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"Five Faces of Darkness" parts 1-5 originally aired the week of September 15-19th, 1986, a little more than a month after The Transformers: the Movie premiered in theaters. This was clearly a calculated move on the part of Sunbow, as the voice recording for "Five Faces of Darkness" was actually completed before the movie. When Toei was working on the film (and some beautiful 1986 episodes of G.I. Joe), much of the third season of Transformers was farmed out to the lower-quality Korean studio AKOM. The dip in visual quality is overt and disappointing; while the unrefined footage in some ways fits the mood of the third season, it pales in quality to the general appearance of the show for its first two seasons.
All five episodes were scripted by Flint Dille, who was working from a preproduction script for The Transformers: the Movie rather than basing the story directly on the finished movie. He previously wrote "Prime Target" and numerous scripts for G.I. Joe (including "The Gamemaster," which itself was very similar to "Prime Target" in concept).
"Five Faces of Darkness" gets its own unique title sequence. What fans generally regard as the third-season title song actually made its debut during the late days of season two, and it was retained for the 1986-87 season. The title sequence is very story-specific, showcasing elements like the rockaroid spacecraft; Galvatron emerging from the plasma on planet Thraal; Trypticon facing off against Metroplex; and Springer getting sucked up into the elemental processing unit on planet Goo. (This title sequence has been inconsistently retained for home video release; on the Shout Factory DVD's, it's shown only for the beginning of "Five Faces of Darkness" parts 3 and 5, and uses the soundtrack for the regular third-season title sequence (you can hear the sound effects associated with Unicron's head, Ratbat swooping through space, Blitzwing firing at the camera, etc.)
FIVE FACES OF DARKNESS PART 1
Our story opens with a brief recap of the events from the end of The Transformers: the Movie, only with second-season musical themes and sound effects. It's a strange juxtaposition. No new music was written for the third season; Robert J. Walsh had been commissioned in 1985 to produce music for the Sunbow library that would be shared between G.I. Joe and Transformers, and it was the same case in 1986 to a lesser degree (one of the new 1986 themes shows up in "The Killing Jar"). Transformers wouldn't get a musical overhaul until midway through the third season, when the themes written for G.I. Joe: the Movie would be appropriated and used for the series.
Oddly, the footage from the movie seems to go out of its way to reestablish that the blessed few survivors of the film from 1984 include Cliffjumper, Jazz, and Bumblebee. Despite this, only Bumblebee would go on to enjoy any additional speaking roles; Casey Kasem left the show shortly after this episode, and Scatman Crothers passed away around the same time. (Jazz gets a somewhat prominent role in a later Galactic Olympics race, but in a non-speaking capacity.) Along the same lines, the Insecticons show up early in the episode, but this is arguably a mistake (they were turned into Sweeps in the movie) and, except for a very strange flub in "Fight or Flee," they never appear in the show after this mini-series.
We learn that the Decepticons have gone from ruling Cybertron to having been kicked off the planet completely in the wake of Unicron's attack, and they're living on the ruins of a planet called Chaar. No episode ever comes out directly and states this, but it's clear there was a former civilization dwelling there. There are damaged buildings and other evidence of a previous colony of some sort. I would love to presume that the Decepticons slaughtered the former Chaarizards before taking residence there, but given what we learn about them in this episode, that seems unlikely. This episode seems to take its cues strongly from an abandoned concept from an early Transformers: the Movie script. The creations of Unicron demand an energon offering, and the other Decepticons express concern that this will exhaust their remaining stockpile. If it had been fully realized, that would have segued nicely into the premise from this episode of the Decepticons being totally out of energy.
Astrotrain returns from an energy-scouting mission; the other Decepticons mob him and fight amongst themselves, while he can barely transform back to robot mode. He's just laying there, with the front half of a train in place of legs, his fingers inches away from the precious life-giving energon that he himself collected. You have to feel a little sorry for the guy. The Constructicons combine, but Bonecrusher lacks the power to link up correctly, and Devastator is forced to fend off a competing Menasor with a single arm.
There are lots of strange voice acting decisions in the first two minutes alone. Sometimes actors were asked to perform various grunts and groans so that they could be archived as sound effects and inserted in the appropriate spots. Some sound editor found some Jack Angel cries that they liked a lot, and proceeded to use them for Bonecrusher, and then for Astrotrain, and then again for Menasor, and yet again for Kickback. That's just lazy editing, right there. Also, Rege Cordic's voice isn't correctly modified when he speaks as Menasor. He's the correct voice actor for the character, but without the character's voice being artificially lowered, he just sounds like a Quintesson.
Overshadowing this, though, is the abysmally poor animation. This is perhaps one of the worst-looking Transformers episodes ever produced, and it's especially jarring when superimposed against the occasional Transformers: the Movie footage. "Five Faces of Darkness" has more animation mistakes than any other five episodes combined, bar none. Some of the more egregious mistakes from this particular sequence include Devastator being cut into tiny pieces by Menasor's sword before the parts spontaneously reassembling, and Menasor only being a couple of heads taller than Astrotrain. (I don't think the Korean studio got the Transformers size comparison chart at all. There are far too many discrepancies.)
We do get one interesting nod to the past, when Astrotrain laments, "In the days of Megatron it was not like this!" and Cyclonus quickly corrects, "You mean Galvatron!" before the Sweeps launch into a heartfelt volley of hail Galvatrons. "Well, they were the same guy," Astrotrain grumbles. This is the only in-series acknowledgement that Megatron has been removed from the series and Galvatron has taken his place--a necessity, perhaps, for viewers who had missed the movie. (Japan didn't get the movie until well after the third season had aired. Talk about confusing!)
Elsewhere, the Autobots are hosting what basically amounts to the Space Olympics. This is just about the only indication of what the Autobots would be doing with their time if they didn't have Decepticons to worry about. (In later episodes, we'll see that they also like to meddle in interplanetary affairs and force other life forms to make peace.) Rodimus Prime is visibly less-than-enthusiastic about the whole affair, a fact lampshaded by Warpath and Bumblebee, who are watching the games remotely from Autobot City.
Anybody familiar with the character voices from The Transformers: the Movie would find the third season rather jarring upon first viewing. All the celebrity voice actors got replaced, which unfortunately accounts for almost all of the main cast for season three. The regular TV actors had previously voiced the characters in Hasbro toy commercials, so in truth they were just resuming their regular roles. I was ten years old when I first saw this episode, and on some level I recognized that the celebrity voice cast was not sustainable. Still, it took me time to adjust to the new voices. When I first heard Ultra Magnus speaking during the Sharkticon invasion, I recall thinking that it wasn't a bad Kup voice. Then, of course, Kup opened his mouth and sounded absolutely nothing like Lionel Stander.
Some of the new actors chosen were already series mainstays. Jack Angel was brought in fairly early in season two for Smokescreen and Ramjet and Astrotrain, and he probably began voicing Ultra Magnus in toy commercials shortly thereafter. Frank Welker, of course, was a natural choice for Galvatron as he had previously performed Megatron. (He also did Wreck-Gar in the toy commercials, but Tony Pope apparently did a better Eric Idle impression.) Dick Gautier was brought on board for G.I. Joe in 1986 to play Serpentor; before he was cast in the role, Ted Schwartz was originally chosen as Rodimus Prime (and he can still be heard in some recap/preview clips for this mini-series). John Stephenson previously played Thundercracker and Windcharger and Alpha Trion before taking the role of Kup. Neil Ross was Slag and Bonecrusher and Hook before he took the role of Springer. Roger C. Carmel was probably cast as Cyclonus first, but we heard him on the show first as Motormaster and Bruticus. John Moschitta and Stan Jones remained the only actors introduced in the movie who got to keep their regular-series characters (Blurr and Scourge).
A major plot point of the mini-series is that the transformation cog for Autobot City, which has been retconned into a Transformer named Metroplex (the terms are used synonymously), has been damaged, leaving the city in a vulnerable state. Blurr and Wheelie are both assigned to play delivery boy, escorting the cog safely from Cybertron to Earth. We can only hope that they both die a horrible death before they get there, because they're two of the most annoyingly gimmicky Autobots ever created.
Back at the Space Olympics, a group of shadowy assailants arrive and, under cover of smoke from the Olympic torch, capture Kup and Ultra Magnus as well as Spike (whose appearance finally establishes Carly as the mother of his spawn, as if there were any doubt). We'll learn later that they're Sharkticons, but they're not drawn all chubby and plump like the Sharkticons usually look. (Keeping their identity a mystery became an even bigger plot point in the fifth-season presentation, when Tommy Kennedy goes through this whole big laundry list of who the kidnappers could, and could not, be.) Han and Leia... I mean, Springer and Arcee go to action, with Springer blowing the torch to smithereens while Arcee blasts away at the unknown assailants. In the aftermath, the Autobots ponder the reason for the abductions. Optimus Prime would have said something like, "I don't know why, but I don't think the Decepticons are behind this," but Rodimus just up and accuses them, declaring a quarantine on the entire planet. When a mystery ship emerges and blasts off, however, Springer and Arcee are quick to pursue.
Elsewhere, Blurr and Wheelie observe the head of Unicron, still in orbit around Cybertron as per the final show of the movie. What they don't notice is that the Decepticons have infiltrated the maybe-deactivated head and are rummaging through Unicron's memory files to find a clue as to what direction Galvatron went after Rodimus Prime chucked him into space. Say what you like about this mini-series, but that's one amazing nod to continuity. Galvatron doesn't just spontaneously show up one day to lead the Decepticons again; the episode acknowledges that he was sent hurtling towards parts unknown, so the Decepticons have to actively track him down. (Even Star Wars never did that. Darth Vader is hurtling through space at the end of A New Hope, but he's right back in charge of things by the time of The Empire Strikes Back.) We're treated to yet another brief snippet from The Transformers: the Movie, as if to remind us how horrible AKOM's animation is by comparison.
Cyclonus makes some calculations and, amazingly, Scourge is able to just stare into space and "spy the planet" in question. Man, and you thought Bumblebee had good vision! Sure enough, we get a glimpse of Galvatron's arm poking out of the plasma on planet Thraal, giving the Decepticons something to go on. Also, from millions of miles away, Scourge can apparently hear Galvatron softly moaning.
Elsewhere, we get a scene in Carbombya that doesn't really do much for this episode, specifically, but establishes the setting for future episodes. Abdul Fakkadi is a clear allegory for Muammar Gaddafi (whose name could be spelled Kaddafi, making the name of this character from this episode a thinly-veiled anagram). The character is inexcusably racist (and he's the reason Casey Kasem, who is of Arab descent, left the show) but in some ways he's a product of his time. In 1942, during World War II, Superman urged comic book readers to "slap a Jap" and Donald Duck got all up in der Fuehrer's face. In the 1980's, Libya was public enemy number one. Gaddafi was openly and vehemently anti-American, and after terrorists blew up a night club, Ronald Reagan ordered an air strike to bomb the crap out of the country. Transformers is hardly the only culprit in this regard; G.I. Joe had an episode where a bankrupt Destro is trying to sell old Cobra jet fighters to military leaders of other countries, and Kaddafi himself makes a cameo.
Anyway, Fakkadi is hiding two Decepticon refugees, Dirge and Ramjet, and evidently Blaster and his buddy Outback have gotten wind of this. Outback uses an admittedly fake gizmo called a "Decepticon detector" to lure them out of hiding; when their escape attempt fails, the Autobots interrogate them for the location of planet Chaar. Rodimus confirms the existence of the planet: "Our charts don't show any planets in that sector... no, wait, here it is. I thought it was a smudge on the screen." Say what you want about this mini-series; that's some snappy writing. (Dan Gilvezan takes his turn as Outback in this episode; Gregg Berger will take over for the character's other speaking role in "The Quintesson Journal," during which he's also paired with Blaster. Also... man, Outback's animation model sure is a literal interpretation of the toy. It's just about as un-humanoid as you can get without being Slammer or Brunt.)
Perceptor also examines the remains of one of the Sharkticon marauders. Rodimus admits that it "looks familiar, but isn't any Decepticon I know." I hate it when characters conveniently know all the information they need to know just to move the plot along, but this almost pushes it too far in the other direction. Is it because the Sharkticon is in robot mode, but all the ones that Hot Rod fought in the movie were in creature mode? Anyway, Rodimus opts to travel to Chaar to find out for sure. When Perceptor offers to come along, Rodimus reminds him of the events from the movie, citing "the last two guys who tried to watch out for me." He's most likely referring to Optimus Prime (who died because he wouldn't fire on Hot Rod) and Ultra Magnus (who got blow to bits protecting the Autobots, though Hot Rod wasn't present in that scene). You could make a good argument that the other guy is Kup, even though he got ripped apart on Quintessa for no reason, not because he was protecting Hot Rod specifically. In any event, Perceptor reexamines his decision and sends Grimlock along in his place. Grimlock, who is officially an idiot now, jumps around like a child and giggles in delight. (I'm sure the Dinobots like Rodimus as a leader better than Optimus. Rodimus doesn't keep them stuffed in a closet!)
So, Arcee and Springer are chasing down the mystery ship, which is being piloted by a new character called a Skuxxoid. (For years, we didn't know the official spelling of this guy's species until I dug up a copy of the Marvel Productions Casting List. You're welcome.) I'm pretty sure he's being voiced by Charlie Adler in this episode, but they flange his voice so heavily that it's so hard to make out what he's saying. He's arguably speaking an alien language during his first line of dialogue, but I could swear up and down that it ends with, "have a little... accident!" This seems to foreshadow what he's about to do: he docks his ship on board a larger asteroid, which itself turns out to be a much larger ship. It grabs Springer and Arcee's craft and crushes it, forcing them to evacuate.
"This thing biological or mechanical?" Arcee seems to be asking of the asteroid. Are those the only choices? Wouldn't a big hunk of space rock be... well, neither? Anyway, Springer seems to also recognize that the asteroid is something more... much more than meets the eye, and blasts a hole in it, revealing the Skuxxoid rehearsing his surrender. (Seriously. He's saying "I surrender, I surrender!" long before Springer and Arcee approach him.)
In addition to the quality of the animation taking a big nosedive, the visual language of the show has changed. The Transformer characters themselves are still Floro Dery designs, but he was no longer actively working on the show by this point, which means he was no longer around to design the backgrounds and props and random aliens. His character designs had a certain poetic, whimsical flair (Aron from "Child's Play" with his great, big, goofy eyes) that's totally absent in characters like the Skuxxoid.
The Skuxxoid is actually working for the Quintessons in this episode, and he's been instructed to mislead Springer and Arcee into believing that the Decepticons are the kidnappers. He sure doesn't do a very convincing job of it ("The who? Oh, I mean, yes, of course! The Decepticons!") but Springer and Arcee swallow it hook, line, and sinker anyway. Skuxxy is allowed to escape so that he can continue to pester the Autobots in future episodes like "Chaos" and "Starscream's Ghost" and "Grimlock's New Brain." Man, he got more episodes than a lot of characters with actual Hasbro toys.
Frenzy (or Rumble) takes his cue from his maligned movie dialogue, when he expresses concern over Soundwave being characterized as "uncrazzamatic." In this episode, he's making general comments about wanting to "powderulverize" the Autobots. He's officially supplanted Breakdown as the Decepticon who mangles words. Onslaught, who has been turned into total scrap metal despite his total absence from the events of the movie, agrees with Rumble-or-Frenzy's words, and does so in Wildrider's voice. (It's not even Wildrider's REGULAR voice. It's Wildrider's new "Five Faces of Darkness" voice that we'll hear later, because Terry McGovern can barely remember what Launchpad McQuack sounds like, let alone some random minor robot character.) Oddly, Motormaster expresses something like respect for Optimus Prime, praising him as a once-great leader and longing for something like that for the Decepticons. (Yeah, you won't be getting that. You'll be getting Galvatron instead.)
Cyclonus and the Sweeps return from their Galvatron-scouting mission and collect energon donations from the other Decepticons in order, presumably, to make the trip to Thraal. The other troops are understandably reluctant to part with their energon reserves, at least until Cyclonus turns into a television evangelist and implores them to "gii-ii-iive 'till it huu-uu-uurts!" (I am not making this up.) It's around this time that the animators pretty much give up on the Decepticons background characters. Up to this point, they'd done a fairly admirable job of drawing and coloring the characters correctly, but perhaps due to budgetary constraints, perhaps due to not giving a shit, they eventually started drawing and coloring the characters more or less randomly. I don't count Octane's presence on Chaar as a mistake (he was probably kicked off Cybertron when the Autobots took over), but there are also Predacons on Chaar, blue Swindles, dead 1984 Decepticon jets... oh, and GALVATRON.
Actually, I think a lot of the generic background characters accidentally created in this mini-series were done so due to a lack of communication. For some reason, the animation models for dead characters like Shockwave, Thundercracker, Brawn, etc. evidently remained in active service for the animators to find. Somebody should have made sure they were removed from the available character files, but they weren't. The guys drawing the cels certainly couldn't have been expected to have an active understanding of which characters were alive and which ones weren't. Every time a dead character shows up, though, he's invariably colored wrong. This suggests to me that the cel artists had the black-and-white models available for reference, but the color keys WERE discarded, so the cel painters saw these robots and couldn't find any characters that they matched up with. That's why we get Shockwaves colored like Constructicons and Thundercrackers colored like Onslaught, I suspect. (And, really, Transformers gets analyzed far, far more heavily than most cartoon shows. How many animation mistakes could I cite from, say, Dinosaucers or Chip an' Dale's Rescue Rangers or Galaxy High? Well, I don't know. I haven't seen them since the 1980's and don't own any episodes on DVD.)
Atop a mountain peak, Rodimus and Grimlock are observing the plight of the 'Cons and reach the conclusion that they're clearly in no position to be kidnapping anybody. The Decepticons notice them, though (mostly due to some unusually loud ranting from Grimlock about not feeling sorry for them), and they attack.
Oddly, the Shout Factory DVD transfer of this episode does a freeze-frame as Cyclonus and the Decepticons attack. As originally broadcast (and, I think, on the Rhino DVD), the titles "TO BE CONTINUED" are superimposed on the screen as Cyclonus and friends continue to approach.
Even the credits sequence is kind of cruddy. While the third-season episodes following the mini-series got a new title sequence, the same cannot be said of the end credits. Even the episodes that were animated by Toei (and therefore actually look good) are still bookended by the AKOM sequences. Something of note is that some of the animation from the credits is different than what we got in the episodes. For example, in the end credits, Kup just runs in place for a moment before he finally transforms to truck mode. Also, the same footage of Cyclonus transforming from jet to robot mode and then landing is used twice during the credits. Nope, not sloppy at all. Traditionally, it's footage of characters transforming that get used for the credits, but for this one, sometimes it's just random scenes like the Constructicons in-fighting. We also get this random no-name loser robot from the Galactic Olympics, forever immortalized in the credits.
FIVE FACES OF DARKNESS PART 2
In the recap for part 1, there's a cool splicing together of footage where they used the scene from the end of the movie, with Unicron's disembodied head swooping towards the camera, and then jump to a matte painting of Unicron's eye with Cyclonus climbing into it. It's not totally seamless, but it's still cool. We also get to hear Ted Schwartz's version of Rodimus Prime in the recap, which is arguably closer to the timbre of Judd Nelson. It's likely that he recorded all or most of Rodimus Prime's dialogue for "Five Faces of Darkness"; Dick Gautier eventually replaced the dialogue in the episodes proper, but not in the recap segments. (This also means that Dick Gautier was probably the first Transformers voice actor who had to try to match the lip movements of the character. Typically, in American shows, the dialogue is recorded first and the animation is created to match it.)
As our episode finally begins, two minutes and thirty seconds later, Grimlock and Rodimus are knocked off the ledge by laser blasts and are forced to confront a mob of approaching Decepticons. Their laser weapons run out of juice, though, so they just keep marching on. "Me, Grimlock, like shooting when can't miss!" Grimlock quips. (In this scene, Rumble and Soundwave are the same height, further evidence that they didn't have a scale sheet on hand.) It's around this time that the animators have stopped even trying to get their background Decepticons to match any existing designs. There are robots that kinda-sorta look like Stunticons and Combaticons, but they're colored randomly (the sorta-Breakdown is colored like Rumble, for example; some Decepticon with Optimus Prime windows in his chest is colored like Soundwave). They're all moving in synch, suggesting they used one animated sequence of a Decepticon troop marching and just photocopied it, changing only the surface details. Anyway, in the end, the Decepticons finally just start bludgeoning the Autobots with the butts of their rifles.
They're interrupted when Soundwave observes an "alien object: approaching!" and they're forced to hunt cover. It's the rockaroid, and Springer and Arcee waste no time in retrieving Grimlock and the unconscious form of Rodimus. "Those miserable Skuxxoids!" Cyclonus balks, the only such time on the show that the Skuxxoid species is identified in dialogue. "Eh, they'd sell out to anybody for the right price," Swindle observes. "If anyone would know, Swindle..." remarks Cyclonus. Say what you want about this mini-series, but it does have some clever rejoinders. (This also establishes on some level that Cyclonus does have some memories of his former existence. Cyclonus wasn't around for episodes like "B.O.T.", when Swindle sold off the Combaticon parts for petty cash, but Skywarp sure was!)
The energon cubes are multi-colored in this episode, which they haven't done for a long, long time on the show. Seems like they started out pink in "More Than Meets the Eye" but they would change to multi-spectral when they were pushed down and compacted for transport (something else that they stopped doing shortly after the pilot mini-series). Also, Kickback appears in two scenes as Cyclonus and the Sweeps collect their donations and fly away. I can never decide whether he's really dead or not. People used to say he was an Insecticon clone, but a) the clones couldn't exist without Shrapnel's control beams, and b) they always appeared in insect mode, never in robot mode.
On planet Quintessa (a name which is itself something of a retcon; in the movie script and related material, the planet was called Quintesson), Kup is being interrogated. "You are the Autobot called Kup; you are Cybertron's chief of security," a Quintesson Judge assesses. "Nah, my name's Teaspoon," Kup remarks. "I'm Cybertron's chief dishwasher." I'm telling you, this is a well-written mini-series. It's consistently very clever. People would have loved it if it had been animated better. "Zero percent probability of truth," a Judge responds, who clearly can't take a joke.
Anyway, the whole purpose of this courtroom scene seems to actually provide a reason for the Quintessons putting robots on trial during the movie. In the film, they were just random, wacky aliens who liked to dress up in judicial robes, clack a gavel, and watch robots get eaten alive. Now it seems that they're actively pursuing the Transformers, specifically, who stole Cybertron from them. Of course, this doesn't really address the fact that a) even robots like Kranix, who were declared innocent, were still executed and b) they already put Kup on trial and didn't identify him by name or recognize him, or Hot Rod, as Transformers. Still, it's a good try, and gives the Quintessons some reason to exist other than just being egg-shaped weirdos.
The Quintessons grill him about Cybertron's defensive capability, ostensibly in eventual preparation for launching an assault to reclaim the planet. Spike observes that the Quintessons seem to be purposefully avoiding asking him any questions, which makes you wonder why he was captured in the first place. Nonetheless, Spike's hit it right on the nose; the Quintessons are good at predicting Transformer behavior, but the unpredictable human element throws a wrench into the works.
The rockaroid touches down on a crescent-shaped planet somewhere so Springer and Arcee can examine Rodimus. "My time in the light is short," Rodimus mumbles, echoing a line of Optimus Prime dialogue from an early version of the movie script. Arcee correctly recognizes it as something she heard Prime say, and concludes that Rodimus is dying and is preparing to pass on the Matrix. Rodimus Prime's eyes glow for a moment and then stop, but he does not turn grey. Despite this, Grimlock starts crying (?!), wiping the tears away from his optics despite the fact that T. rex was not able to reach his own head. Arcee uses a medical instrument to conclude that Rodimus Prime's life force is gone. Springer establishes that the Autobots bury their dead, which in itself is kind of weird, but Grimlock points out that the Matrix hasn't popped out yet.
We see that Rodimus has in fact entered the Matrix in what can only be described as a near-death experience. Exactly what the Matrix is, and why the Autobots enter it when they die, requires a lot of convoluted hand-waving. (We know it can function as a key to Vector Sigma, but we also know it is not of Quintesson origin. Thus, I think it's reasonable to conclude that the Quintessons found the Matrix and built Vector Sigma to interact with it. After their robots started malfunctioning (i.e. developing emotions), they must have used the Matrix to dump their personalities into so they could start over with a clean slate and reprogram the former malfunctioning robots with new personalities. When the Autobots overtook Cybertron and exiled the Quintessons, they were stuck with this weird Matrix thingy and all these would-be rebel robots trapped inside it, so the least they could do was hang onto the Matrix and keep the attempted rebels safe.)
The Matrix vision could have been so cool if it had been animated by capable artists, but instead we get arabic numerals floating through space and lots of things exploding. Over and over again. Numbers explode. Quintessa explodes. Skull-faced robots explode. A whole parade of robots explode. A Quintesson explodes. Your neighbor's dog explodes. I guess we're supposed to get from this that something is going to eventually explode.
Rodimus explains that he was inside the Matrix and he's figured out where the missing Autobots are. "They hidden inside you?" the lamentably besotted Grimlock asks. "No, you bozology," Rodimus laughs. This is a really weird choice for an insult. You could argue that if Grimlock is a bozo ("me not bozo, me king!") then what he speaks, or thinks, would be bozology (if that were even a word to begin with). So, while it still sounds stupid, a Rodimus response that went, "None of your bozology!" would made a modicum of sense. Was Ron Friedman still rewriting the dialogue by this point?
I love the part when Rodimus asks if Grimlock remembers the whole business from the movie when the shuttle was shot down over Quintessa and Hot Rod went to trial. "Me, Grimlock, rescue you!" Grimlock affirms, prompting Arcee to look askance at Grimlock and go, "You must be kidding." Susan Blu's comic timing is perfect, and I love her deadpan delivery.
On Quintessa, Kup sums up the scene quite nicely: "We're gonna get a fair trial, and then they're gonna kill us." Spike incites an escape attempt (his initial attempts to do so go right over the head of Ultra Magnus, but Kup gets what Spike is trying to do). Kup and Magnus proceed to "rush 'em and pray!" but when Spike finds a gun and takes a Quintesson Judge hostage, the other Quintessons just sentence everybody to death, Quintesson hostage and all. (The guy's name is Deliberata, as in to deliberate during court proceedings. Apparently all Quintessons are named after legalistical judgy terms.)
On Thraal, the Sweeps retrieve Galvatron, who sure sounds different than he did in the movie. Plasma bath messed with his vocal components, one assumes. (It's the only time in the show that you can really find a valid excuse. I have this whole theory about airborne mutation spores in G.I. Joe: the Movie that everybody inhaled, explaining why nobody sounds the same in the DIC-produced episodes. Uh, except for Cobra Commander and Sgt. Slaughter, both of which already sound strangled to begin with.)
In another amazing nod to continuity, Rodimus actually finds the wreckage of his shuttle from The Transformers: the Movie and this leads him to identify Quintessa. (We will conveniently ignore the fact that his ship actually crashed on the planet, so no debris should be visible from space.) During the trial, Spike asks directly what crime they're being accused of, and in a roundabout sort of way, the Quintessons explain that the Autobots are guilty of theft because they occupy Cybertron. Just then, the rockaroid shows up, inducing terror in whomever sees it. "Perhaps we should seek some cover?" one of the Quintessons suggests, but another with the same voice--or perhaps the same Quintesson, arguing with himself, counters: "No, that would be cowardly. Place your faith in our defense systems." This entire exchange, by the way, was recycled for use in "Dark Awakening," for reasons that completely escape me. They blow up the rockaroid and assume that's the end of it.
On Thraal, Galvatron's not terribly thrilled about the state of the Decepticon army. Cyclonus appoints himself and the Sweeps the elite guard of the Decepticon army, dismissing the rest of the Decepticon troops as mere gunfodder. Soundwave, arguably the most loyal Decepticon in history... Ramjet, Thrust, and Dirge, once described by Megatron as "the most powerful jets in the galaxy"... the Constructicons, who combine into the mighty Devastator... all worthless and expendible, evidently. To his credit, Galvatron finds the idea laughable as well, and starts taking potshots at the Sweeps. Some of them fly away; others fall into the plasma; a few even manage to retaliate. What is Galvatron's plan here, exactly? To forcibly demonstrate to the Sweeps that immersion in the plasma will make them more powerful, as Galvatron claimed was the case with himself? No, he's just a lunatic. Scourge lands and tries a different approach, placating Galvatron with some smooth talk. "Watch out for this one, Cyclonus," Galvatron warns. "One day, he might take your place." Of course, Cyclonus' "place," as it turns out, is to become Galvatron's punching bag. Scourge probably wouldn't want the job.
Galvatron launches into space, transforms to cannon mode, and destroys Thraal. It's so difficult to gauge how powerful he still is. The Marvel Comics take on the character was that he was able to draw power from Unicron in direct proportion to his need, and this was based directly on Ron Friedman's notes for the character. So, at this stage, Galvatron can demolish a planet with a single shot. We'll see later that he's not nearly so powerful now as he was in the movie, though. In the film, he manages to atomize Starscream with a single blast. His weapons never have that kind of destructive power against other Transformers again.
So, the Autobot rescue party arrives. Rodimus and Arcee are riding on top of Springer, with Grimlock hanging on from below. (Why is it that other Triple Changers can grow to tremendous size and carry other Transformers, but not Springer?) Ultra Magnus, Kup, and Spike are pulled from the Sharkticon pits to safety; Ultra Magnus even saves the Quintesson who was sentenced along with them. And then uses him as a shield against the Sharkticon laser blasts. Hmm.
Then the Autobot cavalry recconoiters with the group. It's not blatantly obvious, but they've arrived aboard Broadside, serving as a non-speaking transport vehicle in his first animated appearance. He will get blown to bits, ressurected as a Decepticon, and then get a completely different, totally redesigned robot mode in the course of his travels. (As an aside, it makes sense that if he transforms into an aircraft carrier, then his other vehicle mode should be equally enormous. On the other hand, Astrotrain didn't always transform into a super-sized gigantic train. The whole size-changing nonsense of Transformers gives me a headache sometimes.)
While rescue operations are underway, the Quintessons, never ones to be outdone, decide to detonate Quintessa altogether. These guys have got a serious hate-on for the Autobots. (If my vaccuum cleaner started going haywire or if my computer suddenly locked up and didn't respond to my keyboard input, clearly the answer is to just burn down my condo.) Quintessa explodes (and freeze-frames, if you're watching the Shout Factory version).
FIVE FACES OF DARKNESS PART 3
The recap for parts 1 and 2 is unintentionally hilarious, as Victor Caroli intones, "The Autobots realize that the Decepticons are now too weak to have kidnapped Ultra Magnus, Kup, and Spike... but if they didn't, WHO DID??!!" Growing up, my sister and I had an inside joke where we constantly made fun of Don LaFontane's movie taglines. "If she didn't hang up the towels in the bathroom... WHO DID??!!" Maybe it's not funny to anybody else but me.
Rodimus Prime's delivery of the line, "Autobots, let's gettattahere!" at the beginning of this episode is a different voice delivery than the one from the end of part 2. Apparently it was less trouble to just re-record the line than to actually go digging through the voice recordings from the end of the last episode.
As Quintessa explodes, Broadside makes a valiant attempt to get free from the resultant destruction, but a chunk of the planet rips through his hull, completely destroying him. Alas, poor Broadside, we hardly knew ye. Autobots and Aerialbots and assorted organic creatures (some of them slimy worm-fingered creeps; others unlikable dry-skinned bipeds) are sent flying into space. Quintessons can survive in outer space, and yet "The Face of the Nijika" establishes that their ships have life support systems. Go figure. "You figured a way out of this, or are we in big trouble?" Springer asks Rodimus. "We're in big trouble," says an upside-down Kup without missing a beat. Again, perfect comic timing. I think the fact that he's floating upside-down is what makes it so funny.
Elsewhere, Cyclonus is filling Galvatron in on current events. Apparently, in the interim between The Transformers: the Movie and "Five Faces of Darkness" part 1, the Earth Defense Command program was launched, probably by G.I. Joe, to serve as the planet's main defense platform. I'm actually kind of surprised this didn't happen sooner. We'll see that EDC has orbital stations throughout the solar system, but they're inconsistent about keeping Decepticons from reaching Earth. Sometimes the EDC defenses are formidable and other times the Decepticons just waltz through without a second thought. The warp gates may or may not have a connection to EDC; I'm not sure. They're used infrequently throughout the series (they also show up in "The Quintesson Journal") and I think they were introduced as a means for characters to travel quickly between distant points in space, but most of the time the problem of long-distance space travel is just casually glossed over.
Well, Galvatron thinks the whole concept is patently absurd and has to see this for himself. "I think that plasma bath fried Galvatron's circuits," one of the Sweeps realizes. "It's not your place to think," Scourge corrects him. "Where he leads, all Decepticons must follow." This is more or less in synch with Scourge's single line of dialogue from the movie, but his character hasn't really been fully fleshed out yet. In fact, Scourge is a hard character for me to quantify. Is he devoutly loyal (as he is in this episode) or is he a traitor (as seen when he stole the Matrix in "The Burden Hardest to Bear")? Is he a capable hunter ("Starscream's Ghost") or is he grossly incompetent ("The Rebirth")?
Regarding Galvatron, though, this is a really fascinating changed premise for the character, and one probably introduced to make Galvatron more interesting. (What's funny is that, despite the Sweep's complaints, this episode actually shows Galvatron at his most lucid!) It seems like there's a clear attempt to distinguish the character from Megatron by making him more flawed, which in turn makes for better drama. It's the same with Rodimus Prime. Optimus was basically perfect in every way, but Rodimus is headstrong and insecure and makes bad decisions, which again makes for more compelling storytelling.
The notion that the Autobots are just tumbling helplessly through space kind of flies in the face of what we've seen from other episodes. The whole "Autobots can't fly" rule seems to really mean "Autobots can fly, but they're really bad at it." They're still able to propel themselves through space, as we'll see in "Forever is a Long Time Coming" and "Carnage in C-Minor" and "Ghost in the Machine." The way they're just letting their inertia dictate the course of their lives bothers me. If nothing else, the Aerialbots should be able to change course, right?
Oh, joy, it's time to check in on Blurr and Wheelie. They've made it to the solar system, but so has Galvatron. Wheelie is the first to notice him on the view screen, and tries to warn Blurr, but Blurr is babbling too much to take notice. There's a cool moment when we see Galvatron on the view screen aiming his cannon and firing, and an instant later, the hull behind Blurr and Wheelie blows up.
As an aside, Wheelie does not rhyme with one hundred percent consistency. "Why do you fear? Can the dead be here?" he asks, but then as the hull is breached, he whispers, "Can they?!" So, obviously he's not locked into rhyming by some bizarre programming bug. In other words, he chooses to be annoying. He does it deliberately. There's some evidence that Blurr really does have some sort of problem (Sandstorm accuses him of having a bad timing program in one episode) and he seems to only be able to slow down and speak normally with a great deal of effort (as he does in "The Face of the Nijika"). Wheelie, on the other hand? There's no excuse for Wheelie's behavior.
The Decepticons make short work of the Earth Defense Command outpost, and then they notice Blurr and Wheelie's shuttle making a break for it. "Bring me their heads as souveniers!" Galvatron commands, and the Decepticons pursue. Blurr suggests hiding near Jupiter. Well, actually, he just stands there and goes "JupiterJupiterJupiterJupiter." Wheelie has no idea what the hell Blurr is talking about. I can't say I blame him. During this scene, Wheelie slips into an alternate voice performance. I'm guessing what happened was that additional lines of dialogue were written, or perhaps the original recording was bad and needed to be replaced. The replacement voice for Wheelie is quite patently not Frank Welker, however. I have no idea who provided Wheelie's substitute voice, but it sounds terrible. At least Welker can pull off a Poet Smurf voice and make it sound professional. This guy is effecting this horrible falsetto, like Mickey Mouse, and it makes an already annoying character truly repugnant.
On Earth, we see Autobot City manned by Blaster and, in a rare appearance, Eject. He alerts the EDC base on Mars to the Decepticon activity, and the EDC captain stationed there is dispatched to intercept. Her name is Marissa Fairborne, who, as we all know, is the daughter of Flint and Lady Jaye from G.I. Joe (Flint's civilian name is Dashiell Fairborne). Say what you want about this mini-series, but it's very ambitious in the number of new concepts it throws at you. Marissa is voiced by Sue "Arcee" Blu in some kind of bizarre almost-English accent.
Galvatron continues to pursue Blurr and Wheelie. The way the animators draw Galvatron's transformation is not always consistent. Sometimes, his arm cannon falls off his arm and disappears off-screen, and a new cannon emerges from his head. Other times, you can actually see him attach the arm cannon to his head during transformation. Galvatron transforms both ways during the fight on Jupiter.
Blurr and Wheelie disappear into the depths of Jupiter. Specifically, they appear to fall into the Great Red Spot, which is known to be a tremendous storm within the gas planet. Wheelie takes a direct hit from Decepticon laser fire. "Galvatron is strong, but Wheelie is mean!" he quips (again, not rhyming), retaliating and shooting one of the Sweeps directly in the face. "My guidance system is hit! Galvatron, save meeeee!" the disabled Sweep implores before disappearing into the depths of the gas giant. "Please meet your end with dignity! I despise whiners!" Galvatron remarks. (He's got Megatron eyebrows in this scene. Seriously.) This is the first instance of how the Sweeps are used as disposable troops in the series (we lost a couple of them in the movie, too, but everybody dies in the movie). On one hand, it's more realistic to expect some of the Decepticons to lose their lives during the course of a war. They couldn't really write a scene like this in season one or two and have Rumble or Mixmaster just suddenly die. On the other hand, in some ways, the medium is the message, and we know going into subsequent episodes that the Sweeps, and ONLY the Sweeps, will be the ones to die.
Something else unfortunate about the nature of the Sweeps is that, as generic characters, they're generally voiced by random actors, whoever happens to be working on that episode. In "Ghost in the Machine," they sound like Starscream. In "Fight or Flee," they sound like Sandstorm. In "Webworld," they sound like Sky Lynx. It's just the nature of the beast. It's not like this is G.I. Joe and we're dealing with random Vipers and Cobra Officers that probably number in the hundreds or thousands. It's conceivable you would see one of them in a single episode, and then never again. Only two Sweeps were created in The Transformers: the Movie, three if you include Scourge. Literally dozens of them are destroyed in the course of the third season. I want to say it's got something to do with Shrapnel and his ability to make Insecticon clones, though I'm not quite sure how that would work.
Anyway, Galvatron blasts the Great Red Spot and exacerbates the storm. The storm goes nuts. The Sweeps hate it; Galvatron loves it. "Bravo, Galvatron," Cyclonus praises his leader. "The Autobots' destruction is assured!" Galvatron knocks Cyclonus for a loop. "Assured is not enough! I told you I want their heads, Cyclonus!"
Elsewhere, the Quintessons are on board their corkscrew ship watching home movies. They believe the Autobots went up in smoke with the destruction of Quintessa. "I am uncertain how to celebrate it," states one Quintesson. "Perhaps a quiet chuckle," suggests another. "Very well, then," agrees the first. "Let us... chuckle." The Quintessons proceed to chuckle. Say what you want about this mini-series, but this is exceptional writing. It's so downplayed and dry that it almost doesn't read as humor, but I find it hysterical. The Quintessons are so utterly based in logic and reason that they have to sit and deliberate over whether something is funny enough to laugh about. THAT is utter hilarity.
Of course, the Autobots aren't finished yet. They're floating through space uncontrollably! The Quintessons lack the strength and firepower to destroy the Autobots in a direct assault, so they resolve to effect a merger with the Decepticons.
The Autobots finally land on a planet called Goo. Technically, it's Goo #8739B, suggesting perhaps that there are thousands of other Goo planets, all distinguished by numbers. It is perhaps the very strangest planet in the history of the show. (Or, as the wrong-voiced Rodimus puts it: "This isn't a planet! I dunno WHAT it is!") The entire planet is covered in a viscous glue-like substance, and a machine called an elemental processing unit routinely patrols the planet and sucks up whatever's stuck to the goo. I have absolutely no idea what purpose this serves. At a guess, the goo is meant to trap useful ships or technology, and the processing unit harvests them and somebody comes by later to collect their treasures. Apparently it's a Junkion operation, since we'll see them get involved a bit later.
There's a fairly disturbing scene when Kup notices something making muffled noises and pulls out... not Judge Deliberata, but one of the disembodied faces of Judge Deliberata. It's still talking and complaining about being robbed of his dignity, so it's evidently not in pain. So, apparently the egg bodies are just a vehicle for the faces, and it's the faces that are, themselves, alive. The Quintessons were weird before, but now they're positively horrifying.
Back on Jupiter, Blurr and Wheelie are STILL getting fired on by Galvatron. I tend to complain about two-part episodes being stuffed with padding to extend the episodes to their proper length. This is the only five-part episode in the show ("The Rebirth" was originally planned to be before Hasbro requested that it be shortened), and while it's surprisingly fast-paced, this is where it starts to drag a little. The worst part is probably the fight between Predaking and Sky Lynx, but the misadventures of Blurr and Wheelie is a close second. Anyway, they fall out of Jupiter and crash on Io, one of its moons.
"Mighty Galvatron, where are the Autobots' heads?" Cyclonus wonders. Another mighty uppercut. "It doesn't matter. Their destruction is assured!" Galvatron states. This is great writing. I do feel bad for Cyclonus, though. Megatron would occasionally lash out at his troops, but Galvatron does it on a regular basis, and he seems to reserve most of it for Cyclonus, specifically. It's battered wife syndrome all over again. Just because Starscream's dead doesn't mean the domestic abuse is over. It just means Megatron/Galvatron found himself a new favorite punching bag.
Back on Goo, the Autobots fire on the processing unit, but the thing is completely indestructible. Springer changes to helicopter mode with the intent of air-lifting everyone to safety, but his activity attracts the machine and it makes a bee-line for Springer. It sucks him up and he is completely dismantled. Arcee shrieks in horror. Is Springer dead? Your instincts say no, but you have to wonder. The movie totally broke the rules about who can die and who can't. In 1985, you knew Wheeljack would survive getting crushed by Motormaster in "Trans-Europe Express." You knew it wasn't the end for Tracks just because Blitzwing crushed him in "Triple Takeover." Now, you're not so sure. At this point, so early in the show, it's still open season. Besides, it's not like Springer just fell over and got knocked unconscious. We see his ruined parts and his battered, lifeless head. There's no coming back from that, right?
So the Quintessons arrive on Chaar in preparation to dupe the Decepticons into doing their dirty work. This is one of the scenes where the animators just started making so many mistakes that you just sort of have to put your filters on and ignore it all. "They wanna make a deal with us," Blitzwing observes in Swindle's voice. "One of us has to go out there," realizes Breakdown, speaking in Dead End's voice. The real Dead End, never one to put too fine a point on things, decides that he'll be the one to go out and bargain with the Quintessons since he's just going to die anyway. (Silly Dead End. You're not a Sweep!)
The Quintesson faces are just drawn so badly in this sequence. Admittedly, they're extremely complex designs with loads of detail, far too much to effectively reproduce on a regular basis. I think the more detail you throw into a design, though, the more potential there is to get stuff wrong. Bumblebee's head design was very simple. Yellow helmet, white face, blue eyes. Easy-peasy, lemon squeezy. The Quintessons are constantly being miscolored, with this guy missing his moustache or that guy's horns or teeth the wrong color because there's just so much insane complexity.
Dead End takes the bait and eats some energon. He's wearing a face mask, of course, but it just sort of opens up and reveals a mouth-like protrusion under his nose. It's actually a little disturbing. Episodes like "Microbots" have established that the Decepticons drink out of energon cubes like they're gigantic goblets. Obviously, the Decepticons with masks have to be able to do this somehow. Does Soundwave drink energon cubes like this? Does OPTIMUS PRIME drink energon like this? Well, he doesn't anymore, because he's dead. But still. Since Dead End has tasted the energon and is not dead, the other Decepticons crawl out of the woodwork and have themselves a big ol' smorgasbord.
Back on Goo, the elemental processing unit has set its sights on Rodimus. "Forget everything I told you about heroism! RUN!" advises Kup. Despite this, Rodimus remains strangely cool and collected, waiting until the last minute before stuffing some goo up into the processing unit's moving parts. This disables it and it crashes into the goo. "This is impossible! You were never programmed for self-sacrifice!" Judge Deliberata proclaims, in some foreshadowing to part 4. "How would you know?" Rodimus retorts. How, indeed?
Back on Chaar... wait, that's an establishing shot of Goo. Huh. Well, it's supposed to be Chaar. With the Decepticons noshing on energon hors d'oeuvres and properly sated, the Quintessons make their move. They explain they would be willing to provide energon to the Decepticons indefinitely if they destroy the Autobots in return. "C'mon, you gotta be kidding! We'd do that anyway!" proclaim Swindle and Drag Strip and Motormaster all at the exact same time. A non-flanged Onslaught correctly points out that Cybertron's defenses are impregnable. Bruticus and the five Combaticons nod in agreement. Only Blitzwing seems to suspect something is up. "They lie! They want something more! I know you... or creatures like you... hmm, if only I could remember..."
By accident or design, this is remarkably consistent with what we know about Transformer long-term memory. Optimus Prime was unable to recall that Alpha Trion was his creator. Ultra Magnus didn't remember his own birthday. Over the long haul, Transformers just... forget stuff. Maybe it's a deliberate programming trait established by the Quintessons. Planned obsolescence, or a hardware limitation. Whatever the case, it does seem strange that Blitzwing, of all Decepticons, would be the oldest among them. Still, I'm willing to roll with it.
With regards to joining the Quintessons, Dead End basically goes "what could possibly go wrong?" and various Decepticons, and Fireflight the Aerialbot, mutter in agreement. Blitzwing casts the single opposing vote, so the other Decepticons unanimously agree to climb on board the corkscrew ship. The Quintessons seem to have known all along that the Decepticons would be so easily coerced. "Their programs are not nearly so tainted as the Autobots'," a Quintesson remarks. So, for some reason, the Autobots have diverged much more significantly from Quintesson expectations. We'll learn more about this in part 4.
Cyclonus introduces Galvatron to Chaar; Galvatron is less than impressed. For some bizarre reason, all the Sweeps are suddenly being colored like random other Decepticons--Dirge, Swindle, Soundwave, etc. Galvatron reconnoiters with Blitzwing (and recognizes him instantly, a sign that vestiges of Megatron's memories remain). Suddenly, Ed Gilbert has forgotten what Blitzwing sounds like and is effecting a deep, grumbly General Hawk voice for him. He tries to inform Galvatron of the Quintesson plot, but the poor guy just can't remember enough about them. "Ancient creatures known as As-Uh-Um" is about the best he can do. Galvatron is largely unconcerned. He killed Starscream to get his army back; he can just do it again if need be.
On the moon of Io, Blurr and Wheelie-with-fake-voice are stranded without a ship. Io is a volcanic moon, and apparently it's home to volcanic creatures that live inside the volcanos and do volcanic stuff. God, I do so hate Wheelie's alternate voice. "Wheelie okay! Blurr, what do you say?" Blurr says he wants to rip off that stupid baseball cap helmet design of yours and shove it into your mouth until you asphyxiate.
On Goo, the Autobots walk right off the Goo, stomp onto a metal box, and jump right back into the Goo, despite the episode going to a lot of trouble to establish that "you can move through this stuff, but not off it." Just then, droves of miscolored Decepticons pour from the Quintesson ship and attack, while Rodimus and friends just stand there and watch as they're pelted with laser fire. You've got your Shockwave colored like Long Haul. You've got your entirely grey Thundercracker. Shrapnel also makes a guest appearance. The thing about Shockwave, in particular, that really grates on me is that he's got such a distinct design. Gun for an arm and a lightbulb for a face. No other Decepticon looks like that. They really should have just colored him correctly, alleged movie death be damned. I, of course, eventually started celebrating these unsung characters, giving them names and personalities and painting toys in their likeness, because it's either that or go insane.
"FIVE FACES OF DARKNESS" PART 4
The recap for parts 1-3 is the only source that identifies the machine on planet Goo as an "elemental processing unit." See what you learn when you pay attention?
Oh, good gravy. The miscolored Decepticons just keep on a-comin'. There's Blitzwing, colored like Air Raid. There's Octane, colored like Grimlock. There's Wildrider, colored like Cyclonus. There's even a Decepticon identical to the Dinobot Snarl, colored like Rodimus Prime (?!). Some Decepticons are just random robots that the animators made up. They've clearly stopped caring altogether. This is no longer a 22-minute toy commercial. It's just a spectacle of the damned.
"Yes, yes! Even if my life is forfeit, destroy them! Destroy them!" chants Deliberata. "Me, Grimlock, say shut your faces!" retorts Grimlock with a well-placed tail-whack. Come one, you have to admit "shut your faces" is pretty funny. Also, Slag has inexplicably joined the Autobots, despite not having appeared in "Five Faces of Darkness" at any point previously.
There's an exchange between Dead End and Blast Off, the two most aristocratic Decepticons in history. They're like the Goofy Gophers from Looney Tunes. "After you, Blast Off." "Oh, no, Dead End, after you, I absolutely insist." Dead End ventures that this opportunity was all thanks to their new allies. When Blast Off says he doesn't get what Dead End is driving at, Swindle interrupts with, "He means, what other opportunities--" but is cut off. I blame sloppy sound editing. Galvatron enters the fray with an unflanged voice and threatens the Decepticon troops for forsaking him. He literally runs through space, taking steps and marching on top of a ground that isn't there.
"Galvatron, you have returned!" announces Motormaster, speaking in some bizarre Sweep-like voice that doesn't match any known character. Fortunately, Galvatron shoots him a couple of times and it resets his vocalizer and he's back to normal. "They gave us energon! They led us on this raid!" Swindle says, indicating the Quintessons. "What can you give us that they didn't?" Skydive, the Aerialbot traitor, nods in agreement. "'They'? 'THEY?' Who are 'THEY'?!" Galvatron explodes. It's really funny. He ventures towards the Quintesson ship, intending to chew bubblegum and kick egg-shaped butts. And he's all out of bubblegum.
On Goo, Rodimus and Magnus are totally shocked that the Decepticons haven't managed to kill them yet. Magnus blames it on "sloppiness" and "disorganization." They easily step out of the goo and into a control room of some sort, totally defying the rules carefully laid down about the planet in the previous episode. They observe that the television screens are just about the only thing in the control room that actually works, a fair indication that it's the Junkions doing the upkeep. Sure enough, Rodimus manages to raise Wreck-Gar on a communications channel (and this is the first time the character is identified by name in dialogue; he was never called by name in The Transformers: the Movie). "Glad you used the dial; wish everybody would!" Wreck-Gar says, in a clever spin on the old Dial soap commercials.
Wreck-Gar's television jargon goes through a few different iterations. In the movie, he spoke mainly in non-specific cliched phrases ("film at eleven" is common TV speak and not from a single source) but in this episode he's making contemporary 1980's pop culture references (his dialogue borrows from the Price is Right! game show and the old AllState commercials). In later episodes, like "The Big Broadcast of 2006," the references are exclusively from 1960's programming. In a way, this kind of makes sense, since (realistically) it would take a while for Earth's television signals to reach Junkion. The show isn't too consistent about this, though (he's back to 1980's references by "The Return of Optimus Prime").
Back on Io, Blurr and Wheelie have been destroyed by the deadly volcanic creatures. Oh, wait. That's just a fantasy of mine. No, they're just running from the creatures. They're bizarre bat-like things called, apparently, lipoles. Usually the creature names in this show make some kind of sense ("animalien" = animal + alien) but when it comes to the lipoles, I can't possibly begin to explain the etymology. It sounds like "lightpoles," but they are obviously not street lamps. Also, the only time the creatures are even named is by Victor Caroli in one of the recap segments. Blurr and Wheelie don't call the creatures by name, and the creatures themselves certainly don't call them this. So how do we know they're called lipoles? It's a dumb name. But "mynocks" was taken, apparently.
Wheelie is overcome by a swarm of the things and tosses the cog to Blurr, urging him to escape. Blurr suffers a crisis of conscience and sits there babbling about all the possible courses of action he could possibly take while his friend is being eaten alive, or whatever it is that lipoles do. In the end, he rushes back into the thick of things to protect Wheelie. It's Marissa Fairborne who has to venture into the fray, rocketing along in her space suit and firing her puny little laser blaster at the monsters. The lipoles manage to one-up her, as they all transform, in unison, into missiles and proceed to blow up Marissa's ship. The Transformers: the Movie already strained credibility in establishing that basically everything in the cartoon can transform (cities, humans, alligator monsters, giant planets) so at this point one more random species capable of transforming shouldn't bother me. But it does. It really, really does.
Well, Blurr freaks out over the destruction of the ship, but Marissa is more pragmatic. "If you're going to panic, panic productively," she suggests, and goes to see if the radio transmitter is still salvageable. We are left to infer that she gets through to Blaster at Autobot City, because he sends a rescue ship in the next episode.
Near Goo, Galvatron blasts his way aboard the Quintesson ship. "I wish to meet the new leaders of the Decepticons!" he cackles. The Quintessons immediately recognize that Galvatron's completely off his rocker and realize that they have to manipulate him very carefully. They put on a show of arguing amongst themselves, refusing to tell Galvatron about the fabled Decepticon Matrix of Leadership, but of course Galvatron demands to know just what they're talking about--grabbing one of the Quintessons by the tentacles and throwing him to the ground with a wet, squishy sound to illustrate his point. The Quintessons want to know what they will receive for providing the secret. "I might let you live!" was Megatron's go-to response in situations like this (he said something close to these exact words in "Make Tracks" and "Trans-Europe Express") but the Quintessons refuse to be bested. "Our lives are not enough!" they insist, demanding that Galvatron eradicate the Autobots on Goo as a show of good faith. Thus begins the long-suffering Decepticon-Quintesson alliance.
Galvatron wastes no time in attacking. "Try and take on Galvatron first!" Kup suggests, and this gets Rodimus Prime's attention (it's the first time he realizes Galvatron has not been destroyed). Wreck-Gar arrives in his junk cruiser and sucks the Autobots through the Goo and into his ship (he gets Deliberata, too, but evidently deems the Quintesson unfit for rescue, and promptly ejects him back out of the ship, past Galvatron, and into the darkness of space; we never see Deliberata again). Galvatron blasts the crap out of planet Goo, seemingly destroying it (we know that it's not completely gone, since it appears again in "Chaos"), and he declares the Junkions enemies just as the Autobots are.
The Quintessons continue to dangle the carrot in front of Galvatron's nose in the form of the Decepticon Matrix. They recognize that Galvatron probably doubts that it even exists (he's right, by the way) but even Galvatron has to admit that the Quintessons would make worthy allies. He wants to know why they haven't just eradicated the Autobots on their own. "Their association with these humans has changed them!" they protest. "We find the Earth creatures highly unpredictable and troublesome." Galvatron thinks this is an absolute laugh riot. "You FEAR the humans?!" he balks, cackling maniacally. With that, he makes the alliance official. On board the ship, various Decepticons pledge their allegiance with a ceremonial salute--Octane, Soundwave, Starscream colored like Onslaught, and TWO Shockwaves colored like Constructicons. (Of all the generic background characters, I think that this Decepticon jet, who I call Slaughterhouse, is my favorite.)
On the Planet of Junk (which has been renamed Junkion in the TV series), Wreck-Gar reveals that he can reassemble Springer. There's no montage of Junkion bikers applying wax or putting Springer's legs on backwards, though. Wreck-Gar just presses a button on his ship, and it spits Springer out, completely whole and seemingly no worse for wear. (If Springer is Han Solo, then this is the part where he's been released from the carbonite freezing. "I love you," says Arcee. "I know," says Springer. Okay, not really.)
Rodimus is so wrapped up in worrying about the Quintessons that he barely acknowledges that Springer's alive and functional again. Because of his earlier near-death experience, when the Matrix seemed to guide him to the right answers, Rodimus suspects that the ancient Autobot leaders from within the Matrix must know something about the Quintessons. "So, just get blasted again and almost die," Springer suggests. Arcee feels like she has to go out of her way to point out that Springer is joking, but Rodimus takes the suggestion to heart--literally. He reaches inside his own chest, rips out some wiring, and this proves sufficient to instantly render him unconscious. ("This is impossible! You were never programmed for self-suicide!")
From within the Matrix, an elderly Autobot leader appears and guides Rodimus through his journey through ancient history. He's sporting what looks like a pre-Autobot symbol on his forehead, evidently an early iteration of the "slave brand" (which is what the Autobot symbol actually is, according to "Forever is a Long Time Coming"). "Prepare to look into the face of your creator!" he warns, and a Quintesson emerges! We learn that the entire planet of Cybertron was built by the Quintessons as a manufacturing facility to produce robot merchandise. Sounds a lot like a place in Rhode Island, doesn't it? The two assortments were the "consumer goods," ostensibly household robots that did chores and such, and the "military hardware" line, a stronger and more powerful style of robot equipped with weaponry. We see many, many identical robots being churned out from the assembly line, which is something we always kind of already knew (Starscream, Thundercracker, and Skywarp, for example) but is interesting to get official confirmation finally. This also kind of helps to validate the various miscolored characters who appear throughout the series. A Thundercracker colored like Onslaught doesn't necessarily HAVE to be an error; for all we know there are hundreds of Decepticon jets still running around who never got Hasbro toys.
We learn that the Quintessons programmed the robots with a "simulated intelligence" to the point where the robots could do the factory work themselves. Sometimes, though, the Quintessons just dumped a robot they didn't care for into a recycling pit, and a new robot was born in its place. (There is a scene where a Quintesson whips a slave robot for poor performance, and other robot onlookers recoil in horror. One of them is a generic female robot with Elita One's color scheme, and another looks like a female version of Bumblebee in Kup colors. Somebody retroactively decided that these are "really" Strika from Beast Machines, despite the fact that Strika was not pink, and Glyph, the BotCon toy.)
During this Matrix vision, Autobot leaders take turns narrating the story. One of them is blue and grey and seems to be heavily based on the design for Cyclonus, if you took his wings away and gave him a lightsaber. He's the one fighting in the gladiator ring and decides to turn on the Quintessons, getting blasted in the chest for his trouble (and dying, since he stops narrating his part in the story after this).
We learn that the slave robots eventually revolted and drove the Quintessons off their factory-planet. I tend to assume this was the First Cybertron War, even though this is never expressly revealed in the series. "For a time, the robots lived in harmony," says an Autobot leader who sounds exactly like Silverbolt. We see two Constructicon-colored vehicles, one of them actually sharing an animation model with Grapple (this is Road Hauler, the eHobby toy, evidently). We also see five dancing girl robots all identical in design and color scheme to Elita One. So many recycled designs.
There's a little bit of animation trickery in one scene, when we see a light blue Autobot with handlebars on his head riding a light blue motorcycle, and a purple Decepticon with lightning bolts on his chest riding a purple motorcycle with lightning bolts on it. First of all, it's obvious that each of these robot designs and vehicle designs was intended to be the same character, but the animators evidently mistook the character models for drawings of robots and the vehicles that they drove. Isn't that supposed to be the Junkions' trick? Speaking of the Junkions, the model for this light blue robot was used earlier in the episode; he was one of the Junkions standing next to Wreck-Gar. So, apparently this guy is, like, eleven million years old. (I'll bet he doesn't remember the Quintessons any better than Blitzwing.)
The names for the various Autobot leaders, as given in the script, were kind of generic. The blue guy who looks like Cyclonus was called "Powerful Robot." The orange-and-blue one who sounds like Ultra Magnus was called "U-Haul Robot." Amusingly, it seems that the color model for U-Haul Robot was retained by the animation studios following this episode, and even dispersed to OTHER animation studios. There are are least two instances where Long Haul the Constructicon was mistaken for U-Haul, and colored like the U-Haul Robot.
This flashback is packed with so much vital historical information. We learn that the consumer goods started calling themselves the Autobots, but the military hardware (that's Decepticons to you and me), who were born and bred for combat, started doing what came naturally and began fighting the Autobots. When you're a hammer, everything looks like a nail, yes? The Autobots, who we've known since the very first episode are not cut out for combat ("but we're not fighters like they are, Prime!" whines Huffer), resorted to drastic measures and invented the ability to transform as a means by which to subvert the Decepticons. Evidently it worked, because the Autobots were in control for centuries until the Decepticons finally copied the ability to transform.
Eventually, we learn, Megatron was created by the Constructicons. Eight of 'em, to be precise. This creates a pretty major contradiction, since "Heavy Metal War" establishes that Megatron built the Constructicons on Earth in 1984. This also flies in the face of the Constructicons existing as good guys millions of years ago on Cybertron, as seen in "The Secret of Omega Supreme." Short of somebody writing some crazy time travel fan fiction, there's no way to reconcile any of this.
The introduction of the Matrix, and its place in the canon as the talisman toted around by every Autobot leader, creates a hiccup when you take Alpha Trion into account. This episode sort of skirts the issue by claiming that after U-Haul Robot was killed by Megatron, Alpha Trion collected the Matrix, but rather than using it himself, he merely kept it hidden "until the next Autobot leader appeared." So, evidently the whole time that Megatron was waging the Third Cybertron War and tyrranizing Cybertron, the Autobots didn't have a leader at all until Optimus Prime finally came along. (Optimus Prime's face mask does not move at all when he speaks during the Matrix flashback, by the way.)
Rodimus awakens to Springer berating him and calling him names. Rodimus commands him to come along to Cybertron, which he realizes is in serious danger. "Yes, sir, mister leader, sir!" Springer quips.
What Rodimus doesn't realize is that it's not just Cybertron that's in danger. Never ones to mess around, the Quintessons are planning a two-pronged attack. The bulk of the Decepticon forces will invade Cybertron, while the Constructicons have been spending the night secretly rebuilding a human city, apparently right under their noses, into a new Decepticon battle station. This is a show about gigantic transforming robots from outer space, but this notion, in particular, strains credibility more than just about anything else in the series. None of the human population noticed the rumbling and jackhammering and drilling, really? Also, does this mean Trypticon is made of wooden joists and plaster and brick and glass? I just don't swallow it, sorry. (That's what she said.) This is the scene I was referring to, by the way, where Long Haul is colored like U-Haul Robot.
To infiltrate Cybertron, the Quintessons send out a fake distressed shuttle nearing Cybertron air space which allegedly needs to make an emergency landing. The supposed human pilot sounds exactly like Silverbolt. (Funny how Charlie Adler literally does one voice and yet he's doing voice directing nowadays.) Perceptor is being fairly pragmatic about it, wanting to refuse to let them land based on principal, but Kup is an old softie and lets his compassion get the better of him. ("Nah, my name's Quart and I'm Cybertron's chief bleeding heart liberal.") There are two versions of this scene: An early version which made it out to some European TV stations and on the "Five Faces of Darkness" VHS videocassette release, and a later one that was actually broadcast in the U.S., which includes additional dialogue from the so-called shuttle pilot ("Cybertron, do you read? Our engines have just gone critical!") and Cosmos ("come in on a 72-degree trajectory. Wait, where are you going?! Alert! Alert! Shuttle on a heading for Cybertron central power facility!") and a very strangely-voiced Quintesson ("our decoy worked! Cybertron is now helpless!"). All the new dialogue is added to characters off-screen, with no animation lip-synching, which suggests to me it was added in post-production, perhaps to make the scene slightly less ambiguous to younger viewers. The complete version was available on Rhino DVD, but the early version made it onto the Shout Factory release.
The Aerialbots rush to intercept (all of them colored off-white with blue cockpits), but they are unable to prevent the sabotage. With Cybertron's defensive grid down, there's nothing to stop a wave of Quintesson corkscrew ships. Decepticons pour from the ships, in scenes recycled from the beginning of the episode (Blitzwing colored like Air Raid makes another appearance). The "TO BE CONTINUED" titles actually appear at the end of this episode, unlike the others on the Shout Factory release. (Rhino had to rebuild pretty much all the titles from scratch, and the Shout Factory release uses the same DVD transfer, only without all the obnoxious sound effects added by Rhino and a handful of animation goofs swapped out with different footage.)
FIVE FACES OF DARKNESS PART 5
The recap for the previous episodes (which largely focuses on parts 3 and 4) has an alternate version of Galvatron's dialogue when he proclaims, "Very well, Junkions. Then you will share the Autobots' fate!" It sounds normal in the episode proper, but Frank Welker's voice isn't flanged when we hear the same line in the recap clip.
In the opening scene, we see Cybertron still has two Moon Bases. Mistake? Hard to say. Even the movie wasn't a hundred percent consistent about how many moons there were. The mass of Decepticons hovering above Cybertron consists entirely of troops designed like Cyclonus and Scourge, but they're colored like Wildrider, Breakdown, Swindle, Dirge, etc. As the Autobots briefly discuss their battle strategy, Springer is drawn identically to his animation model, and so is Ultra Magnus a moment later. The cel artists probably just traced the drawings.
On Earth, Trypticon has begun his attack on the Autobot volcano base, which is largely inhabited by Mini Autobots these days. It's nice to finally see Trypticon in action, though his debut appearance is kind of anti-climactic, since the animation is so poor and the Mini Autobots aren't anything close to a good match for him. We also get to see some of the new 1986 toys for the first time, with Pipes leading the group and Swerve, Tailgate, and Outback all making appearances in addition to old standbys like Warpath and Powerglide and Beachcomber and Bumblebee. (When Trypticon approaches the foxhole, I've always thought it was either Swerve or Tailgate who says, "It'll be passing above us soon!" We'll never know for sure, of course, since neither of them ever got any additional dialogue in the show, so there's no further voice performances to compare this one to.)
Speaking of voice performances, when we cut to Autobot City, Rewind and Eject are stationed right next to Blaster. Somebody (voiced by Neil Ross) asks, "Where is the transforming cog now?" and Blaster reports that it's still on Io, and that he's sending Sky Lynx to rescue the delivery team. "Whoops, wrong channel!" Blaster balks when some Quintessons appear on his viewscreen. "Thank you for the update," the Quintessons say, hinting that they're going to send more new 1986 toys into the fray. I've never been able to determine whether it was Eject asking about the transforming cog, or whether the Quintessons were sending a decoy message to Blaster to trick him into providing information. The request isn't muffled, as it might have been if it were coming over a radio transmission. Eject's got his back turned to us, so there's no way to know if his face mask is moving while speaking. Also, Eject gets no lines anywhere else in the show, so again, there's no way to confirm if Neil Ross was cast to perform him or not. So frustrating.
Regarding Sky Lynx and the Predacons: There's strong evidence that the Predacons were originally conceived by the writers as Autobots, since there's a lion-tiger-eagle-rhino-buffalo team of combiners called Anibots mentioned, but never realized, in an early version of The Transformers: the Movie. The characters never made it into the movie, but Hasbro must have liked the idea and eventually went ahead with the creation of the toys. I've read that the Japanese designer who was recruited to design Predaking later went on to create many of the Zords for the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers toy line by Bandai. In their earliest versions, it seems Predaking was an Autobot and Sky Lynx, the toy appropriated by Hasbro from Toy Box to counter him, was originally planned to be a Decepticon. An early model for Sky Lynx was still floating around the animation studios even after his allegiance switch, and Sky Lynx appears with a Decepticon symbol many, many times throughout the show.
Also, since this is the first appearance for the Predacons, and it's the Quintessons who send them into action, it would not be completely crazy to conclude that the Quintessons have built them. At the same time, though, Sky Lynx and Predaking seem to have some kind of shared history; Predaking makes comments about being well aware of Sky Lynx's overconfidence, and later episodes seem to suggest that they have a long-standing feud, which wouldn't really gel if they had only just met in this episode. So, who knows.
Giving Sky Lynx a cultured, sophisticated accent was a great move. I'm sure the natural inclination was to give him a deep, snarly, growly voice, but making him sound so upper-class creates a great juxtaposition against his creature-like design.
Back on Earth, the Mini Autobots are weoefull ineffective against Trypticon. Even the Constructicons seem to recognize this. "What's the point? We're superfluous!" Scrapper admits when the others want to join the fray. And then Scrapper's entire face mask disappears to reveal a vacant red face underneath. There's a fairly cheatsy scene where all the Mini Autobots have been outfitted with turret guns, like the one Outback has, just to give them some way of attacking Trypticon. Bumblebee's turret gun is bright yellow. (Oddly, Pretender Bumblebee actually would get a roof-mounted gun in 1989. Hmm.) There's a comical scene where Trypticon marches right up to Swerve and stomps him right into the ground, with only his head visible in the aftermath.
Warpath commands Teletraan I to defend itself, so a volley of automated guns emerges from hidden panels within the surface of the volcano. It's too little, too late, though, as Trypticon completely obliterates the volcano, reducing it to a pile of rubble along with Teletraan I and the Ark. Teletraan was just a computer, and arguably not a "real" character, but it's still upsetting to see him destroyed. We've seen the computer get demolished before (the Dinobots did it a couple of times in "S.O. S. Dinobots" and "Dinobot Island"; Thrust did it once in "Megatron's Master Plan," etc.) but Ratchet and Wheeljack were always able to put him back together. Well, Ratchet and Wheeljack are dead now. And so is Teletraan I.
On Cybertron, an entire squadron of Cyclonuses attacks from the air. Seriously, there has to be at least seven or eight of them. Dirge and Ramjet set their sights on Ultra Magnus, who responds by punching them to death. Seriously, he knocks them out of the air and they hit a wall and explode. I never would have accepted these as character deaths in seasons one or two, but this is season three, where all the rules have changed. (A character implied to be Dirge has a marker in the Decepticon crypt, as seen in "Starscream's Ghost," but Dirge and Ramjet also appear in episodes like "Thief in the Night." So, it's really hard to say.)
Galvatron and Ultra Magnus have a brief encounter in which the destruction of Magnus on the Planet of Junk is alluded to. "Why do you not flee? Did our last encounter teach you nothing?" Galvatron asks. "Not cowardice, certainly!" replies Ultra Magnus. (No, Ultra Magnus won't tremble in fear of Galvatron until "The Dweller in the Depths.")
Impossibly, Bumblebee is simultaneously fighting Trypticon on Earth and on Cybertron fending off the Decepticon squadron. Sandstorm also makes his first technical animated appearance, but he's colored like First Aid.
Galvatron sends Blitzwing to the Quintesson flagship to apprise them of how the battle is going. Once he arrives, though, he overhears Quintesson orders being given to the Sharkticons, who are ostensibly being delivered to Cybertron to look for the Decepticon Matrix. In actuality, there never was a Decepticon Matrix to begin with, and the true mission of the Sharkticons is that they are being sent to the depths of Cybertron to activate a killswitch that will deactivate all the Transformers. "You will find a large switch," the Quintessons instruct them. "Push it to the 'down' position. DOWN, understand?" You really have to spell things out for the Sharkticons.
On Io, the Predacons arrive, all dutifully appearing in their animation model poses, because it's far too hard to draw robots without tracing them. The whole battle between the Predacons and Sky Lynx feels long and drawn out, as if it were artificially lengthened just to bring the episode to its correct length. Maybe because they're playing the tired old "Skystrikers vs. Rattlers" battle theme we've heard in countless Transformers and G.I. Joe episodes. Maybe it's because the scene suffers from Voltron syndrome to an extent. The Voltron lions always tried to tackle the Ro-Beast of the week, failed, and then only combined together when the going got tough. Why didn't they just form the Blazing Sword right out of the gate and slash the Ro-Beast in half? It's kind of the same in this episode. The Predacons waste all this time engaging the Autobots in their individual forms and then combine into Predaking. Then Sky Lynx just comes along, wraps his tail around Predaking's head, and knocks him over, causing them to break apart into the Predacons. As soon as they break apart, they call the retreat. Why? Weren't they holding their own against Sky Lynx as the individual Predacons?
(Wheelie has a potty mouth, though, and shouts, "Olé, fucker!" at Tantrum, so that's something.)
As Trypticon approaches Autobot City, Blaster is just full of contradictions. They still lack the transforming cog, but Blaster is all, "One city transformed, comin' up! Cogless or not, we're gonna fight!" so Metroplex proceeds to transform to battle station mode. What is it about this mini-series establishing these clear rules (like "without the transformation cog, the city is unable to transform" only to violate them a moment later)? I don't get it.
As Sky Lynx approaches Earth, the Constructicons try to shoot him down and fail completely. Then Trypticon takes one glancing shot, with his tongue laser of all things, and Sky Lynx is completely disabled and hits the ground. Mixmaster, who has apparently been promoted to Constructicon leader, orders the other Decepticons from within Trypticon to inspect the remains of Sky Lynx and destroy the transforming cog. A badly-drawn Thrust and an even more badly-drawn Laserbeak emerge from Trypticon's chest. No, seriously, that's the worst-drawn Laserbeak in history. He's missing his legs and his head has no eyes or beak on it. It's like the animators just thought he was some vaguely bird-shaped jet.
Somehow the battle turns into a football game and the Autobots just start throwing the transformation cog back and forth. I'm surprised they didn't start playing some suitably goofy background music. Speaking of backgrounds, the matte paintings alternate between a blue Earth sky and a black, star-filled spacescape all throughout this sequence. When Motormaster tries to tackle Wheelie, his cab transforms into his robot mode and his trailer disappears into his back. Then an entire chorus line of Decepticons blocks Wheelie's path, including the probably-dead Kickback, Bombshell, and two (count 'em, two!) Shrapnels. Sky Lynx retrieves the cog, and from Autobot City, Frenzy and Dead End and two Constructicons cheer in delight. When it comes to the animation problems with this mini-series, you don't just suspend your disbelief, you have to outright expel it.
Blitzwing makes his way to Galvatron (with the recently punched-to-death Dirge and Ramjet flying through the background!) and reports on the Quintesson treachery. Galvatron is so power-mad that he refuses to listen. "Tell it to the Autobots!" he quips, in a reference to the old "tell it to the Marines (because the sailors won't believe you)" joke. Blitzwing takes the suggestion literally and seeks out Rodimus Prime to warn him of the Quintesson plot. Blitzwing has an Autobot symbol throughout most of the following scenes. It's as if his symbol changes as soon as he considers switching allegiances, Beast Wars style.
Pipes, who is a junk collector and warrior by trade, has apparently been tasked with installing the transforming cog. Metroplex is restored to full function and can finally change to robot mode, just as Trypticon approaches. I complained about Menasor's voice not being deep enough for part 1, and now I'm gonna do the opposite. Metroplex and Trypticon's voices are way too deep, to the point where you almost can't understand what they're saying. Of course, undo the artificial deepening, and Metroplex basically sounds just like Predaking (as he does in "Thief in the Night").
Even the fight between Metroplex and Trypticon feels anti-climactic somehow. The humans evacuate their nearby city so quickly and neatly that there's basically no collateral damage, and Metroplex just picks up Trypticon and throws him into the ocean before the battle has hardly even begun. Trypticon appears to short-circuit as he hits the water, because he's made from office buildings and residential homes that were never meant to be submersed. At Metroplex's feet, Cliffjumper-colored-like-Jazz and Ratchet-colored-like-Blaster and Sunstreaker-colored-like-Bumblebee all celebrate. (Sunstreaker will legitimately appear later in "Fight or Flee." I tend to think he's one of the few 1984 characters who didn't actually die.)
The Sharkticons reach the secret chamber inside Cybertron. "Push... down..." parrots a Sharkticon, in one of the few instances of them actually speaking. Rodimus, Blitzwing, and Spike intercept them just in time, chasing them away. Rodimus invites Blitzwing to join the Autobots, but just then Galvatron interferes and just totally ruins everything. "Surely you're not searching for something that doesn't exist," Galvatron reasons. "Perhaps you hope to find the Matrix for yourself!" and with that, Galvatron throws the switch himself! With that, every single Transformer everywhere is frozen solid. It's like Wheeljack's Instant Immobilizer on a mass scale. Even Transformers who were not created by the Quintessons, like the Constructicons and Dinobots and Stunticons and Galvatron, are instantly shut down.
The Quintessons celebrate their success. "Your war is over, Transformers!" they taunt as they patrol their reclaimed factory planet. They hadn't counted on Spike, however, who grabs Rodimus Prime's gun out of his gigantic metal hand and, slinging it over his shoulder like a bazooka, blasts the nullification machine. The Quintessons flee to an escape pod, with an enraged Galvatron in hot pursuit. They manage to escape.
It's actually Blitzwing who announces the end of the battle, training his gun on Galvatron. "You will never be welcome in the ranks of the Decepticons again!" Galvatron warns him. "Sometimes it's better to be known for one's enemies," Blitzwing says. It's very deep. I don't really understand what it means, but it's very deep. Blitzwing is officially kicked out of the Decepticon ranks. A follow-up episode would have shown that Blitzwing befriended Springer, but that he was still being hunted by Galvatron. Hasbro asked that the characters be swapped out for newer toys like Octane and Sandstorm instead, so Octane was inexplicably introduced as a Decepticon traitor. Then they had to write "Thief in the Night" to explain just what it was that Octane did to arouse Galvatron's ire.
The Autobots are left not with the happy victory you typically expected to accompany the cheerful victory trumpets, but a lopsided victory in which they've managed to keep a foothold on Cybertron and Earth, but now they have to content with the fact that their creators want them dead. It's a dark and mature conclusion that you just don't expect from a kids' show like this.
"Five Faces of Darkness" essentially sets up the world that the rest of the third-season episodes will take place in. It establishes the Quintessons as a formidable threat that will reappear to harass the Transformers in numerous episodes, and also sets the stage for future appearances from the Skuxxoid and Marissa Fairborne and, yes, Abdul Fakkadi. Yes, it's rather poorly animated and has an unforgivable number of mistakes. It's a mostly solid mini-series, though, and remains one of the most important parts of the series overall.
Zob