Meeting people "so what do you do for a living?"

[Blakiepoo]

Does this cause anxiety for the rest of you?

I went to this social gathering with a lot of people I hadn't seen for
years, as well as a lot of new people. I had been dreading it because
of the generic question upon meeting someone new "So what do you do
for a living?".

I had thought of different answers and tried them out. Some I said
"nothing" in an interesting way that made them kind of laugh. To some
I said "I try to get by". To some I said what kind of work I do (tho
rarely) when I get the motivation.

And when I felt comfortable telling people I was on disability, I got
this response "Nice one!". In case I'm failing to communicate the
tone, they had assumed that I had managed to get into the program by
some loophole, feat or trickery since I'm not in a wheelchair. While
this response was better than "you parasite!" in that they tried to
react positively on their assumption, it still made me want to not
mention it again to others.

I don't believe people are write-offs just because they are ignorant
regarding the spectrum of ways a person can be disabled. They want
one word that I can tell them to understand, but there isn't just one
word. It feels akin to fitting the entire English dictionary on a
single piece of paper for them.

How do you meet new people when you're on ODSP? All of the scary
scenarios that go through my head make me want to hide under the bed
rather than go out. Of course there's also the following issue of
people not wanting to befriend poor people, but that's a story for
another thread.

[Cindy S-C]

i totally sympathize with you. also, your last line, in particular.
i think there's also part of us (as poor people) that is afraid to
reach out to other people that we know are better off financially than
we are. i mean, we can't afford to go and do the things that you
might do with people, like go out for coffee or lunch and that kind of
stuff. it's very difficult.
~
a few people i know know that i'm on disability but as for the rest of
my community, i can only assume that they assume i'm on ontario works
since i'm home all the time and have two children. they know i'm
getting my money from the government somehow, i'm sure, just now
exactly how.
~
i have one woman friend that lives quite comfortably financially and
is a stay-at-home-mom. i have found that i really had to try - she's
accepting of me and my financial situation. but i felt weird anyway,
if that makes any sense.
~
as far as going out and about and having people ask me what i do for a
living, i guess i'm fortunate in that i just say "i'm a mom" and then
have people assume that yes, the government is paying for me to stay
home.

[Cindy S-C]

sorry, i didn't answer the question. yes, it causes me anxiety. i'd
love for people to think that because i'm widowed my husband left me a
huge chunk of change and that's why i'm able to stay home. but that's
quite obviously not the case, especially if anyone knew my husband,
lol.
~
within the last year, i have been able to purchase some clothes for
myself rather than just for the kids and i still need to buy a lot
more (i bought a pair of winter boots and two summer skirts, but i
need t-shirts to go with the skirts) because that's the other thing,
what do you wear when you go out if you have a very limited wardrobe?
i do look in the second hand store close to me, but that usually has
items from the 1980's that someone has finally decided to get rid of
(and even though the 80's may be coming back in style, it's just not
for me).
~
i recently became a member of the board of directors of our local
community centre. we meet monthly. each time it gets close to a
meeting, i'm terrified. will they remember i had the same top on as
last month? or the same skirt? or whatever?
yes, it is an anxiety thing for me. the only people i am totally
comfortable with are the people that have known me for 25 years, in
good times and bad.

[Annie]

On 08/06/2010 2:17 AM, Blakiepoo wrote:
>
> How do you meet new people when you're on ODSP? All of the scary
> scenarios that go through my head make me want to hide under the bed
> rather than go out. Of course there's also the following issue of
> people not wanting to befriend poor people, but that's a story for
> another thread.
>

I don't think I've ever had a bad response to admitting I'm on a
'disability pension...." or ODSP. Sometimes I'll say "retired" to the
question that really is just a "sort of" automatic responsive. But
meeting people... there I'm lost...
Annie

[anarchris]

glad you raised the issue. i too find it stressful and humiliating to
to tell people i'm on disability and i fear them disapproving of
someone who is invisibly disabled as being a freud. i have avoided
socializing for this reason even though we all know we need to for our
well being like anyone else. i too don't know how to deal with this.
anarchris

[Nathalie Girardin]

eegads! I just had this happen at a BBQ! I have the same anxiety over
this as you do! And it's particularly difficult in a government town
where most are educated and moneyed. It is trying to come up with an
appropriate answer to such a routine question. I often wish it could
be ruled out as an icebreaker in social discourse. There are far more
interesting topics to choose from!
Having said that, my response is tempered by my audience. Like you, I
used to say "nothing", but I recognized that I actually get to do
interesting things despite my limitations. I also recognized that it
paralled being 'retired'. So I smile sweetly and say just that. It
has a nugget of truth to it, don't you think? We have been retired
from the workforce early. (And through no fault of our own...)
On some occasions, I have said that I work for the Provincial
Government in Social Services. That I find is usually an effective
conversation stopper and the spotlight is gratefully taken off me. And
like you, I have avoided social situations fearing I would somehow be
exposed as a 'poseur'. Needless to say, it is most marginalizing!
So this brings about an obvious quandry- that of meeting like-minded
peers in a social setting...individuals who refuse to let their
poverty of currency trump their riches of heart and mind.

[benjer weigl]

I hear you on that one. that why I hardly ever ask anyone out on  date. becasue first thing they say is what do you do for a living. If they are a  new possible friend, I just say im retired and its a long story.
 Once  I get to know them , I say im retired due to a disalibity. Its just way I am and the circumstances that surrond my situation.  For me and I hope im saying this correclty, My dating and relationship options are tainted because of the stigma attached to disalbity wheater pysical, mental etc.  So I can kinda of relate to what your going through. Trust me your not alone.

I just use the old standby Im retired.

> Date: Mon, 7 Jun 2010 23:17:15 -0700
> Subject: [odspfireside: 29083 ] Meeting people "so what do you do for a living?"
> From: blake.s...@gmail.com
> To: odspfi...@googlegroups.com

[Robbie]

Hi, it used to bother me But now I just tell everyone who asks that
"I'm retired on a small government pension"...and it is perfectly
true!
They don't need the details. If they ask me what I used to do before I
retired I just say "I was an X-Ray tech for 20+ years until I injured
myself !"
I don't feel guilty being on ODSP! ODSP allows me to live a quiet,
frugal life. I paid taxes for years at 30-50% rate..and now I'm just
getting some of that tax money back!

[abrowne]

Hi,
My problem is sort of different in this respect; I work among
and with people, most of whom are not disabled or poor
(although I seem to be getting my caseload loaded by people
to do more poverty-based lately but that's aside the point).

I used to sit on a number of community boards, task forces
and a foundation-type entity in the area and almost everybody
on it are well off in some way, e.g. a lawyer from a wealthy
snobbish town in Niagara, an owner of a private school, two
well-established teachers, an executive director, etc.  I still
have these people as contacts, but when I was with them,
I got sort of tired of hearing about March break, their cottages,
how their latest investments were doing, etc.

I remember asking when March break became a statutory
holiday, because March break is like any other day to me,
because I really got P'O'd ... more likely because I used to
hold jobs like this, teaching at the university, designing courses
for a private career college, being an executive director, etc.
all that gone now because I don't drive a car.

I also used to be part of my profession's activities and still
am in some way, though I had to decrease my involvement
because I don't drive.  I am frankly embarrassed to turn away
work all the time where I cannot go by bus here, always using
the excuse that I am already booked or something, because
I still don't like talking about not being able to drive (although
I don't mind going to the front page of the newspapers and
saying this ;-)

Also, I resent going from an income of over $85,000 in the 90's
to what it is now - I just fell absolutely pathetic and embarrassed.
I almost withdrew my human rights case against the region
because I had to disclose this information, but I did anyways.
It was a particularly difficult hearing even discussing it, even
though the region's lawyer was fair in asking.
Angela

---

From: Cindy S-C <cin...@yahoo.ca>

[Heather Maxwell]

This is the best yet.. I feel the same way.
thanks for helping with the wording.. it helps take the stigma less of a sting..
 
 

 
> Date: Tue, 8 Jun 2010 10:12:17 -0700
> Subject: [odspfireside: 29097 ] Re: Meeting people "so what do you do for a living?"

> > "I'm retired on a small government pension"...and it is perfectly

>> > people not wanting to befriend poor people, but that's a story for
> > another thread.
>

> --
> You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "ODSP Fireside" group.<br>
> <b>To change email delivery, nickname or unsubscribe from this group visit: http://groups.google.ca/group/odspfireside/subscribe?hl=en</b><br>
> To post to this group via email, send to odspfi...@googlegroups.com

---

Turn down-time into play-time with Messenger games Play Now!

[abrowne]

Hi,
This is another problem for me.  I once had a whole colour-
coordinated series of blazers, blouses, dress pants, scarves
and lots of gold jewelery.  I would even wear panty hose and
shoes with a bit of a heel in it for touch, and people would
constantly compliment me on how I dressed ...

Now I have gained lots of weight, half the stuff I had doesn't
fit me anymore and the last time I actually bought any
meaningful clothing was over five years ago ... and I NEED
to get more clothing.  Because I am in a profession, I have
to dress properly.  I can't go to court in jeans and a t-shirt.
Angela

---

From: Cindy S-C <cin...@yahoo.ca>

To: ODSP Fireside <odspfi...@googlegroups.com>
Sent: Tue, June 8, 2010 11:51:10 AM
Subject: [odspfireside: 29091 ] Re: Meeting people "so what do you do for a living?"

[Michael Feir]

When I'm asked what I do for a living, I openly explain that I'm on ODSP
right up front. Usually, people don't know much about it and I then explain
the basics of it. Provided they give me the opportunity, I then satisfy
their curiocity about the kinds of things I work on voluntarily. They can
find enough of it online although there's a great deal that nobody has seen
yet. Mainly, people around me are amazed at how patient and cheerful I am
given my circumstances. If I'm disciplined about it, now that I'm in rent
geared to income, I can go out for meals or treet friends to coffee once in
a while. I just have to be careful to space that sort of thing out. It
certainly does make it harder to have a full social life but then, I don't
have the stress that employment can bring. The recession actually made my
income go farther over the last while. I doubt many employed folks could say
that. The trick is to find enough ways to be helpful to people so that you
can give a good acount of yourself when a question of what one does
inevidably comes up. There are many days when I'm frustrated that I can't do
more or engage more fully in more aspects of life. There's no getting around
that. However, I've found that if I try to approach things positively and
keep a sense of perspective, people respond favorably to that as long as you
aren't hoping for a serious life-changing commitment like having them hire
you or fall in love with you.

The inability to find a woman to have a permanent relationship with is what
bothers me the most. Beyond a friendship level, People don't seem to care
how moral and good a person you are. If you don't have an income, you're
nobody. If you haven't somehow acquired work experience nobody wants to give
you a chance to obtain, you're worthless. My BA degree in English taught me
how to handle a work load, manage my time, and think critically. However,
economically speaking, it hasn't done me a bit of good. Now that I've
finally gotten into affordable housing, I feel like I'd be an idiot to do
anything which might screw that up even if I felt I actually had a chance in
hell of getting hired. Socially, I still have some faint hope of success but
that could very well just be youthful optimism. There are people who can
look past a white cane and lack of employment out there. Finding them is
rare though.
Michael Feir
Author of Personal Power:
How Accessible Computers Can Enhance Personal Life For Blind People
2006-2008
www.blind-planet.com/content/personal-power

A Life of Word and Sound
2003-2007
http://www.blind-planet.com/content/life-word-and-sound

Creator and former editor of Audyssey Magazine
1996-2004
Check out my blog at:
www.michaelfeir.blogspot.com

----- Original Message -----
From: "Cindy S-C" <cin...@yahoo.ca>
To: "ODSP Fireside" <odspfi...@googlegroups.com>

Sent: Tuesday, June 08, 2010 11:47 AM
Subject: [odspfireside: 29090 ] Re: Meeting people "so what do you do for a
living?"

>
>

[Paul]

At 12:22 PM 6/8/2010, you wrote:
>glad you raised the issue. i too find it stressful and humiliating to
>to tell people i'm on disability and i fear them disapproving of
>someone who is invisibly disabled as being a freud. i have avoided
>socializing for this reason even though we all know we need to for our
>well being like anyone else. i too don't know how to deal with this.
>anarchris

some times (for some people, what their condition is, they may understand).

Everone on this list has their reason and I'm not to judge. We all
need it in one way or another.

such as, I'm luck to have survived a (fill in your answer). Or else
I wouldn't be here today....

It left me with.... ,but I'm breathing am I now....aren't
I.... That's an extent, but it doesn't take an operation to get on ODSP.

But then there are some people out their with no life that would be
down right rude and say something negative about it like..... I'll
let you fill it in.

No one is perfect.

[Paul]

Just remember that this is what ODSP is for.

Think of it like OHIP. It's a public government service for those
with disabilities and such.

If you were accepted, why would you need to feel guilty or such?

Don't live with self pity or anything like that.

You don't need to say you are on ODSP. Just say you are on a pension
due to injuries or what ever it is you are on ODSP for.

I have found when you tell people you are out-right on ODSP, you get labelled.

Telling them you are on a pension, who's not to say you are on WSIB
or what ever they call it, from an injury.

Unless they are your friend, that's when you can open the door and
tell them you are on ODSP.

At 12:22 PM 6/8/2010, you wrote:

[Hope]

Aw man, that was funny Blakiepoo. "I'm dealing with this", "I'm
getting by". Their response in their head: "you parasite". Oh I bet
my neighbours talk about me too. I know they do. I won't go into
details but I guarantee they do. "She's got a few screws loose, she's
got problems". That's all I'm going to say.

I can't meet people either because if you don't have money, you can't
afford to go out and people don't talk to people hardly and those
without money, forget it. This topic makes me sad. Money is more
important than a good heart. I've lost all of my friends but 2
because of this too. But I need ODSP.

Great comments guys.

Melanie

[Hope]

Michael Feir, that was well-written. You are an excellent writer. I
feel the same way on so many points you raised. Well done.

I couldn't imagine being blind. You're a fighter that's for sure.

Melanie

[Ugly Sean]

--------------------------------------------------
From: "Robbie" <robbi...@persona.ca>
Sent: Tuesday, June 08, 2010 1:12 PM
To: "ODSP Fireside" <odspfi...@googlegroups.com>
Subject: [odspfireside: 29097 ] Re: Meeting people "so what do you do for a
living?"

> Hi, it used to bother me But now I just tell everyone who asks that

> "I'm retired on a small government pension"

VERY small.
I'm 42 but I have started to refer to myself as "retired" although I'll take
paid work if someone were to hire me.

[Dave M]

how about saying I am self - employed or a consultant of sorts?  working from home ...

as for meeting new people ... that is a challenge.  volunteering and getting out is the BEST way.

[4thjet]

As I use to do very well being self employed, I don't feel I can say
that anymore.
I usually say I'm retired, as most of my money does come from CPP
anyway. I paid for that and for my employees!

My sister while she's what we use to call a housewife, when she's
asked she says "she takes care of her husband and makes life easier
for him".
Cute thought.

I am annoyed at the discrimination and how people percieve us on
ODSP....I always say to some loud mouth let's see you live on the same
amount!

When I think of all the taxes I paid the 15 years prior to being on
disability, no way I'm on the dole. I feel I'm just getting some of my
money back!

[Ugly Sean]

--------------------------------------------------
From: "Paul" <paul...@gmail.com>
Sent: Tuesday, June 08, 2010 6:05 PM
To: <odspfi...@googlegroups.com>
Subject: Re: [odspfireside: 29107 ] Re: Meeting people "so what do you do
for a living?"

> It left me with.... ,but I'm breathing am I now....aren't I.... That's an

> extent, but it doesn't take an operation to get on ODSP.
>
> But then there are some people out their with no life that would be down
> right rude and say something negative about it like..... I'll let you
> fill it in.
>
> No one is perfect.

Then again, I've had dozens of operations. Practically all are hidden by my
shirt or hair so still I've had the attitude of "well you LOOK normal.
What's the matter with you?"
True the closest I've had to an out of body experience is a severe case of
vertigo, but but I've had my share of genuine near-death experiences and
until one of those hot shots can say the same --- they can bite their
tongue.

[Fibrofog]

This is a great topic! You know it sounds really strange but up until
recently I never thought about the labels or what people might think
when I say disability. I am just such an open person that even being
out on a job (henna business) I've been open with clients. Now I am
starting to rethink that, I will say that I am lucky in that I have my
business so I can fall back on that but I think the answer of
"pension" is another one I am going to use. I guess I just don't get
why people are so judgemental of those of us on ODSP when one wrong
move and they could be on it too. Money is just temporary our hearts
and souls are what lasts, but nowadays people are blind to what is
really important. I would also say not to feel guilt about our
positions in life but I'd be a hypocrite because I feel guilty about
it all the time.

[Hope]

How about this? I just thought of it and had to rush to put it down.
"I won 2 million but spent it all". "Oh but where are your boats and
nice car?" So I guess it ends there huh? But you could try. Tell
them all the vacations you took, the food you ate, etc. Your story
will wow them. Your lack of money now, heh, not so much so we're back
to square one.

Please put this one down.

Melanie

[T Spa]

What about ODSP singles trying to meet up in their own cities ?
> Date: Tue, 8 Jun 2010 15:46:56 -0700
> Subject: [odspfireside: 29111 ] Re: Meeting people "so what do you do for a living?"
> From: melani...@yahoo.ca
> To: odspfi...@googlegroups.com

> --
> You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "ODSP Fireside" group.<br>
> <b>To change email delivery, nickname or unsubscribe from this group visit: http://groups.google.ca/group/odspfireside/subscribe?hl=en</b><br>
> To post to this group via email, send to odspfi...@googlegroups.com

---

Enter for a chance to get your town photo on Bing.ca! Submit a Photo Now!

[Hope]

23 replies. Wow, what a topic Blakiepoo. I think that's the most
conversation ever.

Melanie

[Paul]

I wouldn't say that....

Sometimes the less you tell someone, the better.

Some body might think you wasted $ and don't know how to live.

>--

[J Miller]

Besides being a very rude question....what you do for living is none of anyone's business. I look at then in the eye and say...WHY do you want to know?   LOL, most times they don't know what to say and drop it.
Don't EVER feel smaller than anyone...your as good as the next person and at times better.

Melanie

[katkit]

I find that odsp people and the lower income working people are easier
to get to know than those in the middle class. Those in the upper
class are usually nice, but they want to "fix" us like a charity
project.

It seems sometimes that we cant really socialize with those who make
more than us because of perceptions and especially when it comes to
conversations. Things they are planning to buy, vacations they are
saving for, their kids are in hockey, soccer, careers whatever. There
are very few shared topics when money/stuff you get with money come
up. When those topics come up, and you have to say, well.. I am on
odsp so I cant afford it or however it comes up, I find conversation
stops dead or moves on without me, usually as they move away to
another place.

It seems we are supposed to be stuck in our own "class" and are not
allowed to move up, either socially or financially or any other way.
Its all in who you know right? Well, being poor, you wont know pretty
much anyone of "importance" because of the aforementioned social
difficulties.

And because we dont know the right people and cant pay for activities,
our kids will not have exposure to the "right" people and therefore
will be declined some scholarships and wont get the "good" jobs after
college even after they have put themselves in massive debt because we
cant afford to help them

[Bonnie Briggs]

> Does this cause anxiety for the rest
> of you?

<SNIP>

Hi,
No, it doesn't. If someone asks, "What do you do for a living?" I say, I don't, I'm on a disability pension, I'm not afraid to say it, it's a fact of life. I'm disabled, the fact that I'm not in a wheelchair notwithstanding. You don't have to be in a wheelchair to be disabled. I present myself straight up, if people can't accept that, then I'm sorry. I will not pretend just to make someone happy. That's who I am, take it or leave it.
Bonnie

[Bonnie Briggs]

> eegads! I just had this happen at a
> BBQ! I have the same anxiety over
> this as you do! And it's particularly difficult in a
> government town
> where most are educated and moneyed. 

<SNIP>

Hi Nathalie,
I'd like to add something to my previous reply to this question. I also say that between my activism, my rehearsals and gigs with the samba band I'm in, my work with my party, my writing, and, now with my coalition, I don't have time for a job, I'm too busy to work at a regular job. I am working, I'm just not getting paid for it.
Bonnie

[Annie]

What happens if you did have 'money' and know the right people and so on...
Or you went to the right school..
Or any of the things that makes one the same....then loosing everything
and now can't do much (money-wise)..
Makes me think.. I suppose one of the first things would be going away
from all those people that you shared life with (some how)... Or you
just quit everything..?????
Annie

[abrowne]

Kitkat,

Or there's people like me that don't fit anywhere.  I refuse
to use charity, even when I am hungry.  I refuse to use
government-funded programs, except when they can
demonstrate results.  I do not publicly discuss my personal
situation, even in a school setting for example (because I
found when this is done around here, the parent gets
treated differently, as though they are not capable of
having and raising kids).  I resent society's tendency to
place poverty as focused on the individual, while I re-focus
it back on society.

As for conversations with well off people, there's always
something I find to talk to them about.  I just don't
talk about things that cost money or where one spends it.
I spoke to one person today who is fairly well off and we
had a very interesting and engaging conversation about
how the city is managed, and surprisingly we both have
a lot of opinions in common.  But if the conversation shifts
to money, I just listen engagingly, but do not provide
much feedback vis a vis my own experiences.  I guess
my social work, mental health and legal training takes
over there, and I've become a good listener.

On the other hand, I deal with a lot of very difficult clients
many of whom (though not all) are low income.  I don't
focus my talks with them about money, but I do try to
give them ideas of what helps me.  If one of them is
particularly depressed and down, I do drag them in,
and take them for a coffee with me, and we just talk
about anything they want ... it is important to people
to feel human, to feel they belong somewhere.

For example, I was very sick to my stomach, there's not
much I can do when this happens except walk in cool air,
which was generously provided by Mother Nature today.
A man that seemed to be in his forties began to hover
around me and this one gentleman who has been inquiring
about making an appointment with my office - after I
finished with the gentleman and reminded him of my office
phone number so he can set this appointment, I encountered
the same gentleman who hovered earlier and he kept asking
for "change for a coffee".  I told him, "I don't have a lot of
change, but if you want a coffee, I'm going to get one for
me and do you want one?  What do you take?"  So I went
in and brought him out a cup of double-double.  He actually
took it and drank it.

Then I went into a place to feed myself some Nachos, as I
was working late today.  The person running the cafe was
asking me how my human rights action was going (and yes,
I am famous around here for filing human rights cases?) ...
and there were four of us suddenly all talking about how
difficult the transit service is here, and they were so glad
that SOMEBODY is speaking up and not taking it like a
typical Canadian.  I hear this a lot about transit in Niagara,
people do generally back me, the media backs me as well,
as do groups like the Chamber of Commerce.  I still wonder
where politicians get their ideas from.

When I left, the one person who asked about the case
was very glad we had that conversation as this was an
issue she is dealing with now as well. 

So I always encourage my discouraged clients to get
out there, have conversations about things that are
important to them ... don't lambaste companies and
personalities, just raise issues and why they are important
and it is amazing how other people will engage with you.
It's too bad many of them are afraid to speak out; they
all seem to think I have brass balls bringing these issues
to the newspapers and various radio stations ... to me,
doing this is no different than having a conversation
around the dinner table, except the dinner table is much
bigger and includes much more people.

I still haven't received the decision yet, and I know
that because the media have been following it here,
they will want the decision, in favour or not, and of
course, I have to be prepared for either outcome,
and what my next steps will be.
Angela

---------------------------------------
From: katkit <kathy...@lycos.com>
To: ODSP Fireside <odspfi...@googlegroups.com>
Sent: Wed, June 9, 2010 11:08:06 PM
Subject: [odspfireside: 29143 ] Re: Meeting people "so what do you do for a living?"

[abrowne]

Annie,
You wrote a very good post, and it showed on the
moderation screen, I wish it would appear on the
list for others to read, as I did want to reply to it.
SOME of your messages were showing ...

I am concerned about this, as you are an important
member to this group and you say important things,
but we keep missing them with this latest email thing.
Are you doing anything different with your email in
the past few months?  You had no difficulty before?
Anything anyone can do to help?
Angela

---

From: Annie <hug...@cogeco.ca>
To: odspfi...@googlegroups.com
Sent: Thu, June 10, 2010 2:47:59 AM
Subject: Re: [odspfireside: 29146 ] Re: Meeting people "so what do you do for a living?"


No virus found in this outgoing message.
Checked by AVG - www.avg.com
Version: 9.0.829 / Virus Database: 271.1.1/2925 - Release Date: 06/08/10 02:35:00

[corrinna]

Tell them you breathe for a living, then ask them what they do!

[Annie]

On 10/06/2010 3:01 AM, abrowne wrote:

Annie,
You wrote a very good post, and it showed on the
moderation screen, I wish it would appear on the
list for others to read, as I did want to reply to it.
SOME of your messages were showing ...

Angela,
It showed on my list..I just don't know what's happened. I did update Mozilla Thunderbird, I've used that for several years and never had a problem.. I've been on the website trying to fix it. but no luck I'm afraid, the site just tells me it's OK... The worse thing is I can't go back...
Trying it again!
Annie

[Michael Bird]

Angela.. I don't get any of Annie's messages..... Mike Bird

On Thu, Jun 10, 2010 at 3:01 AM, abrowne <browne...@yahoo.com> wrote:

Annie,
You wrote a very good post, and it showed on the
moderation screen, I wish it would appear on the
list for others to read, 

Angela

May God be with you...



[lynne Teven Sky]

I "share" with Those Peeps that I am "Medically Retired" .  Anything more, becomes probative.  'Iffn' they are just being "NOSY",...I tell them I am at my Leisure!  LOL~! Have a G'Day!

> --
> You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "ODSP Fireside" group.<br>
> <b>To change email delivery, nickname or unsubscribe from this group visit: http://groups.google.ca/group/odspfireside/subscribe?hl=en</b><br>
> To post to this group via email, send to odspfi...@googlegroups.com

---

Your Photo on Bing.ca: You Could WIN on Canada Day! Submit a Photo Now!

[Dave M]

100 % TRUE - none of anyones bees wax!

[Michael Feir]

I would definitely agree with that. People want to believe that all one need
do is try hard enough and things will then magically work out. It just
doesn't always work out that way. I'm constantly running into folks who
presume that the CNIB does everything under the sun for blind folks and
therefore they need not make any accomodations. You also get the people who
think that if you would only do this or that, get a dog, etc, that life
would drastically improve. An eight hundred dollar vet bill doesn't do a
whole lot for your ability to socialise. I know people who can personally
attest to that. Replacing a broken cane thankfully inflicts a far less dire
wound to one's finances. It'll be very interesting over the next while to
see what effect, if any, that the recession has on our social prospects.
Perhaps, it will have awakened the social consciences of the fully able and
financially sound populus.
Michael Feir
Author of Personal Power:
How Accessible Computers Can Enhance Personal Life For Blind People
2006-2008
www.blind-planet.com/content/personal-power

A Life of Word and Sound
2003-2007
http://www.blind-planet.com/content/life-word-and-sound

Creator and former editor of Audyssey Magazine
1996-2004
Check out my blog at:
www.michaelfeir.blogspot.com

----- Original Message -----
From: "Andreas Novotny" <a.no...@gmail.com>
To: <odspfi...@googlegroups.com>
Sent: Thursday, June 10, 2010 6:45 AM
Subject: Re: [odspfireside: 29149 ] Re: Meeting people "so what do you do
for a living?"

> I've always said someone who is well off (however they define it for
> themselves) can't understand poverty until they've been poor twice. The
> first time they may not get it because they may have only hit a bad patch
> that they were able to move beyond when they got their next job. At that
> point they're left thinking that anyone can get themselves out of poverty
> if they tried hard enough (like themselves.) The second time they're poor
> (or less well off) is when they finally understand it isn't what they have
> or have not done as an individual but what society has or has not done.
>
> Andreas
>
>
> At 2:47 AM -0400 6/10/10, Annie posted:

[Deborah Masters nee Alexander]

Hi there:  Good one Corrina.  I would be afraid to use that one though.  I already think the public feel many people on disability are bitter.  It would definitely get shock value though.  I am still laughing

See Yah, So Long,

DEB

>
>
> Tell them you breathe for a living,
>

> --

[deeperblues]

I'm underpaid by the provincial
government ?......................................Deeperblues

[abrowne]

Your post shows now; keep doing whatever you did to get
this one through ;-)
Angela

---

From: Annie <hug...@cogeco.ca>
To: odspfi...@googlegroups.com

Sent: Thu, June 10, 2010 9:04:13 AM
Subject: Re: [odspfireside: 29155 ] Re: Meeting people "so what do you do for a living?"

[Paul]

>work out that way. I'm constantly running into folks who presume
>that the CNIB does everything under the sun for blind folks and
>therefore they need not make any accomodations.

I recently found out that the CNIB won't help you unless you have
less than 20% vision in BOTH eyes.

I looked into getting a transit bus pass card from the CNIB because
one of many issues of mine is vision loss caused by only one of the
reasons I am on ODSP. Something else medically caused my optic nerve
to be cut in surgery, which was known to happen ahead of time before
my operation, that kept me alive, which I have the right to keep to
myself. There was no mal practice or anything... It was necessary to
do what had to be done... Hey, I'm living... !!!

Just think positive and don't live with self pity and you will feel a
lot more healthier, mentally.....

[me]

> I looked into getting a transit bus pass card from the CNIB because one of
> many issues of mine is vision loss caused by only one of the reasons I am on
> ODSP

If you can manage to volunteer, it used to be two hours a month, you
get a metropass, but things keep changing. I am pretty sure you still
can get one if it's two hours still, that I am not sure.

I didn't know metamucil was covered by my basic ODSP drug card until
two days ago when my pharmacist told me, I'm never sure what is going
on, don't people with disabilities already have enough to deal with
without trying to figure it all out? It's sad. It's barely enough
money to live on to begin with. It's not like we wanted to be
disabled and unable to work, or work regularly.

Best Wishes to all

[Blakiepoo]

Wow, lots of responses!

I would say it's good to know lots of people go through the same
awkwardness, except it's not good that lots of people deal with it.

If I say retired, they will just ask more questions about retiring
young. I suppose I could go in with the attitude "screw you if you
respond poorly", but that would probably sabotage the first
impression.

I don't want to lie to people either, because I'm not doing nothing
wrong. There is nothing to feel guilty about. They may think it's
unfair that I'm surviving for free, while they have to work (some of
their hours) for that amount. But it's also not fair that I'm
disabled and they are not. I guess the best way for me to do it is to
be upfront, memorize a pleasant wording, and if they do judge based on
their ignorant point of view, I should remind myself that I don't need
to "hit back" or convince them of anything. If they walk away
muttering something bitter, it's their right and it's my right to
think "meh, dumbass". How about saying "you just judged a stranger"?
Might make them realize that they're the one who just acted
inappropriately.

Actually I find that most of my time is spent doing activities that
some people out there are getting paid for, yet I'm not. But I
wouldn't bother trying to explain that to a stranger.

It could be a good thing though. Like some other social stigmas, when
you open up to people, it makes you less intimidating and they become
disarmed in response. Not all people of course, but it's either their
loss if they write you off or your win if you filtered out a bad one.

I should get some kind of meet new people theme song to pump up my
nerve at times like these. And maybe thinking "wait till I tell the
Fireside about that one!" humourously will help me not care about bad
reactions.

I don't know anything about romantic relationships. I gave up on that
before I began ODSP and OW.

Thanks for the responses all. I'm reading them all.

[Paul]

I looked into that here where I live in Niagara, but there are so
many things what you can't do and too many limitations on what you
are allowed to do, there was pretty much one option, be a greeter at
the hospital.

It seems that where i live in Niagara, our city is in mental Welfare
mode and has no entrepreneurial-ism or initiative to do anything....

There were some other places, but it was something like, yeah, you
can volunteer. Just stand there and say hello as everyone passes.

It makes being a 'fresh-air inspector' look good. You don't get the
ugly looks as they pass you.

And you're thinking... what is a 'fresh air inspector'? It's
someone that has all the time in the world to walk around town doing
nothing, without a job, though I work in the wee hours, and have the
days off to do anything, which porably give the impression I don't
have a job.

I thought it would be great to maybe push food carts from the kitchen
to the wards in a hospital, but noooooo.... you're taking away
someone else's job who gets PAID for that within their own job....

[me]

I think Blakiepoo is likely right. If we can manage to be honest, and
not lie, it is the best way to help get rid of the stigma. We can't
all hide forever, as Blakiepoo said, we didn't do anything wrong and
have nothing to be ashamed of. If people dont respond to it nicely or
make you feel bad, just remember it is simply their ignorance, and by
being honest, these people may wind up talking to a good friend who
met another person who was honest and did understand. They may change
their attitude at that point, and hopefully it will spread from there.

I, years ago used to wish I had a visable disability, as a young
adult, I just felt that people wouldn't call me lazy if they could see
something.

[Annie]

On 11/06/2010 6:28 AM, me wrote:
>
> I, years ago used to wish I had a visable disability, as a young
> adult, I just felt that people wouldn't call me lazy if they could see
> something.
>
>

Me too.. I wished fervently to get a cast on my head or legs. Alas...
here I sit...no cast no wishes any more..

[Jan]

I was on ODSP until 2005 when I I started working (office work for
family business) and requested that they remove me (too many
overpayments) I do not have a visable disability unless it is a bad
day and I can barely walk...or breathe.............................my
pet peeve is being yelled at by people when I use a Handicap parking
space. I have been accused of using someone else's permit to having
made one of my own and these people are screaming at me!! Never
mind.....I only use them when the arthritis is really bad or weather
makes it impossible to breathe.....so walking is a problem, so on my
good days others with worse days have the use of spaces. Now am
trying to get back on ODSP as the Business closed so not working
anymore what will I tell people .....same thing I always told them I
am an involved Mother and Grandmother and am on ODSP. My real
friends don't care how I am supported financially and the rest do not
matter.
Jan

On Jun 9, 2:51 am, Fibrofog <sari_g...@rogers.com> wrote:
> This is a great topic! You know it sounds really strange but up until
> recently I never thought about the labels or what people might think
> when I say disability. I am just such an open person that even being
> out on a job (henna business) I've been open with clients. Now I am
> starting to rethink that, I will say that I am lucky in that I have my
> business so I can fall back on that but I think the answer of
> "pension" is another one I am going to use. I guess I just don't get
> why people are so judgemental of those of us on ODSP when one wrong
> move and they could be on it too. Money is just temporary our hearts
> and souls are what lasts, but nowadays people are blind to what is
> really important. I would also say not to feel guilt about our
> positions in life but I'd be a hypocrite because I feel guilty about
> it all the time.

[Michael Feir]

An excellent post there Jan. That's the only kind of attitude which can get
us through this with sanity intact. It took me until my late twenties to
even begin to attain it. Thankfully, I've always had a very supportive
family. I reach out to as many people as come across my path not withholding
my need for ODSP. I don't feel any guilt whatsoever. I tried for years to
find work and would have tried nearly anything. The labour force had more
than a fair crack at me. If people don't choose to associate with me on the
grounds that I'm disabled, it's their loss more than it's mine. They're
passing up on a very unique and capable friend who finds different ways to
contribute to society. Blindness and financial limitations have denied me
many things but I've had more time to reflect and enjoy what's within my
means than most people my age. That depth of perspective has won me some
very good and faithful friends over the years. Most of them have jobs and
don't hold my lack of one against me. People seem to appreciate my positive
outlook presuming they take the time to find out that I have it.

Michael Feir
Author of Personal Power:
How Accessible Computers Can Enhance Personal Life For Blind People
2006-2008
www.blind-planet.com/content/personal-power

A Life of Word and Sound
2003-2007
http://www.blind-planet.com/content/life-word-and-sound

Creator and former editor of Audyssey Magazine
1996-2004
Check out my blog at:
www.michaelfeir.blogspot.com

On Jun 9, 2:51 am, Fibrofog <sari_g...@rogers.com> wrote:
> This is a great topic! You know it sounds really strange but up until
> recently I never thought about the labels or what people might think
> when I say disability. I am just such an open person that even being
> out on a job (henna business) I've been open with clients. Now I am
> starting to rethink that, I will say that I am lucky in that I have my
> business so I can fall back on that but I think the answer of
> "pension" is another one I am going to use. I guess I just don't get
> why people are so judgemental of those of us on ODSP when one wrong
> move and they could be on it too. Money is just temporary our hearts
> and souls are what lasts, but nowadays people are blind to what is
> really important. I would also say not to feel guilt about our
> positions in life but I'd be a hypocrite because I feel guilty about
> it all the time.

--

[Nathalie Girardin]

Michael, I think there's a consultant in you! One of the sad ironies
of our situations is that society fails us by not wanting to or not
being able to find ways to accomodate us, but by the same token, feels
justified in its denigration of us!

[Dave M]

IN ALL OF US !!

[Blakiepoo]

I posted before that I wanted to find a theme song for when I tell new
people how I live. I did remember one song that sounds like it's
about that very thing. It's called Virus of the Mind and it's by
Heather Nova.

Here's a quote:
Well I went to this party thing last night
A lot of people I hadn't seen in a long, long time
And they wanted to know about my life
But making me feel like it wasn't quite right
Like "Where's is your kids?" and "Where is you car?"
I said "I don't have either but I have a guitar"
And I ended up feeling like I was a freak
So I found some wine and something to eat
I talked to the dog to pass the time
I told myself "I'm doing just fine"
It's just a virus of the mind

[judith rumbelow]

Now that little ditty is really cute and made me laugh out loud

We really need to laugh more no matter what our situation ...

and it doesn't cost anything

Nothing can be deducted from that...lol

ma
>

[Dave M]

LAUGH,  LAUGH AND  THEN LAUGH MORE!!!  WE HAVE IT GOOD , AS LONG WE HAVE BREATH. 

[Deborah Masters nee Alexander]

Hi Judith:  So very true it does not cost anything and it should be considered and definite asset lol.  Keep laughing and they will have to pay us longer haha

See Yah, So Long,

DEB

> From: ma_ket...@hotmail.com
> To: odspfi...@googlegroups.com
> Subject: Re: [odspfireside: 29585 ] Re: Meeting people "so what do you do for a living?"
> Date: Sat, 26 Jun 2010 14:55:57 -0400
>
> Now that little ditty is really cute and made me laugh out loud
>
> We really need to laugh more no matter what our situation ...
>
>
>
>

> ma

> >
>
> --
> You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "ODSP Fireside" group.<br>
> <b>To change email delivery, nickname or unsubscribe from this group visit: http://groups.google.ca/group/odspfireside/subscribe?hl=en</b><br>
> To post to this group via email, send to odspfi...@googlegroups.com

[judith rumbelow]