Being inclusive

[Daniel Geretz]

Shana Tova

I have a question and I'm interested in hearing whether anyone else on list has successfully dealt with this issue, or whether the issue that I perceive to be an issue is an issue at all in reality.

At Maayan of West Orange, we say that women are "eligible" to lead Kabbalat Shabbat, Pesukei D'Zimra, etc. as well as "eligible" to get aliyot and lain.  We do this because in our experience many women appreciate the mere fact that we are being more inclusive and working to expand ritual leadership opportunities for women and are quite content to attend and let someone else lead, get aliyot, etc.  Some women who attend may never want to lead or get aliyot and might even be uncomfortable in an environment where there is an expectation that they do so, now or eventually. These women attend because they want to daven in a community that values participation by women in ritual leadership, despite the fact that they themselves will not participate in that way.

The questions is this:  Are there any effective ways to let women know that they are welcome to lead or get aliyot if they want, and to sit on the sidelines if not, and there is no pressure either way.  We are afraid if the gabbai/gabbait asks if they want an aliyah, this may be interpreted as pressuring them to do something they don't want to do; whereas if we don't ask a woman who is expecting to be asked, she will be disappointed.  We have tried letting people know that they should speak to a gabbai if they want an aliyah; I don't particularly like this MO because I know that as a man, I would be uncomfortable being put in a situation where I had to ask (although in the end I would do it if I was a chiyuv) and I can't imagine it would be easier for women who traditionally have not had these sorts of roles.

[Alexandra Benjamin]

I really don't think that you need be concerned about an invitation being taken as pressure. People know where they are davening. The art is in interpreting the 'no'. Sometimes people really don't want it and the correct response is to move on. Sometimes however saying no is someone's first instinct. They are fearful and just need a little encouragement. You learn to read the difference. Sometimes I also raise the dilemma directly explaining that it isn't always easy to tell if people really don't want an aliya of if they are just nervous or shy and could be encouraged and I ask them which they are. I reassure them that we will help them if they need it and if they aren't ready to do it today they can always do it another time. 

Regarding shlichei tzibbur or other things like Kiryat hatorah or even hagba you might consider running workshops for people who are interested in learning how. Make it clear that attending the workshop doesn't obligate anyone but offers them the opportunity to learn the skills if they want. 

Alexandra - Shira hadasha, JErusalem 

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Alexandra Benjamin
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[Abigail Tambor]

I agree with Alexandra. I don't think invitation needs to be construed as pressure, especially if refusals are taken graciously. When someone demurs, I will sometimes go up to them after Shul at Kiddush to get more color as to why and take that opportunity to be encouraging. I also always ask anyone who comes up (unless I already know the answer) if it is their first time getting an Aliya and offer to walk them through it. That way others see the process a first time goes through. 

As to leading Tefillah, part of our announcements every time we meet is an offer to arrange training for anyone who is interested in learning, either privately or in a group. We also make it clear that participation comes in many forms and if a participant has talents they think will be of use to the kahal, they should please let us know.  

Abigail Tambor

917.518.7677

ata...@atambor.com

Sent from my iPhone

Please excuse any typos