non jewish funeral home.

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Sandy Ottenberg

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Jul 27, 2014, 4:11:06 PM7/27/14
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three years ago I received a call from a friend (Bob) of my son who lives in Tennessee. His mother passed away and somehow they had a contract with a non Jewish funeral home. He asked me for help. so I called the funeral home and asked for them to find me a conservative or reformed rabbi. told him to look on the internet for one near him. he did so and the Rabbi called me and she found me a group of women who do taharah. I even sent her a special prayer that I wrote for Bob's mother. everything turned out fine and the Rabbi called me again after the funeral.


As far as baptizing babies in danger I have done it many times as part of my duty as a nurse. there was always some holy water in the operating room and in the intensive care nursery where I worked many years ago.sprinkled the water on and said the prayer. the doctors always used to tease me and say the babies sometimes made it because I was Jewish. I never did and adult.


Sandy O in New Jersey

Libby Bottero

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Jul 27, 2014, 7:54:12 PM7/27/14
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One time someone called me from a small town in a remote location -- I
don't remember all the details now -- but the gist of the situation is
that an elderly Jewish woman had died and was at the funeral home. Her
elderly husband was not Jewish and they did not raise their kids as
anything nor did she express any interest in anything Jewish. However,
he said that the only thing she asked for was "something Jewish" when
she died out of respect for her parents. She was going to be buried the
next day in the rural country cemetery. So to make it short, I talked
with the husband and the daughter (they had both been bathing and caring
for the woman at home near the end) and the funeral home director.
Between the three of them, they bathed her, then poured the requisite
amount of water for taharah over her while saying "she is pure". They
wrapped her in a plain white cotton sheet, and used a second sheet for a
sovev in the plain wooden coffin. The funeral home had a copy of the
23rd psalm which is so often recited at Christian burials, so they said
the 23rd psalm and the Shema. It was simple and meaningful for them,
and they felt that they had at least done something to honor her last
wishes. The family wrote a nice letter expressing their gratitude, and
the daughter said that because of the experience, she intended to learn
more about her mother's Jewish background...one door closes, another
door opens...

As we so often say in this business...we do the best we can...sometimes
under unusual circumstances. Each situation is unique, and each human
being is unique. The important thing is that at least she got
taharah...maybe not in the usual way...but better than nothing...and
their hearts were in the right place.

By the way, in my many years of working as a nurse at hospitals and
clinics, I too have baptized at the request of the individual or family
in an urgent situation, making it clear to them that I am not a
Christian, but I believe that there is One God, which is good enough for
most folks. I figure the same holds true for the Jewish woman whose
taharah was done with the loving assistance of non-Jews whose spiritual
intention was pure.

Libby

Ilene Rubenstein

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Jul 28, 2014, 12:20:05 AM7/28/14
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Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful recollection, Libby. I do disagree with you one one point, however. I don't think this tahara was "better than nothing". Quite the contrary: I think it's simplicity and genuine kavanah captured and expressed the very essence of the love, dignity and respectful way to honor our dead and comfort their mourners our tradition has taught us.


From: Libby Bottero <lbot...@comcast.net>
To: jewish-...@googlegroups.com
Sent: Sunday, July 27, 2014 7:32 PM
Subject: Re: [jewish-funerals] non jewish funeral home.
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Laurie Kurs

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Jul 28, 2014, 12:21:01 AM7/28/14
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HI Libby,
Of course, each situation is unique.  And there is no way to address every possible scenario.  In your note it said "something Jewish".  A shomer?  A plain pine box?  A candle at the head?  "Jewish" touches without blurring the lines.
 
What her family did for her was more than very nice.  Other than saying She is pure and the Shema, what they did was beautiful..and nothing said or done that would likely negate anything in their own personal belief system. As for the SHE IS PURE - they most likely felt that was absolutely true.  NO issue here.  HOWEVER - SHEMA  - Hear o Israel the lord your G-D the lord is one.... that I have an issue with.   
 
At certain times, I find it very hard to accept the philosophy that there is only one G-d.  If that were really believed world wide...millions would NOT be murdered becaue they are an infidel, a non-christan, a non believer, some other -  or just because they are Jewish.  
 
Look at the world today....I am too cynical to accept that phrase.  I find it is too often used when it is convenient and happens to sound appropriate.  Sort of out of the 60's with love beads and flowers.   
 
And that is my 2 cents worth!! 
  Laurie
 
 
 
Sent: Sunday, July 27, 2014 at 7:32 PM

From: "Libby Bottero" <lbot...@comcast.net>
To: jewish-...@googlegroups.com
Subject: Re: [jewish-funerals] non jewish funeral home.
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Joyce Friedman

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Jul 28, 2014, 12:21:15 AM7/28/14
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Libby, how beautiful. Thanks for sharing. Joyce in Oklahoma

Sent from my iPhone

> On Jul 27, 2014, at 6:32 PM, Libby Bottero <lbot...@comcast.net> wrote:
>
> One time someone called me from a small town in a remote location -- I don't remember all the details now -- but the gist of the situation is that an elderly Jewish woman had died and was at the funeral home. Her elderly husband was not Jewish and they did not raise their kids as anything nor did she express any interest in anything Jewish. However, he said that the only thing she asked for was "something Jewish" when she died out of respect for her parents. She was going to be buried the next day in the rural country cemetery. So to make it short, I talked with the husband and the daughter (they had both been bathing and caring for the woman at home near the end) and the funeral home director. Between the three of them, they bathed her, then poured the requisite amount of water for taharah over her while saying "she is pure". They wrapped her in a plain white cotton sheet, and used a second sheet for a sovev in the plain wooden coffin. The funeral home had a copy of the 23rd psalm which is so often recited at Christian burials, so they said the 23rd psalm and the Shema. It was simple and meaningful for them, and they felt that they had at least done something to honor her last wishes. The family wrote a nice letter expressing their gratitude, and the daughter said that because of the experience, she intended to learn more about her mother's Jewish background...one door closes, another door opens...
>
> As we so often say in this business...we do the best we can...sometimes under unusual circumstances. Each situation is unique, and each human being is unique. The important thing is that at least she got taharah...maybe not in the usual way...but better than nothing...and their hearts were in the right place.
>
> By the way, in my many years of working as a nurse at hospitals and clinics, I too have baptized at the request of the individual or family in an urgent situation, making it clear to them that I am not a Christian, but I believe that there is One God, which is good enough for most folks. I figure the same holds true for the Jewish woman whose taharah was done with the loving assistance of non-Jews whose spiritual intention was pure.
>
> Libby
>
>> On 07/27/2014 11:56 AM, Sandy Ottenberg wrote:
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