Screenplay Challenge #6......
S C ®EENPLAY /\\/\\ ASTER
Ok, this one should be tough tough tough.
Write a scene or short using these elements:
1. A thought that you can see, touch, and smell.
2. A new born baby.
3. A black widow spider (any size)
4. A radio (CB, or broadcast)
You don't have to, but if you can, add a twist to the BEGINNING of the
scene or short.
How do you add a twist at the front?
I don't know, do you?
{}<>{}<>{}<>{}<>{}<>{}<>{}<>{}<>{}<>{}<>{}<>{}
Probability suggests that most people who master the art of copying
screenplays will master screenplay writing.
J. Valdez
Dedicated to the truth.
Want honest answers for honest questions about
screenplays?
Email: Jesse...@webtv.net or check this:
http://community-2.webtv.net/JesseValdez/
krakle
> Ok, this one should be tough tough tough.
Why don't we finish #4 before moving to #5 and #5 before moving to
#6???? Or wait let me guess, you're still working on scenes 4 and 5...
S C ®EENPLAY /\\/\\ ASTER
smoothly with it. I did write scenes for the other challenges, but the
scenes are becoming screenplays. The robot with the pouch of teeth
became a robot dentist from the future who is looking for the teeth of
an ancestor of his child friend, so he can change time and go in reverse
to save his friend. What do teeth have to do with time travel? Well,
that's the cool twist.
Number four challenge had the video tape with a prophecy that could only
be seen by one person on the earth who had no sin. The person was
autistic and played the piano at funerals by request. His music opened
people's hearts to God.
miscellaneous writer
> scene or short.
This doesn't make any sense. A twist isn't a twist unless you've been
pulling the audience in the wrong direction in the first place.
--
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"S C ŽEENPLAY /\/\ ASTER" <Jesse...@webtv.net> wrote in message
news:12877-3D...@storefull-2272.public.lawson.webtv.net...
>
> Ok, this one should be tough tough tough.
>
> Write a scene or short using these elements:
>
> 1. A thought that you can see, touch, and smell.
>
> 2. A new born baby.
>
> 3. A black widow spider (any size)
>
> 4. A radio (CB, or broadcast)
>
>
S C ®EENPLAY /\\/\\ ASTER
"The Sisters" from "Shawshank Redemption".
I'm not going to be their gimp.
miscellaneous writer
> Crackle, I run the challenge. I got to make sure everything goes
> smoothly with it. I did write scenes for the other challenges, but the
> scenes are becoming screenplays. The robot with the pouch of teeth
> became a robot dentist from the future who is looking for the teeth of
> an ancestor of his child friend, so he can change time and go in reverse
> to save his friend. What do teeth have to do with time travel? Well,
> that's the cool twist.
You ARE a bonafide bridge dwelling little man, aren't you?
D C
----------
In article <3def2b0b$0$24250$afc3...@news.easynet.co.uk>, "miscellaneous
writer" <miscwriter@(ns)hotmail.com> wrote:
>> You don't have to, but if you can, add a twist to the BEGINNING of the
>> scene or short.
>
> This doesn't make any sense. A twist isn't a twist unless you've been
> pulling the audience in the wrong direction in the first place.
You are sort of nearly right and I guess that is the best to be expected.
>
>
> --
> Most readers are failed writers, but then so are most writers.
>
> Want free screenwriting software? Try:
> http://scriptio.netfirms.com/Scriptio2003.zip
>
Hey a dumb one sentence at a time spam artist - why are these guys
always the mouthy ones?
miscellaneous writer
--
Most readers are failed writers, but then so are most writers.
Want free screenwriting software? Try:
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Software updates mailing-list (no spam)
Subscribe: scriptio200...@yahoogroups.com
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--
"D C" <opos...@virgin.com> wrote in message
news:3def7c2a$1...@mk-nntp-2.news.uk.tiscali.com...
Jamie.
spider, and a trucker's radio--right on UP Jesse Valdez's ASS. TITLES
SUPERIMPOSE.
TRUCKER (VO, FILTERED)
Ten-four. I'm hauling ass.
CREDITS ROLL. THE END
ps: I'm glad ~someone~ agrees with me on Others.
--
Want honest answers to honest questions about scoops on qvc?
Q: I just heard the Amazing Rotating Super Styler with patented polishing
and anti-tangling technology is Sweeping Through Hollywood. - Is this true?
A: Yes. It's bobing and debobing waitresses' mops throughout the Wood.
(Results not typical.)
--
"S C ŽEENPLAY /\/\ ASTER" <Jesse...@webtv.net> wrote in message
news:12877-3D...@storefull-2272.public.lawson.webtv.net...
>
Jamie.
the asshole. Is that acceptable? Or does pushing these things up normally
equate to a twist just the same, as wouldn't this be generally regarded as
'screwing' Jesse Valdez, with a baby and a radio (but not a spider--I don't
think you can screw someone with a spider, it would break)? I'm very
confused. Maybe it would be much more classy to have Jesse drinking a Vodka
Twist whilst these things happen to him.
--
Want honest answers to honest questions about scoops on qvc?
Q: I just heard the Amazing Rotating Super Styler with patented polishing
and anti-tangling technology is Sweeping Through Hollywood. - Is this true?
A: Yes. It's bobing and debobing waitresses' mops throughout the Wood.
(Results not typical.)
--
"Jamie." <c...@t.com> wrote in message
news:asoekh$n74$1...@knossos.btinternet.com...
RonB
> ooops! Forgot the twist.
Man. I'm beginning to think you're a bit too obsessed with Jesse.
--
RonB
"there's a story there...somewhere"
KYLLRelite2v231
Wow.
Will ya look at that.
>>Path:
lobby!ngtf-m01.news.aol.com!ngpeer.news.aol.com!news.cis.ohio-state.edu!ne
ws.maxwell.syr.edu!news-out.nuthinbutnews.com!propagator2-sterling!news-in
-sterling.newsfeed.com!news-in.nuthinbutnews.com!nntp-relay.ihug.net!ihug.
co.nz!news.compaq.com!paloalto-snf1.gtei.net!news.gtei.net!newssorter-2001
.public.lawson.webtv.net!not-for-mail<<
This post seems to originate from under a bridge in Alaska.
And this:
>Whew, I think I got away from Kyle and Noname. Those guys remind of
>"The Sisters" from "Shawshank Redemption".
>I'm not going to be their gimp.
>
Looks like some kind of... concoction a retarded troll would make.
Oh, I see. It's supposed to be bait.
Not interested. It would be much too easy to snip each sentence and give it
back to you.
Kyle
--
"Mainstream monstrous media's a menace to modern minds."
-- Kyle Toucher
S C ®EENPLAY /\\/\\ ASTER
Jamie.
I hope you're not implying that I'm Dr Jai???
Hey, I'm only the scriptwriter, you little mo. I won't be anywhere near
the set, and I sure as hell won't be asking to direct.
<SIGH> I've had enough, my writer's block has subsided and I have
plenty of things to be getting on with. All's to say is th oh, fuck it. this
is a waste of time.
--
Want honest answers to honest questions about scoops on qvc?
Q: I just heard the Amazing Rotating Super Styler with patented polishing
and anti-tangling technology is Sweeping Through Hollywood. - Is this true?
A: Yes. It's bobing and debobing waitresses' mops throughout the Wood.
(Results not typical.)
--
"S C ŽEENPLAY /\/\ ASTER" <Jesse...@webtv.net> wrote in message
news:25215-3DF...@storefull-2277.public.lawson.webtv.net...
S C ®EENPLAY /\\/\\ ASTER
INT-SEMI TRUCK-DAY
to be continued..
S C ®EENPLAY /\\/\\ ASTER
INT-SEMI TRUCK-DAY
Jane a girl in her 20s sits sidekick while John a man in his 20s
drives with a sleep deprived look on his face.
Jane,
Do you think he'll find us?
John
Yes, but not before we learn how to destroy him.
Jane places a hand on Jonn's hand.
Jane
Why can't he just think us dead and be done with it?
John places a hand on Janes's tummy.
Jane is pregnant.
John
He wants something, I don't know what it is, but I know it's something
important to him. But he can't just think us dead. He has to kill us.
Jane holds back her tears.
Jane (scared)
He wants our baby! He wants to kill it.
He wants to eat it!
Jane lets the tears come with the sound of hopless crying.
John (with conviction)
He wont get our baby. We can smell him now. We smell his thoughts
before we see them. Before they touch us.
Jane (raised crying voice)
I hate that smell! It smell like people burning. Like they're being
cooked.
to be continued... first sloppy draft.
krakle
> INT-SEMI TRUCK-DAY
>
INT. SEMI TRICK - DAY
> Jane a girl in her 20s sits sidekick while John a man in his 20s
> drives with a sleep deprived look on his face.
JANE, a girl in her 20s... JOHN....
>
> Jane,
JANE
... <insert 100 more corrections here> ...
> John places a hand on Janes's tummy.
> Jane is pregnant.
He places a hand on her tummy then bam boom whammy shes pregnant?
Don't parents ever sit their kids down and talk about the birds and
the bees anymore?
> Jane (raised crying voice)
> I hate that smell! It smell like people burning. Like they're being
> cooked.
All your characters sound like the same person. When you write for
your characters just don't write for them, write for them as if they
were you (because in the way they are).
Jeff Newman
That's both too vague, and redundant.
Due to the fact her name is JANE, we can assume (unless told otherwise), she is
female.
And while it's not necessary (or, usually, desirable) to give her exact age,
"20s" is a pretty broad range -- there's a big difference in looks and
attitudes of someone 21 vs. 29.
So maybe JANE, early 20s, sits sidekick...
Or JANE, about 25, sits sidekick...
... would be better (or late 20s ... whatever range is right).
Jeff Newman
S C ®EENPLAY /\\/\\ ASTER
the fuck out of here. Got it?
S C ®EENPLAY /\\/\\ ASTER
general and could be played by a person from a person at the age of 20
to 29.
S C ®EENPLAY /\\/\\ ASTER
think, until you put up a scene and prove me wrong. If you can't write a
scene, then STFU.
S C ®EENPLAY /\\/\\ ASTER
a creative way.
If it was: Jane, a woman in her 20s. It would indicate late 20s.
Jeff, stop posting here. You don't know what you're talking about.
S C ®EENPLAY /\\/\\ ASTER
S C ®EENPLAY /\\/\\ ASTER
krakle
> Yo mamma.
Why are you so immature? This isn't a place for kiddies.
So Jesse... You're in your 20's.. I guess you're a BOY and certainly
NOT a man by your theory.
Joe Blevins
S C ŽEENPLAY /\\/\\ ASTER wrote:
>
> Ok, this one should be tough tough tough.
>
> Write a scene or short using these elements:
>
> 1. A thought that you can see, touch, and smell.
>
> 2. A new born baby.
>
> 3. A black widow spider (any size)
>
> 4. A radio (CB, or broadcast)
INT. LIVING ROOM -- DAY
We are in a suburban living room that looks a bit too
good to be true. It's too clean, too spacious, too
NICE to be believed. It looks more like a sitcom set
than a real home. In fact, we hear a burst of clearly
prerecorded applause and think that this might actually
BE a sitcom set. It's a bit quiet for that, though,
and the atmosphere is curiously lifeless.
A BOY, 10, and a GIRL, 8, are parked on the floor
only inches away from the television, transfixed by
the frantic, zany cartoon they are watching. A few
feet away from them is a playpen with an INFANT who
is overwhelmed by stuffed animals and other "baby-
safe" toys. The child squeezes a clown doll, and
we again hear the prerecorded applause, and we
now realize the toy is the source of that sound.
A WOMAN, 35, is sitting on a couch, absentmindedly
knitting a sweater and humming a Barry Manilow tune.
She barely pays any attention to her children. In
fact, none of the people in this room are paying any
attention to the other people in the room. Only the
television set and the sweater seem to be getting any
attention whatsoever.
ANGLE: THE TELEVISION SET
On the large TV screen, an animated rabbit shoots a
flaming arrow at the head of an animated dog. The
arrow shoots straight through the dog's head. The
dog's head turns into dust and disintegrates, but
the round yellow eyes stay suspended in air and
blink. The cartoon seems to be of 1950s vintage.
WIDE VIEW:
The GIRL shows no reaction to this. The BOY makes a
kind of snorting noise. His eyes widen a bit.
BOY
(deadpan)
Did you see that? I wonder if that'd
work in real life.
(beat)
Mom, where do we keep the lighter fluid?
WOMAN
(not even looking up)
In the kitchen cabinet under the
sink.
The boy runs out of the room.
ANGLE: THE TELEVISION SET
On the screen, the animated rabbit opens a package
marked "BLACK WIDOW SPIDERS." He looks down into the
box and sees dozens of purple-black spiders, each
with the head of Mae West. We hear a few bars of
"Frankie and Johnny" played on a muted trumpet.
SPIDERS
Hiya, big boy!
The rabbit grabs the box of spiders and a funnel.
He races over to a doghouse, where the dog is
sleeping peacefully. The rabbit shoves the funnel
in the dog's mouth and forcefeeds him the box of
black widow spiders. The dog turns green and
begins to stager around, accompanied by the strains
of Chopin's funeral march.
WIDE VIEW:
This has gotten no reaction from the GIRL, but she
continues watching with rapt attention.
In the background, we hear the voice of the BOY.
BOY
(offscreen)
I said hold still!
We hear what sounds like a small explosion, followed
immediately by what is unmistakably the whimper of
a dog. The WOMAN looks up briefly, then returns to
her knitting.
ANGLE: THE TELEVISION SET
The rabbit and dog cartoon continues. The dog is
sleeping again. The rabbit tiptoes up to him, holding
some sort of bizarre contraption under his arm. It
looks like a TV with extra lights and dials on it. The
rabbit holds this device close to the "camera" so that
we can see it. It is labelled: "ACME DREAM READING
MACHINE." There is a sort of beanie attached to the
machine by a coiled wire.
The rabbit places the beanie on the head of the dog.
He adjusts the dials on the machine. On the view-
screen, we see several seconds of static and wavy
lines, but eventually -- as promised -- the dog's
dreams appear in visual form. In the dog's dream-
world, he is skipping merrily in a fantasy world
filled with fire hydrants, trees, dog bones, etc.
RABBIT
(gazing at the monitor)
Awww, iddn't dat sweet?
(beat)
Maybe I oughts to shake tings up
a liddle. Whaddya say, folks?
WIDE VIEW:
The GIRL does not react.
ANGLE: THE TELEVISION SET
The rabbit is now pouring honey and fire ants on
the sleeping dog. The dog does not wake, but there
is a pained expression on his face. On the screen,
the dog's dreamworld suddenly turns into a hellish
nightmare, filled with thousands of tiny demons
prodding him with pitchforks.
RABBIT
(laughing gleefully)
Bruddah, dis sure beats watchin' "Arthur
Godfrey." Guess I won't be needin' DIS
relic anymore.
The rabbit picks up a cathedral-shaped radio and
casually tosses it over his shoulder. The radio
lands on a mouse, crushing it into an accordion.
The disgruntled mouse exits, making accordion sounds
as he walks.
RABBIT
(to audience)
Looks like I did it again!
The rabbit mugs for the "camera." A title card
reading "THE END" appears, accompanied by jovial
theme music.
WIDE VIEW:
The GIRL continues staring vacantly at the screen.
GIRL
(after a beat)
Mom, what's for dinner?
WOMAN
Mac and cheese.
(calling to her son)
Justin, while you're in the kitchen,
look in the pantry for the blue box
of macaroni and cheese. Would you do
that for Mommy, honey?
There is no verbal answer, simply the sound of a
second, LARGER explosion and more intense canine
whimpering.
The WOMAN returns again to her knitting. On the
television set, another cartoon begins and the
GIRL returns to her trance-like state, only now
inching even closer to the television.
FADE TO BLACK.
--Joe--
P.S. - Aw, what did you expect? It was a first try.
S C ®EENPLAY /\\/\\ ASTER
be exposed.
The laugh track doll was a good touch. It kept me guessing on what was
really going on.