Cremation and Midwifery

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Rabbi Regina Sandler-Phillips

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Dec 24, 2015, 6:41:35 PM12/24/15
to Jewish Funerals, Ariel Tarash
Dear Ariel and all,

All of the policies discussed here for dealing with taharah and cremation have merit and integrity.  And yes, we do the best we can in any situation.  That said, I think we also need to consider practical ways that the hevra kadisha can do more to assure that the soul is truly "midwifed" after death.  

The American Heritage Dictionary explains that in the original Middle English, "a midwife was literally a 'with-woman'--that is, 'a woman who is with another woman and assists her in giving birth.' "  There are two midwifery roles here: (1) being-with and (2) birth-assisting.  Leaving aside gender, it would seem that midwifing a soul after death involves sh'mirah as well as taharah.

As taharah team members, we are the "with-persons" on the most intimate physical level.  Yet the majority of levayah / accompanying does not take place in the taharah room--just as the birth-midwife does not arrive only to remove, wash and swaddle the newly embodied soul.  

The midwife's "being-with" and accompanying responsibilities include watching and waiting through what is often an extended process of labor.  This is where Ilene's excellent points below about how sh'mirah can grow and grassroot the hevra kadisha come in.

Outside of traditional cremation cultures, accompanying is rare in the transition to the crematory--and virtually nonexistent during the burning and pulverization process. This leaves the soul unaccompanied for most of the time before and after taharah.  

Outside the Jewish community, this lack of accompanying has resulted in periodic desecration scandals--involving hundreds and thousands of bodies--that we shudder to think about until the next one erupts.  (The most recent one of which I'm aware was last year in Scotland, involving more than 250 babies.)

I have accompanied a Jewish body down a hospital freight elevator marked "TRASH"--and I have also witnessed more voluntary forms of disrespect to the Jewish dead that I was able to buffer through sh'mirah.  I don't think these concerns are outside the purview of the hevra kadisha, and I hope that more sacred fellowships will consider them.

May we go from strength to strength.

With deep appreciation and many blessings for the seasons ahead,

Regina 
 
Rabbi Regina Sandler-Phillips, MSW, MPH

On Sun, Dec 13, 2015 at 9:05 AM, 'Ilene Rubenstein' via jewish-funerals <jewish-...@googlegroups.com> wrote:

The chevrah that I belong to provides shmira and tahara. We find that many potential volunteers who are apprehensive about signing up for tahara find shmira to be a more comfortable entree to the chevra kadisha.

The model we use might be helpful to other communities who would like to provide shmira. Asking volunteers to cover extended shifts as is generally the case when "professional" shomrim are brought in is probably not viable. We cover shmira via a rotation of 2 hour shifts. In the beginning, new volunteers are always paired with a partner. Later on, if the are comfortable sitting alone, or prefer to sit alone (as some do), we honor that. Sometimes, when we are doing shmira for an extended period of time, we need to take advantage of that willingness in order to provide a continuous shmira. Our experience has been that since volunteers are only asked to give up two hours of their time (plus a little more for traveling), there is a great willingness to participate, and in fact we have over 80 volunteers on-call as a result.

Regards, and happy Chanukah to all!

Ilene


From: Libby Bottero <lbot...@comcast.net>
To: jewish-...@googlegroups.com
Sent: Monday, November 30, 2015 12:08 AM
Subject: Re: [jewish-funerals] Tahara and cremation

Hi Ariel,

My response is similar to Daniel's and Susan's.  Our chevra kadisha serves a diverse Jewish community in the Pacific Northwest, and is connected to a Reconstructionist congregation to which I belong.  Our CK serves any Jewish person who asks, whether they are members of a congregation or not; we do not charge for CK services, and we are not part of a synagogue or federation budget, though we do accept donations to help support our work and pay for supplies.  We inform the family of traditional options; however, we will do taharah if requested, whether the deceased will be buried or cremated.

Our intention is to honor the wishes of the deceased and support the mourners. If someone on our chevra kadisha is not comfortable doing taharah if the met will be cremated, then that person simply chooses not to participate that particular time. Some rabbis in the community will participate when there is interment of cremains and some will not, depending on where they are holding, and some opinions change over time.  We do have some lay leaders who will lead a service for interment of coffin or cremains burial if a rabbi is unable or unwilling to do so, or if the family requests it. In our community, I'd say most people who use our chevra kadisha do choose to have taharah, whether they choose to have coffin burial or to be cremated. The cremation rate on the West coast is fairly high in the general population (over 85% in our area), and is rising in the non-orthodox Jewish community here as well.

Additional CK notes -- The local funeral homes all carry plain pine boxes, and a volunteer member of the community makes our own simple shrouds out of plain muslin cloth. We usually do not offer shmirah as we don't have the volunteers, and the local funeral homes always have someone on staff in the building 24/7 so the met is secure, though we do suggest that psalms, meditations, etc can be said by anyone from home or any location for the spirit of the deceased. We arrange a minyan for kaddish at the graveside if needed, a meal of consolation afterwards, and help arrange for any shiva minyanim if needed. 

Best wishes on your rabbinic journey,

Libby





On 11/29/2015 07:12 AM, Ariel Tarash wrote:
Some years ago when I was a JFS social worker, I posted a question to this google group about the ritual of tahara and cremation and received a diverse range of responses. I am now a rabbinical student and writing up a case study based on that situation and am looking for your insights.
Here is the case study: A community chevra kadisha in a small Jewish community, made up of lay members from the Conservative, Reconstructionist and Reform congregations, is contacted by a community member via Jewish Family Services requesting a taharah for her mother. The community member and her mother were not affiliated with any of the local congregations which were Reform, Conservative and Reconstructionist. The community member shared it was her mother’s expressed wish to have a tahara and that the body would be cremated also per her mother’s wishes. There were many issues the chevra kadisha members raised and discussed in the process of making the decision about whether they would perform the tahara.
Please share if you have faced this situation, how it was handled, how did the chevra decide what to do.  If you have not directly encountered this situation, how do you think it should be handled. Also if you could share your movement affiliation if you have one or the affiliation of the chevra to which you are a part and how that affiliation influences your response. 
Thanks in advance for sharing your insights!
Ariel Tarash, 4th year student, Reconstructionist Rabbinical College

Daniel Leger

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Dec 24, 2015, 8:05:40 PM12/24/15
to jewish-...@googlegroups.com, Ariel Tarash

Dear Friends,

I am very grateful that this conversation is taking place. I am 67 years old and I now practice as a certified chaplain as well as continuing to practice as a registered nurse after 40 plus years of nursing practice, ten of which as a hospice nurse. And I am a man. That was a near anomaly when I was in nursing school.

I have been around long enough to have witnessed the first ordinations of rabbis who were not men. Now many of us in pluralistic Jewish communities take for granted that Jewish women and persons who are not easily categorized in terms of gender are absolutely accepted not only as active participants in the Jewish community, but also as rabbis. What a remarkable journey this has been. My shehechiyanu grows in depth and breadth.

I am moved by Chaplain Katz’s care and discernment with regard to those individuals she serves. I am impressed with her ability to look to the traditions and texts available from that tradition to honor the people entrusted to her, and I am grateful that the person she tells us about was gently caressed back into the Jewish community and provided with the beautiful traditions we have to support the transition from one world to the next.

And yet I am somewhat discomfited at the solution about which Chaplain Katz informs us. I am very fortunate to be counted as a member of a pluralistic, truly community based chevra kadisha. In a community in which a pluralistic Jews (non- congregational and comprised of members of all denominations and non-denominational members) enact their work, I believe that there are possibilities in addition to the very thoughtful solution which Katz lovingly made possible.

There are a number of us (I for one) who would have absolutely no problem with performing taharah for a person who identifies as primarily male or female. That means that if that person says they are male, the men perform the taharah; and if they say they are female, the women perform the taharah; irrespective of the physical make-up of the person’s genitalia. The journey made by a person who felt so strongly that s/he was one gender or another to consider her/himself as such despite physicality is a painfully difficult one which deserves respect and honor.

To my mind, admittedly a non-rabbinic-non-halachic one, relegating women to the position of those who will do difficult things by default needs to be made a thing of the past. It not only is an insult to transgendered persons today, but also is an insult to women, and relegating men to the mercy of men for certain things and women for certain things needs to be rethought just as it has been rethought in many areas of professional life.

I am reminded of the woman I was called upon to pronounce dead a few years ago. As I entered the home I was escorted to the room in which she lay dead. As I proceeded with the necessary details it became clear to me that the deceased was very much anatomically a male. It would have been a painful injustice to the family present to have disputed any attributions by those who loved her in the context of whom she had made herself present for those most important to her. I believe that in our present time (and I am open to the possibility of further change in the future as change is taking place very rapidly) we must respond to those who call upon us with the most expediently kind best we have available within the values of our wonderful tradition. Not always easy, but ever growing, as are we.

Dan Leger, Pittsburgh

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Daniel Leger

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Dec 28, 2015, 9:23:18 PM12/28/15
to rabbi...@waysofpeace.org, Jewish Funerals

Dear Regina,

Thanks for pointing this out to me. I’ll do my best to be more attentive to the heading in future.

Thanks for all you do for the community,

L’shalom,

Dan

 

Daniel Leger RN, CPSP

5679 Beacon Street

Pittsburgh, PA 15217

del...@verizon.net

H 412-422-9078

C 412-926-4289

 

 

 

From: Rabbi Regina Sandler-Phillips [mailto:rabbi...@waysofpeace.org]
Sent: Friday, December 25, 2015 10:04 AM
To: Jewish Funerals <jewish-...@googlegroups.com>; Daniel Leger <del...@verizon.net>
Subject: Re: [jewish-funerals] Cremation and Midwifery

 

Dear Dan--

 

Thank you for your thoughts on transgender Jews--but I don't think you're responding to what I posted here on "Cremation and Midwifery."

 

If we keep the threads on this list separate, I think we'll be able to understand each other better.

 

With thanks and many blessings,

 

Regina

 

Rabbi Regina Sandler-Phillips, MSW, MPH

"In cities of diversity...we organize ourselves and our money...

to sustain the poor...and visit the sick...and bury the dead...and comfort the bereaved...

for these are ways of peace." (Jerusalem Talmud, Tractate Gittin)

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