Tahara and cremation

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Ariel Tarash

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Nov 29, 2015, 6:27:08 PM11/29/15
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Some years ago when I was a JFS social worker, I posted a question to this google group about the ritual of tahara and cremation and received a diverse range of responses. I am now a rabbinical student and writing up a case study based on that situation and am looking for your insights.
Here is the case study: A community chevra kadisha in a small Jewish community, made up of lay members from the Conservative, Reconstructionist and Reform congregations, is contacted by a community member via Jewish Family Services requesting a taharah for her mother. The community member and her mother were not affiliated with any of the local congregations which were Reform, Conservative and Reconstructionist. The community member shared it was her mother’s expressed wish to have a tahara and that the body would be cremated also per her mother’s wishes. There were many issues the chevra kadisha members raised and discussed in the process of making the decision about whether they would perform the tahara.

Please share if you have faced this situation, how it was handled, how did the chevra decide what to do.  If you have not directly encountered this situation, how do you think it should be handled. Also if you could share your movement affiliation if you have one or the affiliation of the chevra to which you are a part and how that affiliation influences your response. 
Thanks in advance for sharing your insights!
Ariel Tarash, 4th year student, Reconstructionist Rabbinical College

Daniel Leger

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Nov 29, 2015, 7:55:08 PM11/29/15
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Hello Ariel,

I am a member of a community based, pluralistic, non-synagogue based chevra kadisha whose participants come from all corners of Jewish practice and observance. Our attitude generally is guided by two values: respect for the dead before us, and response to those who request our performance of the mitzvah. We are almost always called by one of the local (and some not so local!) funeral homes, although our educational outreach and member-connections within local congregations will make families aware of what we do so that they ask for us (or the other local exclusively orthodox member chevra kadisha) to perform tahara.

We know very well that we have been called to perform tahara for women and men who will have been cremated, redressed in street clothes after tahara, buried in metallic caskets, “viewed”, embalmed, etc. Again, our attitude is not to ask questions but rather perform the mitzvah when asked. We know that some of our local cemeteries and rabbis require tahara. We also know that some families have divisive opinions among themselves, sometimes involving the wishes of the deceased.

We do not “interview” the requestors. We respond to the request with respect.

Hope this helps.

Dan

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Nov 29, 2015, 7:57:05 PM11/29/15
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Ariel -

Yasher koach in regard to undertaking rabbinical studies!

Our chevra kadisha is a part of a Reform congregation, and we have done taharah for people whose bodies were subsequently cremated. I believe our denomination as well as the culture of our synagogue and clergy made this a relatively easy decision.

Although we strongly prefer burial, our clergy will officiate at funerals for those who are cremated, as well as burial of their ashes (when the ashes are buried). We do, however, let the members of the chevra know there will be a cremation, in case anyone prefers not to participate in taharah for that reason. We similarly will do shmirah between the time of death and cremation.

One possible way to support the willingness to do taharah is that you never know whether the family will change their mind at the last minute and opt for burial rather than cremation. Also, our main concern is kavod  ha'meit, and we consider the act of taharah to be an act of kavod to which the meit/ah is entitled regardless of what will happen afterward.  If it is true the soul of the meit/ah is present at that time, we do want to provide whatever comfort we can, both to that soul and to any surviving friends and family.

I don't feel I can say how it " should" be handled, since I feel each chevra should do what they feel comfortable with. I can say, however, that if one chevra were unwilling to do taharah in this situation and were aware of another local chevra that would be willing to do it, I would hope they would refer the family to the other chevra.

Susan

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------ Original Message ------
From: Ariel Tarash
To: jewish-funerals
Sent: November 29, 2015 at 3:27 PM
Subject: [jewish-funerals] Tahara and cremation

Laurie Kurs

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Nov 29, 2015, 10:49:36 PM11/29/15
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I am the rosha for a community chevre...members of various Jewish threads make up our chevre.
Seveal years ago, after being confonted with similar situations....we had a meeting and it was decided that our group would 1) abide by the standards we drew up that night...realizing not everyone will be happy.  2) Find relief from not having to make on the spot determinations 3) take comfort that every maita will be treated the same, 4) relyig on a simple, rote, response takes the pressure off members...anssering someone, all a member need say is, "The chevre rules do not permit".  
 
When dealing with a funeral director you know....they are often appraised of the desires of the family before you are even aware there will be a request for a tahara ....it is possible that he/she can be your first line of defense....Upon hearing tahara and cemation in the same conversation...he/she can alert the family that as far as he/she is aware...doing both is against chevre policy.
 
Works for us!!
 
Laurie D-K 
 
 
  
Sent: Sunday, November 29, 2015 at 10:12 AM
From: "Ariel Tarash" <cta...@gmail.com>
To: jewish-funerals <jewish-...@googlegroups.com>

Subject: [jewish-funerals] Tahara and cremation
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Kerry Swartz

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Nov 30, 2015, 7:08:16 AM11/30/15
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Ours is an orthodox community based Chevra Kadisha. We serve all paths of Judaism, from Chabad to Renewal and unaffiliated. Our rules are simple as is the philosophy we employ; we do not get involved if there is cremation, only in-ground burial. Our governing cemetery board has written down the expenses of in-ground burial to those who prefer cremation. In the end, however, we will never handle a body destined for cremation. And we feel that's a good thing.

November 29, 2015 at 7:12 AM

Libby Bottero

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Nov 30, 2015, 7:10:06 AM11/30/15
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Hi Ariel,

My response is similar to Daniel's and Susan's.  Our chevra kadisha serves a diverse Jewish community in the Pacific Northwest, and is connected to a Reconstructionist congregation to which I belong.  Our CK serves any Jewish person who asks, whether they are members of a congregation or not; we do not charge for CK services, and we are not part of a synagogue or federation budget, though we do accept donations to help support our work and pay for supplies.  We inform the family of traditional options; however, we will do taharah if requested, whether the deceased will be buried or cremated.

Our intention is to honor the wishes of the deceased and support the mourners. If someone on our chevra kadisha is not comfortable doing taharah if the met will be cremated, then that person simply chooses not to participate that particular time. Some rabbis in the community will participate when there is interment of cremains and some will not, depending on where they are holding, and some opinions change over time.  We do have some lay leaders who will lead a service for interment of coffin or cremains burial if a rabbi is unable or unwilling to do so, or if the family requests it. In our community, I'd say most people who use our chevra kadisha do choose to have taharah, whether they choose to have coffin burial or to be cremated. The cremation rate on the West coast is fairly high in the general population (over 85% in our area), and is rising in the non-orthodox Jewish community here as well.

Additional CK notes -- The local funeral homes all carry plain pine boxes, and a volunteer member of the community makes our own simple shrouds out of plain muslin cloth. We usually do not offer shmirah as we don't have the volunteers, and the local funeral homes always have someone on staff in the building 24/7 so the met is secure, though we do suggest that psalms, meditations, etc can be said by anyone from home or any location for the spirit of the deceased. We arrange a minyan for kaddish at the graveside if needed, a meal of consolation afterwards, and help arrange for any shiva minyanim if needed. 

Best wishes on your rabbinic journey,

Libby

Melvin Glazer

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Nov 30, 2015, 7:10:29 AM11/30/15
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We in Colorado Springs too are a small community, appx. 230 families, made up of members from my shul, which is Reform/Conservative.
Our chevra kaddisha services only our members, and we do not perform tahara before cremation.
I will officiate at a funeral followed by cremation, but no tahara.


Mel Glazer

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"A GPS FOR GRIEF AND HEALING."
and you will be magically transported to Amazon and Kindle.

sa...@shirchadash.nocoxmail.com

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Nov 30, 2015, 10:34:50 AM11/30/15
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We are in metairie, louisiana, a suburb of New Orleans with one community Chevra Kadisha.  Our group consists of all the diverse denominations, from Chabbad to reform. We also have done tahara prior to cremation, but only a few of us are aware of all of the circumstances so that the meit can be given the most spiritual and appropriate tahara.

Sandy Lassen
2716 Whitney Place; #523
Metairie, Louisiana 70002

dan...@cogeco.ca

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Nov 30, 2015, 10:36:34 AM11/30/15
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Our Chapel is an independent not for profit corporation administering our volunteer Chevra numbering 30. Our community of about 5,500 has 3 large Shul's, reform, conservative and orthodox. Our services are available to all Jews including the unaffiliated and indigent.
We will not perform a tahara where cremation would follow. We receive requests on average once every 2 years and refer them out.
Out neighboring community has 2 major chapels with a Jewish population of about 115,000 and neither will perform a tahara where cremation would follow. There are a few reform cemeteries in the area they will consider burying cremains and very few reform Rabbi's that would officiate.
Our reasons are obvious as there are set in tradition and halachic law.
We have great respect for those Chevras that are more liberal in action and deed however we all do not have to agree.
We also understand the enormous pressure that Jewish Funeral Homes, Synagogues, Cemeteries and Chevras are under.
With ever good wish.
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network

From: 'Melvin Glazer' via jewish-funerals <jewish-...@googlegroups.com>
Date: Sun, 29 Nov 2015 23:12:38 -0500

LGP...@aol.com

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Nov 30, 2015, 4:48:37 PM11/30/15
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Hi Ariel
I  have run a   CK on the  upper  east side  of  Manhattan  for  35  years and we  are increasingly  faced  with  this issue.
While  I label  myself  centrist Orthodox  and  below to  two Centrist  (read  Modern?)synagogues  over  70%  of  our  synagogues  membership  are  traditional  .
One  synagogues  has  almost  1300  families  and the other  250  families and both have been  around  for  over  135  years
We also  do taharas    for the conservative  and  reform  synagogues in our  neighborhood  when  called  upon
When  first  faced with this  issue  I  refused  to  participate  but  then  I came across   the  the Gemorah that states  that  even "  when a  sword  is  on  your  neck"  you have  faith   in "our father  in heaven "
This  turned  me around  and I decided I would do  what  I  have promised  to  do faithfully do  for  many decades- I  do  MINE, I do  what is  required  of  me   and  perhaps  at  the last  ,  very last  minute   the  Rabbis  can persuade  the families to change their  minds  or  the  family  will have  second  thoughts.
I was  vindicated  when   such  an actual  case  happened    about  18 months ago  and  the trustee  of  the  estate  decided  to  do a burial  in stead  of  a  cremation 
Never the less   I  do  tell  our  CK Yahoo  group  the circumstances  and give them  the  option to opt  out
B'virkuth Kul  Tuv
Isaac

Sheri Gerson

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Nov 30, 2015, 4:50:36 PM11/30/15
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Ariel,

Thank you for your academic efforts that may lead to increased conversation about this topic many of us face in our communities, (especially small Jewish communities with no Jewish chapel/funeral home, and struggling cadre of volunteers). I would like to answer your questions as you have posed them.

Here is the case study: 
A community chevra kadisha in a small Jewish community, made up of lay members from the Conservative, Reconstructionist and Reform congregations, is contacted by a community member via Jewish Family Services requesting a taharah for her mother. The community member and her mother were not affiliated with any of the local congregations which were Reform, Conservative and Reconstructionist. The community member shared it was her mother's expressed wish to have a tahara and that the body would be cremated also per her mother's wishes. There were many issues the chevra kadisha members raised and discussed in the process of making the decision about whether they would perform the tahara.

Please share if you have faced this situation:
Yes, here in another small Pacific Northwest community, we have had many requests for tahara with plan/intention for cremation from unaffiliated members of the community.  Sometimes our Chevra is contacted by one of the local funeral homes, sometimes contacted by the Rabbi, and occasionally we are contacted directly from a family member with a request for Tahara. 

How was it handled?
We inform volunteers of the Chevra if there is intention for cremation after the tahara.  In a similar situation to the one described, the leader of the tahara would call volunteers known to be comfortable performing tahara with planned cremation.  The few members who have made it clear they will not participate in tahara with planned cremation would not be called. 

We have had the experience where a family member changed their minds, described in one of the responses. Susan commented, "you never know whether the family will change their mind at the last minute and opt for burial rather than cremation."   

How did the chevra decide what to do?  
You never know what may happen. 
As Libby, and others, have said, "Our intention is to honor the wishes of the deceased and support the mourners."

Share your movement affiliation if you have one:
Our Chevra is unaffiliated, and will serve any member of community regardless of affiliation or membership.  Some of our volunteers are members of the local Reconstructionist congregation, others are members of the Conservative synagogue, and other volunteers are not members of either congregation.  

How that affiliation influences your response.
I am uncertain if or how affiliation influences response, or if this is indicative of a unique community.  Some Conservative and more religiously observant volunteers in the Chevra may willingly participate in tahara with intended cremation while some Reconstructionist members will not participate and vice versa. 

I am interested in how responses to your questions are different based on the community: i.e. rural/urban environment, size of Jewish community, numbers of volunteers, and access to Jewish funeral homes. Has anyone done a formal survey on this topic that included these factors?  

Hope this is helpful! 

All the best,

Sheri Mila Gerson
Olympia, WA






Dr. Joel Etra

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Nov 30, 2015, 4:51:21 PM11/30/15
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I cannot possibly imagine why it would be any of our business whether there will be a cremation or not. A Jewish meit is entitled to the finest treatment available at the moment regardless of what happens tomorrow. 
Maybe because of my attitude, the family will change their mind about the burial. Maybe in years to come the family will feel guilt over the cremation and our act of chesed will give them some relief. 
Do we not do bar mitzvah celebrations for children who will go to McDonald's the next Shabbat?
The beauty of tahara is that every meit is treated exactly the same regardless of anything in the past. Should that not be just as true for what might come about in the future?
I have been privileged by my community to perform tahara but not to pass any judgement on anyone. 

Dr. Joel Etra

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Lawrence, Leonard

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Nov 30, 2015, 5:21:30 PM11/30/15
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Amen 
Well said 

Len Lawrence

Rabbi Regina Sandler-Phillips

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Nov 30, 2015, 11:14:07 PM11/30/15
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Thanks to Ariel for reopening this conversation, and to all for your thoughtful responses.

Sheri, Jewish-owned funeral homes in large urban centers like NYC routinely arrange for Jewish cremations--and, unlike what I understand to be the case in your area, crematories are not set up for levayah / accompaniment by family members.

Regardless of denomination, I think the case for burial can be more persuasively made in Jewish communities that pro-actively facilitate grave purchases and support simple funeral plans.  

Beyond individual hevra policies, I think that the dilemmas shared by our diverse communities are related to the lack of pro-active education about cremation and what it actually involves.  Issues such as prodigious carbon and mercury emissions, as well as the increased vulnerability to criminal desecration, are almost never discussed.

I wrote a piece in The Forward a few years ago as a resource for opening dialogues on cremation within Jewish families and communities.  Those who would like to make use of it can find it here: Cremation Dialogues

May we go from strength to strength.

With many blessings for the seasons ahead,

Regina
 
Rabbi Regina Sandler-Phillips, MSW, MPH
"In cities of diversity...we organize ourselves and our money...
to sustain the poor...and visit the sick...and bury the dead...and comfort the bereaved...
for these are ways of peace." (Jerusalem Talmud, Tractate Gittin)

Libby Bottero

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Nov 30, 2015, 11:14:20 PM11/30/15
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I agree with Len -- very well said Joel -- and the comparison to bnai mitzvot makes sense to me.

Speaking for myself, it's always an honor to participate in the mitzvah of taharah, and it has nothing to do with the individual's life or death choices.

Libby

Klapper, David G.

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Dec 1, 2015, 5:24:32 PM12/1/15
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Hi Ariel,

This, from your former community where we all wish you well!  Our Chevra Kadisha (Conservative 'upstairs' and 'Orthodox' downstairs synagogue) long ago opted to neither perform t'hara when faced with cremation nor bury 'cremains' in the Hebrew Cemetery.  Of the three rabbis associated with our synagogue, only one has told me he would perform an actual funeral service (at the funeral home, not in the synagogue), although I believe that all would officiate at a future 'memorial' service, should the family desire such.   
I liked the bnai mitzvot/McDonalds analogy and would certainly agree that times are changing and we need to change with them - for instance, we have just opened a new section of the cemetery and have marked out an area where we, for the first time in the very long history of our synagogue and cemetery, will allow the burial of interfaith couples.  But for the time being, we have not changed our stance regarding cremation and burial of 'cremains'.  For what it's worth, the funeral home (not Jewish) where we prepare bodies (t'hara, shrouds, kosher coffin) is perfectly capable of washing, reading prayers (in English), dressing in shrouds, and placing the body in a kosher coffin - they do that for some of the other synagogues around here and they do it for unaffiliated Jews who have passed but the local synagogues are not notified.  So, is a t'hara performed by non-Jews still a t'hara?   
David Klapper

Daniel Leger

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Dec 1, 2015, 10:29:39 PM12/1/15
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I think David Klapper’s post raises the conversation to another level. He asks if a tahara is a tahara if it is performed by non-Jews.

The values which drive our pluralistic, community chevra to perform this mitzvah for anyone who asks (see my earlier post) are strongly connected to our desire to have members of our Jewish community care for each other in this most intimate of expressions of hesed. We do our best to educate through outreach programs and individual conversations, but that does not mean much when a Jew is faced with a death in the family if s/he has not had the opportunity to sensitively explore how being Jewish  in 21st century America converges with all the possibilities offered by the cultural landscape, including much misinformation about ecology related to cremation.

I recall that we recently performed a tahara for a met who was very obviously going to be dressed in a suit and placed in a fancy bronze casket for burial. We performed the tahara and did not interrogate anyone, although we were disappointed that we could not be the last ones to gently tuck him in.

The only time I actively intervened in such a situation was when I was asked to conduct a funeral for a met. I was a chaplain in a hospice at the time and the man had been a patient of mine. He had pre-paid years earlier for his funeral arrangements which had not included tahara but had included a fancy metal casket. In preparing for his burial I met with the family and in talking with them they came to the conclusion that tahara and a simple wooden aron were the most appropriate way to show honor and to proceed. They appreciated the values underlying the actions. The funeral home was more difficult to convince since the arrangements were prepaid and expressed by the deceased himself, albeit years earlier. Ironically, due to the differences in costs over time, the revised plan (tahara and plain wood aron) required additional payment (this had nothing to do with the tahara – we charge no fee.) The family was comforted by having understood the traditional approach to burial in a manner that the deceased had not had the opportunity to learn during his lifetime.

Again I wish to say that our over-riding attitude is respect and honor of the dead before us, and, as much as we possibly and respectfully can, responding to the request without judgment. We need to reach out and sensitively educate as early as we can, provide supportive comfort and not alienate and drive people away from our precious community by making demands at times of exquisite vulnerability.

Dan Leger

Pittsburgh

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Rick Light

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Dec 6, 2015, 1:57:07 PM12/6/15
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Hi Ariel,

I'm with with Joel and Isaac.  Their responses are well worded.  Our chevrah is a community based organization that serves six shuls, including Modern Orthodox, Chabad, Reform, Conservative, and Renewal.  Our policy is that we will honor the meit/meitah by midwifing their soul regardless of what follows.  It is not our job to be policemen.  Hence we do perform Tahahrot prior to cremation.  However, we do give our members the option to not participate if they so choose under these circumstances.  And, on occasion we have to say, "I'm sorry, we cannot do Taharah because we don't have enough people to do it."  As usual, we do the best we can.

Many blessings,

    Rick Light, Chevrah Kadisha of Northern New Mexico

Ilene Rubenstein

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Dec 13, 2015, 11:28:59 AM12/13/15
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The chevrah that I belong to provides shmira and tahara. We find that many potential volunteers who are apprehensive about signing up for tahara find shmira to be a more comfortable entree to the chevra kadisha.

The model we use might be helpful to other communities who would like to provide shmira. Asking volunteers to cover extended shifts as is generally the case when "professional" shomrim are brought in is probably not viable. We cover shmira via a rotation of 2 hour shifts. In the beginning, new volunteers are always paired with a partner. Later on, if the are comfortable sitting alone, or prefer to sit alone (as some do), we honor that. Sometimes, when we are doing shmira for an extended period of time, we need to take advantage of that willingness in order to provide a continuous shmira. Our experience has been that since volunteers are only asked to give up two hours of their time (plus a little more for traveling), there is a great willingness to participate, and in fact we have over 80 volunteers on-call as a result.

Regards, and happy Chanukah to all!

Ilene


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