How would you recommend a non-Jewish funeral home proceed under the following circumstances?
The extremes of what the non-Jewish funeral home staff might do seem to be:
In addition to commenting on the actions that should be taken, we would be interested in knowing why you chose either extreme or some middle position in relation to the concepts of K’vod haMet, Nichum Avelim, and community values about treatment of a meit. Feel free to draw outside the box on this.
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Laurie,
Thank you for your comments.
The funeral home advertises that it will provide the facilities and supplies to do a Jewish funeral. Doing tahara is the Jewish community’s responsibility. The cost of importing one or more persons would be borne by the family.
I have a couple of questions about importing people:
· What if the cost of importing a person or a group is too much? Suppose, for example, the family is indigent.
· Would the timing make a difference? For example, what if the funeral were delayed several days before you could organize a proper tahara?
Your comparison to baptizing the baby is very interesting. In that instance, I, too, would be very uncomfortable being placed in that position. There is, I think, another side to your position to consider. Are you substituting what’s important to you for what’s important to the priest – and probably the baby’s family – if you didn’t do it? In my life I’ve done many things that were perfunctory for me, but had deep meaning for other people. It might be a kind word, a handwritten note, organizing tahara and shmira – actions I’ve forgotten, but that had, and still have, great importance to them. Is this an instance where living a life of ma’asim tovim takes precedence?
Henry
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Laurie, Thank you for your comments.
The funeral home advertises that it will provide the facilities and supplies to do a Jewish funeral. Doing tahara is the Jewish community’s responsibility. Then it would seem appropriate to reach out to the jewish community as Sandy suggested.
I have a couple of questions about importing people:
· What if the cost of importing a person or a group is too much? Suppose, for example, the family is indigent. There is always the possibility that the chevre wouold waive fees if the family is destitute. There is always some rabbis discretionary fund that might fill in the need.
· Would the timing make a difference? For example, what if the funeral were delayed several days before you could organize a proper tahara? It is not unusual for scheduling to be an issue...you work together to work it out.
Your comparison to baptizing the baby is very interesting. In that instance, I, too, would be very uncomfortable being placed in that position. There is, I think, another side to your position to consider. Are you substituting what’s important to you for what’s important to the priest – and probably the baby’s family – if you didn’t do it? In my life I’ve done many things that were perfunctory for me, but had deep meaning for other people. It might be a kind word, a handwritten note, organizing tahara and shmira – actions I’ve forgotten, but that had, and still have, great importance to them. Is this an instance where living a life of ma’asim tovim takes precedence?
I don't agree with the premise "substituting what’s important to you for what’s important to the priest".... I am of the opinion that sacredness and profaning the holy are opposites. If I had agreed to baptize the baby - what exactly would I be agreeing to? I would be agreeing to KNOWINGLY going thu steps that are totally meaningless to me and even sayng words that are even more meaningless to me. BUT, I - taking on that responsibility would then feel that i would need to say the words with conviction, with feeling or at least not monotone that might alert the listening parents that my heart is not in it. As a matter of fact, everything I would be saying would be causing me to lie.
I don't believe we have to put on an act for Hashem. Hashem knows the deal....and I doubt that phoniness, lying and pretending are expected or required. Since any nurse, any christian available can carry out the baptism...why would it be more meaningful to the family to learn a non-believer...(oy a bruch) a JEW....did it? HHm, would I ask the priest to say viduii with my patient solely because I didn't feel like showing up?? Nope, and I don't think Hashem would either as it is my communal, religious and personal responsibility to be - responsible!
As far as ma’asim tovim - I don't see a Christian benefiting from taking on a Jewish rite - nor would it be a sacred deed - no matter what the noble reason. Should a non Jew be counted in a minyan if there are only 9? If a chazan can't make it to shul - should his good pal the christian baratone fill in and take the chazans place? Say a bracha? Don tefilin? CAN HE? Of course - he can...but, I think when we start to muddle the waters we can expect mud. What;s fair is afairt...if I don't want non jews engaging in Jewish rites or liturgy...I don't think we should be doing christian rites.
So, while my views may be radically different than most....I do stand by them.
Laurie
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