Please, someone help me out!!

[ALionessss]

I have been divorced from my ex husband since 1991. We had 2 children
within our marriage. After our divorce, my son was diagnosed with
autism.(Chris was 2yrs old at the time of diagnosis) Just last summer,
our daughter was diagnosed with ADD.
I have been the one who has taken care of the children, with only
occasional(until lately) signs of interest from my ex. But, he seems to
have PLENTY of interest whenever it comes to the children taking any kind
of medication prescribed by a psychiatrist. My daughter was prescribed
Ritalin, for her ADD, and Chris was prescribed Prozac to help with his
aggression. I can't discuss this with my ex husband because of his
incredibly strong feelings. He is so deadset against my daughter taking
her Ritalin that I lied to him about it. I told him that she didn't take
it. I am not the kind of person to live a lie, and I am not comfortable
with it. I also really resent the fact that he feels he can have that
kind of say in the childrens care, when, I am the one who has raised them,
myself. I have never denied him any contact with the kids, and have been
more than fair. I feel so angry. I have worked so hard to make sure the
kids grow up healthy and happy. Does this man have the right to suddenly
feel he knows what is right for them?! I mean, he didn't seem to care
about them growing up without stability and without their father, but he
cares SO much about medication?? Please someone help me figure this out.
It has not been easy raising the kids. I feel I have done a good job. Am
I wrong in my feeling this way about his involvement? What do I do now?
Thank you for listening, I know I really just threw a fit right here on my
computer. I just don't know how to handle this properly. I could really
use some advice. Maybe someone else has been through this?
Brenda

[Lulu...@aol.com]

Two things pop into my head. One, has he had to take care of these children
lately?
Two, can you drag him to the doctor with you by any chance? If that doesn't
work try giving him the kids for a few days without the meds. <g> That should
cure him. Just my 2 cents. Goodluck, sounds like you need it.
lulu...@aol.com

[Carlena Fulkerson]

Brenda
My husband was very against giving our 4yr old (now 6)
Ritalin. After my son's diagnosis, I made my husband get tested for
ADHD. He was positive. So now my husband , the pharmacist, also takes
ritalin.
My suggestion would be to educate him on the matter. And then I would
let him know that the doctor has given it
your daughter for a reason. If he can't comply with the doctor's
decision then maybe he should talk to the doctor.
Tell him that if he doesn't give her her medication that it is considered
neglect and your lawyer would be happy to
have his rights taken away. I don't believe in mind control. But when
my son doesn't take his medication, he has
no control. This boy is very intelligent and at 6 has taught himself to
read. Why should things that he can't control
end up causing him to have a nonproductive life? There is a problem and
I'm very thankful that something can be
done for it. Unfortunately it's not the same with autism.

Carlena
Mitchell's mom

[Jennie Ladew]

SNIPPED

Please someone help me figure this out.
>It has not been easy raising the kids. I feel I have done a good job. Am
>I wrong in my feeling this way about his involvement? What do I do now?
>Thank you for listening, I know I really just threw a fit right here on my
>computer. I just don't know how to handle this properly. I could really
>use some advice. Maybe someone else has been through this?
>Brenda
>
>

Dear Brenda,
I sometimes think that the absent or the noncustodial parent who is only
physically absent has to deal with the guilt and loss they experience, and
sometimes that is to be extremely strong-willed in order to regain their
sense of contribution and sense of ownership re: children's health
decisions, etc.
Maybe I'm barking up the wrong tree, but in this case I would subscribe to
the ASA newsletter and send him a copy as well as any supportive articles on
medications and what they hope to achieve.
I have not been divorced and hopefully I won't be, but once when I felt
very close to the edge I bought a book called, "Sharing the Children." After
reading this and hearing so many sad stories hear of custody fights,
uninvolved parents/relatives, I became very determined that I would not make
the kids my pawns. I am NOT suggesting you are doing that. He might be or
might not. Maybe he really has strong feelings about it because he worries
about"drugs," or feels he had some issues like this and made it without
meds. Maybe he feels guilty and thinks if they don't take meds, he can deny
the problems and the severity of them. Also he does see them day to day and
may not understand what is actually occuring and why this might help them.
You may want to share with him as well as learn more yourself about
behavioral plans, allergies, etc. although I am not as gung-ho as many
"vocal" posters on this. I do think medication can be a huge help. Ideally
no child remains on Ritalin indefinitely. A good doctor will have
suggestions and ideas for increasing the skills and reducing the deficits
that make your daughters ADD problematic and will be interested in
determining if she can manage well at a lower dose over time and perhaps
eliminate it. Then again, don't be alarmed if she really benefits and needs
this or something else if Ritalin is not successful. Prozac is often used
for children/adults with autism and PDD, but I am not aware of it being
first choice for aggression. Perhaps they have prescribed it for the
behaviors that lead to the aggression?
All I know is that often sending material over is a start. Another thing to
do is have an ally who he respects or is at least civil to and open to. Have
them impart the information you want to share. Do you still have any
relationship with your in-laws? Occasionally ex's do stay close to the
former in-laws and can use them as a go-between.
I want to assure you if I really felt in my heart I was doing the right
thing and I felt my children or child's needs would not be met if I were
honest, I would lie in this situation too. Like you, I would be unhappy with
this, but my first responsibility would be to protect the interests of a child.
Jennie "Isaac's mom"

[Jerry L Goodwin]

Try this email address for some information on a product that might help.

res...@juno.com It is worth a try.
Jerry Goodwin
BMG Services

On Tue, 11 Feb 1997 21:17:59 EST Carlena Fulkerson <car...@JUNO.COM>
writes: