "Carnage itself is a
monster, but the guy inside is a hero."
"That sucks." Ed said. "So what's the plan?"
"I think it's going to take all three of you working together. Bulma,
you have to make something to hook this up to, so we can eventually
have both of them canned without having to open the thing up and
release Carnage. Then with your instruments we can analyze the exact
extent of what Carnage has done -- how it's connected, all that."
She nodded. "I've analyzed nanotech and such before. I can do that."
"Honey-san, we'll need a scientist -- a biological engineer."
"Sometimes I *am* a biologist!" she agreed with a flash.
"And Ed -- if they can give you enough information on EXACTLY what
the status is -- what the biochemical changes are, where the
connections are, what the biological differences between Parker's and
Carnage's cells are -- you should be able to perform a SEPARATING
transmutation to pull them apart, can't you?"
He frowned, looking pale. "That's... riding really close to the edge
of Human Transmutation, Wasp."
"It's like undoing a Chimera. Like... like what you wanted to do for
Nina, remember?"
He looked bleak. "I'm not sure that could be undone."
"But in this case, the two still are MOSTLY separate. What we have is
some internal connections and biochemical mixups, but they're not
actually a blend in the same way."
He reached out, trying to sense what lay within. After a long time,
he took his hand off the box. "If... IF you can really get the exact
information, so that I can visualize it precisely... I'll try."
Days went by. Bulma and Honey worked round the clock, Bulma taking
occasional catnaps, Honey showing no willingness to even compromise
with time for that long. Finally they had the results. "It's
intertwined with much of Parker's nervous system." Bulma said, voice
heavy with exhaustion. "And the neurotropic materials it feeds through
the system produce something akin to addiction for the host -- it's
bound to the host, but the host' s bound to it. You'll have to reverse
a whole slew of minor changes. Here's sample slides and descriptions."
Ed studied the texts, then began sensing the samples. For the next
two days he practiced, with new samples drawn from the
still-stasis-quiescent Spider-Carnage (I suspected that if we
succeeded, Mr. Parker would have some ground for complaint about the
little divots we'd taken from him. Some just melted into jelly; others
started to separate and then vaporized. Others died. But finally he
came out with a tentative smile and held up two sealed vials. One had
a tiny, writhing miniature version of the Carnage symbiote; the other,
human cells in a nutrient solution.
"You're ready?"
He looked serious again. "Look, we can't test this in the brain or
critical nerve areas. I either have to do it, or not. But it could
kill him."
I sighed and looked around. There wasn't any help to be had from the
others. It really was my decision. "He wouldn't want to live like this
-- a threat to the people he's spent his life trying to protect. And
we have no idea what's going to happen to him if/when he just goes
back home, if that happens without us solving the rest of this
problem." I swallowed. "Do it. Separate them."
Edward nodded. He went back into the lab with Honey and Bulma. Around
the sealed capsule and the empty one attached to it he sketched
complex alchemical arrays, reminiscent of some of those I'd seen
associated with the homonculi, but not identical. He stood for a long
moment, looking down at the symbols and then at the capsule in which
the hero-monster lay, and then brought his hands together and down.
Blue-white light flared up around the alchemical circle and between
the capsules, then died away. With great trepidation I moved forward.
In one capsule, a seething red mass was just going quiescent under
the force of the inhibitor field. In the other, a young man, face
still distorted with pain, lay silently. Indicators wavered, and then
showed a slow, steady heartbeat.
"He's alive." I grasped Ed's hand. "THANK you. You did it!"
"Yeah..." He grinned suddenly. "Yeah, of course I did!"
Another day passed. Then another.
"He's not waking up."
"Trauma? Subtle brain damage? Maybe just too much to handle?"
"Could be." I said. "What happened would be just about the epitome of
horror for him, and he can't help but remember some of the stuff
Carnage used him to do. All we can do is try to keep him alive so he
can come out of it... or until the Challenge Masters take you all back."
Another day passed. I sat near Peter Parker's bed, looking down at
him. "You know... you're one of the great ones, Peter. Heroes, that
is. I know, you don't think you are. You're still doing what you think
needs to be done, because you messed up once.
"And your own world... a lot of the time, people don't appreciate
you. They don't trust you. They think you might be the enemy. You have
a few moments of acceptance, and then another enemy frames you, and
you're back to the Spider-Menace." I shook my head. "But... not here.
That's one advantage of being fiction, I guess. The READER knows what
you're like. And here you're one of the great heroes. You're one of
the ones that I, and all my friends, MEASURE heroes against. Your
Uncle Ben's words ring through your head, yeah... and through mine.
And those of millions of other people. 'With great power comes great
responsibility'. You know, that hokey line still sends chills down my
spine? Ever since I first read it?"
Amazed by the strength of the emotion, I felt myself blinking back
tears. But then even a 44 year old geek might be forgiven that, when
talking to a fictional hero come to life and hovering on the edge of
life and death before him. "I believe in you, Peter Parker. Even
before you came to this world, you were real TO ME in what mattered.
You were the man who wouldn't give up, the hero who would fight a
being from the nethermost hells with nothing but sheer will... and
win. The hero that used brains AND brawn and, most of all, a sense of
personal, agonized responsibility that not even the other heroes could
beat, and most of them would never match. You wouldn't be beaten.
You've NEVER been really beaten. And this won't beat you. I believe that."
For a moment, it was silent in the room, and I started to rise.
A hand reached out and caught my wrist.
His eyes were open, and a faint smile, a tired smile, played around
the corner of his lips. "You... make a hell of a speech. I guess I'd
be pretty... ungrateful... if I didn't wake up after that."
I found myself laughing.
The others came in. "What -- Mr. Parker!" Honey said. "Oh, thank
goodness!"
Ed looked terribly relieved. "Is he okay?"
Spider-Man was pulling the IV's out. "I feel weak as hell, and I need
to get some real food, and... whew, I REALLY need a shower. A LOT of
showers." He shuddered for a moment. "But ... yeah. I'm okay now." He
looked at me. "I'll remember... if we ever meet again. Thanks."
Suddenly the Gateway Device blazed white. "That's it, folks! Ed,
Honey, Bulma -- you were great! Thanks!"
"Not bad working with you, either!"
The light faded, and I was standing in light freezing rain in my
yard, where Capsule #1 had just stood.
But I felt great.
--
Sea Wasp
/^\
;;;
Live Journal: http://www.livejournal.com/users/seawasp/
Bill Martin
> As with my Team Returning Munchkins, these three took on all three challenges:
>
> *******
>
>
> The Gateway Device chimed, and a triple flash announced the arrival of
> my team. I stepped forward. "Terribly sorry for the inconvenience."
And I am terribly sorry for the delay... busy week and all so far...
> "If I could have gotten both of you at once, I assure you I would
> have. But first I can promise you this: you are here only for one week,
> and at the end of that week you will return to whence you came,
> precisely at the moment that you left -- missing from your worlds for,
> perhaps, a second or two, no more."
You could've gotten Al... in place of Bulma or Honey...
>
> Bulma had been studying the Gateway device. "That's... seriously
> advanced technology. Amazing."
I try... modified Rob & Blade's design a little to add a few tweaks
here and there.
> ***
> Easy Challenge
> ***
>
> "This ... doesn't quite seem as grand a challenge as I envisioned from
> your speech." Honey said finally.
*snicker*
> I shrugged. "Hey, as I said, they cover the gamut. This one does have
> some challenging aspects, depending on what group of assistants you
> pick."
True. Certain assistants would only make it worse...
> Ed suddenly leaned forward, eyes bugging out. "Gott in himmel..."
>
> I looked, already guessing what he was staring at. Sure enough, the
> news footage had panned across a crowd that contained a bunch of FMA
> cosplayers, including three female Edward Elrics, two Envys, one fat
> Roy Mustang, and some lunatic who lacked the proper body shape but had
> the proper mass trying to pose like Armstrong.
You forgot the cardboard version of Al...
> "Is that ... girl... dressed up like GOKU-SAN??" Bulma gasped.
I'm having flashbacks now of a certain AMV I saw set to a certain Rocky
Horror Picture Show song...
> "Well," I said with a grin, "that's ONE way to make sure congoers take
> a bath. Good work," I said to Ed as he rejoined us. "One challenge
> down. The next's likely to be a bit harder, so we'd better get back and
> get ready."
>
> Ed gave a snort. "It had BETTER be harder. This one was beneath our
> talents. Stupid terrorists, same in all universes."
And... you pass.
>
> ***
> Medium Challenge
>
> ***
> "Hey, Herr Wasp!" Ed called from the living room. "That Gateway
> device shouldn't be doing anything right now, should it?"
>
> "INCOMING!" I shouted to the others as I sprinted for the living room.
> White light blanked out everything for a moment, and I blinked
> desperately to see...
>
> ...Something a lot more beautiful than I'd expected.
So noted for a future challenge...
> "This looks even less challenging than the first one." Bulma said.
>
> I shook myself out of the hypnotized stare. Keiichi, fortunately, was
> obviously long used to this reaction from other guys to the Goddess --
> literally -- that accompanied him. "Don't be misled by appearances." I
> said, and bowed deeply over Belldandy's hand. "This is the Goddess
> Belldandy, and the most fortunate man in the universe, Keiichi
> Morisato. Yeah, THEY aren't the threat -- although you REALLY wouldn't
> want to get into a throwdown with Bell-sama if she got mad -- but I'll
> bet they've brought a threat WITH them somehow."
Hmm... Belldandy not the threat... hmm... another idea for a future
challenge... would take some serious brainwashing... maybe a little...
> That had to be the low point of this year's challenges; with one of
> the greatest technologists of anime at my (temporary) command, with a
> master alchemist waiting to go into action, with one of the greatest
> (and most curvaceous) heroines in history at my side...
>
> ... I had to drive them all to the potential scene of battle in the
> family minivan.
Could be worse... VW Bus, complete with Flower Power tie-dye paint job...
> "I don't think they'd keep working after I left." Bulma said. "And you
> can't afford to buy them, anyway."
They wouldn't.
And with that... you pass.
> ******
> CHALLENGE THREE:
>
> ******
> "I know it's bad, but I have to find out what the hell he was talking
> about with that ship. Remember, unless he's lying -- and I don't think
> he was -- this really is MY WORLD that's about to get screwed.
I now have visions of Spider-Carnage channelling Tony Mantegna from the
movie Scarface...
> It's not just a game any more." I typed in "leopardon" to Google.
> "Carnage never had a ship and neither did Spi... Oh, that's totally
> fucked up. The gods of the Challenge have gone nuts.
I'm reminded of another movie... The Gods Must Be Crazy.
> They've crossed Nihongo-Spidey with Marvel-Spidey."
Now, with more aliens!
> "What's the backup plan?" Ed asked.
Bend over, put your head between your legs, and kiss your butt goodbye.
> (if Spider-Carnage had any idea what kinds of monsters Go Nagai had
> come up with, of course, it would have realized it was practically a
> G-rated threat)
Eh, more of a PG... His threats of impaling her on long things and his
bloodlust that makes him launch into an orgy of violence...
> "Who's the shrimp?"
>
> "*SHRIMP*?" Ed snarled. "Are you saying I'm SHORT?"
>
> "Ever look in a dictionary, pipsqueak? Your picture's right next to
> the definition of sh... HOLY--"
Carnage's alternative lines...
"Yeah, what are you gonna do about it, jump up and kick me in the shin?"
"I'm saying you don't need to bend to go under a limbo pole."
"You're so short, you couldn't leap over a matchstick in a single bound."
"I'm sorry, is your dad around to put that into words you understand,
little boy?"
> The light faded, and I was standing in light freezing rain in my yard,
> where Capsule #1 had just stood.
>
> But I felt great.
And... you pass.
Rob Kelk
Hash: SHA1
On Wed, 17 Jan 2007 20:59:56 -0600, Bill Martin
<bill_r...@hotmail.com> wrote:
>On 2007-01-14 14:47:58 -0600, Sea Wasp
><seawasp...@sgeobviousinc.com> said:
<snip>
>> ... I had to drive them all to the potential scene of battle in the
>> family minivan.
>
>Could be worse... VW Bus, complete with Flower Power tie-dye paint
>job...
And Mara would have gotten away with it, if it wasn't for those
meddling kids... ^_^
<snip>
- --
Rob Kelk <http://robkelk.ottawa-anime.org/> e-mail: s/deadspam/gmail/
"I'm *not* a kid! Nyyyeaaah!" - Skuld (in "Oh My Goddess!" OAV #3)
"When I became a man, I put away childish things, including the fear
of childishness and the desire to be very grown-up." - C.S. Lewis
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Sea Wasp
> On 2007-01-14 14:47:58 -0600, Sea Wasp
> <seawasp...@sgeobviousinc.com> said:
>
>> As with my Team Returning Munchkins, these three took on all three
>> challenges:
>>
>> *******
>>
>>
>> The Gateway Device chimed, and a triple flash announced the
>> arrival of my team. I stepped forward. "Terribly sorry for the
>> inconvenience."
>
>
> And I am terribly sorry for the delay... busy week and all so far...
No problemo... It was a fun challenge!
>
>> "If I could have gotten both of you at once, I assure you I would
>> have. But first I can promise you this: you are here only for one
>> week, and at the end of that week you will return to whence you came,
>> precisely at the moment that you left -- missing from your worlds for,
>> perhaps, a second or two, no more."
>
>
> You could've gotten Al... in place of Bulma or Honey...
Sorry, Al. But I think Al would understand the choice.
>
>>
>> Bulma had been studying the Gateway device. "That's... seriously
>> advanced technology. Amazing."
>
>
> I try... modified Rob & Blade's design a little to add a few tweaks here
> and there.
Now if only I could keep it between Challenges...
>
>> ***
>> Easy Challenge
>> ***
>>
>> "This ... doesn't quite seem as grand a challenge as I envisioned
>> from your speech." Honey said finally.
>
>
> *snicker*
>
>> I shrugged. "Hey, as I said, they cover the gamut. This one does
>> have some challenging aspects, depending on what group of assistants
>> you pick."
>
>
> True. Certain assistants would only make it worse...
Team Overkill: Lina Inverse, Vegita-sama, and Tetsuo.
>
>> Ed suddenly leaned forward, eyes bugging out. "Gott in himmel..."
>>
>> I looked, already guessing what he was staring at. Sure enough,
>> the news footage had panned across a crowd that contained a bunch of
>> FMA cosplayers, including three female Edward Elrics, two Envys, one
>> fat Roy Mustang, and some lunatic who lacked the proper body shape but
>> had the proper mass trying to pose like Armstrong.
>
>
> You forgot the cardboard version of Al...
The GIRLED cardboard version of Al...
>>
>> Ed gave a snort. "It had BETTER be harder. This one was beneath
>> our talents. Stupid terrorists, same in all universes."
>
>
> And... you pass.
I think that ALL the teams I've proposed in the past years would have
passed THAT one. Though at least one of them would probably have had
significant collateral damage.
>
>>
>> ***
>> Medium Challenge
>>
>> ***
>> "Hey, Herr Wasp!" Ed called from the living room. "That Gateway
>> device shouldn't be doing anything right now, should it?"
>>
>> "INCOMING!" I shouted to the others as I sprinted for the living
>> room. White light blanked out everything for a moment, and I blinked
>> desperately to see...
>>
>> ...Something a lot more beautiful than I'd expected.
>
>
> So noted for a future challenge...
ISTR a prior challenge using the Gateway Device to bring in something
else.
> Hmm... Belldandy not the threat... hmm... another idea for a future
> challenge... would take some serious brainwashing... maybe a little...
You blasphemer! The very thought is not to be borne!
>
>> That had to be the low point of this year's challenges; with one
>> of the greatest technologists of anime at my (temporary) command, with
>> a master alchemist waiting to go into action, with one of the greatest
>> (and most curvaceous) heroines in history at my side...
>>
>> ... I had to drive them all to the potential scene of battle in
>> the family minivan.
>
>
> Could be worse... VW Bus, complete with Flower Power tie-dye paint job...
Well, that would have a sort of cool-retro appeal. Not to mention the
potential for Scooby-Doo references. (unfortunately, THIS team really
doesn't have actual kids in it. Now, if I'd chosen, say, Saints and
Samurai Troopers...)
>
>> "I don't think they'd keep working after I left." Bulma said. "And
>> you can't afford to buy them, anyway."
>
>
> They wouldn't.
>
> And with that... you pass.
>
Sweeet!
>
>> It's not just a game any more." I typed in "leopardon" to Google.
>> "Carnage never had a ship and neither did Spi... Oh, that's totally
>> fucked up. The gods of the Challenge have gone nuts.
>
>
> I'm reminded of another movie... The Gods Must Be Crazy.
I thought that was your inspiration! :)
>
>> They've crossed Nihongo-Spidey with Marvel-Spidey."
>
>
> Now, with more aliens!
But wait, there's more! If you order right now, you also get,
absolutely free of charge, this Giant Transforming Robot!!!
>
>> "What's the backup plan?" Ed asked.
>
>
> Bend over, put your head between your legs, and kiss your butt goodbye.
>
>> (if Spider-Carnage had any idea what kinds of monsters Go Nagai had
>> come up with, of course, it would have realized it was practically a
>> G-rated threat)
>
>
> Eh, more of a PG... His threats of impaling her on long things and his
> bloodlust that makes him launch into an orgy of violence...
Still, certainly nothing on the level of what a Go Nagai character
expects to encounter on even an off-day.
>
>> "Who's the shrimp?"
>>
>> "*SHRIMP*?" Ed snarled. "Are you saying I'm SHORT?"
>>
>> "Ever look in a dictionary, pipsqueak? Your picture's right next
>> to the definition of sh... HOLY--"
>
>
> Carnage's alternative lines...
>
> "Yeah, what are you gonna do about it, jump up and kick me in the shin?"
> "I'm saying you don't need to bend to go under a limbo pole."
> "You're so short, you couldn't leap over a matchstick in a single bound."
> "I'm sorry, is your dad around to put that into words you understand,
> little boy?"
If he'd managed ALL of those, Ed would have changed the plan to
"Disintegrate" rather than "capture".
>
>> The light faded, and I was standing in light freezing rain in my yard,
>> where Capsule #1 had just stood.
>>
>> But I felt great.
>
>
> And... you pass.
Whee!
Sea Wasp
By the way, thanks again for the challenges, and for next year I'm
thinking of
TEAM *WRONG!*: Patalliro, Bobobo-bobo, and Arale-chan. (Arale's there
for at least one team member that I could have a comprehensible
dialogue with)
Shana Rosenfeld
>
> By the way, thanks again for the challenges, and for next year I'm
> thinking of
>
>
> TEAM *WRONG!*: Patalliro, Bobobo-bobo, and Arale-chan. (Arale's
> there for at least one team member that I could have a comprehensible
> dialogue with)
>
Arale-chan might actually be able to hit Patalirro hard enough to get
his attention. :-)
Just don't ask her to stop any cars that you want to keep...
--
Shana L. Rosenfeld sh...@westnet.com
http://slrose.livejournal.com
dot_wa...@hotmail.com
> TEAM *WRONG!*: Patalliro, Bobobo-bobo, and Arale-chan. (Arale's there
> for at least one team member that I could have a comprehensible
> dialogue with)
Hey, Team Wrong can take Team Pyhrric Victory (Hellsing's Anderson,
Trigun's Legato, and Slayers' Xelloss) out on a triple date. XD
-"Dot"
Shana Rosenfeld
Sea Wasp
> dot_wa...@hotmail.com wrote:
>
>>> TEAM *WRONG!*: Patalliro, Bobobo-bobo, and Arale-chan. (Arale's there
>>> for at least one team member that I could have a comprehensible
>>> dialogue with)
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Hey, Team Wrong can take Team Pyhrric Victory (Hellsing's Anderson,
>> Trigun's Legato, and Slayers' Xelloss) out on a triple date. XD
>>
>> -"Dot"
>>
> Patalirro would love Xelloss...
>
I don't know Legato.
Xellos would be driven utterly mad. I've now watched the equivalent
of two or three episodes of Bobobo-bobo and I've just about reached my
breaking point.