Hi,
RavenDB by default will use as much memory as it can, to do its operations.
It will leave, by default, 768MB for the OS and other stuff, but it assumes that you want it to make maximum use of your machine resources.
This can be controlled by the Raven/AvailableMemoryForRaisingIndexBatchSizeLimit flag.
Indexes are stale for as long as they have documents to go through. If you can post the /stats for the database, it would help, but basically, whenever you inset / update any document, that immediately cause all indexes to become stale, until they can go through that document. On high insert systems, that means that most of the time the indexes are stale. It is expected and fine.
Note that you don't really care about the index staleness, you care about their _latencies_. That is, how far back are the indexes.
If they are 50ms late than the latest document insert, that is fine.
Another thing that has a heavy impact here is the I/O on the system.