[Ranma][Fanfic] The Magical Mystery Hibiki Tour #5

[Jessica]

Ranma 1/2: The Magical Mystery Hibiki Tour

by Jaelle and Orla

***

The characters in this story are the property of Rumiko
Takahashi-sama. We prostrate ourselves at her feet and beg her
forgiveness for our temerity in using these characters. We're
not worthy! We're not worthy!

The other characters are copyright to Yukie Nasu and Pioneer
LDC.

C & C is welcome (although we don't like flames!). You can
contact us at either: lady...@yahoo.com or jae...@ihug.co.nz

For more of our fanfiction visit our site 'Insane Musings'at:
http://homepages.ihug.co.nz/~jaelle/Jaelle_Orla.htm

***

This story occurs four years after Ranma 1/2 volume 38.

***

Part Five

***

"AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

"Ranma! Ryoga!" cried Akane, "Are you alright?
What happened?!?"

In the showers Ranma-chan gasped for breath and
quickly turned off the cold cold water. Swallowing
and shivering she called out to Akane.

"I-it's ok, t-the w-water just w-went c-cold."

"That's what that old man was trying to tell me!"
said Akane.

"What?"

"Never mind, I think the water might be cold for
a while. Is Ryoga alright?"

Ranma-chan peered into Ryoga's cubicle and looked
down at the very wet, very miserable piglet. "Uh...
he's fine, just getting his breath."

She turned off the water and knelt down in front
of Ryoga. "Listen, I'll distract Akane and get her
away from here, then I'll come back with some hot water."
Ranma-chan stood and pulled on her clothes. "Don't _move_
anywhere! There is no way I could find you and if someone
not in our group grabs you, well, there is always a chance
of you becoming sweet and sour pork!"

Ryoga bweed unhappily.

"Pipe down!" hissed Ranma-chan. "Do you want Akane to hear
you?"

"Ranma? What are you... ah!" Akane jumped back in surprise
when Ranma-chan popped out.

"Come on Akane," she said. "I need some hot water!"

"What about Ryoga?"

"Ummm... well, after he got over the shock he decided
he liked washing in cold water, you know, keeps him tough
and all." lied Ranma-chan tugging at Akane's hand. "Let's
go!"

"What if he needs someone to guide him back?"

"Don't worry! I'll come back as soon as I've changed."
Ranma-chan began to run dragging Akane after her.

"H-hey, chotto... "

Meanwhile, back in the showers, Ryoga sat in a cold puddle
feeling utterly miserable. *This sucks* he thought *I've been
_so_ careful all throughout this trip and now this happens! And
now I will be beholden to Ranma!*

"Ano...?"

Ryoga froze when he heard the voice outside. *Please don't be
coming in!*

"Umm... is anyone in there?" the voice, a female one, called out.

Ryoga looked around frantically wondering if there was anywhere
he could hide or if he should just make a break for it out the
door. *No, if I get lost it will make things worse!*

"I guess it is empty then." Kiyone entered the showers and placed
her toiletries on the sink bench.

Ryoga remained completely still and prayed that ahe wouldn't
look in his direction.

Kiyone began to put up her hair, humming as she piled the heavy
green mass. "Mmmmhmmm... I am lonely like the moon, you are far
away as the stars... eh?" She whirled and stared at Ryoga's
clothes - still neatly folded on the shelf. "Those are... those
are Ryoga's." She frowned. "But if he's in here why didn't he
answer me?"

*Please don't let her see me, I hope she goes away!*

However, Ryoga's pleas went unanswered as Kiyone swept her
gaze over the room and eventually her eyes rested on the small
black pig. "Where did you come from?"

Ryoga decided to bluff it out, he put on his best 'I-am-just-a
-little-pig-aren't-I-cute' expression. Kiyone squatted down and
looked at him. "You're cute... but why do you have one of Ryoga's
bandannas around your neck? Are you his pet?"

Ryoga winced inwardly. *Damn, forgot about the bandanna! Still,
it might be okay, Akane never made the connection.*

"No you can't be." Kiyone mused. "I'm sure we would have seen
you by now if you belonged to him. Besides, why would he leave
his clothes and you here? I don't think he would run off naked!"

Ryoga felt ill, this woman was too clever, she was pulling all
the evidence together and coming to the most logical explanation,
as if she was a detective.

Kiyone gave the pig in front of her a direct look. "You are Ryoga
aren't you." she stated.

Ryoga felt his world crack, his eyes filled with tears and he
waited, trembling, for her cry of disgust.

"How interesting... " Kiyone leaned forward to study him. "How
_do_ you do it? Washu would love to get her hands on you. Oh
Ryoga, don't look so upset! I'm used to weird things like this!"

Ryoga stared at her. *She isn't upset?*

"Obviously the change isn't under your control or you would
have returned to human form by now, so there must be a trigger."
Kiyone looked around. "Let's see, you are still sitting in
the shower and you are wet so you must have been in the shower
so the water was running when it happened I guess I would say
that water is the trigger, I don't know how you turned it off
though."

Ryoga bweed excitedly and nodded his little head. Kiyone smiled.
"Okay, so I'm right about water. Is it the _temperature_ of the
water? If it was simply water you wouldn't be able to wash at all."

Ryoga jumped up and down in frustration trying to convey the words
'hot water' in pig. Kiyone looked puzzled, then she shrugged. "I
think the only thing I can do is turn the shower back on and hope
it reaches the right temperature to activate the change." She
stood up and turned the shower on, cold water came pouring out.

"I'll wait outside for five minutes." she called. "When you've
changed come out, I want to know what's going on!"

Kiyone left and Ryoga sat under the cold water and waited. Four
minutes later it changed to hot and Ryoga was back in his human
form.

Kiyone waited outside. "Why do I always get the weirdos?" she
murmered

Footsteps sounded and Ranma, now back in his male form, ran up
to the showers carrying a kettle. He pulled up short when he
spotted Kiyone.

"Konbanwa, Ranma." said Kiyone brightly. "What are you doing
with the kettle?"

Ranma looked down at the kettle. "This kettle?"

"That kettle."

"Uh... well, yes... " Ranma racked his brain for an explanation.
"It's... uh... it's for tea."

"Tea? In the showers?"

"Sure, sure... I do it all the time... haha!"

Ryoga came out at this point, he was dressed and carrying his
towel and soap, an embarrassed flush on his face. "Arigato
Kiyone." he murmered his eyes fixed on the ground.

"No problem, Ryoga."

Ranma gaped at Ryoga. "Nani?"

Ryoga looked up and saw Ranma. "Oh... Ranma... I... "

"How did you get back to normal?" demanded Ranma, he glanced
at Kiyone. "I mean... how nice to see you, lovely night, ne?"

Kiyone smiled. "Calm down Ranma, I helped Ryoga out of his
prediciment."

Ranma glared at Ryoga. "That's the last time I bust a gut
trying to help you!"

Ryoga ignored him and bowed to Kiyone. "Arigato Gozimasu for
you help. Can I ask another favour though?"

"As long as you promise to explain all this soon."

"I will. Can you... please... don't tell anyone about this,
Ranma is the only one who knows. I can't let Akan... anyone
else find out!"

"I won't breathe a word." promised Kiyone.

"Arigato. I will tell you everything."

"Tell Kiyone what?" a new voice caused them all to whirl around.

Ukyou and Miya stood there, toiletries and towels in hand, and
Ukyou had an enquiring look on her face. "What's up? You all
seem a bit tense."

"N-nothing." stuttered Ranma. "Come on Ryoga, I'll take you back
to the campsite."

"Why do you have a kettle Ranchan?" Ukyou asked, but Ranma had
already run off dragging Ryoga with him.

"Crazy kids." Kiyone smiled. "Shall we go in?"

"Yes, I am dying for a nice hot shower." said Miya.

Ukyou followed them inside her mind preoccupied. Ranma had been
carrying a full kettle of hot water and he had been in his male
form so _he_ didn't need the hot water. That left Kiyone and Ryoga
as the only possible candidates for Jusenkyo curses. Ukyou was
100 percent sure that Kiyone didn't have a curse, so that meant
that Ryoga... *He _does_ have a Jusenkyo curse! That would explain
why he's always so paranoid about water. but what is is? It must
be bad or he would have told us.*

She shook her head. *What an idiot he is!*

***

Interlude

Sea Route to Fuzhou:

Shampoo yawned and settled herself on the taupalin. Hopefully
no one would think to look down here and she would get to China
undetected. Of course she wouldn't have had to stowaway if it
hadn't been for that stupid Captain Ling! How could he not
understand the importance of the situation. She mewed in
exasperation, then purred. Sometimes this cat thing wasn't
all bad. Except for Ranma's violent fear of course. And that
embarrassing incident with the herbal tea leaves. How was she
supposed to have known there was catnip in some of these
things. Mousse had almost died from blood loss when she'd
rub... anyway... the stupid blind duck-boy was no longer in
her life, thank goodness, the only important one now was
Ranma. She stretched and yawned again. And now... sleep.

***

The Next Morning:

After awakening to the sounds of Ukyou rhythmically banging
her spatula against the bus like some overgrown dinnerbell,
the group ate a hurried breakfast of okonomiyaki and called
advice to Ryoga as he hammered the dents out of the bus.

"Did you have to do this?"

"Sorry. We don't have an alarm clock."

"I'd much rather be woken by the sweet tones of your voice."

"Give it a rest Mikado, some of us are trying to eat here."

Mikado blinked. "So it's individual time now?"

"No," said Ukyou, bringing out a long list. "We have a
schedule to keep to. First, the sights. Then everyone has
two hours free time. Ryoga this does not include you, I need
you to translate, and who knows where you could get to in
two hours?"

"I resent that!"

"But it's so true!"

"SHUT UP RANMA!"

The group set off, with Ukyou in the lead (no surprises
there) waving her spatula like a flag. Ranma and Ryoga
winced everytime it entered their vague area, having been
on the receiving end a few too many times.

First off, they visited the Bund, a series of neo-classical
buildings, which used to be the equivalent of Wall Street.
Ryoga knew a lot about this area for some reason. Ukyou
and Ranma suspected it had something to do with all the
tourist operators who waved at him, but not understanding
the Chinese, they were left to their silent suspicions.

Then Ukyou took them to the Jade Buddha temple. While the
group admired the 2 metre high white jade Buddha, Ryoga
promptly got lost, and had to be rescued before the
Temple closed for lunch. The crowd was then treated
to the sight of Ukyou beating him nearly senseless with
her spatula, before Akane intervened, reminding her that
they needed his language skills. Ryoga then amused everyone
by continuing to scream in pain, this time in Chinese.

After a quick stop for lunch, Ukyou let everyone loose in
Nanjing Donglu, Shanghai's "Golden mile", so-called for all
the shopping malls.

"Look people, you have more than two hours, (cos I've had
enough for one morning), make your own way back to the
campsite. Dinner will be at 5 pm, and then we will be
setting off for our next destination. Mikado you're free
too, but make sure you get some rest before tonights big
drive."

"Shall we go together?" the light glinted off Mikado's
teeth as he smiled at Konatsu, who backed off. A brief,
calculating smile crossed his face. "I'd like that
Sanzenin-san." he replied cheerfully, and arm in arm,
they strode off.

Nabiki prepared her credit cards and headed for the
more expensive shops, Kiyone in tow. Akane and Ranma
started some incomprehensible fight and wandered off
by themselves, whilst Miya, Suka and Godai all voted
to visit the Hua Lian Department Store.

"Phew," said Ryoga, "Peace at last." He slumped.

"What do you think you're doing?" Ukyou demanded.

"Resting?"

"We have to work on a plan." Ukyou said.

"Do we HAVE to?" Ryoga groaned. "I'm TIRED and my head
hurts, owing to a combination of a certain person waking
me up at ungodly hours of the morning, and then beating
me over the head with a giant spatula."

"Do you want Akane or not?" Ukyou demanded. She thought
she heard, "*No reward is worth this.*".

"What?"

"I said YES UKYOU SIR!" said Ryoga, straightening and
saluting.

"You know Ryoga, ever since you returned to Nerima you've
had a real attitude problem." said Ukyou. Ryoga rolled his
eyes. "I'm sorry Ukyou, I thought you liked men who were
assertive, or at least rude."

"Hey!"

"I'm sorry," said Ryoga. "I'm afraid my experiences with
Akari have made me less..."

"Spineless?" Ukyou suggested.

"Thank you." said Ryoga sarcastically. He shook himself,
what had gotten into him today? Must have gotten out of bed
on the wrong side. "Look, it's not the best place for a
conversation here, if there's nothing you want here, we
could go back to the campsite and talk while we wait for
the others to finish up."

"Good idea," said Ukyou. "I'll just to pick up a few more
ingredients for the okonomiyaki, then we can talk. Are
there any stores you want to go to?"

"No thanks," said Ryoga.

***

At the campsite, he watched as Ukyou spun and threw the
okonomiyaki into the air.

"Here you go," she said. "Eat it while it's hot."

"Thanks," he said, chowing down.

"I've been thinking about the Ranma/Akane situation,"
said Ukyou. "Because of Mikado's inability to get out
of third gear, this means you'll have more of the driving
to do, and means you'll be more tired, so we're going to
have to schedule things more carefully." She frowned, and
sighed. "If only we had another driver, but we don't have
the extra money to hire anyone."

"Why don't you drive?" Ryoga asked, wiping his mouth.

"Me? I don't know how to drive!"

"I could show you," he offered. "It's not that hard, Mikado
notwithstanding."

Ukyou blushed. *Drive? ME?* She twiddled her fingers. "I
don't know - don't you have to have a qualified instructor
or something?"

"We're going to be on a whole lot of back roads in China."
Ryoga said. "Damn near everyone else will be self-taught,
if we meet any cars at all. There's no problem. Anyway,
I've done a defensive driving course, I know what to do.
I did the course three times."

"Oh my God, you mean you failed the first and second times?"

"No, I just couldn't get out of there." Ryoga blushed.

"I... I guess we could try." Ukyou said.

"Alright, we'll start now." said Ryoga, standing up. "I'll
take the bus somewhere quiet, and you can have a go."

***

"Alright... now just gently let the clutch out."

*Judder... thud... thud... judder... stall.*

"Okay, you almost had it that time." Ryoga wiped his brow.

Ukyou was biting her lip in concentration, glaring at the
steering wheel. "Ano Ryoga, I don't think I can do this."

"Sure you can. It's easy."

"No it's not."

"Look, it's easy if I and Mikado can do it? Are you saying
that you are less intelligent than Mikado?"

"WHAT?" Ukyou snarled and put her foot back down on the
clutch. "Alright, clutch in, engine on, release clutch,
press accelerator." The bus lurched forward and then
continued at a more slow and sedate pace. Ukyou threw her
hands up. "YES! I DID IT!!"

"HANDS ON THE WHEEL!" screamed Ryoga. "Hands on wheel,
eyes on road. Do not forget these things!"

"Oh fooey," said Ukyou. "This is easy, now what?"

"Now we change gears."

"Shimata!"

Ryoga sighed. "Okay, speed up a little, put the clutch back
in, move the gear shift to second gear, release the clutch,
press the accelerator and..."

"SLOW DOWN SLOW DOWN!" Ukyou yelled. "ONE AT A TIME!"

"Okay... speed up a little."

"How much."

"At least to 15 kilometres [Hey, we're New Zealanders. We use
metric. Deal with it. - J.]." Ryoga said. "Now..."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!" Ukyou screamed and hit the
brakes as a small, overloaded car screamed past them, narrowly
missing the bus as it moved back into their lane. Ryoga's head
slammed forward into the dashboard. "Iettai!"

"Oh my god ohmygodohmygod..." Ukyou said. "I can't DO this I
CAN'T!" she sniffled. Ryoga rubbed his head and watched in
horror as tears filled her eyes. "Ano... Ukyou... no..."

She stood up. "I can't do this. We'll die... Maybe you should
teach Mikado how to get into fourth gear..."

"You were doing fine," said Ryoga. "There are complete idiots
out there. I mean look at me, they gave me a licence." he
patted her shoulder nervously.

"But you're a good driver. You don't get nervous." Ukyou
sniffed.

"How do you know? You weren't there for my first lesson."
said Ryoga. "I almost hit someone. Then I nearly crashed into
the side of a building, then I almost hit some cows. It was
a disaster. But at least noone got hurt." Ukyou stared at him.
Tears started to pour down her cheeks. "WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!"
she bawled and clutched his shirt. "WAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!"

Ryoga stared at her and nervously patted her head. *God I hope
that this isn't enough water to trigger the curse,* he prayed.
"It's okay, it's okay, you're doing okay..." he said. *Now let
go of me dammit.*

Sniffling, Ukyou sat back up and put her hands on the wheel.

*Phew.*

"Alright. Let's go!"

***

Godai, Miya and Suka were the first ones back to camp.

"Oh no, don't tell me that Ryoga's gotten both of them AND
the bus lost!" said Suka.

"Maybe they needed petrol?" suggested Godai.

"You're both hopeless," Miya pointed to the note stuck to
Ryoga's tent.

"Gone driving. Back by 4. R & U."

"Gone... driving?" asked Godai. "Doesn't he do enough of
that."

Just then a taxi pulled up. Kiyone and Nabiki tumbled out,
laughing and hauling out huge packages, all with labels
like Gucci and Chanel on them.

"Hey gang," said Kiyone, "Where's the bus."

Miya picked up the distinctive smell of sake on her breath
and looked at Nabiki, who smiled a slightly unbalanced
smile. "Hope they haven't driven off with my investment."
she said.

"Kawaiikune!"

"Baka!" *WHAM*

"Hi Akane, Ranma," said Godai without turning around.

"Hey hey, where's the bus?" asked Ranma.

Godai passed him the note.

"Ooooh, gone driving... how romantic." Ranma grinned. "Who
knew he had it in him?"

"What is THAT?" demanded Nabiki. They turned to see a
mountain of colourful packages staggering towards them.
Konatsu skipping alongside. "Just a little further!"
he said.

"Ugh... hai, Konatsu-chan..." strained a feeble voice.

Ranma stared, "Oh my god, he didn't..."

"Looks like he did, good for Konatsu," said Akane.

Kiyone and Nabiki stared at the pile and collapsed
on the ground in hysterics.

Mikado manfully staggered into the grounds. Konatsu
clapped his hands. "Yay Sanzenin-san!" he said. "And
the bus is... not here."

"What?" the mountain screamed. Boxes began to dislodge.
Everyone scattered as the mountain came to Mikado.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" he screamed before being
crushed by a box of shoes.

"Oh no, here it comes!" Konatsu said brightly.

The group turned to see the bus carefully drive up and
haltingly come to a stop. Ukyou waved at them from the
drivers seat.

"Ukyou can drive?" said Ranma.

"Hallo!" Ukyou poked her head out the door. "Who wants
an early meal?"

***

Having, eaten, packed and reassembled themselves on the
bus, everyone watched nervously as Ukyou got into the
drivers seat. Ryoga hovering behind her.

"Alright," he said. "Don't worry if you bunny hop, just
get into gear."

"Hai!" Ukyou let out the clutch. The bus hopped once, and
then got going.

"Yay me!"

"YAY UKYOU-SAMA!"

"PUT YOUR HANDS BACK ON THE DAMN WHEEL!"

"Sorry, forgot."

Ryoga sweatdropped. "Okay, speed up, second gear, stay in
it for the turn, now move up."

The bus picked up speed as it moved down the street. Ryoga
glanced down the bus and raised his voice.

"Alright. Now this is how you get to FOURTH gear."

Mikado twitched. The rest of the bus stifled giggles.

"Speed up, clutch in, move the gear to _fourth_, clutch
out gently... speed up... see, now you're going somewhat
_faster_ than the average four year old."

"This is _easy_."

Mikado twitched again. Konatsu laughed. "Go Ukyou-sama!"
he called. Ukyou was so SMART.

"Alright, corner ahead, shift down two gears since it's
at an intersection," Ryoga instructed. "Slow down, down
to third, slow down again, down to second... okay. It's
gone to a red light. So brake, stop. Clutch in ready to
go, gear in first. Don't forget to indicate left."

"We're going _right_ Ryoga."

"Eh heh."

They waited for the light to go green.

"Green light. Let's go!"

*Judder judder judder... thud*

"No problem, start again." said Ryoga.

*Judder judder judder... thud*

"Just let it out slowly."

"I AM!" Ukyou took a deep breath, and started again.

*Judder judder judder... thud*

The light turned yellow. Ukyou swallowed. "It's okay, we
can wait for the next lights." Ryoga said quickly, not
wanting to her to cry on him again.

Just then, a car behind them screeched around them, and
drove at full speed through the intersection. The driver
stuck his head out the window as it passed. "LEARN TO
DRIVE!" he yelled in English. Ukyou didn't get the whole
content, but the meaning was clear. Tears welled up in her
eyes again. Ryoga's eyes narrowed.

"Mikado, get up here!" he yelled. Leaning over Ukyou he
hit the open doors lever. "I'll be right back," he said
with a cheerful smile. He sprinted out and bounced away
at high speed.

Mikado quietly took the drivers seat from Ukyou, started
the bus and took them through the intersection. Driving
down it they saw Ryoga flagging them down. They stopped
to let him in.

"What happened?" Ukyou sniffed out.

"A quick course in defensive driving." said Ryoga.

"What?"

"Oh my..." Mikado said in awe. He grabbed the PA
microphone.

"Ladies and gentlemen, if you will look out the left hand
side, you will see... this years winning candidate for
funniest home videos."

Mystified, everyone dashed to the left hand side. To see
the sight of the rude driver sitting on the ground,
surrounded by the pieces of his car, holding the steering
wheel, with an absolutely priceless look of confusion on
his face.

Ukyou started laughing, and set the whole bus off.

"Looks more like _offensive_ driving to me." said Ranma.

Ryoga waggled a finger at him. "I never laid a hand on
him."

"Sure, just one finger right."

Ryoga grinned and cracked his knuckles.

"R-Ryoga..." Ukyou stopped laughing and stared at him.
"Oh... Ryoga... WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!"

She buried her face in his chest and Ryoga felt his face
burn. *Argh.* He looked at the others, who were all
smiling at him. *Double argh*.

End of Part Five.

***

Authors Note:

Hi, Jaelle here. I'd just like to note that this sequence
at the end with the rude driver is actually a true incident
and happened to me about three years ago when I was driving
someone elses car after using my automatic one for the
previous two years. I in fact stalled through three
successive sets of green lights (they were very short -
only long enough for one attempt each time) getting more
and more upset each time.

Then this guy drove out and yelled that. I was humiliated
and mortified. The other two people in my car were trying
to calm me down and I got into gear on the next lights. I
was recently telling Orla this story for some reason (Orla
doesn't drive) and she deduced from the language that I
was using (usually designated by using the top layer of
punctuation on the number keys) that I was still upset
about the whole incident and suggested that I write it in
and include my revenge, which I have done here. The
revenge is a little inaccurate, at the time I did not want
to bakusai tenketsu the car, I wanted to sledgehammer the
driver into a sticky mess on the road! However, with the
passing of time most of my homicidal impulses have faded.
But I would just like to say, if the driver of that car is,
by some quirk of fate reading this right now, that I will
NEVER EVER FORGIVE YOU!!!!

Jaelle.
4th March, 1999.