News of the Weird, November 27, 2011
Chuck Shepherd
by Chuck Shepherd
Copyright 2011 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.
Lead Story
* Enterprising reporters get stories by earning the trust of their
sources, which Simon Eroro of the Post-Courier (Port Moresby,
Papua New Guinea) obviously did. At a banquet in November, the
News Corporation (Rupert Murdoch's empire) awarded Eroro its
"Scoop of the Year" honor for reporting on militant tribal fighters of
the Free West Papua movement--a scoop he had to earn by agreeing
to undergo a ritual circumcision, with bamboo sticks, to prove his
sincerity. (Some of the rebels still wear penis gourds whose size
varies with the status of the wearer.) [Daily Telegraph, 11-7-2011]
The Litigious Society
* An Illinois appeals court finally threw out a lawsuit in August, but
not before the two-year-long battle had created a foot-high pile of
legal filings on whether two "children" (now ages 23 and 20) could
sue their mother for bad parenting while they were growing up.
Among the claims were mom's failure to send birthday cards or
"care" packages during the kids' college years and calling her
daughter at midnight to ask that she return home from a party (and
once failing to take the girl to a car show). [Chicago Tribune, 8-28-
2011]
* Todd Remis, an unemployed stock-market research analyst, filed a
lawsuit in 2009 against the photographer of his 2003 wedding,
citing breach of contract because the 400 shots taken during the
ceremony failed to cover several key moments, such as the "last
dance." A November 2011 New York Times report pointed out that
Remis is demanding not just the return of his $4,100 but for the
photographer to pay for re-creating the missing scenes by covering
travel expenses for all 40 guests to reconvene. (Remis and his wife
have divorced; she has returned to her native Latvia; and Remis
does not even know how to contact her.) [New York Times, 11-2-
2011]
* Consumer Rights: (1) Jonathan Rothstein of Encino, Calif., filed
a lawsuit in September against Procter & Gamble for selling its
Crest toothpaste in "Neat Squeeze" packages, which Rothstein said
make it impossible to access the last 20 percent of the contents, thus
forcing consumers to buy more toothpaste prematurely. (He wants
Procter & Gamble to return 90 cents to everyone who bought Neat
Squeeze packages.) (2) Sarah Deming of Keego Harbor, Mich.,
filed a lawsuit in September against the distributor of the movie
"Drive" (starring Ryan Gosling) because its trailers promised fast-
driving scenes (like those in the "Fast and Furious" series) but
delivered mostly just drama. [LA Weekly, 9-12-2011] [The
Guardian (London), 10-10-2011]
Fine Points of the Law
* (1) A recent vicious, unprovoked attack in Toronto by Sammy the
cat on Molly the black Labrador (bloodying Molly's ear, paws, and
eye) left Molly's owner without recourse to Ontario's or Toronto's
"dangerous pet" laws. The owner told the Toronto Star in
November that, apparently, only dangerous dogs are covered. (2)
Maya the cat was central to a recent contentious British immigration
case when a judge seemed to favor residence for a Bolivian national
because of Maya. The judge had concluded that the Bolivian man
and his British partner had established a close-knit "family"
relationship because of the need to care for Maya. [Toronto Star,
11-9-2011] [Daily Mail, 10-7-2011]
Ironies
* Unclear on the Concept: (1) Licensed Texas physician Akili
Graham, 34, who gives paid motivational speeches on healthy living
("How to Deal with Stress"), was arrested in October in Houston
and accused as the front man for four "pain clinics" that allegedly
dispense prescription drugs illegally. (2) A chief child-abuse
investigator for the Catholic Church in Britain, Christopher Jarvis,
49, was sentenced in October following his guilty plea to possession
of over 4,000 child-sex images on his computer. Jarvis had been
hired in 2002 to protect against pedophiles' access to church groups.
[Houston Chronicle, 10-13-2011] [Daily Mail, 10-28-2011]
* Why People Love Washington: U.S. Rep. Tom Graves of
Georgia told the Atlanta Journal-Constitution in August that he and
a partner had "settled" the lawsuit brought by the Bartow County
Bank for failing to repay a $2.2 million loan they had taken out in
2007. Graves has been a staunch advocate for governmental fiscal
austerity and voted against raising the federal debt-ceiling in
August. However, he had balked at repaying the $2.2 million
(though he had signed a personal guarantee) because, he said, the
bank should have known when it made the loan that Graves would
be unable to pay it back. [Atlanta Journal-Constitution, 8-11-2011]
* Violinist Martin Stoner, 60, who lost his job after 25 years and
who is suing the New York City Ballet for age discrimination,
petitioned federal judge Robert Patterson to disqualify himself from
the case because he is too old (88) and, according to Stoner, has
vision and hearing problems. [New York Daily News, 10-24-2011]
Compelling Explanations
* (1) Management consultant Graham Gibbons, 42, was on trial in
Cardiff, Wales, at press time, charged with making a clandestine
video of himself and his then-girlfriend in bed. Gibbons denied
being a pervert, insisting that he made the video to analyze, for
"efficiency," the "time and motion" of his "performance," as he
might do for corporate clients. (Despite his alleged improved
lovemaking, the girlfriend broke up with him.) (2) West Virginia
roadkill-cooking activist David Cain told Bloomberg News in
October that he generally supported Volvo's new driver-safety
technology that warns of objects ahead in the road. Cain pointed
out that it was just a warning, that the driver "could still choose to
run over something that's good for eating." [Daily Telegraph, 11-10-
2011] [Bloomberg News, 10-4-2011]
People With Issues
* In November, Tommy Joe Kelly, unsuccessfully acting as his own
lawyer, was convicted of slashing a stranger's tire by an Austin,
Tex., jury, despite his explanation. "OK, I'm going to tell you the
truth on this one," he said from the witness stand. "It doesn't sound
right, but it is. I . . . had hemorrhoids at that time, super duper bad."
(There have been 391 tire slashings in Kelly's neighborhood over
the last four years, but he was charged with only one count, and
sentenced to 10 years in jail.) [Time-Warner Cable (Austin), 11-10-
2011]
Least Competent Criminals
* Robbers Easily Subdued: (1) Dale Foughty, 56, was charged with
robbing a convenience store in Jacksonville, N.C., in October,
despite attempting to intimidate the clerk by dressing as Spiderman.
However, the clerk poked Foughty in the stomach with a broom,
sending him away empty-handed. (2) Cody Smith, 18, was charged
with snatching a woman's purse in Johnson City, Tenn., in
November. The victim chased Smith into nearby shrubbery,
entangling him long enough for her recover the purse. (3) Two
men, attempting a robbery of the Ace Smoke Shop in Altadena,
Calif., in July fled after grabbing only part of the store's cash. They
were frightened off by the manager's barking Chihuahua.
[Birmingham News-AP, 10-19-2011] [Johnson City Press, 11-7-
2011] [Los Angeles Times, 7-18-2011]
Recurring Themes
* The tactic of "patience" is usually employed when police believe
that a suspect has ingested drugs for smuggling, i.e., nature will take
its course, and the drugs will appear in the toilet sooner or later. On
October 12th, Nigerian comic actor Babatunde Omidina (known as
"Baba Suwe") was detained before a flight at the Lagos airport
because authorities suspected that he had ingested drugs to smuggle
to Paris. Omadina denied the charge, but police locked him up and
began monitoring his bowel movements. On November 4th,
Omadina was released without charges following 25 "evidence"-
free movements. [Agence France Presse, 11-4-2011]
A News of the Weird Classic (March 2008)
* The divorce of Anton Popazov and his wife Nataliya is about to
go through [in 2008], but the couple are still contractually
committed to the Moscow State Circus, where their act includes
Nataliya's shooting an apple off of Anton's head with a crossbow.
The Times of London asked Anton during a show in Sheffield,
England, in February whether he was afraid. "I still trust her
because Nataliya is very professional," he said. "[T]he show must
go on." [The Times (London), 2-12-08]
Thanks This Week to Jessica Binns, Steve Dunn, Norman
Meluch, Craig Cryer, Bruce Leiserowitz, Peter Hine, and Kathryn
Wood, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.
*****
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